Gummy's Turn To Shine
“Hey, loud-voice-in-my-head!” Pinkie Pie called out.
…
“Loud-voice-in-my-head!” Pinkie yelled.
…
“I know you can hear me!”
No I can’t.
“There you are loud-voice-in-my-head!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “I need you to do something for me.”
You want a favor?
Pinkie nodded.
You want a favor, from me?
“Yep.”
Pinkie Pie, I wasn’t even writing a story this time. You just appeared out of nowhere.
“Now that’s just nonsense.”
No, Pinkie-
“I, being a fictional character, must be written by someone at some point in order to do anything. If you do not intend for this to go anywhere, why are you writing this in the first place? And does that mean that all that writing below us is actually nonsense meant to make this seem like an actual story?”
Pinkie Pie…
“The way you write these you’re forcing the reader out of their suspension of disbelief, or in other words, their desire to perceive fiction as fact by constantly having me remind them it’s a fictional story just when they can get comfortable. Kinda like constantly blowing an air horn in somepony’s ear just as they’re about to fall asleep.”
Pinkie…stop…
“And that leads me to how I know there’ll be a story. Because this conversation is written in the present tense it appears to be happening as we speak, when in actuality it was all recorded in the past. The reader sees this in the future and perceives it as currently happening, when in actuality every event was already predetermined. So although they may not have read the entire story yet, they do know there will be a story eventually. And since I know this and every word I say is written by you, you know just as well as I do where this is going.”
Fine! Alright! I’ll write your story! Just stop talking!
“Great! But it’s not really me who wants you to write a story.”
Alright then, who?
“Gummy does!” She said cheerfully.
Gummy…your mute pet alligator…
“Yep!”
…
No.
“What?”
I said no.
“But why?”
How the heck am I supposed to write love stories about him?
“Just like always. Lots of description, some cliché romantic setting or story and a load of nonsense.”
…
I won’t do it.
“Well then we have the same problem as before. The story seems to be stuck again. But there are words after this, right? So that means we are going to eventually make a story at some point, right? I’m sure some of you reading this just checked. And now those that didn’t are feeling doubtful, hmm? They really want to, but they’re afraid to follow my instructions. But I control their minds. They are reading this in my voice. Their tongue can’t find a comfortable place in their mouth. They have an itch somewhere they now need to scratch. They have now entered manual blinking and breathing mode. I bet they had to read this twice.”
ALRIGHT! I’ll do it! Just stop!
“Great!” Pinkie cheered.
Yeah, great.
…
“Gummy says that he’s appreciative that you would consider writing this for him.”
It’s no problem, not like I had any other plans.
…
“Gummy says he has several candidates he would like to choose from. He would like you to write a scene for each of them so Gummy can choose the best one.”
Sure, whatever he wants.
…
“Gummy says the first pony he’s thinking of is Big Mac.”
Big Mac? Really?
“But Gummy isn’t into stallions, so he would appreciate it if you would write Big Mac as a mare.”
…
He…what?
“Gummy wants-”
I heard what you said, it’s just…screw it, fine. Any other conditions?
…
“Gummy says no.”
Alright then. Let’s see what I’ve got.
***
Big Macintosh sat at the edge of the cliffside, watching as the sun set behind the distant mountains. It was mid-autumn and all the trees were painted in bright yellows, oranges and reds. The Running of the Leaves would be soon, so this was probably her last chance to see the trees in their autumn colors before they were shaken off.
Big Mac and her very special somepony had decided to go on a weekend camping trip up the mountains to enjoy the beauty of nature one last time before the winter weather began. They had borrowed a map from Twilight Sparkle and hiked up to the top of the mountain where she now sat, enjoying the sunset with her very special somepony. The trip hadn’t been nearly as long or difficult as Twilight had made it out to be.
Big Mac turned and looked at her very special somepony seated next to her. He was staring at the sunset with his stunning purple eyes, probably entranced by its beauty. No one had ever expected the two of them to get together, back before they were dating. It had come as quite a shock to their friends and family when they told them. Big Mac had to admit she was a bit surprised herself.
