- Member Since 24th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen April 1st
Brony_Headbanger
Metal music, guitars, and model electric trains. Rainbow Dash is best pony!
Brony_Headbanger
Joined 24th Oct, 2014 ·
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Why not have a few more chapters where the game of truth or dare continues. Plenty of possibilities there.
Maaan, go for that sequel. Aside from a few grammar errors, (but who doesn't make those?) This was a pretty great clopfic.
Time to slay...
This deserves a sequel. This was really hot!!
i like it
stayclassy
A clopfic about one of my favorite characters? Dude!
Instant like and fave, my friend.
Maybe a little less of a Marty Stu feel for the next one? "Wow, he sure is amazing at that game. Let's talk more about how cool he is!"
First off, seriously why do I read these things
Now, a couple of moments I wanted to point out.
Were they racing on the Nürburgring or what?
AJ has just gone through with giving a BJ, and the rest of the characters just giggle about it. None of them appear to be even remotely shocked that she actually did that.
God-damn it, I wanna be their friend
Go for the sequel, I'm sure the guy will score with AJ eventually.
6277055
Yeah. Applejack is one of my favorites along with Rarity. AJ and Rarity are the best (And Twilight).
you should go for a sequall it was very good but you need to make it shout out sexuall ceans
This right here is a good story nice job bronyhead banger
Please do a squeal.
Loved it! It must have a sequel!
Sexy sequel!!!
Um...phrasing
I wonder if he's good at that game...
Roll credits
Ah Truth or Dare. Is there anytime where playing that game won't lead to interesting times?
6277220
6280824 Yes, because obviously posting a YouTube video which mostly consists about a guy talking about how awesome his writing is completely refutes this.
The entire first half of this 3 kword fic is talking about how "amazing" and "badass" the character is. Nobody talks like that, especially not the Mane 6. Rainbow Dash, the character who would most closely fit "badass", really would only refer to herself this way. This character is almost literally the definition of the original Mary Sue: a character with no flaws, adored by the opposite sex, continually having their "awesomeness" expressed by the main characters of the original fiction, to the point of being distracting. Count the number of times his ability is pointed out, either narrated or spoken.
But, it's a 3 kword clopfic. I'm not expecting much. I still upvoted it. I was making a suggestion to make the next fic better, not to say how horrible this one is. Constructive criticism is a good way to improve. However, the clop's decent and readable, and that's the most important part.
And that is why you make rules of what you can and can't dare in truth or dare.
6281117 and see this was a main point of the video if you can easily and calmly justify why he is a "Mary sue" you can omit the term from your original comment entirely.
6288601 Which was pretty simply done in the original comment.
Regardless, that video is completely wrong in saying that "Mary Sue" is something stated only by people too "lazy" or "who are dumb critics" to elaborate. It's a term because it's a recognizable trait in a story. Someone should be able to point at a character in a fic, say "this guy reeks of Mary Sue", and not be mocked for their (usually justifiable) opinion.
You switch between present and future tense at random making this hard to read. But I will read it anyway.
Man, all that praise for the main characters gaming skills at the beginning, we haven't even gotten to the sex yet and already they're sucking his dick.
Edit: Jeez , they're still going on about it.
i'm not asking for a sequel i'm begging for one
If you make a sequel, I will not pursue you. I will not come after you... But if you don't make a sequel, I will find you, and I will, make you write a story about people having sexy time.
6525905
Don't worry man. I'll write it. i haven't come up with an idea for it yet. Plus, I need a break from writing stories though since that my brain's fried from my latest story. But yeah, I'll get a buddy to help me out with it, and we'll see how it goes. I'll write it though. Don't worry.
6529262
Good. Thanks for the heads up.
6529376
No prob.
6531773 Will there be a point where moving to the new house affects progress on your fics?
6533132
Not really. I should be able to write fics still. Plus, there's also a balcony in my room too. Which to me is a bonus, cause I can also go full blast on my guitar with my amp.
But yeah, I should be able to write fics still when I move there. But it probably wont be till December or so. But, i'm still in school, so I can't fully live in it yet, since that the school's like way to far away from it. Yes, i'm 17 years old, and I'll be turning 18 this December. So... Yeah.
6534776 Cool
6537332
Yup. I'm not sure that I have a feeling deep down that I'm the youngest writer who writes clop pretty well on here. I dunno. I keep thinking about that a lot for some reason.
6538087 Well you definitely write good clop, there might be some other, younger teens who write clop on here though.
6540939
Probably. But it might be rare to find one though.
6540966 Eeyup
Needs more cowbell.
Nah but you really should go through and edit this. There's a lot missing, and a few of the character lines are OOC.
Rarity doesn't use slang. She would say it properly "You do have a point, darling." and probably add in "I suppose" in front of it. Also there's a very clear tense slip in the line I pointed out.