• Member Since 6th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 18th, 2015

Sanctae


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'Any sufficiently practical magic is indistinguishable from technology' - Anon

The Summer Sun Celebration has rolled around again and Princess, avatar of ruler of Equestria, is going to Ponyville.

Twilight Sparkle, gifted magitechnist and personal student to Princess, is going out of her mind with worry as she tries to both plan the event and do her best to investigate the threats from the group of ponies known as Dream Valley.

Trixie is just living each day to the next as a streeside performer in the cramped districts of Canterlot and trying to get her life on track.

Whether they realise it or not, they, and the rest of Equestria, are quickly caught up in a spiral of events that will take them all across Equestria's ravaged countryside.

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Cover art is commissioned from the wonderful FoxInShadow who did an absolutely stunning job. Go check out his work.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 70 )

I Declare this fic, INTERESTING!:moustache:

I have a correction to make on the quotation used:

"Any sufficiently analyzed magic is indistinguishable from Science." ~Agatha Heterodyne

As can be seen here: http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20081205

Here we are. My first serious attempt at writing anything of any length. This first chapter is just a prologue so forgive the fact that the plot is waiting nervously in the wings rather than being up on stage. Plot-like things (no, not like that :trixieshiftleft:) start happening real soon and will continue to happen for quite a while afterwards! :twilightblush:

Well, I hope people enjoy this. If, for whatever reason, you are interested in some background on where I'm coming from, why I made some of the formatting choices and what I was trying to convey, and so on (no spoilers or anything, just my idle musings) then I'll probably be putting some things up in my blog section.

When it's not 2am. :derpyderp1:

So, enjoy and let me know what you think!

526101 Actually, it's a reversal of Clarke's Third Law, which states that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarke's_three_laws

I'm pretty sure Arthur C. Clarke was around long before a web comic :twilightsheepish:

526081 Success!

526101 Wow. I used to read Girl Genius several years back and I honestly didn't intentionally take the quote.

526133 I was just going for, as Cesar says, a play on Clarke's Law. The 'Anon' is just me, as I couldn't think of a pony name for Arthur C. Clarke! :twilightsheepish:

Also, wow. you people are quick off the mark :pinkiehappy:

So it's a more serious cyberpunk reiteration of the events of the show? Wit Trixie as the protagonist? Count me in. Interesting stuff so far, and well written to boot. Have a track.

Hmm. I don't recall seeing this idea done quite like this, nor anywhere near to this degree before. And it is Trixie-centric (apparently). A very daring choice. I am intrigued.

A cyberpunk version of Friendship is Magic = intriguing:coolphoto:

"Any sufficiently rigorously defined magic is indistinguishable technology." - Larry Niven.

Well, this has my attention. I've been slogging through stories all day, looking for something new to read. I don't recognized the references, but it's interesting and stars my favorite pony to boot!

I'll be keeping track of this!

Awesome! A cyberpunk MLP fic! :pinkiegasp: :rainbowkiss: :raritystarry:

Can't wait to see where this goes! The descriptions are really vivid too.

Keep it up!

Oh, not again :twilightsheepish: 526390 Y'know guys, I'm starting to think I'm not the first person to think of doing that to Clarke's Law.

Just as a head's up since I see a few people mentioning her :trixieshiftright:

526270, 526274, 526436: The story is going to be split pretty evenly between two principle points of view; Trixie and Twilight. I'm not going to say any more about that, but I thought I should clarify that Trixie will be sharing some of the spotlight. Hopefully that won't disappoint anyone too much :twilightsmile:

There isn't a way to order the character tags to put them in order of who appears most, is there?

526385, 527155, 526346: I'm ridiculously happy that this has gotten a positive response. :yay:

I'm writing in my free evenings and I'm rather slow, but steady. The next chapter should be ready in, oh, let's say a week or two. :rainbowdetermined2:

528496

*Shrug* I can roll with that. Twilight is best pony.

528496
When choosing what character tags to place on a story, think about who are the major focus and who are just supporting characters. It can be annoying for readers to click on a story that has Celestia tagged and she only appears once or twice and doesn't go through any significant character development. If the main six appear but Twilight is the only one with anything significant to do, you might consider just putting in the Twilight tag. You want to be sure that if readers click on your story based on the character selections that they don't leave disappointed.