It may have been the species difference, or maybe the fact that he didn’t talk that made Big Mac not take notice of Gummy at first. She still wasn’t quite sure why she had fallen in love with Gummy. Maybe it was his looks. Maybe it was how quiet they both were. Maybe it was fate.
Whatever the reason, she knew in her heart it was right. As she looked back out at the setting sun she let out a content sigh. Love was all that mattered in the end.
I can’t believe that actually worked.
…
“Gummy says he really liked it.” Pinkie said, wiping a tear from her eye. “I really did too.”
Uh, thanks.
…
“Gummy says he thinks that Big Mac will be the one.”
Ok, good. Then I suppose we can end this right here. I’ll-
“Wait! Gummy still wants to hear what you’d write for the others.”
He does?
“Yep!”
…
I guess if I said no you’d just babel until I wrote it anyways. So, who’s next?
…
“Gummy says that the Doctor is next.”
Doctor Whooves?
“Yep, and he’d also like the Doctor written as a mare.”
…
Of course he would.
“You can do that, can’t you?”
Of course I can…
***
“Doctor!” Derpy yelled, “Grab on to my hooves! I’ll pull you in!”
“I kind of need them to run at the moment Derpy!” The Doctor yelled back. She was currently running from a herd of cyberponies that Derpy had accidentally alerted to their presence. She and her companions had gotten separated during their attempt to escape capture. They had made it to the tardis and returned to rescue her. Now the tardis was flying slightly ahead and above of her with Derpy hanging out the door trying to rescue the Doctor, her hooves dangling just out of the Doctor’s reach. “Fly her a little lower, Derpy!”
“Fly her lower Gummy!” Derpy yelled back into the tardis.
“Gummy’s flying the tardis!?”
“Yeah, why?”
“How does he… never mind, I’ll find out later!”
The tardis dropped lower until it was almost skimming the ground. “Jump Doctor!” Derpy yelled, her arms stretched out to catch the Doctor.
So she did.
And at that moment, Gummy hit the brakes.
Instead of catching Derpy’s waiting hooves, she crashed full-speed into Derpy as she flew though the now stationary doorway.
“The Doctor…is in.”
With the Doctor now safely aboard the tardis Gummy instructed the ship to take them away from the planet, full speed.
“Good work Gummy!” The Doctor said as she picked herself up off of a dazed Derpy. She turned to the control panel where the small alligator sat staring at her. “I couldn’t have flown a better rescue myself!” She walked up to where her rescuer was sitting. “I could almost kiss you!” His purple eyes stared into hers. “Oh, why not.” She bent down and kissed the top of his head. “Thank you both!” The doctor said happily.
“Since when can the Doctor fly?” Derpy moaned.
…
“Gummy finds it far-fetched.”
What part? The Doctor being a mare? Him flying the tardis?
…
“No, he just doesn’t think Derpy Hooves could be the Doctor’s assistant.”
…
Right. That’s defiantly the far-fetched part.
…
“Gummy says that this is an interesting idea. He’ll consider this one.”
Great. Who’s next?
…
“You.”
…
What?
…
“Gummy says you, loud-voice-in-my-head.”
…
I…I…what? How…what?
“Gummy say that he’d like to see what it would be like to date you next.”
How the heck am I supposed to write that!?
“I don’t know. You’re the author, you figure it out.”
You’re a big help Pinkie.
“You’re welcome incapable-loud-voice-in-my-head!” Pinkie said with a smile.
…
“Oh! Oh! Gummy has an idea!”
Great. What is it?
“Gummy thinks you should use your OC.”
Tie Hunter?
“Sure. Why not?”
‘Cause it seems kind of amateurish. Also I’d have to introduce him.
“Her.”
What? Tie Hunter’s a guy.
“Not for long she won’t be.”
I don’t get it.
“It’ll come to you incapable-and-slow-loud-voice-in-my-head.”
