Chapter XX: Maralus
The past few days at the Crystal Empire passed by smoothly; well, as smoothly as one can after they learned that puberty had finally struck them. The sessions with Cadance changed from dealing with my anger to... dealing with the joys that puberty brings with it. She even asked if I ever had any feelings from when I was a male, only to be disappointed to learn that I didn't due to not seeing another member of my species, as well as no attraction to the other ones I see on a day to day basis. This led to her of course asking why I have a problem with inter-species relations, only for me to request for her to get a book on animals. She decided to drop the subject when I asked that if under the same conditions would she love an octopus.
Discussions with Shining Armor finally became a mutual talk about what Equestria could potentially be facing. While ponykind and their allies may be able to handle a few possible scenarios, the fact that most conflicts will involve long range combat on a level that nopony had experienced before caused him to admit that he would be spending a lot of time thinking on that matter. He was especially bothered when I tossed in homing explosive projectiles as being a high probability if Equus is finally discovered and invaded. The only advantage this world had was magic, but I was skeptical on how effective overall it can be when there exists materials that have proven to be resistant to it. Such as the Dixian war machine that attacked Ponyville.
Regardless, the week came to a close with me on the train to return home with a pile of notes and my leg fully healed. I was astonished to hear that it healed so quickly, which made me wonder just how effective Equestria medical practices were or if it was a biological trait that ponykind possessed. Moving on, I gave my goodbyes to the royal couple, giving Cadance my thanks for alerting me to my coming puberty and setting up a schedule with Luna for therapy sessions. I was also thankful to Shining for what he taught me, which included a simple shield spell that I was hoping I could modify with Twilight in hopes of adapting it for various purposes.
When I finally returned to Ponyville, I was greeted in an expected manner, a party thrown by Pinkie Pie. Though it was after she grabbed me the moment I got off the train, inspected my leg since I told her in one of my letters that I broke it, hugged me tightly when I turned out to be fine, placed me on her back and dashed to Sugarcube Corner. The party was rather private, consisting of the ponies I knew and my recruits. Maybe Pinkie knew I would like a small party this time around, or maybe after the fiasco Diamond caused most of the town folk wanted to avoid me. What really surprised me though was when Twilight asked if Cadance taught me some song and dance routine, only for me to deadpan at her for a while before I told her no.
During the party, the Crusaders told me about their latest attempts at getting their Cutie Marks. I learned that some species called Breezies came over to town; along with the fact that they are so darn dependent on the aid of ponies to survive, that I questioned how such a species could even avoid extinction for as long as they have. Celestia also apparently decided to repair a second Maralus core that she sent to Twilight for study. I had to spend a whole minute doing that breathing exercise after hearing that.
I learned that my troops were doing well after a quick meeting with Silver Shield, with morale finally rising with the completion of the barracks. Though Golden Sword was appalled that the sleeping quarters were bunk beds that only had four feet of separation from each other. When he heard that I wanted even less space than originally planned, and gave him the option of taking a small closet instead, he quickly withdrew his complaint. No pony left the squad in my absence, they kept to the exercise routine, and the drill instructor stuck to my dodging exercises. However, when they heard that Shining gave me a few ideas on where to take their training, they just paled a bit as their imaginations did my dirty work for them. Tomorrow was going to be a fun day for me.
Thwack. "Ow!"
"Don't make the bushes shake so much, get back to the starting radius!" I ordered, watching Midnight Breeze come out of a bush that I threw a small rock at, grumbling to herself as she rubbed the spot where the rock struck her. After the morning exercise routine, I led the recruits to Whitetail Woods for the day's training scenario. Starting at a marked circle with a radius of fifty feet, I told my recruits that they have to try to sneak up at me through any means necessary. But if I discovered them, I would hit them with a rock and send them back to the starting point. So far, I typically discover them at around twenty feet at least, even if some tried to take an aerial route or worked together to get at me.
Hearing some twigs crunching from behind me, I quickly turned around, about to toss out another rock when I saw that Twilight was the one approaching me. Her wings flared in alarm when she saw that I was about to hurl a rock at her. Stopping my rock before accidentally assaulting royalty, I asked, "What are you doing here Twilight?"
"Umm... I was going to ask if you could spend some time helping me study the Maralus core?" Twilight replied with a nervous smile.
"You do know that I don't even approve of Princess Celestia repairing a second one without my say," I said in annoyance.
"Well, we do need to learn more about them when they aren’t in pieces... and if we have two, we can respond faster to a dimensional rift!"
"That would only make sense if the other one isn't at Canterlot, which is only a few hours away!" I yelled, before turning my head to peer at a couple of bushes.
