The Great Fandom Man!

by Jake Witt

Number One Assistant PART 3

"And yet nobody has any news of Twilight's recovery?" Number One questioned.

We were leaving General Elmo's office, nothing too important was talked about. He was jabbering about another villain rising and will distract us from our time problem blah blah blah. Why cant meetings be interesting? I was swiped from my thoughts when Mr. Uno knocked on my head.

"Hello? Why is there no news of Twilight's recovery?" Number One asked, once he got my attention.

"Well, its not a full recovery," I said. "Let me explain-"

---

(A few days ago)

Imagine me standing by a fire. Imagine the fire on a cozy bed. Imagine the glow coming off my hands and a healing aura swirling around the fire. Replace the fire with a nerdy unicorn with a burning mane and numb hooves. That unicorn is Twilight Spare, the mare on fire.

"...Or you can avoid the Hunger Games reference entirely," Pinkie stated next to me, stroking Gummie as she watched me.

"This is weird," I said, causing my patient to look up at me. "Pinkie read my mind without mind reading powers."

Twilight rolled her eyes, "Don't question it."

"I'm not. I just didn't expect to get the receiving end of her abilities," I gave a shrug and stopped my Healing Hands, recharging my Magika. Then I began using MP Magic, continuously casting Cureaga on Twilight, the swirling gold aura replaced with a swirling glowing green leaf effect. "How's your head, Twilight?"

"Not as bad as earlier."

"Good. Nurse Pinkie?" I turned to my left to the pink pony with the giant syringe, filled with a green liquid. She gave a salute, my eyes realizing the sudden fact that she wore a stereotype pink nurse outfit with high white socks. "Put that needle away and get me a stamina potion." In a single backflip, she left the room. I turned to my right, getting used to her sudden appearance as I grabbed a green bottle.

"What is that?" Twilight asked, tilting her head, breaking the flower crown effect on her head.

"Its a stamina-" I stopped reading the label and sighing. "I said stamina potion not stamina poison!"

"Well, despite the bubble above saying 'a few days ago', its actually night time! Bad fan fic time aside, I think Twilight would need some rest!" Pinkie explained, smiling.

"Its a stamina potion! That'll allow her body to use energy within to heal itself. Its not like I'm making her chug a gallon of coffee." Pinkie and the wooden chest she brought this morning disappeared when I looked back, a tiny "BRB not Barbie, silly!" note in her place.

I took out a "Capsule Corp." orb from my inventory, tossing it to the ground as it transformed into a blank copybot.

"Rouge, may I have a stamina potion?" I requested.

The tan robot glowed a pale blue and began to change shape. Small black bat wings grew from the back, it grew a head taller and a humanoid bat face took shape. The feet turned into tall, white, heeled boots and the puppet-like hands suddenly came apart to form two long gloved hands. The soulless eyes gain an almost real eye look as blue eyes took its place. "Sure, I have nothing better to do," Rouge said as she stretched, testing the robot body. "Not bad. Well worth the wait."

Just as she was leaving, a pink blur knocked her over. "Nurse Redheart is here! Should I let her in?" Pinkie asked as a whirring noise filled the room.

"Nooo! I've fallen and I cant get up!" Rouge cried as her wings kept her stuck in a tripod position. "This is the worst possible thing! I cant believe it!"

"Wow. You're not even trying," Pinkie said, looking down. Her mane suddenly curled itself in Rarity's style with a little hair horn curl as she gasped, a hoof over her fake eyelashed eyes, "No! I've fallen and I cant get up! This is... The. Worst. POSSIBLE. THING!"

The door- which was somehow closed -was kicked down as a medical team ran in. "We're losing her!" One medic shouted as Twilight was swarmed.

Twilight flailed, shouting, "I'm fine! I have a pulse and I'm talking and- Why do you have a defibulator?!"

"CLEAR!" There was a sudden shock as a pegasus with two metal pads took out Twilight. Nurse Redheart ran in with some monitors, hooking it up to Twilight. "We're losing her!" *BZZZT!!!* "She's still flat-lining!"

Redheart slapped the medic, screaming, "What the buck are you doing?!"