…
Oh no.
“So you remembered Gummy only dates mares?”
I am not changing Tie Hunter’s gender just so your pet alligator can go on a pretend date!
“Please?”
No! Why am I even arguing over this? I don’t want to and I’m not going to date Gummy!
“You say that, but everypony already knows it’s a foregone conclusion that you’ll end up writing this. Otherwise it would have never have been brought up.”
No. That’s it. I’m done. Goodbye.
…
…
…
…
“We’re still here.” Pinkie Pie said in a sing-song voice.
…
“But of course we are, the story isn’t over yet.” She continued.
…
“You can sulk all you want later. The quicker you write this, the sooner it’ll be over with.”
…
***
NO.
THE END.
“Fine, I guess I'll just have to do it myself.” Pinkie said with a smile.
What?
***
There was a knock at Tie Huntress’s door-
Tie Huntress!?
***
-just as she finished getting ready for her big date. She was wearing a stunning short white dress made by Rarity, so of course she looked amazing. Who doesn’t look amazing in Rarity’s outfits? She can make anyone look amazing.
Pinkie-
***
Anyways, Huntress finally went to answer her door. Took her long enough. Opening the door, she was presented with the sight of her tall and handsome date, Gummy.
Tall? He probably doesn’t even reach her-
***
“Hello, my dear.” He said in his deep, masculine voice.
Gummy can’t talk! And why on earth would his voice-
***
Gummy’s voice was ten times manlier than the manliest voice you could think of. Actually, maybe eleven times manlier. Or twelve.
Now you’re just being ridiculous.
***
He was wearing a handsome tuxedo tailor-made for him by Rarity. It amplified his natural handsomeness, making unprepared mares swoon at the sight of him. Huntress’s beauty was nothing compared to her date’s handsomeness, like comparing the light of a candle to the sun.
Don’t hold back, Pinkie. Tell us what you really think.
***
Gummy produced a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. “For you my dear.” He said as he handed her the gifts. Aw, how sweet!
‘Produced’? Produced from where?
***
“We must be going my dear, our dinner reservations are for six-thirty, and we can’t be tardy.” Tardy, ha. Such a funny word. Like kumquat, or gesundheit. Anyways, the couple walked hoof-in-foot-
I don’t think that would-
***
-to Sugar Cube Corner.
I should’ve seen that coming.
***
Upon their arrival they were greeted by Pinkie Pie, who was something of a local celebrity. She was well known and loved amongst the community and famous for her amazing parties. She was also a holder of an Element of Harmony, Laughter to be precise. It was probably the most important one of them all. Without her help, all of Equestria may have fallen numerous times over.
Feeling a bit narcissistic today, are we?
***
“Welcome lady and gentleman,” Pinkie said cheerfully. Of course she said it cheerfully, she is always happy after all. And also funny. “Right this way.”
She led the amazingly amazing Gummy and his slightly-above-average date to their table.
‘Slightly-above-average’? Is that all I am now?
***
“We will have the spaghetti,” the gentlemanly Gummy told their waiter.
Sugar Cube Corner serves spaghetti? Since when?
***
“I have it right here sir.” Their stupendous waiter told him, putting a big plate of spaghetti on the table. She had known what to make ahead of time because her right hindleg had felt wibbly.
You have a Pinkie sense for that specific-
***
“Shall we eat, my dear?” Gummy asked Tie Huntress. She nodded, and so they did.
Do you plan on giving her a single line to-?
***
As they both ate, they realized one long strand of spaghetti was connecting both of their mouths.
As if no one saw that coming.
***
Their eyes locked and Tie Huntress blushed.
Uh, Pinkie-
***
Gummy began to eat down the strand-
That’s good enough Pinkie!
***
-and their lips came closer and closer.
REALLY PINKIE PIE YOU CAN STOP NOW!
***
Tie Huntress closed her eyes and-
PINKIE PIE THIS IS MORE THAN ADEQUATE YOU CAN STOP WRITING NOW I THINK ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE GETS THE POINT!
