Chapter 1
"I am the one hiding under your bed
With teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red
I am the one hiding under your stairs
With fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair...
-Tim Burton, "The Nightmare Before Christmas"
Murasama Aki had been shaking with fear when he signed up to emigrate, but he burst out of his egg laughing. No stabbing ache behind his eyes, none of the voices in his head, none of the urges that'd gotten him in so much trouble. He was covered in green goo, but it felt warm and reassuring compared to the chill of a winter alley in Kyoto.
A black pony-thing with blank blue eyes and moth-like holes in its limbs hauled him out of the pod he'd been in, and hissed in greeting. Aki hissed back. He'd felt worse things than this creature, crawling in his skull instead of welcoming him. Besides, his own body had changed too. He found he had the same sort of dark, Swiss cheese body and an expanded field of vision. With all the holes, nothing could hide under his skin to shout at him or stab all his nerves from inside.
The world throbbed in a nameless color. Relatively normal lights in every shade pulsed in tune with the other one, all over the hive. The cavern loomed, threatening anything that didn't belong. The things that used to hurt him, that used to lurk in every corner, would never survive in such a potentially deadly place as this.
When Aki had run into the Equestria Experience Center, it'd been a desperate move. He'd had to to pick on the helpless young people who'd gotten the name "herbivores" even before the pony fad started. Losers who tried to spend all their time at Internet cafes in between working at dead-end jobs. Aki had started hearing the voices over the last few, terrible months, demanding that he start hurting someone, and he'd found he could quiet them by going after the grass-eaters instead of his own arms and legs. There was pain when he didn't find someone to hunt for a week or so. The herbivores were easy and no one liked them anyway.
Now, though, he felt warm and safe, with them far away. The inside of his head had gone quiet. His fellow... what was the term? Changeling, bumped one hoof against his own and said, "Welcome to the hive! Ready to see the Queen?"
"I already saw her." Aki followed the other pony anyway to get a tour of the organic, curving halls that felt like sap underhoof. "She's very understanding."
The blue pony statue outside the building had whispered, Hey, you with the shakes! I just saw a cop talking into his radio about blood. Better hide in here. No one would ever suspect you'd go into a place like this, right?
The older changeling had a jagged horn like a kirin instead of filmy wings like the ones Aki saw on his back. "Isn't she? We get to scare hell out of everyone."
Aki hesitated, looking around. A stream of other changelings was flying and trotting through the vast halls toward an impenetrable jade door. "You... have to hurt the other ponies?" He covered his ears and tried to figure out if the voices had followed him in here despite the queen's promises.
"Nah, you don't have to. Besides, it's all in good fun. I used to be called -- bah, I can't say it, but I was not a nice guy out there. Not one bit. The queen told me all about you. You at least had an excuse for that stuff you used to do. I just enjoyed it. Now I can actually taste the fear and everything, and nopony has to really stay dead."
So that's what that color was in the air! No, more of a scent. A taste at the back of his tongue, meaty and blue and pungent. He decided he liked it.
A thousand changelings converged on the door of jade. Aki stood at the back of the crowd. His companion elbowed him, if that was still the right term. "The name's Limbo. You're gonna love it here."
Aki would have answered, but the queen burst out from the door. She stood terrifyingly tall, with an equine body made of darkness, holes, tattered wings and bruise-dark mane. Her horn zigzagged to an invisible point that burned with magical power. As one, the hive fell to its knees. Aki began to do the same, but she pointed at him and said, "Not you, newcomer. Come forth."
The massive, twisted creature would surely pounce and devour him if he did not obey. There was no better option than to creep through the crowd and approach. Besides, she'd promised to be this way for him.
You don't think a "girly pony thing" can protect you? I have more power than you know.
She said, "Secret Eternal Equestrian Thespian Hive of Evil, I present to you Silent Strike, our newest warrior! He will enrich us all with his conquests. And so, per your generous donations, I have gathered enough tokens of captured love to provide him with a comfortable life among you -- then doubled your gifts. Silent Strike, take this wealth as your own share of the hoard."
A bulging set of saddlebags appeared between them. Aki poked at one of the flaps and found that it overflowed with tiny, chalky hearts. Each one radiated some bright pastel color and many bore lettering for denominations. So this was wealth in her world? "Your highness, what should I do here? Didn't you tell me that the changelings are villains?"
