- Member Since 10th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen Nov 1st, 2023
Lyruil
I might be done here. But writing will always continue
Lyruil
Joined 10th Jan, 2016 ·
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Lyruil · 22k words · 29 6 · 576 views
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What did the ancestors of this guy do? did this guys great-great-great-great grandfather fornicated with a witch and then got cursed along with all of his descendants? Because I cannot find any other explanation for this guys terrible luck.
I wish I could say that is the worst thing that will happen, but there's a reason that this story has the dark tag
When will the next update come out? I can wait for it, it's just some of the stories I've read won't update for like a year or something.
6839729 I should have it out by the end of the weekend. I just need to finish it up and most likely proofread and revise it a couple time so it says what I want it to.
If the equestrians are screening applicants to go to equestria via invading people's minds, are the earth governments doing something similar? It seems ridiculous that a country would let alien beings do this to its citizens.
6842600 I only image Celestia and Luna would do it only if they had to. Also the applicants would be made aware of the possibility, so it would be of their own volition. Whether they listened or not is another thing entirely.
It seems to me that you're going to put Vinyl and Octavia with Andrew in this fic. Any chance of getting Luna in there?
6842610 Are humans doing it to the equestrians traveling to earth?
6842817 i might do a one shot with her, but this story is primarily Vinyl and Octavia
6842849 I imagine we'd use the best lie detectors we could, but magic is still the best way to show the truth. Honestly, I'm mainly focusing on Equestria so I haven't given much thought to what would be going on on Earth.
woo fleeting flames reference i dont know the other one with chris
6849535 Chris is from Lyra's Confession and Bon Bon's Acceptance by Pusspuss. Go check it out it's a good read.
wow is great keep the work up
has promise to it, felt the whole lighting scene was just a little too quick/short in the description department but passable, a few spelling mistakes here and there but not bad for a starting chapter0
6880460 Thanks man, this is my first time writing a Mlp fic so I'm still trying to find my groove for making a good chapter. Hopefully by chapter 5/6 I should have the swing of thing. Thanks for the support and I hope you keep reading.
Super sad back story, Is very attractive, knows martial arts, Graduated college at 19 and Luna cries upon learning about his past. I want to like your story but your character is just oozing Gary Stuness. Upon reading his past I wanted to stop reading, if you want him to have a sad past that's fine just don't have it be the first thing people read when they start the story, it's kind of a turnoff. In school I remember girls who would lie and say they were abused or raped or they had really bad stuff happen to them, in the middle of class not whispering or trying be discreet just talking so other people would hear and feel sorry for them or "say omi gosh no way! " They enjoyed the attention. People who have gone through traumatic things like that aren't open about that shit with random strangers. So him telling us about his sad past right at the start makes it feel less serious.
But Seriously I'm not trying to be mean or discourage you from writing I'm just trying to give you some tips.
6880879 As I've mentioned in the author's notes, I need an editor. Someone who can help me recognize and avoid when I'm giving too much to fast. Thanks for the tips. I plan on going back and rewriting the first couple chapters once I get further along to improve the story quality.
keep it up is great.
6937668 I'm not quite sure how to respond to that???
Okay. I just read the rewritten chapters. I am curious as to when exactly during the show is this set? Is it after the show is over? Are there any seasons/episodes you are not going to take into account? In any case, I will be keeping track of this story. One thing though:
passed
There may have been other errors but this is the one that bothered me the most for some odd reason.
7022088 Hey thanks for the input. This is an alternate universe so there will be some parallels to the events in the show, but the longer the story goes the more off canon it will get. I still keep apprised of the show and will most likely make reference to events that I enjoyed. However since this story doesn't include the mane 6 primarily, there will be very little reference to actual show except it's past the events of season 5. FYI Equestria girls never happened.
More of dis pls
so glad to keep this in my tracking. This is moving something i can look forward to.
Please post next chapter as soon as possible PLEASE
This pace of this chapter, to me, wasn't a problem at all, because the sequence of events can lead to that outcome. As for the relationship, they should probably concentrate on just being friends (not with benefits) and get to know each other better. I know Andrew knew Vinyl, and he has feeling for her, but he has only known Octavia for a couple of weeks (not including the time he was in a coma). He and Octavia probably need to know each other as friends instead of roomies.