…
“Alright, I suppose so.”
Whew.
…
“Gummy says he thinks I may have overexaggerated you a bit.” She said helpfully.
ME? But…you…whatever.
…
“Gummy says he’s not too sure about that one, but he’ll keep it in mind.”
I’m just bursting with excitement.
“Are you ready to write the next one, or will I have to again?” Pinkie asked.
Considering what a wreck the last one was, I’ll write all of them from now on.
“Alright then overly-voluminous-unappreciative-interruptive-incapable-and-slow-voice-in-my-head.”
…
“Gummy says the next pony he’d like you to write is Rarity.”
…
Rarity? Of all ponies, he thinks he has a chance with Rarity!? Who’s next, Celestia?
“What’s the problem overly-voluminous-unappreciative-interruptive-incapable-and-slow-inconsiderate-voice-in-my-head?”
I could never see anything, anything, developing between the two of them. He is most defiantly not Rarity’s type.
“Why does that matter? This is only a fiction after all.”
…
I guess you’re right Pinkie. When have I ever let anything like that stop me before?
***
The feather duster flew around the room, stopping just long enough to perform its task before heading somewhere else. It reminded Rarity of a hyperactive humming bird. She magically whisked it anywhere she believed dust could have settled since the last time she had cleaned.
With a thought she moved it across the mantel, effortlessly sending it sweeping through and over the pictures sitting there. The one of her and Sweetie Belle at the Sisterhooves Social, the one of her and the girls at The Grand Galloping Gala, and of course the one of her wedding day.
Rarity could still remember that day like it was yesterday. Months of planning had come to fruition that day as Princess Celestia herself wed Rarity and her beloved together in the palace’s chapel. Rarity still couldn’t believe Twilight had set it all up for her. ‘Just one of the perks of being good friends with royalty.’ She thought cheerfully.
She heard the door open and close behind her. She turned around to see her husband, Gummy, standing there. She smiled and said-
“That is the most absurdly ludicrous thing I have ever read!”
…
I didn’t know you felt that way too, Pinkie.
“I didn’t say that.”
“I did!” Rarity yelled. “You there! Voice!”
Uh, yes?
“You will address me as ma’am, understood?”
Yes, ma’am.
“If I ever catch you doing something like this about me again, I will find out where you are. I will find a way to get there. Then I will make your life a living hell. Am I understood?”
Yes, sir! I mean, ma’am! Understood, ma’am! It won’t happen again, ma’am!
“Good. Now,” Rarity gave Pinkie an icy glare, “If I ever suspect you’re even thinking about pulling something like this again, I will…” She whispered something in Pinkie’s ear.
“No! You wouldn’t dare!” Pinkie yelled in horror.
“Try me!” Rarity said with a smile.
…
“Alright Rarity, I promise I won’t ever do anything like this ever again.”
“Pinkie promise!”
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. ‘Cause if I mess with Rarity, she will shave my mane on me!”
“Good, have fun!” Rarity said as she walked away.
…
…
…
Does Rarity have some sort of sixth sense for when illogical stuff happens?
“Don’t be silly overly-voluminous-scolded-unappreciative-interruptive-incapable-and-slow-inconsiderate-voice-in-my-head, only Twilight has that.”
She does?
“Of course. She always tells me she gets headaches when I’m around, especially when I do things she doesn’t understand.”
I think everyone gets headaches when you’re around Pinkie Pie.
…
“Gummy says that if Rarity doesn’t want you to write about her we can move on to the last pony on his list.”
Who’s that?
…
“Princess Celestia.”
Of course it is. I’m not even going to bother being surprised anymore.
…
“Gummy says that he has a special request for her piece also.”
He does? What is it?
…
“Gummy says he’d like you to write him as the alicorn and her as the alligator.”
…
…
Wh-What? H-he wants what?
“Gummy says he wants you to write him as an alicorn prince and Celestia as an alligator.”
