Light dark.
Surprise wasn't your average Pony, her parents were odd, her family even more so. In an effort to 'fit in' she steals a spell created by her teacher and aunt Twilight Sparkle and travels back in time to make some friends.
It started with a few trips to the past, continued with a fairytale and results in the young Alicorn having to unravel the very history of Equestria in order to save the ones she loves...
Author notes: Tied with my other fic 'Human Nature' as this story will reference characters and events that may/ may not have happened yet in that fic.
inspired by the ask surprise tumblr, and my own ideas. cover art made using General Zoi's ponymaker I do not take credit for it.
This will be a Fanfic unlike anything I've ever done..not since I was eight or something....Enjoy!
Well...its entertaining to say the least. I would say its confusing but, that's how pink- er surprise is. I'll wait for 2 more chapters to make an honest opinion. Other than that, keep going
Because you asked
:
"I wonder where the sun went?" I asked myself, using my magic to 'poof' a clock into exsistence. "II is sunrise..or it's supposed to be...Maybe the sun went on a vacation?" (existance ; It)
"Luna?" the alicorn-I-thought-was-Princess-Luna repeated. "You dare believe me to be that weaklingof a pony!" (weakling of)
"Hahahahaha! Boy are you dumb!" I crowed, rolling onto my back as I continied laughing.(continued)
My useally poofy mane and tail went not only flat but kinda billowy, like princess Celestia's. (usually)
"Well for starters by covering the world in endless night you will undoubtedly be upsetting the natural sleep patterns of all kinds of creatures, the natural ebb and flow of the tides, Equestria wil cease to exist in a matter of months due the entire pony population starving to death, dying from the effects of sleep deprivartion, noctunal predators, complete econonmic collapse...I mean really if your plan was to doom Equestria and every living thing in it then by all means make it last eternal night" I explained as fluidly as possible. (night ,you ; will ; due to the ; sleep deprivation)
(I'm not sure that I got them all
)
thanks TheExiledForsaken.wanna be my proof reader?
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I can be ,but I never proof readed before ,just warning .
Oh and next time please use the reply button so that I get a notification ,it was pure luck that I saw your comment!
Oha and btw I'm not very good at grammar!
And another :
A very tired Applejack continued to buck her way through her farms orchard, her rear legs making a suond thwack as they hit their mark on the tree, sending apples raining down to fill the conviently placed baskets below. (sound)
It was a small white filly, about a year or so older than her little sister Apple bloom, loking slightly gangly and awkward on long legs.(looking)
this young filly had vivid purple eyes a shade lighter than vilet that seemed to sparkle with joy and mystery at the same time. (This ; than violet ,that seemed)
The filly tapped a hoof on her chin, tounge sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she frowned in thought. (tongue)
"Well gee I must be, I do have wings and a horn and my parents are certainly magical enough" Surpride replied. (Surprise)
The farm pony welcmoed the filly like she would any of her guests, but looked a little confused. (welcomed)
Applejack couldn't help nut chuckle at the question.(but)
"This is mah home and mah lively hood, and right now it's time to harvest all the apples so we can sell 'em, mah job is to buck these here trrees and collect the apples" the earth pony replied, giving a demonstration to prove her point.(trees)
"Do you like it? now that they're all big you won't have to kick the tree, you just pull them down..Hey! you could proabaly make like a dozen more stuff from one apple than what could before! isn't that great?" Surprise rambled.( You ; probably ; what you could ; Isn't that great?!)
Applejack was horrified as she looked at her aple trees, it wasn't normal..it was all due to..to... (apple)
In a small flash of yellow magic, the white filly was gone, and the trees al back to normal.(were all)
(I can make small suggestions on sentences ,but don't expect that much ,I'm not a great editor
)
Oh and when I saw Applejack saying 'Mah trees' I directly remembered the pic with her saying that
She was preparing for her next performance in the small dinged up caravan the twon had given her to get ready in before the show. (town)
“You have never heard of the great and powerful Trixie? I am one greatest performers in all of equestrian!”(I am one of the greatest ; Equestria)
In an instant the small trailer was decorated to look like a foal's birthday party, balloons tied down to table legs, streamers dnagling from the ceiling and a record player playing a simple upbeat tune.(dangling)
"I felt like you needed the confidence boost" the smal foal admitted with a shrug.(small)
(This one hadn't very much ,you're improving!)
"You can come in Surprise. Spike's gone out to pick up a shipment of books with Fluttershy and Applejack, they won't be back for a few hours" the avander mare replied without turning around. (lavander)
she heard the quiet and unsure hoofsteps of a familiar filly. (She)
"I'm sorry Auntie! It's just...Ponies won't like me if I you know..tried to be me..." Surprise sniffed. (if I ... you know ...)
"You're still upset about that?" Twilight's anger melted away and was repaced by concern for the smaller pony. (replaced)
"Well yeah it kinda does..I have to always always keep my intelligence hidden, I'm not as smart as you, or the princesses..but I am smart..I have to act like my mother or questions wll be asked..it's not easy you know?" Surprise explained.(will)
"Shouldn't you talk to your parents abou this?" she asked. (about)
I wasn't expecting that turn of events!
I can guess who's the mother but the father well ... there aren't many suspects for that ,I don't even have one who's solid.
Okay , I surely wasn't expecting Discord to be the father!
The mother was a correct guess!
Oh and I don't know if you still want ,but here :
within this shrine two statues stood tall, one a pegasus made of sapphires, the other a unicorn made of rubies.(Within)
she couldn't place it there was something familiar about them.(She)
"Rainbow Dash! How many times do I hav' to tell yah stop bein' disrespectful!" hollered an orange earth pony wearing a stetson.(yah to stop)
"Oh come on AJ! you know it I know it" Rainbow defended.(You ; it ,I ; defended herself)
"Um..thanks Auntie Rarity.." Surprised replied, embarrassed about the praise. (Surprise)
"uh guys ..isn't Pinkie normally here by now?" Rainbow asked. (Uh girls...)
"Dizzy are you sure you want to come? You can stay home if you want" the concerned voice of one Pinkie Pie could be heard.(at home)
"This is Surprise where talking about...Just because I exhausted my magic looking for her all night doesn't mean I won't do what I can to help her" a second, weary voice replied.(we're)
As they approached Surprise could see her parents; Pinkamena Diane Pie with her mane and tail straighter than a ruler pulling what could be described as Ponyville's Frakenstein;s Monster. The creator of Chaos, Discord was lying down in a cart being pulled by the pink earth pony with an ice pack resting in between his horns. Both looked tried and had bags under their eyes.(As they approached ,Surprise ; Frankenstein's ; tired)
after greetings where said all round, the group got down to business.(After ; were)
"Are you ok? Nopony hurt you did they?" Her worry then turned into mild anger. "we were worried sick, Dizzy has been out all night looking for you, I was out all night looking for you! Why would you just run off like that?"(We)
"I just,,isn't it hard being all hapy all the time?...Ponies just think I'm a version of you that can do magic i just thought if I acted like you..I wouldn't be so left out" Surprise explained.(I just,... ; happy ; I)
"um..yeah..." (Umm)
(Sorry at being so strict in some parts ,I can't help it
Also , I see you have a problem with Capitalization ,sometimes you seem to forget to do it ,that can be explained by your fast writting . There is also a minor problem with 'we are' and 'were' ,you sometimes change them in 'where' . I think that's all)
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Thanks, I was really tired when i wrote that chapter, I'll edit it soon.
Hey, why does everyone hate this? It's great!