"Well... the other one is actually secured at an offsite location, safely away from any population centers along with the other things that came from your dimension."
"...And why can't some other ponies experiment on the core?"
"Well, since the cores react so differently with magic, and my speci—"
"Okay okay, special talent and whatever comes with it. Why do you need me though?"
"Well, while I have recorded various reactions, there may be some others that I haven't encountered, some that you might recognize. If you think they're a danger we can stop that experiment."
After a moment of silence, I released a sigh before replying. "Fine... I'll come along then. Just let me wrap up this training exercise." Engulfing a few more rocks with my magic, I sent them all over the place, receiving painful shrieks from my recruits. "Everypony, gather up! Silver is going to finish up your day of training!"
After telling Silver what I wanted the recruits to do for the afternoon, Twilight and I headed back to Ponyville, specifically her library as we went down to her lab. Standing out from everything else in the lab was a metal box placed in the center of a table. "I take it that box there is where the core is stored. At least Princess Celestia was thoughtful enough to put something that is potentially explosive into a safe container."
Letting out a sigh at my flippant remark about Celestia, Twilight asked, "Do these cores have the tendency to explode?"
"Normally, no. My guess is that the cores just get explosive when exposed to magic under the right conditions. Which makes me glad that your brother taught me a shield spell."
"Shining taught you a spell?"
"Yeah, after a short discussion with him, I got him to teach me the spell so I could try some ideas on it. Hopefully you can help me with those ideas."
"Oh, I love to he—wait, you're not going to use it for some violent purpose?" Twilight questioned, her eyes narrowing in suspicion until I let out a snort.
"Of course not. I was hoping that maybe the shield spell can be adapted to used in different defensive manners. Besides, while we all know I have violent tendencies, that doesn't mean I want to turn everything I see into a weapon." Seeing that Twilight was giving me a sheepish smile, I sighed. "Don't bother saying sorry. I do have a reputation that suggested that thought in the first place. Let's just get on with whatever you have planned on the core."
Giving me a nod, Twilight removed the metal casing to reveal the core on a simple stand. Grabbing the stand with magic, Twilight started to lift the core when the door to the lab suddenly slammed open.
"Twilight! I need your help quick!" Rainbow said as she dashed into the room, startling the two of us, with Twilight having a far more extreme reaction as she jumped into the air. This unfortunately had the consequence of sending the core flying when the stand received a sudden jerk from Twilight's magic. The worst part was the core's flight path ended with it bouncing off my head, the core ricocheting off my horn.
"Buck!" I yelled as I fell onto my back from the impact.
"Aether!" Twilight shrieked as she quickly came to my side while I had my hooves over the part of my face that the orb smacked against, only to let out a gasp.
"What, please don't tell me that the orb broke or my face is horribly scarred now," I replied in an annoyed tone, only to see that my horn was glowing after I removed my hooves from my face. "Umm... what's happening with my horn?"
"You're having a magical surge!" Twilight exclaimed, her wings flaring out now in alarm. Meanwhile Rainbow hovered above us with a concerned and guilty look on her face.
"Umm... is that a bad thing?" I said before my eyes start to widen as I spotted the core that was nearby us, where it was making a humming noise that was only increasing in volume. Before Twilight or I could do or say anything else, my horn released a flash that blinded me. I then felt my entire body being jerked around before a brief feeling of weightlessness was interrupted when I hit the floor. Letting out a moan, I tried to blink my temporary blindness away, as I felt like something with my horn was off while my ears caught the groans of Twilight and Rainbow nearby. Eventually my eyesight returned, only to see a something that caused me to gape in shock.
"Augh... my head..." Rainbow moaned after a while, rubbing a hoof against her head as Twilight had both of her forehooves gripping the sides of her skull.
"Ummm... Rainbow... Twilight... I'm have to warn you two. No matter what you see... remain calm."
"What are you ta..." Rainbow started to say still she finally opened her eyes, only for them to widen and her jaw to drop. Twilight opened her own eyes afterwards, only for strands of her mane to randomly pop out, before she started a breathing exercise.
As for myself, I just let out one long sigh before saying, "Why must life be so cruel to me?" as I looked at the metallic buildings surrounding us, along with the various aliens that just stared at us. Unlike the other two, I knew that we were in one of the worst places for a pony to be, an interdimensional city.
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Goddammit Rainbow Dash.
Awwww yeah, adventuring in other dimension. Now go find the Doctor
Celestia had better hide all the chairs and tables, because Aether is going to kill her for this one.
Oh no! This does not sound good at all
Rut roh.
