• Member Since 18th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 29th, 2015

Golden Hoof


T
Source

Everypony has a secret; a life-defining aspect that they'll carry with them to their grave. If only I could forget mine...

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 19 )

Where to begin
1. As I was reading this story I kept thinking to myself "I know this from somewhere" and this fic immensely resembles Amnesia: The Dark Descent.
This can be good or bad, as the base of the story is not entirely original.

2. Whether its original or not, this is exceptionally well written. Everything is described in great detail. In sooth, this story is actually very entertaining and fun to read.

3. I would personally like to know more about the character, and to get inside his head. To feel the fear and psychological emotions and reactions the main character is experiencing. I don't meant to sound too critical on this aspect.

Overall, what you have here is really good.
You have an outstanding writing ability, and a good plot so far (even if it's not completely original).
Really looking forward to reading more.

30075 It was meant to be something similar to Amnesia, and at first I was debating whether to mark this as a cross-over. Thank you for enforcing this idea.

Comment posted by deleted Mar 17th, 2013

30476 We'll just have to wait and see :trollestia:

How will he escape that?
Good work, another great chapter!!!

You, are a very experienced writer my dear Golden Hoof. I'm surprised this doesn't have more views. The emotion and dark feel of the story is very captivating. I really enjoy reading this.

Another thing I MUST point out.
Your vocabulary and grammar are outstanding (I mean i saw a couple errors, but you'll find that in every story).
Unlike some other stories on this site, it doesn't "hurt" to read, it's very appealing to the eye.

I am looking forward to seeing more of this. Even if it's not as popular as it should be, you have a loyal reader right here :twilightsmile:

SO glad to see you're still around Golden Hoof, and I really enjoyed this one. Great suspense and awesome detail! It's so perfect.

I like dis! Please, continue, I can't be left guessing how they get out of those catacombs! Oh, and I second Ryuler's idea to throw in a relationship. If you do, though, just keep it light, please.

211639

Actually that was Neoco's idea.

If you see anything wrong in any of the chapters, feel free to pm me. I'm doing my best to get rid of the many errors that have plagued this story for so long now, and I would greatly appreciate it! :twilightsmile:

Hey hey Golden Hoof! It's your temporary editor Ben speaking here! I really love the flashbacks and diary entries! Your story should get more likes than it has. People are just so used to those super-long mega epic featured stories that they are repulsed when they touch anything less than god-level writing. You have my full support! I will keep sending you the edits as long as you keep sending me the chapters! Keep up the good work!:pinkiehappy:

Fascinating... I guess I'm tracking this now. There goes my spare time :pinkiecrazy:

NUUUUUUUU! :flutterrage: Why must such a awesome story be put on hiatus?

689629 Well, currently I'm in the process of re-writing the entire thing from the ground up based on a salty review I received from the Training Grounds Thread. It'll all be worth it in the end, trust me. :raritywink:

Comment posted by Lucefudu deleted Mar 17th, 2013

691608 Ah, now I see... Good. When it is completely re-written, send me a PM. I'll be glad to add it to High Quality Fictions then.

Interesting.

Overall a well detailed first chapter - plenty of setup and initial character development. Hourglass seemes like a callous jerk with a master plan.

A couple of instances of a odd word choice, or a misplaced piece of punctuation

"If, by 'help', you mean carry them up the mountains to the sight of the Needle Forest disappearances; then yeah, I'll believe."

Replace 'sight' with 'site'. Sight refers to visual, site is a location

"I come to you," the stallion said, lowering his head. "In hopes that you will forgive me treachery... In hopes that you will let me forget..."

Context suggests that me should be my.

30551
So how's that rewright coming?

Too bad this never was picked up again in more than five years, this had so much potential to explore interesting topics in a great setting with intriguing characters that seemed perfect for this kind of story.

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