As She Pleases

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Comments ( 12 )

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iluvpotions

iluvpotions #1 · Apr 3rd, 2015 · · ·

Amazing writing, I really liked this. The detail was lovely, and I feel like it was the perfect length. Keep up the good work.

Corgii

Corgii #2 · Apr 3rd, 2015 · 2 · ·

*cough*

... *clears throat*

...so is there a full image of that cover or...?

canadianbrony91

canadianbrony91 #3 · Apr 3rd, 2015 · · ·

5817541 Maybe if you do something special for me I'll send the whole picture pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw11065-rdeye1.gif

Corgii

Corgii #4 · Apr 3rd, 2015 · · ·

5818723

if ya want me to proof it ill do it

if i can get that picture. i couldnt see it in the artists gallery so im assuming it was a commision.

canadianbrony91

canadianbrony91 #5 · Apr 3rd, 2015 · · ·

5818876 Nah. In all seriousness, it wasn't a commission. I asked if I could use it and the owner said I could, that's the actual dimensions of the picture, so theres nothing else, sadly

watwhoami

watwhoami #6 · Apr 4th, 2015 · · ·

Holy cock.

So much ~~cum~~ juice... It was fabulous.

I love it.

The Elusive Badgerpony

The Elusive Badgerpony #7 · Apr 4th, 2015 · 4 · ·

This was pretty passable, but I think it's a little bit dull. There's not a lot of pizazz to the prose and it ends up bringing the whole thing down.

I reccomend trying to emulate poetry and prose, because the way this is written is more like a docunentary. It isn't awful, horrible or poorly written, it's just kinda dull. Vinyl's character and personality doesn't shine through the narration, which seems to be in third-person limited. See, when something is third-person limited, it's still in third-person, but it's focused solely on one character's experiences. Think books like The Giver– the main character is the only source of perspective we have. Thus, if you're gonna use this perspective, you've got to let that character shine through like you would with a first-person fic.

Keep writing. You can do it.

canadianbrony91

canadianbrony91 #8 · Apr 4th, 2015 · · ·

5822781 Yeah I can see that. I'm not quite used to writing in third person, so I guess it's just from inexperience. Could you give a specific example, though? So I can better understand? I'm not saying you're wrong, I just want to see where I can improve.

AnimeKid22

AnimeKid22 #9 · Apr 6th, 2015 · · ·

I enjoyed this a lot. Then again, I love Vinyl. Maybe we could get an OctaScratch sequel? I'd like to see one involving those two "making up" as it were.

canadianbrony91