6392196 no, just maim Rainbow Dash for blatantly ignoring safety procedures.
yeah experimentation like that is usually done behind vault doors.
Lets just put the doomsday device in a place where any pony can just charge in and take it.
That's retarded.
Stupid ponies.
What do I do before I start doing anything dangerous? CLOSE THE DOOR!
Damnit, of course Rainbow Dash HAD something so important that she just COULDN'T enter properly. And, I guess, Aether will throw more than one chair at her.
First rule.
You Will be interupted.
Its all twilights fault, she used magic instead of an isolated radiation cell with mechanical Waldos.
Well, Aether though they might have a short whle before being discovered. Not any more.
*Press Drama Button*
CHAN CHAN CHAAN
We missed Aether throwing a chair to Celestia... But I liked the chapter. Next chapter Aether need to tell the guards to stop everypony, or do the experiments in a basement like Twilight.
Well, darn it all, what am I supposed to do with this huge wall of text of corrections I made? =p
And that's how defecation met oscillation.
I think it seems like Astral Aegis talent flared. There was a theory in "Cupcake Chronicles".
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/14590/the-cupcake-chronicles
I can't find it right now, but if a pony can't do their special talent they become irritated and less sane or less reasonable. There will be constant trying to fulfill the talent.
In this case it looks like talent / cutie mark magic was in action and caused that.
So would that mean that her destiny is to travel the worlds?
Honestly, they really had that coming for trying to experiment with the incredibly dangerous dimensional-travel core in a completely unsecured library known for sudden interruptions and occasional explosions. If Aether wasn't so attached to the ponies at this point, that would immediately cause her to file the entire species under the Darwin list.
I'm kind of hoping Twilight gets a severe yelling-at by Celestia when they get back, because good lord.
6392410
Twilight's will have to be after Aether is done yelling at Celestia considering she built the core without informing Aether first.
Oh shit!
I swear celestia better have not made it because her future sight dreams told her to endangering the world again fate deserved to be murder...
well they're screwed might as well kill rainbow dash now you won't have time later
Wait, he has no attachment to his previous gender but in the last chapter the first thing that comes out of his mouth when sex is brought up is how his attachment to his previous gender makes heat unacceptable, how does that work? One of those two options has to be false because they directly contradict each other.
Also goddamnnit Rainbow... And Twilight... And Celestia... And pretty much everyone else that helped that catastrophy be born.
Rainbow Dash... I love you, but goddamn it all to hell, seriously?
Awesome job dude, awesome job.
Trollestia's next comment to Æther:
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-2752983-1-trollestia_by_gravyfuzzlekitten-d4fjvfo.png
I wonder how the aliens will react to random colorful ponies coming out of nowhere probably violently
Auuuugh, for fuck's sake, when will everyone stop being a bunch of idiots already!?
This is why I don't like RD. She doesn't think about her actions before performing them.
Damnit Dash!... By the Emperor... She never learns does she?
6392689
But-- but-- then there wouldn't be a story...
"By royal decree, all tables and chairs are now inherently banned in Equestria. Anypony found with either chairs or tables, or worse, both, shall be apprehended."
- Celestia
Fuck everyone. Celestia built a core without notifying Aether first. Twilight handled the core with magic before enacting safety procedures. Then, Rainbow Dash being her
innocentobliviousstupid self, never learns about charging into rooms without thinking.You know everypony is stupid especially when their leader is also stupid. Poor Aether.
Rainbow, you idiot.
6392573
Aether didn't care about gender because he had no intention of procreation. Now with his switched gender and going through puberty and heat, she feels that she'll have to deal with thoughts about sex against his will.
R.I.P. Aether Aura, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash ????-2015
6393150
And just how did Equestria survive for long then?
I think Luna should teach celestia how one should handle interdimentional objects
How will they get home? Don't ask me but:
Next time on Astral Aegis: Aether Aura must get back to Equestria.with Twilight and Rainbow dash. But what will happen to them before they return. And when they return, what will Aether do to Celestia this time around?
Smacking with furniture,
Yelling then being hit with furniture, or
Yelling, swearing, and being hit with a room?
pre04.deviantart.net/967d/th/pre/f/2014/076/c/f/who_called_in_the_fleet__by_evanthepony-d7allyp.png
They will need it.
well...this will be interesting
stayclassy
...sHIT JUST GOT REAL! Also... Twilight... in a sprawling space city... thriving on advanced technologies... and only RD and Aether to hold her back. Also, RD anywhere without Applejack to hold her back... Ohhhhhh shit. This is where everything falls apart with both RD and Trollestia being the main cause
Gonna be honest, I didn't realize you had an editor. While I enjoy the story, that's despite the errors, not because of the lack of them.
