- Member Since 27th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 6th, 2019
Higherbeach
I write pony fiction and I love it! Tell me what you think and you never know, I may use it!
Higherbeach
Joined 27th Dec, 2012 ·
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Wait wait wait. Is this a 1st person perspective story or a 2nd person perspective? I'm confuzzled
1981992
Hmmm... It is supposed to be a first person narrative. I'll skim over it a little and fix any glaring errors that may be causing that issue. For some reason when I type I like to say you at inappropriate times. I apologize for the confusion sir.
edit: Fixed, most o the second person errors should be fixed now. If you find anymore errors please feel free to let me know!
this...............i like...............keep going.............do it.......do it now!
It does, however, never get old about how similar we look physically. To put it simply, these ponies are sexy creatures. The princesses are definitely some of the most beautiful though. I remember my first time seeing them. Princess Celestia, wither her flowing... mane they call it, that held the colors of a beautiful dawn. Her modest, pure white silken dress with gold around the edges and in various shapes throughout. Her chest by the way is lovely to look at. She stands at about 5'5" tall. Her little sister, Princess Luna, is nothing to laugh at either. At 5' exactly she has a mane resembling the night sky in all its beauty and, though shorter then her sister, that isn't a bad thing. She may have had a smaller chest then her older sister, but she wore a lovely low-cut black dress which hugged her figure like a glove stopping just above her knee. If it had been a little shorter I am sure people would have tripped to get a look to see if she had panties or not.
Damit I promised I'd stop but no I had to clop to this also first
Also yes if you love luna I made a group called haylo and Luna its a group dedicated to nothing but halo and Luna join also I just made the group so there isn't many memebers
One of the things that sort of confused me is that in one of the earlier chapter you mention that Sam is modest, yet as soon as Vinyl mentions good cooking, he immediately starts talking about how he is practically a five-star chef.
I think, that if was as modest as you said he was, he would would say something that would downplay his own cooking skills
1985769
Ill put an extra line in there to make it more clear, thought I edited it already but guess I forgot. Thank you for pointing this out to me.
As much as I like this story, I can't help but be bugged by the small mistakes (sorry
). I was just wondering if you had an editor? If not, I'd be glad to give your writing a quick review, as to point out some stuff and hopefully make it better. 
I mean, if that's okay with you
1985789 The editor is me, myself and I. I try and edit as best I can. Mostly at this time I am writing my timeline of events for actual publishing to help clarify a few things (such as age and when the story takes place). I would love to have an editor though.
1985811 Would you mind if I co-edited?
Also, I found a few character perspective mistakes in 'Audition'.
1985834 I would appreciate any and all assistance for this work, if it is actually going to be somewhat read, I would like it to be an enjoyable read for all, instead of a mess of errors. and please do feel free to point out errors.
More more moremoremoremoremore....that is if you dont mind
1986684 I'll be dead honest here, including the timeline chapter for an easy reminder of past events I have 8 chapters more ready and waiting to be edited and go. My editor and me are working through them, so expect an update by Friday!
1986702 If you don't mind my asking. Are you going for a romantic argument in this story?, or it is more about the mature part?
1988278 to respond to this (after asking the reader to elaborate) this story is more focused on the romance aspect then the clop aspect. There will be clop, but I am not going to just write it at every opportunity, I am not as good as the author of Xenophilia to be able to bring in sex often but while increasing knowledge or relationships while doing so.
Nice story. Cant wait for the next chapter.
Goes to high end restaurant with a few mares.
Wakes up in hospital with knife wound in chest.
Sounds about like my life...
I was browsing stories when your picture caught my eye. I saw it was by one higerbeach and thought to myself,"Well I'll be damned. Might as well check this out. He did like Love Is Like Gravity after all."
And I'm glad I did.
Dat song.
Well played sir.
No pun intended.
1989293 glad to hear you liked it, I plan to have music at various points to reflect something similar to what is going on music wise in the story (there are exceptions where I intentionally leave out music). Enjoy the read!