…
Don’t you think that kind of stretches the borders of the vaguely possible Pinkie!?
“This whole story does that.” Pinkie Pie said, “Are you telling me you want to get into a debate of logistics now, overly-voluminous-scolded-unfortunately-unappreciative-and-interruptive-unimaginative-incapable-and-slow-inconsiderate-voice-in-my-head?”
No! No I don’t!
“Because-”
Let’s get this story started!
***
Celestia the alligator watched as the sun set from atop the head of her coltfriend, Gummy the alicorn, on the balcony of the royal palace in Canterlot. She marveled at its beauty and simplicity, and pondered how Gummy managed to do it. Move the sun. A giant ball of flaming gas with a diameter of over a million kilometers that was over a hundred million kilometers away.
“It must take a lot of magic to do that.” Celestia said, “Right, Gummy?”
He didn’t respond. Then again, he never did respond. She couldn’t remember him ever speaking. That was her Gummy, always playing the strong, silent type. But she knew better. He was really a big softy at heart. Which reminded her that she’d been called here by him for a surprise.
“What did you want to show me, my dear?” She asked her prince.
Gummy flared his wings and, without a word of warning, took off from the balcony. Celestia clung to his horn as they gained altitude. A pair of pegasi with music-related cutie marks flew up behind them and, as if on some cue Celestia couldn’t see, began to sing a romantic duet.
Celestia looked out at the scenery and her breath caught in her throat. They were so high up! Large, fluffy clouds stained orange by the dying rays of the sun flew by them. She looked down at the small trees and houses dotting the landscape far beneath them. Small clusters of buildings that were towns dotted the landscape, connected by lines that represented roads and train tracks. Farmer’s fields turned the ground into something resembling a patchwork quilt. Small dots that were probably ponies heading home for the night moved about.
Celestia gasped at the beauty of it all. She’d never known what it was like to fly, being an alligator. But she had always wondered what it was like to look down upon the world from above. She wondered how Gummy had known. ‘He must have sensed it.’ She thought happily. Considering how in love they were, it was as if they shared one mind sometimes. ‘He’s trying to tell me he loves me!’
She kissed the top of his head. “I love you too.” She whispered.
Celestia the alligator watched happily as her coltfriend, Gummy the alicorn, flew them off into the horizon, trailed by the two singing pegasi.
“What in the name of Celestia is going on here!?” Twilight yelled.
“Hey Twilight!” Pinkie said happily.
“Don’t ‘hey’ me, Pinkie.” Twilight said crossly.
What are you doing here Twilight?
“I spontaneously got a super-migraine and knew Pinkie had to be doing something so absurd, so crazy that…well, that I could feel it at a distance.” She said, rubbing her head.
What’s a super-migraine?
“Obviously it’s a migraine wearing a cape, overly-voluminous-scolded-unfortunately-unappreciative-and-interruptive-unimaginative-incapable-and-slow-inconsiderate-voice-in-my-head.”
“You,” Twilight said, grabbing Pinkie’s tail with her magic, “You’re coming with me.”
“But-”
“No buts!”
“Twilight-”
“Don’t ‘Twilight’ me, Pinkie. You’re leaving, now.” Twilight said, dragging Pinkie Pie off.
“But…But…But…” Pinkie Pie said, her voice trailing off into the distance.
…
Well, I guess that’s that. Finally. Silence.
…
…
Wait a minute, I just took orders on how to write my stories from a crazy, fictional, pink party pony’s mute, toothless pet alligator.
…
I am so done with this.
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Hey! Voice in Pinkie's Head with a lot of titles! I think you should start listening to the voices in YOUR head, that's me and the others, and maybe start writing vengeance on the pink one!"
Question: Does this thing practically write itself?
It seems like it would, reading the way that it reads...
...
Okay, I just confused myself with that last statement. :|
I...
Can't...
Stop...
Laughing...
~Skeeter The Lurker
2552203
Sometimes, it really does seem like the story just writes itself. Not always, but, sometimes...
