There were a few grammatical issues, but overall this story grabbed my attention and i had a real blast reading it.

Most Excellent.

5392418

Thanks for the notice, I'll fix it.

Some more corrections:

"Mmm he does, I won't more."
"Theres platy more where that came from."aquote]

Mmm he does, I want more.
There's plenty more where that came from.

I may have missed some, though.

And like most other people here, I wish for more content!

5396567

Yeah, sometimes my fingers don't like to write. My fingers be hating on words.

Even though they're transformed ponies and maybe not biologically compatible with real humans, USE PROTECTION, KID!

5403393 I do.

It's not a bad story (as shown by it's ratings and views) but there is still a number of grammar errors and/or incorrect use of a word.

Your thoughts were interrupted buy a door opening, you're in Sunsets room.

I don't think we'd buy a door to make it open so it interrupts our thoughts, but I think we'd be interrupted by a door opening yes?

There are a bit more, but it's Christmas Eve (or whichever holiday you celebrate) so I don't want to make you bored on this fine day. Though might I recommend getting a proofreader as a precaution for future chapters and stories? (They DO tend to save stories from possible grammar/punctuation disaster, if they're good proofreaders...)

Marry Christmas Eve/Hearts Warming Eve

Oh god, this is... turning you on, is it?

Of course it is. EVERY guy loves a little lesbo action

5456927

I'm sorry. Don't be mad. Please. Sometimes I'm not a good speller.

5459921

That's a good question. It's usually because of all the stuff the girls can do to him, like say... giving him a make over, or paint his finger nails pink-ish. Something like that. I know it'll be amazing to be at a girls sleep over. But this idea came to me.

Than your fingers

than they lock lips

Than they both start to strip you

than Sunset joins in all the fun

Than she gets back to work, well they both do. Than

Than you finally release,

than slows down as your empty

You need to change than to then in all of these.

Overall review Its pretty good, I did enjoy it.

The ending does seem very sudden, It feels like the party is just getting started and thats the end It feels like it could use a follow up chapter explaining if he ends up in a 3 way relationship with both of them or does he end up with just sunset?

The spelling is a little rough in some places but I have seen worse. Get someone to edit this and polish it up a little and it could be very popular.

5460250

Yeah. Everytime I look at my feed it'll say so and so had added this story to their favorites. It's one of my most popular out of all the ones I've wrote. And btw, the word "Brutal" is what you say if you listen to metal. Metal is like my thing, and my little pony. Heh, I get carried away with that type of music when I write stories. LOL.

well the spelling is hanging out the window, but what the hell, good story

fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/127/1/3/thor_and_mlp_meme_for_fimfic_by_ponpheonix-d64fsvg.jpg

5699872

Whoops. Thanks for that. I hate to say this. But I'm dying right now.

The characters and story were more bland then cut out paper ducks.
The grammar was awful too.

this doesn't seem complete

5784382

It does to me

5979173 Wow no need to be a dick about it. I didnt say I was perfect did I.

Than your fingers start to slow down on the frets as Sunset and Twilight get into a hug, than they lock lips. You freeze as you watch them make out in front of you.

Awww yeah!

Some of the errors aside, this was a good read. I shall fave this and follow you.

This is an alright read but the mane 6 are way out of character. Please try and work on that.

So... where's the second-person tag?

This has completed on it, but after reading it, it seems like there is at least one more chapter in this story. Are you writing any more or is this it for this story?

He must have gotten a lucky rabbit’s foot from angel.

10725967
Fair enough. XD

Though I don't really feel pain from simple feelings. Physical, but due to my mentality that I should be above pain, whenever someone actually has the gall to cause me physical harm and the feeling of pain itself drives me into a mindless beast/berserk state. When like that, you could probably blow my arm off and I wouldn't even be self-aware enough to notice it, much less feel it.

10726303
I feel pain randomly.

10735571
Ah, I'm sorry to hear that.

10735588
It’s ok, it was actually sarcasm, but thx. I was gonna say I feel pain while writing these types of stories as well as looking back at them. Yeah, I’m embarrassed by my own work.

10735593
Oh, I see now. I sometimes don't pick up on sarcasm very well.

10735636
It’s fine