But before he knows for sure that he wants to be more than friends, with either or both of them, he has some other stuff to work out.
Dem Feels
That scares me.
Lovely work...heh I can relate to our hero's story somewhat.
7205214 Ok I'm interested by that. What part?
7205358 It was a while back, an ally of mine... Heh a brother in my opinion...couple of idiots tried to screw with us. I'm a peaceful giant by nature but when they started and actually tried hurting us. I honestly was ready to draw blood. I had my star necklace at the time ready to use like Scorpion's spear only short range. Luckily for all parties involved the teacher decided to miraculously show up and break us up before it got messy. They left my friend alone. But they saw it fit to give me hell until graduation. So I can relate to our hero defending his fam. And to be wary of whom I allow close.
7205396 Wow... Really just wow. I have to say I'm impressed, as you can probably guess this story is entirely fiction. While this is a self insert fic, almost none of the character's backstory relates to my own life. This story was just made to be cool, interesting, something fun that people could read. Though I do like to be dramatic and I have to be careful not to go overboard. I can definitely understand being bullied, as I'm sure every teen guy that admits to liking this fandom can as well. Just know there are people who will listen, even if they're just a friend on the internet.
Stay awesome man, and I hope you enjoy the story.
7205659 you as well....friend. To be honest I really didn't know about being a brony at the time. I was just trying to watch my bro's back. (I really didn't become a full out brony till early 2012.) Granted I saw plenty of comic dubs, fanfics and YouTube content. Wasn't until I traced where they came from that I found where I can call....well refuge. By then I graduated highschool and was well away from most of the idiotic pests that made my life hell. But I'll be watching this story as it progresses. Of that I cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
Still can't tell if bael if good or evil
7258280 If I had to describe his alignment it would most closely be chaotic neutral. He does what he wants, placing his top goal on survival. If he doesn't have to worry about that then he goes for what's fun. FYI fun for him is like this
Not bad. The storyline seems to move a bit quickly and events sometimes lack depth, but still not bad.
And I find some of the grammatical errors hilarious. Especially the discussed instead of disgust mistake.
7259160 And this is why I like feedback... So I can groan and kick myself at stupid mistakes and then correct them.
Please tell me I only did that once.
And yeah I know the pacing is a bit rough, it should be better with the next few chapters.
Who will the sex be between?
7317279 ??? I'm not sure I understand the question/not sure if you're just trolling?
More need more. (Throws computer across room) I need more now.
Great work keep it up!!!!
7317299
Who will screw who.
7323247 The pairing is in the discription. Those are the only characters that will receive clop scenes in this story. There will be more in my other story, as well as the one I have planned to start after I complete this one.
7323584
I know, I was just saying what he meant...
Well, Vinyl x Andrew happened. Will Octavia be getting into the mix? Any plans of showing how Ryan got with the princesses?
7324692 Octavia, yes. Ryan, probably not. He is with Celestia, and while I'll be using him to advance the plot. He will not be focused on very much. If you want more about Ryan. I got inspiration for him from This Magic Moment. Link is in the story description.
Encore, I say!
Really want Octavia in this!
good work
Hey everyone.....
I swear I'm not dead, just been busy and hitting a pretty big damn wall of writer's block... Like "Great Wall of China" big.
I am not, and will not let this story become part of the stack that never gets finished. I just need to sit down and force myself to start writing, after that I run for hours on end, it's just the kick start that's been troublesome at the moment. I hope in the next week or two I can work out a chapter so you guys have more to enjoy, maybe two if I'm lucky... Don't hold me to that last part...
Anyway, I'm hoping to move the story along a bit quicker now that the relationship part has started. I will say I've been really wanting to focus on my other story, but since it's tied to this one and the bridge store I plan to write, I haven't been able to work on that either. My hope is to finish this story at around 100k words, but we'll see how that works out.
Now that the update rant is over... I'm sorry you guys have had to wait for so long, but I hope to make it up to you with more good chapters coming soon(with any luck).
Stay awesome everyone, Lyruil out.