Everypony has a secret; a life-defining aspect that they'll carry with them to their grave. If only I could forget mine...
Chapters (4)
Golden Hoof
Joined 19th Oct, 2011 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- HP Hatecraft · 1.4k words · 796 views
- Golden Hoof · 22k words · 11 0 · 1.5k views
- benxlabs · 9.3k words · 16 1 · 847 views
- benxlabs · 26k words · 26 6 · 956 views
- The Writer's Group · 9.8k words · 18 1 · 1.5k views
Featured In7
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.091 seconds
Total duration
961 users online
1,493,241 hits today, 2,151,698 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Where to begin
1. As I was reading this story I kept thinking to myself "I know this from somewhere" and this fic immensely resembles Amnesia: The Dark Descent.
This can be good or bad, as the base of the story is not entirely original.
2. Whether its original or not, this is exceptionally well written. Everything is described in great detail. In sooth, this story is actually very entertaining and fun to read.
3. I would personally like to know more about the character, and to get inside his head. To feel the fear and psychological emotions and reactions the main character is experiencing. I don't meant to sound too critical on this aspect.
Overall, what you have here is really good.
You have an outstanding writing ability, and a good plot so far (even if it's not completely original).
Really looking forward to reading more.
30075 It was meant to be something similar to Amnesia, and at first I was debating whether to mark this as a cross-over. Thank you for enforcing this idea.
30476 We'll just have to wait and see
How will he escape that?
Good work, another great chapter!!!
You, are a very experienced writer my dear Golden Hoof. I'm surprised this doesn't have more views. The emotion and dark feel of the story is very captivating. I really enjoy reading this.
Another thing I MUST point out.
Your vocabulary and grammar are outstanding (I mean i saw a couple errors, but you'll find that in every story).
Unlike some other stories on this site, it doesn't "hurt" to read, it's very appealing to the eye.
I am looking forward to seeing more of this. Even if it's not as popular as it should be, you have a loyal reader right here
SO glad to see you're still around Golden Hoof, and I really enjoyed this one. Great suspense and awesome detail! It's so perfect.
I like dis! Please, continue, I can't be left guessing how they get out of those catacombs! Oh, and I second Ryuler's idea to throw in a relationship. If you do, though, just keep it light, please.
211639
Actually that was Neoco's idea.
If you see anything wrong in any of the chapters, feel free to pm me. I'm doing my best to get rid of the many errors that have plagued this story for so long now, and I would greatly appreciate it!
Hey hey Golden Hoof! It's your temporary editor Ben speaking here! I really love the flashbacks and diary entries! Your story should get more likes than it has. People are just so used to those super-long mega epic featured stories that they are repulsed when they touch anything less than god-level writing. You have my full support! I will keep sending you the edits as long as you keep sending me the chapters! Keep up the good work!
Fascinating... I guess I'm tracking this now. There goes my spare time
NUUUUUUUU!
Why must such a awesome story be put on hiatus?
689629 Well, currently I'm in the process of re-writing the entire thing from the ground up based on a salty review I received from the Training Grounds Thread. It'll all be worth it in the end, trust me.
691608 Ah, now I see... Good. When it is completely re-written, send me a PM. I'll be glad to add it to High Quality Fictions then.
Interesting.
Overall a well detailed first chapter - plenty of setup and initial character development. Hourglass seemes like a callous jerk with a master plan.
A couple of instances of a odd word choice, or a misplaced piece of punctuation
Replace 'sight' with 'site'. Sight refers to visual, site is a location
Context suggests that me should be my.
30551
So how's that rewright coming?
Too bad this never was picked up again in more than five years, this had so much potential to explore interesting topics in a great setting with intriguing characters that seemed perfect for this kind of story.