Together

This story is a continuation of Love is Laughing. After living together for 2 months, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy decide to try new things together to help them learn and enjoy each others company.

Chapters (3)

My Little First Date · 11th Dec 2011 · 1,970 words
1,970
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Hay Fever · 9th Jul 2012 · 2,207 words
2,207
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Storm Party! · 29th Jul 2012 · 2,512 words
2,512
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Comments ( 8 )

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WinterTwister

WinterTwister #1 · Dec 11th, 2011 · · · My Little First Date ·

its good, I just had to debate with waffle about eggs being vegetarian or not lol.
But yes, awesome.

KingofBronies

KingofBronies #2 · Dec 12th, 2011 · · · My Little First Date ·

62172 I would think eggs would be unless they are fertilized. As long as they are not actually killing an animal to make it then its vegetarian in my book :D. Anyways glad you liked it!

Sintakhra

Sintakhra #3 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · · My Little First Date ·

I really like this story but it does need some work.

You have good in-character dialogue and good action, but you are very much lacking in description for the most part. A trend i seemed to notice was Dialogue, then Actions. This is very good but without sufficient description it makes the story seem very thin and leaves a lot up to the imagination of the reader whom is reading the story primarily for the imagery intertwined with the story.

Another thing is finding synonyms for words used frequently. As an example, you often refer to Fluttershy as coy. Yet in six lines of dialogue (three being her, three being Pinkie), each time Fluttershy speaks she is referred to as the coy pony. In the future i would suggest finding more ways to refer to half of your leading couple ^^

Otherwise, the story is good. I loved the original story and seeing it being continued is a delight, particularly seeing Fluttershy drunk!

KingofBronies