I got on him, giving slaps as he was on the ground, "She! Was! Just! Fine! Be! Fore! You! Got! Here!" I shouted, each slap punctuating my point. *BZZZT!!!*

The room was silent besides the heart monitor, a screaming Rouge, and the heavy breathing coming from me as all attention moved from me to the unicorn with the defibulators in his aura. "What?"

I transformed into DJ Echo Echo, pushing the medical ponies away. One Echo started chest compressions as Nurse Redheart readied her rubber bag, when the Echo was done, another Echo helped her push air into Twilight. Just as expected, the air couldn't reach her lungs so we turned her so that she could vomit and continued.

The heart monitor's reading gained something resembling earthquake reading, "Now grab the defibs!" A supervising Echo shouted to a spawned Echo, who did his job. "And you two: figure out who taught these idiots! I swear, with pony medics like these who needs human nurses?!" *BZZZT!!!*

"Begin CPR!" Redheart exclaimed after everyone backed up. This whole cycle continued for almost an hour before normal heart readings returned. Within that time, Twilight's friends returned and stared in shock at the spectacle. And really? I wouldn't blame them.

Apple Jack muttered something under her breath before she joined the interrogation DJ Echos.

The room was dark still, except for the sunrise, the machines, and two lamps. One lamp was powered by Pinkie as she held it over some of the medical staff, swinging. One Echo (Cop 1) stared at one pony before speaking, "Tell me. Who trained you ponies?"

"Woah! Woah! Calm down," Another Echo (Cop 2) droned to his copy. "We don't have to be mean."

"They almost killed Twilight!"

"Two of them don't have a medical-themed cutiemark."

"What does that have to do with anything?!"

"Its those two we should focus on. After all, they're medical skills are just like every hospital TV show or movie scene." He pointed to the pegasus and unicorn, "They're meant to be actors!"

The unicorn broke as she screamed, "Its true!" She began crying while beginning a sad story about misunderstanding parents and blah blah blah. Why do interrogations in this world have to be dramatic? ...And I think she gave a few Echos feels when she mentioned the inability to follow her dream at this point and wasting her time in Celestia's school learning medical stuff.

The other actor looked shocked before saying, "My parents wanted me to be an actor while I pursued life-saving jobs! I'm hoping to become a Firepony one day!"

---

(Present Day)

I sat at the Dig Dug Diner with Number One, his glasses nearly falling off his face and all eyes on me. "Yep. Twilight almost died," I looked over to my right as Pinkie sat with us without explanation, "Pinkie witnessed the whole thing!"

"Yeperooni!" she replied cheerfully before being not there like usual.

"After that, Nurse Redheart stayed with Twilight as we had a sleep over. Also after leaving Golden Oaks, I was kidnapped before I could reach the CMC-KND Space Station, was being interrogated for "being a changeling" by TF2 Scouts, was rescued by a team of Spy Rugrats... The teenage version. It was awesome. I took a spaceship from the Scouts, almost destroyed the Death Star with a Twinkie, and arrived home to tell the tale. ...And Pinkie was there, too."

"Right again!" Pinkie said at a mic behind the counter. "Also can 42 get their food. Number 42. I am making a reference..... 42... I will eat your pie if you don't- Wait, that's me! heheheh..."

Author's Note:

Note: This my attempt at adding ponies to a pony fan fic. I will probably suck.
...Also I've been stuck in some CPR classes so I wanted to throw what I know in there.

You can skip this if you want. Unless you want to save a life.

---

1.) When you shock the heart: You stop it from beating.
2.) Continuous zapping will do more harm than help.
3.) The heart needs to beat, not fibulate. I probably spelled that wrong, but the point stands. You kill the heart to stop it from fibulating.
4.) CPR is mean to force blood into moving, bringing oxygen to the brain. I think the blood entering the heart brings it back.
5.) There is no perfect airway. If you push air into a body that's not pulling air, the pushed air is forced into the stomach. ...Yeah, they will vomit. Let them, that vomit will block the airway.
5.5.) Don't give mouth-to-mouth... unless you want AIDs or something then go ahead! Beware of vomit.
6.) I just know the basics. Also it takes about two hours more or less before the person is saved.
7.) Ask a nurse why you give CPR... especially the nursing home nurses. Have fun.
7.5.) I'm not hating on nurses. There are some good ones out there... but still. Watch out.
8.) I'm not a horse doctor or a vet, I just have a family member that drags me into his classes.