These are just suggestions and things to think over. Good luck with your writing!

528560
Hmm, I actually agree completely. I did try to pick tags that seemed right...but I'm not entirely sure. It depends on whether people see a tag as meaning that the character features prominently or is explicitly used as the main POV character. :applejackunsure:

You know, I think I'm going to take that advice. The mane 6 and others are hardly inconsequential to the story, but I suppose they will be focused on less.

I've had a think about it and I reckon I'll go minimalist with the tags and only tag Trixie and Twi, as they get preferential treatment. Better to surprise someone with characters they weren't expecting than to disappoint by lacking focus. If it feels wrong or misleading later I can maybe add a character back in.

Thanks for the advice! :pinkiehappy:

Omg... Neuroprancer... Johnny Neighmonic... I love you... :raritystarry: :raritywink: :duck:

Sorry that this update took so long. In my defense I had my annual PhD assessment and my pre-reader got a job. I'll try to be more organised in future.

But yeah, this chapter gave me a little trouble but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Hope you guys enjoy it too and, as always, feedback is appreciated whether it be good or bad.

This is really nice. You're going pretty heavy on the descriptions, but considering what this fic is, that's a very, very good thing.

I'm dying to know how Applejack's quasi-hydroponics works, and how Rainbow Dash has a job in this setting.

I like it. Very vivid descriptions, sometimes bordering on purple but it helps set the atmosphere.

A awesome cyberpunk reinterpretation of the pilot episodes.

I want to see how Appaloosa looks in this cyberpunk world.

I can imagine Ponyville being a clean high-tech metropolis but Canterlot being this dirty, gritty sprawling cyberpunk megacity.

Well worth the wait, and every bit as fascinating -if not more so- as the first chapter. This is some damn good sci-fi, on all counts. The long wait between chapters is a bit disappointing, but, certainly worth it. Your descriptions of futuristic Equestria are vivid and almost alien, and Celestia being an A.I. superstructure makes perfect sense regarding the setting. Does that mean Luna was a flawed prototype, then? I guess we'll find out. Looking forward to seeing Applejack's farm, the nuances of Rarity's boutique, the nature of this world's equivalent of Everfree, and generally Ponyville's nature. Even by the show's Equestria's standards, Ponyville is a podunk sort of town, if not a quickly growing one. And seeing Trixie's POV ties in will certainly be entertaining.

Can't wait for that next chapter, yo.

What struck me with this chapter was the distinct differences in Trixie and Twilight's homes. Trixie's is pretty much like mine, with the bear necessities to get by. Twilight's is so gloriously over the top with automatic lights and other environmental features. It was a nice contrast to how these two characters live and gives me some insight in the characters themselves. I'm very curious as to how these two are going to interact if they come together.

Heh, Spike's now an email client. That just makes me smile for some reason.

In the back of my mind, I'm wondering if this is a future Equestria from the show or if this is a different Equestria altogether. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Lovely work!

618980 :yay:

671107 "The long wait between chapters is a bit disappointing" Yeah, you and me both, my friend, you and me both. For an explanation of why, with bonus musical accompaniment, my blog post is a pretty extensive apology :twilightsheepish: I'm glad you thought it was worth it, though.

670568, 671036 I'm trying to toe the line between going overboard on descriptions while still being immersive. My pre-reader is exceptionally good at this so props to him for toning me down when I get overexcited about a fountain or something.

I'm really pleased that the setting interests people as most of the real fun from writing this is trying to imagine what's changed and inventing all these little pieces of magitech :pinkiehappy: Hopefully I'll cover all the things that people are interested in without just turning this into an encyclopedia.

672528 I'm glad you enjoyed the contrast between them. One of the main reasons I went with a double narrative (apart from the fact I wanted to do something with Trixie in it :trixieshiftright:) was that Twilight, as a protagonist, can have a rather narrowed view of things. Especially early on in the show, and I wanted to have a different perspective on things. Twilight hasn't even brought up that water chits exist, for example. She just doesn't think about it.

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. Next chapter WILL be UP in the next week or two. I promise. For realsies this time. :scootangel:

This is rather interesting. I do like the emotional depth you've given to Trixie and Twilight, and how well they're adjusted to "Neuromancer"ish levels of technology.

