- Member Since 18th Aug, 2015
- offline last seen Feb 16th, 2022
Ink Ribbon - Vraddock
This may or may not be (but totally is) an alt account. Here, I write porn. Enjoy!
Ink Ribbon - Vraddock
Joined 18th Aug, 2015 ·
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Oh god
6429191
Um... I don't really have a response to that. Good or bad?
Very good! !
6429502
Thank you!
And so Celestia decided dragons were too dangerous after all and exterminated the lot of them, revealing that she was at least 20% faster than any dragon.
6432171
Heh, you snarky son of a gun.
*makes note to mention the Rainbow Dash Memorial Dragon Genocide fund as a joke in upcoming chapter*
6432944 Twilight can save Dashie with TIME TRAVEL!!
So she goes back in time... and ends up materializing inside the dragon's mouth, knocking Dash out, then getting crunched as her momentum carried her beneath the dragon's teeth as it closed its mouth...
So.. technically Twilight did save Dash...
BUT THEN!! Celestia realizes she can save Twilight with TIME TRAVEL!!!
And predictable events occur...
And so, newly non-dead Twilight in the alternate timeline saves both Celestia AND Dash with TIME TRAVEL!!!
And after several hundred more such loops which end up involving 90% the Ponyville population and a random changeling piling on top of the dragon (or in its mouth or stomach... and that one guy who landed in its left kidney. And you thought kidney stones were painful!) the dragon just decides to give up because all the ponies in this town are crazy.
Of course this creates a paradox and the universe asplodes.
The End!
I'm surprised this has so many downvotes. It's actually well written. Must be the shock factor.
I must say I was rather disappointed by the swallowing bit. You glossed over it so quickly I had to go back and read it again to be sure I hadn't missed it. With the amount of adrenaline she'd be pumping at that moment, she should be aware of every excruciating detail, every horrifying second of that ordeal. What's here is very brief, and leaves much to be desired.
Also, the ending feels just a tad abrupt. I'd love to hear some sort of reaction from Applejack as she sees the finality in what's happened. Perhaps some exclamation as the realization hits her, and she can no longer deny the gruesome fate of her friend?
6443655
Ahg. Still need to work more on my swallowing. It's a little bit better in Daring Do in the Explorer's Tomb, if you haven't read that already, of course.
...And actually, oddly enough, I did have the realization in the first draft, but my friend/pre-reader told me it was too depressing. I still have it in the original doc, if you want me to PM it to ya.
Edit: But the feedback is appreciated! Seriously! I don't get a lot, and this is very helpful!
6445469
Too depressing? Did he mean he's too sensitive, or that this story isn't supposed to be sad?
And yeah I don't get people who don't leave feedback. I mean like, yeah, all you have to say is that you loved it sometimes, but even that much makes the author feel like they didn't waste their time.
6445510
We actually had a conversation about this just today. I kind of... overthink things. In normal fiction, this is not necessarily a bad thing. But in porn, and in this case, clop, that's not generally what people read for.
He didn't like the entire subplot here about Rainbow Dash's addiction to racing, because I made it come off way too hard about it being alcoholism, and overall, it just gave the entire story kind of a depressing tone. People don't like that in their porn, and I'm working on that specific aspect now.
He put it like this, more or less. "People don't like reading about the prey's sick children that they're never going to feed. They just want them to be prey, to be afraid, to be horrified, and to be a little turned on. And then the predator eats them."
He's very direct like that, and it's very helpful here, where I'm trying to learn new things. I don't wanna keep linking you my stories, but this one also feels appropriate, just in general. We're calling this the "Amor in Machina" problem, becuase that's the story where, so far, I've gone the heaviest on story and lightest on actual vore.
6446156
That makes sense. I still say adding the line
to the end would help give closure to that scene. As is it's very jarring.
Also, I already read that other one. Yeah, I kinda skimmed through the gay sex to get to the vore.
That said, there does have to be enough story to justify the porn. Porn for porn's sake is always obvious and always a huge turn off.
6446230
Strach und mond, I wish everyone thought the same... Tell ya what, I'll just post that bit I cut. Basically just chopped off the last few paragraphs.
6446570
Yeah, I can see why that was cut. Still, if it was gonna have the last scene at all, it kinda needed this.
Well, with two having been eaten I wonder if the rest of the mane six will end in someone's belly. They do kind of all share destinies thanks to the spell Twilight cast, so if Fluttershy's destiny was to be eaten... well they all share that fate now.
It does give me ideas..
DUDE WHAT
7142252
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/208639/vore
6432944
Any progress on that chapter?
I guess you could say this story is a little ... hard to digest