Luna recounts the guilt and fear that led her to create the Tantabus.
Chapters (1)
The Engineer Pony
Joined 10th Jul, 2015 ·
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This was quite good. The only thing bad I would say about it is the constant Dear Journal/--Princess Luna, but that cant really be avoided, so i'll overlook that. I didn't pick up any grammar mistakes, but I didn't do a very thorough overlook. A tad longer maybe? All-in-all, a decent read. Nothing further.
- Altaimare
It was alright. Not amazing, but it did an alright job at showing us Luna's doubts.
My only major qualm with this is its reliance on telling rather than showing. In this case, showing means 'showing through the writing style' - it's done when Luna switches to I instead of We, but other than that it's mostly just Luna talking to her journal. She doesn't repeat herself when she's anxious, or trail off at any point, or anything like that. We have to rely solely on what she says to get her emotions.
That can be alright. It's not necessarily a bad thing. But the greatest advantage of journal fiction is that the journal is in on the fiction. The writing of the events is an event itself, and you didn't take advantage of that.
That was...okay. I won't say it's the best exploration of Luna's thoughts and feelings in Journal form, but it certainly isn't bad. Maybe if it had some supplemental material to go with it, like actual narrative from Luna's perspective. That could give it a bit more for readers to latch onto.
As it is, it's okay.
HiddenMaster out
Should probably remove the comedy tag. This was kinda depressing.