I think it might be interesting if in the next story, 'Tie Hunter' went after 'Pinkie Pie' to exact some sort of vengeance...at which point Pinkie interrupts and the author points out that his assigned therapy was to metaphorically destroy the source of his current insanity, which he's accomplishing by siccing 'Tie Hunter' on 'Pinkie Pie'. Just see what comes of that.
I imagine Twilight is going to require that Pinke no longer do anything of this sort involving Celestia, because ow.
Also, you've been talking to Pinkie for how long, and you haven't taken a survival strategy upon yourself? Come on man, you either need to go insane, adopt some aspect of her person(This was my strategy), or get a 24/7 drip of headache medication.
2552319 Revenge on the pink demon?
Best therapy ever.
2552285 Hold it!
Are you honestly suggesting that the story writes itself without any input from the keyboard?!?!
(sorry, I've been playing a lot of phoenix wright games recently.)
MY SIDES.
HELP ME.
I DEMAND MORE THOUGH.
"Waaaiiiiit!" Pinkie shouted suddenly.
What is it? I'm barely 3 paragraphs in...
Pinkie somehow looked up above to point at that last paragraph.
"You're already making typos. You wrote 'No had ever expected blah blah yada yada' when you meant to write 'No ONE had ever expected blah blah yada yada' see? It should look like this." Pinkie explained as she pulled up a large box and pushed it in the way of what was being typed.
Gah! Pinkie! Stop that! I could have gone back and edited that, but now if I do then nothing you just said is going to make any sense!
"Don't be silly," Pinkie said dismissively, "you can just edit this part in right after that paragraph, since I'm not actually saying it until the comment section, but we can pretend it was included all along. I bet the readers will find it funny."
But it'll make me look bad.
Pinkie scoffed; "You're already are having arguments with characters you're in complete control of writing, can you really look any worse? Remember, comedy haveth no pride!"
That's... very profound. But no, I'm not including any of this.
"Awww, come on!"
No, I'm putting my foot down.
Pinkie pouted.
Pinkie, you're interrupting the flow of the story. I'm running on sheer suspension of disbelief here. If you bring the readers out of the story they may never be able to get back into it.
"Oh my gosh, you're absodut-a-lutely right! Gummi's story is more important! Go back to writing it then. I can't wait to see how it turns out."
But you just said that you're pointing this out form the comment section. You should already have seen how it turns out
"Nuh uh, I just skimmed past so I could point that out, but now I'm back here with you."
But I didn't see you leave.
"Well of course not. I don't see when you stop in the middle of writing and go somewhere."
But-
"Just keep writing, pleeease! Gummi and I both want to see how it finishes!"
Argh.. fine. Okay. Just promise no more interrupting to fix my typos. I'll go back and edit them.
"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" Pinkie agreed, going through the motions.
Okay, now where was I? Oh right.
"I'm totally going to leak this into the comments though," Pinkie interrupted.
But you just said that you made this in the comments anyway- Oh nevermind!
The disclaimer reminded me strongly of this:
2552758
I see a section of the deleted scenes got leaked.
Is it normal for my brain to actually be hurting from reading this?
I laughed until I farted.
Then I farted until I laughed.
Then I threw up. And it was pink.
OH MAH GAWD these lines literally killed me all over! xD xD
Ugh my brain hurts.
But I enjoyed this anyways. Also, Tie Hunter? Awesome name.
The Rarity part killed me!
ERMAHGERD!!!!!!!!! I'M DYING FROM LAUGHTER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!
This story gave me nightmares.
This was by far the stupidest thing I've ever read. But it was funny!
Hey, Pinkie, You did not control my mind! I did not do what you said I'd do, I understood everything you said!
Okie-dokie-lokie!
I'm writing a story like this- Pie.
Talking to Pinkie can make your head explode, can't it?
2635953 Well good for you!
Hey... I wanted to talk, too!
Kazuma, I think these people have had enough.
...
What? Nothing to say, Quote?
...Nope
You sure?
...Yup