Some of the scenery porn could be consolidated a bit. The writing is there, but there's a few places where you're describing the same thing in multiple back-to-back sentences. Although this was more of a complaint in the prologue, so it seems to have cleared up pretty well.

Bravo :trixieshiftright:

It updated!

Great chapter; the last one was good, but this one was simply brilliant. I'm not usually one for purple prose, but your stunningly beautiful descriptions of Canterlot really brought it to life. Love the cyberpunk, especially the nuanced difference in Trixie's and Twilight's descriptions of the city, and the A.I. Celestia, of course. I'm excited to see how you will develop the plot of the first episodes with the universe you've created.

All in all, this was well worth the wait, and is now one of my favourite stories on the site! :pinkiehappy:

675351 Great, thank you! The prologue was a bit...egregious with its scenery, I agree. I'm working on that at that moment and I'm glad you think it's paying off.

675692 :pinkiegasp:

Wow. There are a lot of amazing stories on this site; stories I would happily pay money for if I saw them bound and printed in shop. So for you to say that my story is one of your favourites means a huge amount to me. I hope I don't disappoint.

Also, I never mentioned this last time, but you are firmly in my favourite pony avatars list. Top 5. Love it.

679548

I have a story you might be interested in, if sci-fi tends to float your boat. :twilightblush:

679679 That it does. Would that be 'The End', then? I'll give it a look :twilightsmile:

526101

That is actually a parody of the original quote which is "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." It's one of Clarke's Laws look them up, you will probably like them.

Marked for reading later, i'm lookin forward to this. :heart:

See, I'm not dead! :pinkiegasp: I'd say something about how the next chapter will be faster but if we're honest with ourselves I think we all know where this is going. I'd certainly say it will never be any slower unless I get hit by a bus or something, but real life just keeps interfering with my attempts to go much faster.

Hopefully the pace of updates won't put too many of you off reading my silly little story, and I appreciate your understanding. As I mentioned in my blog, I'm probably going to have a couple of very small side projects going that I can work on when I'm waiting for editing or when I'm just really not in the frame of mind to write good Starworks. Hopefully those will fill the gaps :twilightsmile:

So yeah, chapter 3 (or 2 depending on how you want to look at it.) This is pretty much the last chapter that will borrow so heavily from the pilot. I hope that my take on the pilot is interesting enough so it's not just 'Ugh, another guy retelling the events of the first episode again. Booooring.' As the ending of the chapter hopefully suggests, the adventure tag starts to kick in around about now, so bear with me!

As always, feedback is gratefully accepted and I will, probably tomorrow, have a blog post up about some stuff to do with how I wrote the story, things I wanted to do but left out, things I spent a week staring at and having no idea what to do for etc etc.

Enjoy!


*Clicks trough the site* Oh well, to-read list is almost empty, time to look for new stuff... *click*...*click* mh...sounds promising...*click* i know this already.... *click* that one too ...wait ... what? Starworks in the recently update tab, what the... :pinkiegasp:

827061 I know, right? At this rate the completion of the entire story will signal the end of the world or something.:raritydespair: Act 1 will be done by the next Transit of Venus...

Hope it was worth the wait!

Okay, you hooked me with the Niven/ inverse Clarke quote. Then you reeled me in with the description.

I will read as soon as I get off work.

Oh lawdy.

Chapter ends with terrorists apparently killing -or at least thoroughly maiming- the one thing keeping the world from turning into a ball of ice. I really hope it doesn't take you a thousand years for the next update. Not that it would be a problem, because, uh.... Just keep up the good work you brilliant, magnificent bastard.

827353 Great! Let me know what you think.

827360 You're making me blush :pinkiehappy:

Very nice start, this looks interesting. :twilightsmile::trixieshiftleft:

I am loving this so much. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry Spike, you've been automated and replaced with a computer program. As has Celestia apparently... :moustache::trollestia:

Rather interesting how the simple town of Ponyville has incorporated technology into it and how characters have adapted to it. Even the library wasn't spared.

I wonder how canon Applejack would think of this Applejack wearing protective gear while working on the trees. "Consarnit! Step aside and let me show you how ta buck them trees!" :ajsmug:

I was half surprised that Fluttershy's birds were actually living things. I had half a mind that they would be machines programed to fly around and sing during the day.

"a spike in volume" - I see what you did there...

If the princess is having such difficulty dealing with the intruder, she should look into hiring Pinkie. She already hacked into Twilight's eyepiece!