1991093
Linkin Park, One Republic, my God, you have great taste in music. I suggest you incorperate Awake and Alive by Skillet at some point in the future. As for your story, increadible, however puncuation errors are killing it a little for me. I suggest a proof-reader. Aside from that, awsome story. I have a friend who was addicted once. He got a girl pregnat, droped out of highschool, and left his family. He has repaired his relationships, quit, and now is a father with a steady job. With that story, this chapter hit it pretty hard in me. I am thoruoghly captivated by this story. Good job, and keep it up.
1991696 I actually do have an editor, We will go over this story to find these errors and fix them. if you want PM me the errors or reply here with them and I will fix them, as for that song It would actually fit perfectly with a scene I recently made, but I am unsure if I can work it in. however, there will be some low points (read: the darkest thing I have ever written that I will put some serious warning on) and trust me, I will try and hold that attention as best as I can. Thank you for the comment and support though, keep up the good work yourself!
1991708
The nite is darkest just before the dawn. And I'm glad that I could be of help.
^^^ Feel free to use that if you want. Chapter 4 of my story will be out soon (as in today or tommarow), just thought I would let you know.
When is the next chapter ???
1992357 well first I need to get my editor's words in on the chapter and what needs to get fixed, after that well, It will go up relatively soon, until I get the list of edits I need to get the next chapter won't come out. Then again, I am not pushing my editor (Deadpony) to do anything quickly. Judging by the amount I had to edit this chapter (including timeline mess ups) I need to wait for that
1992381 k :) looking forward to the new chap :)
The story heats up now.
Reality check please...
man. oh man oh man oh man.
the emotion in this, single chapter, was just that awesome. 
totally looking forward for the next chapter! but do take your time, this is really really great. 
Shit man. You really got me into this story. Keep up with the amazing work.
1994020>>1994050
I have said it once I will say it again, I have actually written more then twice what you are able to read. Just need to discuss with my editor the errors in the next chapter then that comes out. Sadly the next two chapters after that are short so they are coming out together... and the two after that need to come out together as well... Oh well, C'est la vie. Just don't worry about the story running out of steam soon. At the rate I am writing, we got a long way to go before I make this marked as complete. I am literally brimming with ideas. I am still writing even more as I think of ways to move the story along. But I will always have time to respond to my readers!
As a fellow author I wish to give you my two cents.
First and foremost, avoid describing things as "amazing" or "the best". I would go as far as to say that you should never use hyperbole (note the pun). It puts a roadblock in the middle of your sentence that shows how your inexperience (for we all do not have experience here, but we can fool readers)
Secondly: please do not state an aspect of the character. The author should not, in my opinion, tell the audience the characters personality, but show it. For example, you have the main dude become lost in his music, then you say "I get lost in my music when I play". The audience noticed that.
I hope this helps
1995594 Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment like this. I will take these into consideration in the future and more then likely come back and edit such things in the story. I appreciate the time you took to leave this comment, again, thank you.
I hate it when I miss perhaps the biggest error I can make in probably the best scene in this story, I made a mistake during Sam's tirade. His mother died before this whole series of events started, and his stiep-mother... yeah. let's just say I made a big mistake in this chapter. Sucks, I had a good tirade going...
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2001139 hmmm. the legendary fic reader High_Wind has appeared, now where are my master balls....
I'll be honest, I'm slightly disappointed that there isn't going to be some competition between Vinyl and Octavia for him. It would've been fun.
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It's moments like this that make me wish I could up-vote more than once
2001152
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Amazing! please continue this amazing story!
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My mask is my only protection for the world from the thoughts and feelings that that gnaw and swirl within.
please put ths song in somewhere!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOYOSwUk_kU
I found one errof. The chapter ended.
2014557 amen brother(sorry if i offended anyone with that comment). this story is awesome. "you needs to makes us more chapters! we needs to reads more of yours story"- say quotes in a smeagol voice-
2035330 well, to quote the word count section on my user page...
I just need edits done. I am also working on a Princess Luna one shot which I plan to publish after getting a pre-reader for it. Expect stuff done soon!
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I dont know if somone has mentioned this or not, but you keep switching from 2nd person to first in certain places within 'What a trip!'. The more you know.
2039698 Thank you for this. I only recently got an editor so I need to go back over these, just been busy, well, writing ^^;