You've been invited to Pinkies sleepover, who the fuck knows why. But Sunset Shimmer's gonna be there, her and the main six are gonna give you a small little gift from her.
and she takes you dick in her mouth as much as she can. You sream in pleasure, and tilt your head back, teeth clinched and now hissing through
... and she takes your dick in her mouth as much as she can. You scream in pleasure, and tilt your head back, teeth clenched and now hissing through.
Some misspelling here and there, and a misused word. Again, I highly suggest an editor. I'm not saying that you're terrible, I'm just saying that this could be much better.
Keep the efforts up!
Might I add: some sentences here would sound a lot better if you rephrased them.
A quick correction.
... and she takes your dick in her mouth as much as she can. You scream in pleasure, and tilt your head back, teeth clenched and now hissing through.
Some misspelling here and there, and a misused word. Again, I highly suggest an editor. I'm not saying that you're terrible, I'm just saying that this could be much better.
Keep the efforts up!
Might I add: some sentences here would sound a lot better if you rephrased them.
Wow. I never knew that Sunset Shimmer was such a slut. I mean she wants to have sex with this man ALL THE TIME.
Also.
Daryle?
Daryle?!?!
HOW DARE YOU SPELL DARYL DIXON'S NAME WRONG!! DIE IN A HOLE YOU UNHOLY SPAWN OF SATAN!!
I'm just kidding. Great story, love it.
You needs a capital letter
than should be then
This is just out of place and unnecessary
*twirling
That should be do not don't
Of the typos pointed out on this chapter...
I'm surprised no one pointed this one out.
Celestia... The dip-shit narrator is the most oblivious guy on the planet!
Who would have thought that a game of truth or dare would lead to this?