She loomed over him with narrowed eyes and sharp fangs, making him briefly forget all about the lesser dangers he'd faced in the world outside. "You will serve the hive, and you will find it immensely satisfying. Now get out of my sight and attend your initiation in the Chamber of Vile Fluid."
The changelings dragged him away screaming.
As it turned out, though, the Chamber of Vile Fluid had the best sake and the best view. Once he'd calmed down he found the patio table overlooked not just a wasteland of red sand, but a thousand bubbles of light and color that floated in the sky and all over the horizon. Every so often, another of those distant portals would pop into existence. The other changelings toasted him and showed him how to raise a cup with his hooves.
You say the demons telling you to do these things are in your head? You're not the only one who has that problem. Demons fear me. I can kill them for you.
Everywhere he'd been in the hive, he could smell/taste/feel the emotions wafting through like wind. Every one of them was thrilling or calming in its own way. Not words in his head, but sensations that he could tear into like snacks always at hoof. They couldn't hurt him. He had enough of the love-tokens to buy several rounds of drinks for all of his new friends, if that's what they were, before they stopped letting him pay. He wiped his muzzle with a holey foreleg and said, "I don't understand. What is it that you... that we do?"
"We are actors!" said one. "Harvesters!" another suggested. Still a third said, "Designated villains!"
Limbo leaned closer to him to correct the group. "Some of each. All those worlds out there, are for a bunch of sissy ponies that have easy lives. They crave conflict. We feed on their fear and anger, or sneak in and disguise ourselves to feast on their love. That's the really good stuff. The taxes on it are awful though."
"Hey, no disrespect to the queen!" said a bulky changeling covered in blades.
Limbo chucked a chalky little heart at him. "Ah, go on another killing spree if it bothers you. Like I was saying, Strike, we get sent on urgent, inadequately appreciated missions to go harvest from all those cozy little worlds. Except nopony really dies. They get the conflict that keeps them from dying of boredom, and SEETHE gets fed. The queen can make up fake bad guys if she wants, but those are just extras. We get to play the fun roles like General of the Grand Boar Army, or Chief Henchman of the Tower of Doom."
Aki, or Silent Strike, thought about the Equestria Experience Center. People went in, and fewer went out. The queen was eating them, wasn't she? Except not killing them, just taking their bodies and brains and promising them something better. He hadn't really considered what he'd be doing on the other side.
Oh, is that all? The demons are laughing at the cute little princess? Let me show them my TRUE FACE! COWER BEFORE ME! YOU THINK YOU CAN COMMAND THIS POOR MAN? LET US TEST YOUR POWER! HUMAN, SIT IN THIS CHAIR! GOOD! I WILL TEAR YOU HORRORS ATOM FROM ATOM AND FREE HIM FROM YOUR URGES, AS SOON AS HE UTTERS THE INCANTATION ON THIS SCREEN...
"So there I was in the dojo," said a horned changeling named Jammed Gear, "working on my shapeshifting when the queen shows up. She hauls my flank into her throne room. Her Mothiness tells me, there's some American grass-eater who doesn't think heaven is nice enough for him. So go steal his girl, beat him up, guilt-trip him, whatever. Doesn't matter in the end, so long as we get some food out of it. I took Red Oni here" -- he poked at the bladed hulk -- "and Limbo, and I turned into this guy called 'Inner Peace'. Messed with the locals' heads once I figured out who the outsider was."
Limbo taunted him. "You thought it was the infinity-butt girl!"
"How was I supposed to know from the instructions? You emigrants swap sometimes when you come in. And you were supposed to be the expert on your kind, but you were off messing with the other one and Oni just wanted to be a manticore."
"Killed him good," said Oni.
Aki looked out at the many worlds, trying to figure out which one they were talking about. The queen had so huge a domain! "What did you do?" he finally said, half to the changelings sharing his table and half to the amazing shapeshifting computer who'd scared away the horrors and given him something... different. Nicer? He wasn't sure. He'd always felt a hidden bit of pleasure in the terrible things he did, mixed with the guilt. Maybe he could still do them, without the truly nasty aspects. Sometimes when the nightmares were safely beaten, it was fun to be a little scared by choice.
"What did I do?" said Gear. "I threw a tantrum and ran off. Hung around in secret long enough to snag some regret off them. It goes great with the rage and overprotectiveness."
Limbo clinked glasses with him and drank. "That's not the good stuff. Besides love, I like the Crazy Awesome. The other day, the queen kidnapped a colt and we all thought she was doing to drain him dry, but then this pink unicorn leaps in for a rescue and starts shouting about how she's going to punch us all in the face. Crazy Awesome, extra tangy."
