Along The Dreamscape

Source

It's just another night for Luna, another walk on a white trail of light through a darkness she never managed to decipher. To her, there is only a song of distant voices and the thousands of doorways, leading to the dreams of the ponies she's sworn to protect.
It's just another night for Luna, and another walk along the dreamscape.

Coverart used done by: zolombo

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 7
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Xhoral1865

Xhoral1865 #1 · Oct 6th, 2014 · 1 · ·

I like this, a lot.

aidenmc3

aidenmc3 #2 · Oct 7th, 2014 · 1 · ·

The wording is so amazing. You are an awesome writer!

nodamnbrakes

nodamnbrakes #3 · Oct 7th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Tramper is best everything right now.

Firestar463

Firestar463 #4 · Oct 8th, 2014 · · ·

Very well written. Use of description is beautiful and paints a picture very clearly in the mind of the reader. Honestly, this story deserves far more attention than it has received.

Let's change that. Have a like, favorite, and a mustache

Boldish42

Boldish42 #5 · Oct 9th, 2014 · · ·

It's pretty good, a nice trip through a few dreams. Though I find it a bit odd that luna can help others with their dreams but is afraid of her own. not saying it doesn't work, just struck me as odd.

Bluegrass Brooke

Bluegrass Brooke #6 · Oct 9th, 2014 · 2 · ·

I saw your thread on I Just Want A Comment. Being a slice of life author, I thought it only right I check this out. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised! This was a well written piece, just the right length to convey the message, but short enough to be interesting. You chose a subject that I haven't seen too many authors delve into despite having amazing potential. The way you described her wanderings was stellar. I felt just like I was traveling through the dreams with her, and it was a believable way of explaining her abilities. My favorite little touch was the individualized doors. Having Twilight's nightmares being quiet and sneaky was an excellent choice on your part, it was just like I would imagine Twilight's nightmares to be.

Places for improvement? I found some of the dialogue to be rough, and a little unbelievable in places. It was not so obvious with the little filly, but Fluttershy's scene felt awkward. Example:

“Such heights aren't for me. I can't even leave this spot.”

This dialogue is too formal for fluttershy (I think it's the first sentence that does it for me). Remember that the characters in the show all talk informally except for Luna and possibly Celestia. Switching around that dialogue a tiny bit would help a lot. I would do this throughout expect for the Luna talking to herself scenes.

Other things I noticed? Not much. As I mentioned above, this is a very well written little short. If I were you, I would get rid of the said tags when they aren't necessary (such as with the filly and Luna scene). Other than a few grammar errors, there's not much else that stuck out to me. Great job! I really enjoyed it. Thanks for posting.