Also, when Trixie is messing with the viewing crystal, was that a "I, Robot" reference? Stupid earth ponies.

Loving it! Now that the obligatory first episode is over, I await the butchering of canon!

827077
Oh, it was totally worth it. Till now, it is one of the most recognizable storys here on fimfiction :twilightsmile:

However, I try to give some feedback.

Since I'm not a native english speaker i cannot say much about grammar'n stuff. But it sounds quite right to me and its pleasant to read.
The prologue and chapter one feeled a little like China MiƩville light. Which is great. :raritywink: I had a lot of fun reading the description of the
moloch which is now the megapolis of canterlot. While doing so, the words easily drew images into my mind.

However, i actually feel like there is something missing. The little tiny bit that chain you to the reading making your brain fool yourself with "Oh just ooone more page..." over and over again. I wish i could say you what it is but i don't have a clue :twilightblush: Sounds silly, huh? :facehoof:

During some pages (i'm reading on a kindle :twistnerd:) i catched myself skimming over the words since i felt like they're not that important to the actual story and just there to fill some space. But some scenes 'woke me up', as example, while trixie watching the ceremony and calling the princess by that very long name. Or during the events happening to Trixie. This scenes gave me the opportunity to dig into the world and become curious about it. I think these moments deserve it to become a little more manufactured since they just fade to fast.

Jeez, that sounds awful. Please keep in mind that is critique on a quite high level and I absolutly loved the fic. I'm looking forward to read more.
My hoof of approval for this one. :eeyup:


Oh and.... THAT cliffhanger. :flutterrage:

830610 Awesome! Glad you're enjoying it :twilightsmile:

831333 That's progress for you. At least, it's my take on what progress is.

Heh, yeah, I just liked the idea of having parallels to what's happened with modern farming. It's less 'workin down on the farm' and more 'agricultural engineering'. Not sayin' that's a bad thing, mind.

Spike. Heheh. :raritywink:

Honestly, the writing process for Trixie and the TV went something like this: "Ah crap, I need to establish that Trixie is watching the celebration but nothing else is happening that's interesting around that time. Hmm. How about she can't turn the TV on. I think I remember something along those lines happening in...something. Eh, whatever." So yeah. I was maybe 40% sure I was referencing something. :derpyderp2:

832835 Thank you. That's a hell of a compliment. I'm going to have to admit my lack of fantasy cred here, however. I am aware of China Mieville but I've never read any of his work. Most of my bookshelf comes from the hard sci-fi side of things. But from what I'm told about his style, I think I understand what you mean.

I love feedback. I genuinely want to improve and I'm also bad at seeing my own flaws. I know what you mean when you say something's missing. I can feel it when I write, that some pieces just flow and work and when I read them back they just...work. Then other times there's just nothing and they're just words. The trouble I have is that I can get so close to the passage that I can't read it 'fresh' any more; I've done so much editing to it I can't tell if it works any more.

It's interesting that you pick out the Trixie scenes as flowing better as I seem to find them easier to write. I mean, I still edit them around, of course, but I always end up happier with them in the end and I don't know why. Compared to, for example, the Rainbow Dash scene which mechanically works well, does everything it needs to, but it just feels a little dead. Like, as you say, it's just marking time and filling space.

What I am hoping is that it's the difference between writing my own story and trying to rehash someone elses. All the Trixie sections are straight from my head, obviously, whereas Twilight has been following a rather weird version of the pilot. I am hoping that, as I stop trying to force myself to copy the show, the whole thing will loosen up and I won't have so many sections that add nothing. Ah, this is an essay now. I'm going to stop.

Pointing out which sections worked nicely and which you find dull or cause you to lose immersion is incredibly helpful to me, so thanks for the feedback.

And yeah. I was going to add more to the end of that chapter, but then I thought....nah :trollestia:

So Sweet Apple Acres is a hydroponics farm? And the Wonderbolts are cybernetic flyers? Applejack in powered armor? Do want!

And it's pretty awesome to see how you made Luna and Celestia advanced AIs. And your intepretation of Nightmare Moon as a computer virus makes perfect sense.