Well, buck. This is bad.
-ThePortalPonies
Buckbuckbuckbuck... Aether, I think it's time to execute Protocol: N0P3.
6393789
You have any examples?
6393882 LMAO n0p3 is a VERY good protocal to activate at a time like this
6392998
Ok, actually being serious there for a moment: if a story relies on its characters behaving like idiots to work, then it is a bad story. A story should never do that. This one does it for comedic effect, just like I act upset by it for comedic effect, which makes a difference. There absolutely should and ought to still be a story if the characters started behaving sensibly, though. Otherwise, it wouldn't be worth reading.
6394176
Unfortunately, rare is the story that doesn't rely on the Idiot Ball being passed around at some point to take place. Whether that is during the story for extra drama, or in the back story in which a cataclysmic level of derpery destroys the universe, so to speak. What's worse is that in those stories that do make an attempt at dodging that failing, is that the reader is often calmer, more genre-savvy, or jaded than characters are, so what seems idiotic to us might not seem bad for the characters at the time.
But in this case, the author was running out of crap to do other than a time skip, or having random dimensional crap 'for teh lulz' unless they resort to.... Slice of Life character development!
(An example of a story existing only because of the idiot ball braining someone would be the Fallout Equestria universe. The entire end of the world is Fluttershy's fault. Sure, a lot of crap was leading up to it, but the deciding factor was her being an idiot and giving the people they're at war with the worst weapons she could think of to try to make them feel better. At least that's my understanding. So that entire, rediculously popular fic and obnoxiously prevalent universe wouldn't exist if Fluttershy's brain didn't take momentary leave of her body.)
6394242
I'd disagree with that, personally, but I guess that's up for debate. I think there are a lot of different directions the story could have gone regardless and while still making complete sense.
In either case, I suppose one of the qualifying differences is that a good story makes the characters behave only as stupid as they actually are, not as stupid as they need to be in order to progress the plot. If you can say one thing about this series, it's that everyone is consistently idiotic in predictable ways, so it probably doesn't count anyway.
6393958
Run-on
Extremely awkward phrasing. (Not an error that a proof-reader should be fixing, but content that an editor should be bringing up.)
Extremely awkward phrasing.
This sentence contains three different tenses. Also, "caused he" should be "caused him".
Extremely awkward phrasing. Also, this sentence has multiple tenses.
You are not "skeptical on" something, you are "skeptical of" something. "it can overall be" should be "it can be overall". "there exists materials" should be either "there exist materials" or "there exists material". (Context of the story suggests the former, but "has proven" instead of "have proven" suggests the latter.) Resistance is a noun, but this sentence uses it like an adjective.
"Equestria" should be "Equestrian".
"expected matter" should be "expected manner".
"Though" is being treated like a conjunction, despite being this its own sentence. (That said, combining it with the previous sentence would probably make it a run-on.)
Repetitive "Though". (Again, not an error for a proof-reader, but definitely something for an editor to bring up.)
Extra comma after "caused".
The verb "deadpan" does not fit in the context of this sentence. However, the adjective "deadpan" could fit well, such as giving Twilight a "deadpan stare".
Tense problems again. "decide" should be "decided".
The above is all from the first screen's worth of text in the most recent chapter on my monitor. While I realize Silvak has specifically stated that this chapter has not yet been edited, the problems I've noted above are similar to problems I've seen throughout the entire story. I'm not going to go back and re-read 46,000 words with an editor's critical eye to find everything, but these kinds of problems are common enough throughout the story that I've noticed them over time without making editing passes. (I should also mention that in a story like this with a character still struggling with the local language, I would forgive grammar errors in that character's dialogue. I have a lot of experience with ESL kids of various skill levels, and I know it can be hard sometimes, and that such grammatical errors are appropriate for a character like that.)
As I said, though, I'm enjoying the story regardless. I've simply noted that the story contains problems such as these, and assumed the story wasn't being edited. I guarantee you, I've seen far worse prose, but this isn't perfect.
6394817 You do realized that you just pointed out errors in an unedited chapter, right?
6394829
In fact, to be perfectly honest, I found little difference in the quality of the unedited chapter compared to the ones that were edited.
Whether you take that as a compliment to your writing skills or an insult to your editors is up to you.
6394837 This is what I get for making a reply comment after waking up recently. Oh well, at least I gave something for my readers to laugh at me for. *headdesk*
6394817
Thanks, I have been more lax with editing since trying to fix run-ons and such takes much more considerable work. So you could say I really just proofread the document. But I will endeavor to be more critical when I have time.