You've been invited to Pinkies sleepover, who the fuck knows why. But Sunset Shimmer's gonna be there, her and the main six are gonna give you a small little gift from her.
A slight error in the summary can go a long way at making someone not read your story. You should fix this real quick: Sunset Simmer eversince.
Anyways onto the review! So at the start the pacing was a little quick but not too quick for me to fall off the story, the hook which is the invitation to the party is a pretty damn good hook because now itching to read the next chapter!
So in the end the first chapter is a good one, it gets the readers attention and makes the reader what will ahppen next. Exactly wat i'm gonna go find out.
(Is it weird that i'm a boy and I want to go to a sleepover were girls would paint my nails and do makeup?)
You should go get yourself an editor. I'm not saying that you're horrible, no! Far from it. I'm just saying that this story could be a notch or two higher than it currently is.
I like it. There are some punctuation errors but its still good.
The one thing that really doesn't make sense is, Why the fuck is a teen aged boy so terrified of the idea of being the only guy at a sleep over with 7 girls, Most guys would sell their soul for an opportunity like that.
A slight error in the summary can go a long way at making someone not read your story. You should fix this real quick: Sunset Simmer eversince.
Anyways onto the review! So at the start the pacing was a little quick but not too quick for me to fall off the story, the hook which is the invitation to the party is a pretty damn good hook because now itching to read the next chapter!
So in the end the first chapter is a good one, it gets the readers attention and makes the reader what will ahppen next. Exactly wat i'm gonna go find out.
(Is it weird that i'm a boy and I want to go to a sleepover were girls would paint my nails and do makeup?)
Okay it is clear you took your time on this one.
Well, this should be fun.
This story rocks. Honestly.
Plus I play guitar and love rock and metal music. What a coincidence!
You should go get yourself an editor. I'm not saying that you're horrible, no! Far from it. I'm just saying that this story could be a notch or two higher than it currently is.
Your story isn't bad but I noticed a minor incorrect use of certain word twice.
I think you meant by instead of buy. Because I'm pretty sure you can't buy a lunch table......right? Right?!
Actually wait, Pinkie is here so that means anything could happen.
Who the fuck has an MP3 Player anymore?
I like it.
There are some punctuation errors but its still good.
The one thing that really doesn't make sense is, Why the fuck is a teen aged boy so terrified of the idea of being the only guy at a sleep over with 7 girls, Most guys would sell their soul for an opportunity like that.
5459921 there is a thing called being shy, but with you being so "perfect" I guess you wouldn't know what it is.
"Nike, just...just don't do what this idiot does."
Let's see who gets the reference.
6247656 capitilize
5403393
Uh me?
5979173
Who popped a squat in your brownie mix?
8334871
LOL
If I was in this situation, I wouldn’t mind going. Also, if this is the 3rd, then where’s the 1st and 2nd?