The Great Fandom Man!

by Jake Witt

ACT 4 King Sombra PART 2

"And then there's this rock!" Fandom Man shouted with a dumb look on his face.

Private Pleasant Run, Fandom Man, and O. Conner decided to avoid land and air traps by simply walking through the desert from Displo to Fort Starlight (a name that really got a rise out of the cleaner of the three). We just made it to the outskirts when Fandom Man found a huge rock. ...and he was complaining about it for five minutes now without interruption.

"I see! Tom get's destroyed by the Pie sisters, but this guy? You don't even have a fan name! How are you immune to land mines?!" He shook his fist at it. "I see the craters and scorch marks around you!"

"You done, yet?" Pleasant asked, using a metal detector to find land mines and pass the time.

He paused in his rant, "I'll have words with the guy who named Fort Starlight, now."

O. Conner got out of his meditation, crossing his arms, "Private, is there a way to double time this?"

"I just sent a request for unicorn transport." he opened his saddlebag, checking a tablet-like device. "I have good and bad news."

"Spill."

"There's an army on our radar. If the three of us are going to teleport then we need to feed enough power to them to support their spell range."

Fandom Man tilted his head, "And why can't we teleport ourselves? I can turn into a Saiyan to instantly transport us."

"Magic and alchemy will kill you two, leaving me with once powerful mush." Pleasant replied evenly. "You two need to be scanned by unicorns and given our trust."

"Alright, O. Conner, let's lend our arcane matrix to them!"

He lowered his arms, "Arcane what? If you're talking about my magic tank then sure."

"Crap."

"What?" they readily responded.

"The tank is useless; just holds magic. The arcane matrix combine with our skills-"

"What skills?"

From out of nowhere, a laser fired over Pleasant's head and between the Conners, leaving the trio to hide behind the Season 5 premiere rock. "Well, this is great!" Fandom Man exclaimed.

"Don't be dramatic, kid." O. Conner said, shifting his robot arm into a gun. "Either we fight or think of something dumb."

It was then Rouge decided to speak, "Yo, why not fuse? Fusion dance, combine power and tech, increased magic levels, then unicorn magic can do the rest!"

"This isn't going to be weird, is it?"

O. Conner returned his hand to its default form. "Only if you make it. We're almost the same guy so will it matter?"

Pleasant Run was about to add something when the two spaced each other out. Fandom Man had two straight arms pointed at O. Conner, "Fuuuuus-" his paused as he watched his war-chanced double begin whippng before spinning on his head. "What are you doing?"

O. Conner stopped, "Um... fusion? Duh."

"Is that a new thing? I'm not judging, but I don't imagine Goku or Goten being street performers."

"Wait, we're doing that fusion dance?" After a nod, he added. "Hell no, I'm wearing that retarded vest! We're doing this Steven Universe style or nothing!"

"Hold on, you watch that show?"

"Yeah?"

"Never caught on. Is it all that it's hyped up to be?" The sounds of exploding land mines filled the air as our rush brought itself back full force. "How do we fuse?!"

"I'm part Gem so that half is done. All we need to do is get our mind and emotions in sync while dancing in a way that resonates with ourselves before meeting in the middle. Kinda gay, but you can get used to it."

"I'll keep an open mind."

Run checked a new message, "If they can't get a lock on us, we're screwed."

While O. Conner's breakdancing got closer to the middle, Fandom Man...

The music continued as Fandom Man's locomotion was assimilated as the two Fandom Men fused into an armored human three times their combined size. A blue gemstone on their- his right shoulder summoned a carpenter's hammer. They- He turned quickly tossing limitless hammers at the passing soldiers with all four hands.

All four hands?

They had four arms with two watches on their bottom arms. They had sleek white and silver armor with broken or melted edges, metal bird wings on their back, and were creating a strong magic field to fire energy blasts at stragglers who weren't hammered.

Did they have that weapon for a substance abuse joke?

Pleasant looked town at his tablet, "Guys! Guy! Whatever, prepare for teleport!"

"Aye aye cap'n! No! Private!" He began to falter, stretching a bit in some spots before fixing their problem. "Agreed. Private, let us prepare."

We turned to what looked like the guy in charge as a rainbow light covered us, "I oughta bury you underground so Goat Mom could teach you manners and a skeleton can send you ta-"

*POP!*

The silver stormtrooper fixed her red cape as one of her stallions translated her thoughts. "Dafaq?"

---

"Hey, the Fandom Giant was not done taunting!" We yelled. It was then I saw their commanding officer, forcing us out of the fusion with a salute.

Fandom Man was still a bit upset, but got out of it. "How's it goin' Elmo?"

The red muppet general didn't look impressed. Cute in one's opinion, but not impressed. "Stranger, did I give you permission-"

Fandom Man held out a hand, showing a hologram of his General Elmo and himself having a relaxed conversation over lunch. Over what? We didn't know. "Let's get this over with so I can sock ol' Sombra in the jaw and sprinkle friendship in the mix."

General Elmo got part of the message, scoffing, "Sure, friendship! Let's bake them cookies and invite them to parties and discuss fashion."

O. Conner didn't look very happy at where the conversation was-

"Alright, guys." Fandom Man said as he stood. "As of now, I'm in charge and Double Diamond is co-in charge but also giving me all power and stuff!"

"Excuse me?!" Pleasant Run screamed.

"Private, did I give you permission to speak?" Elmo asked. "Never mind, go file your report."

The peach colored pony followed orders as Fandom Man got confident. "First order of business is for the unicorns to scan me so I can prove myself and share my other worldly knowledge of ancient weaponry that has stopped many villains."

Everything got dead silent... even the assault outside seemed to stop.

"What? Should I montage this?"

Comments

[Sigmacipher]

"What? Should I montage this?"

Yes...but only if it's to the title theme of Team America world police...