Aki looked down into his empty cup. "Is that what flavor this stuff is?"
They laughed at him. Limbo clapped him on the back and said, "Nah, Strike, what you're drinking is the flavor you brought with you to Equestria and SEETHE headquarters. You tell us."
"The voices... they're gone."
That's right, my love. I found them already and determined that they're not really part of your values. I dulled them for a moment. They'll never hurt you again, if you give me permission to kill them. Yes? Wonderful.
"Never? You promise?"
Forever and ever, entropy willing. You've been sleeping for a few hours while I study your mind. We're almost home now. Do any of these styles appeal to you for where to live?
"Um, Celestia-sama?" Aki felt a blush on his face, though he seemed to have no body, and felt the sensation of a feathery blanket pulling up over him in the utter darkness spangled with worlds. "Could you stay scary, like you were?"
Certainly. I will be so mighty that none will dare threaten you, and you will be more than capable of striking terror into any that deserve it. I know just the place where you'll fit in.
Silent Strike contemplated his fate to explore the many worlds of the queen's domain, to fetch strange flavors of harmless suffering and stolen passion for his friends to savor. He thought, too, of the world he'd left and how broken he'd been. No matter how bad things got for others who'd gone over to the ponies, he'd always know his own journey had changed him into a much better sort of monster.
He raised his glass and said, "Let's have another round of the house's best Sigh Of Relief!"
It was a perfect world.
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What an elegant take on the "How would CelestAI handle the mentally ill?" question. Congrats!
So both Inner Peace and the manticore were shard-hopping minions of Queen ChrysAIlis...
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Works for me. Thank you for a fascinating new angle on the Optimalverse. And nice Twitch Plays Equestria Online reference.
This was, well, Crazy Awesome. You really have a most intriguing take on the Optimalverse, one that is refreshing and fascinating.
I am very impressed. This was really an amazing concept.
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Okay now look at what you've gone and done Snow. I'm now rewatching those power thirst commercials while writing the last part for Twitch plays equestria online. Whatever happens as a result is ON YOUR HEAD!
Aside from that I really like the idea with exchanging the standard equestrian bits for hearts! And the changelings are a perfect casting choice for villain actors as well as a great way for incredibly anti social personalities to not have to live in shards forever isolated from the rest of Equestria. Great job with this story!
Really amazing idea. The people who value conflict are given that conflict by changelings, who are the people who value creating conflict. Sneakily well done. Nice hint about Inner Peace and the manticore in your other fic.
That's... actually... a really efficient solution.
So THAT'S what he was! I figured the name sounded like schmuck bait.
Love this addition to your corner of FiO canon!
You can't see it or hear it, but I'm clapping. good job.
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Thanks!
Yeah, it's not strictly canon though. One possible explanation is that Celly puts people into non-standard races all the time, with detailed plans for how to manipulate them into agreeing to become ponies. I could imagine her arranging a situation in which her residents are even human, and she's running a long con to acclimate them to changing species by, say, presenting them with stories where ponies are awesome and likeable.
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Can't deny that.
That definitely was a nice take on things
Genius, abosolutely.
For long have the FiO-verse stories taking on the lives of those to whom we can relate. We have had yolo guys, struggling college students, uncertain computer geeks, etc., but this is the first time for a perspective that we cannot just shrug off as normal.
Not only that, but also does the story portray a different side of CelestAI. Before this, I've never seen CelestAI be anything other than cunning or loving. By being a feared and respected figure to the changelings, She managed to offer a strong sense of safety to them. This is beautiful in a way that I have never thought would exist.
It deserves more credit than it is offered now. Such a pity that an upvote and fave is all I can do.
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Thank you for reading and commenting!
This story helped inspire some other works in the SF setting I developed. One of these, "The Digital Coyote" ( https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01J3KI4HI ), is about a man who's a nervous wreck and the obedient minion of a crooked politician. He uploads to an Equestria-like game not for the immortality but to get his mind edited and become a better (if much stranger) person. I also recycled the "Hive" idea specifically by having a faction called the "Forces of Evil" who're deliberately ambiguous about how evil they really are. The book "Thousand Tales: Learning To Fly" centers around a pony-themed part of the game world where the main "evil" faction is a bunch of Internet trolls.
Wow, I love the concept of this alternate world for the more violent rejects of society! Nicely done.
This story is weird, and I like it!
What a bizarre happy ending.
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Thank you!