>taviscratch
>orgy
>kloudmutt for cover art
>recognize the author's name
>wonder how far you've come since last time

I will read this in fap mode and then review it in review mode because it's been a long while since apple family lesson

Cease this endless chattering, like everything is fine.

Very hot. I hope you write a sequel.

You've gotten better, but I recommend toning down the dialogue a bit. By the end it was just getting laughably porn-y.

Also there's a few redundant things here and there (like mentioning what Octavia was wearing twice) and a lot of the dialogue felt copy-pasted, too. It's not awful, but you've got some work to do, and I'm confident that with this jump of quality between the last fic of yours I read (Apple Family Lesson) and this that you can really be something extraordinary with a bit more finesse and a good editor.

What? no exchange of phone numbers?

The imagry is just.......wow, grate wrighting

can i haz more?

The fic isn't bad - not the best I've read, but far from the worst. And it's certainly an improvement on your previous work - I think 5742382 pretty much covered it in fact.

But, and I don't know if this was intentional, I freaking love you for the reference in the title.

5748331 It was most certainly intentional

5748609
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/6/29/25807__safe_happy_artist-colon-sweethd_thumbs+up_motivation.jpg

Very Nice. Very hot.

Damn, that was hot

5813717 Be careful, Marioland1

This... Was a great story. Although I'm kind of disappointed that there wasn't any footie stuff included when a few times it felt like it was heading in that direction. Either way, bravo sir

Great piece! It was enjoyable and kept pace fairly well. My ONLY complaint is that there as a few spots where there could have been more description as to what position the characters were in.

media1.giphy.com/media/11YMhfLfGoq5Gg/giphy.gif

Well done.

I approve