836202

I remember the introduction of Rainbow Dash. Or, let's say, i remember that i don't remember it. Except the thing about "augmented flyers". Maybe because the mane 6 seem to be a little 'flat' in character. At last to me. Of course you adapted the series behaivor well but... you know :twilightsheepish:

During the beginning scenes, i could imagine how Trixie walks trough the streets. Pulling her caravan trough a canyon of living quarters. Maybe some earth pony watching her from a window, chewing on a straw of artificial hay while thinking about that unicorn who got the nerves to stumble trough an earth pony quarter. He shakes his head and stretches his muscles. A pain, emitted from his neck, flows trough his body. Caused by using the flight frames all day long to fix ... ... ... Oh jeez! I'm babbling. :derpytongue2:

Uhm, ok let's go on to Rainbow Dash...ahem:
So, it's rainbow dash...lookin cool...like rainbow dash always is. I mean, it's rainbow dash, she's obviously the coolest pony. Mh, augmented flyers. Ok, cool. :rainbowhuh:

You maybe noticed a slight difference x3 It seemed that there was more love in Trixie while Rainbow just was "work who had to be done". I'm sure you have pretty ideas for the other chars as well, maybe just let them out, doing a little less editing and see how it turns out? Guess the trick is to find a consensus between canon and own ideas.

Also you could try to get an Pre-Reader/Editor. I would totally do an application for that but sadly, my english is very humbly. I won't be any help. But i know that there are some talented editors arround here who sure can help you to make some major steps forward. Or let's say minor since the stuff you did is already pretty awesome :yay:

Maybe the best is to just ask in #fimfiction.

Oh, oh! If you've never read MiƩville, you totally should give it a try. Especially his work from 2002 to 2005. (Bas-Lag storys) A good first book would be Perdido Street Station :3

844524 I've pretty much set all this stuff up. Now I can start to play with it.

846942 Yeah. I wrote it because 'Herp derp I said I'd do an homage to the pilot episode and by God I'm going to do it :derpytongue2:'.

The issue is that the show spent VERY little time on each of the mane 6 in the pilot episode. If you read the transcripts, they have, like, 5 lines of dialogue, tops. I basically doubled the amount of interaction and it still feels too little.

I should have just had the courage to come up with my own way of doing it. From what I feel and from what people are saying, where I just follow my gut and write what I want to write i.e. Trixie's plot threads, it comes out a lot better.

Well, no spoilers, but the influence from the show will drop fairly sharply soon anyway and from now on I'm just going to write my own story and not be slaved to anything besides my own plot.

I'll be interested on the feedback for the next chapter as that'll be the real test.

I already have a pre-reader, a friend who has been writing fanfiction for a while. He's extremely good for picking up on poor technical writing but tends to leave me to my own devices when it comes to the plot. And really, writing engaging character interaction is my job anyway and it shouldn't be the pre-reader's job to fix that.

I'll look it up, thanks for the reccomendation. :twilightsmile:

851347 Ah, there are like 50 versions of this quote. I should start building a list :pinkiehappy: But yeah, I might have come up with the one in the description in 30 seconds as I suddenly felt like putting a punchy line at the top.

Whoops, took me long enough to get around to this chapter.

Interesting bit with Applebloom being a "cousin", nice hint about the later on one-child policy reveal. Does that mean that Big Mac has gone the same way as Spike (in that he doesn't exist, not that he is a computer program)? Or maybe he is the apple bucking boots. :rainbowlaugh:

I am wondering if the bit with Rose and the ponies in the crowd is a bit of misdirection, and that the cybernetic attack came from a whole other source.

860860 I'll let you off just this once. :raritywink:

"Equestria's Premier Apple Delivery System, Big Mac Boots :eeyup:: Doodo-do-do-doo, I'm bucking it." It has two settings, and only two settings.

"Has Big Mac gone the way of Spike? Is Roseluck all she seems? How important is the number of finch species in Equestria? Find out (or not, who knows :applejackunsure:) in the next thrilling episode of...Starworks :trixieshiftright:" [Insert catchy theme song]

Ooh, this looks very interesting. A cyberpunk Equestria, with TGPT as the protagonist? The world-building's intriguing as well. Nice! :trixieshiftright:

The CelestAI was great, and I like the different perspectives Trixie and Twilight are giving us. Twi's pretty damn privileged, yet she doesn't even see it, while Trixie's... not. And the mention of Ponyville as having "merely" buildings several tens of stories tall... This is not the Equestria we've seen before!

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