- Member Since 18th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 12th, 2021
Wolke Eisensturm
I speak for myself, and nopony else.
Wolke Eisensturm
Joined 18th Oct, 2012 ·
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You had my attention for all of five seconds. I give it a healthy three out of ten.
So... he decides to pretend to be an animal, afraid of getting in trouble with the people who had him in a hospital and fed him as a show of good will? I'm sorry, suspension of disbelief? Broken.
The no talking thing is really making this hard to read. Just the idea that he's only tried once and even then he stopped himself takes a great deal from his earlier demonstrations of intelligence.
One other thing is the fact that he was still wearing his pants. Clothing we know is a thing in Equestria, so why the inability to identify such a simple item as a sign of intelligence?
Don't like it, don't read it.
you know... i like this story, though there are a few small things that bug me, but there are always those.
though he is obviously taking a careful approach to this i cant help but feel that he should have started talking (or at least trying to show his intelligence)
at the moment i'm giving this a 5 out of 5, and one can only improve upon that which needs improvement
I like the story, but, I reckon he should speak or say something in the next chapter, please.
4924989
With a sledgehammer
4925358 I don't think you get it.
If we were going THIS STORY SUX LOLOLOL GET REKT NUB then I could understand that attitude. I can't speak for others, but I gave your story a look in chapter 1, saw some cliches but it was well written, so I kept going. In chapter 2, more of the same, but less cliches. Then in chapter 3 you made an error that ruined the experience, so I gave you constructive criticism about that.
My apologies for my last statement.
I was merely saying that if anyone has a problem or dislikes my type of writing style, then they don't have to continue reading. My English is not truly the best, so translation is a bit short, simple, and curt. And with a high school friend helping with more structure, it's all I may do.
Give thy creator a slack, colts and fillies, what he says is true, he writes because he's trying to entertain people like us. There are always people who do not enjoy these stories but there are those who enjoy them(me included). Wolke you should listen to the "critics" but not the "haters" and learn how you can improve. What matters most is that you enjoy doing this and that thee have those who enjoy thy stories :) Brony on~
I like where this is going so far, can't wait for more keep up the good work
4928232
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In response to our characters chapter ending question: A friendly one you idiot! The phrase 'It's just scared' immediately evokes the idea of friendly beings who DO NOT WANT to hurt you.
Honestly the main character has acted pretty darn dumb so far but other than that I like it and Best Pony
has been written very well so far. I look forward to the next chapter.
Well written, though I have to agree with Europa. While him being mute does make the story more interesting, the reason for him being mute is rather flimsy. Perhaps you can remedy this in chapter 4; I look forward to it.
For fuck's sake, you RECOGNIZED that they were regarding you as a frightened animal, WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TALK!?!?!?
For a Straight-A student, how is he so damn stupid?
I'll chalk it up to Cosmic Lightning frying part of his brain.
Great to have a chapter up. Looking forward for more chapters .
Ok one thing its telekinesis not telepathy telepathy is the ablity to read minds not move objects
Noted. Edited. Thank you for pointing that out.
4944961 You are in a strange world with a bunch of creatures whom you know nothing about, they aren't human and have complete power over you and have already displayed a willingness to lock you in a cage not caring about your comfort. That is while they think you are a "beast". You are also separated form your family and to your knowledge it is permanent.
Honestly i find his kind of reaction far more realistic then the usual "Oh hey talking magic horse lets be friends because this cannot possibly go wrong!"
5028324 If he talks; they are far less likely to kill him as a potential dangerous animal, or leave him in a cage like an attraction at a zoo.
If he doesn't talk; all that does is make them less likely to trust him, and thus be courteous towards him, when they inevitably find out. Yes he would figure out more information about them, but it also increases the chances of them misunderstanding his intentions and it all going to hell.
And someone finally understands it. Thank you, I've really been trying to create an actual story, not just some mindless one-shot with little plot or story.
T-this is beautiful!
At least he didn't let Celestia walk all over him in that interrogation. But seriously fuck her bitchass guards. They started this by immediately throwing up their spears. They wanted to kick his ass from the very beginning.
5023441 You know you need to hit the reply button, or otherwise whoever you're talking to (Big hint: There's a your/you're mistake in there. edit:Of course, I could always be thinking of another story. They're starting to blend together at this point.) won't receive the message.
5058571 Understood. Still a bit new to this site.
I saw that a new chapter had been posted, and when I try to read it I need a password... Is the chapter not proofread yet?
After that little stunt Celestia would lose all cooperation from me. Who ever authorized that mind fuckery, probably Celestia, would have given me every reason to now see them as enemies and nothing more.
And after they had built up all that trust, however little of it, and then tossed it right out the window with that one act.
Now what I would find truly interesting would be if our little psycho had dones this of her own accord.
If the animal attempts anything, I will awaken and be ready to defend myself.
There are a few other ways to phrase this, but I think this is closest to what you intended.
There were probably other errors, including in the first two chapters, but I didn't spot any on first pass.
Either you're going for some interesting symbolism, or you've got a translation error. Celestial bodies are not usually referred to as awake or asleep.
I would recommend completely rephrasing this sentence to something like, "It was night-time, a full moon hung high in the sky, shining down on the little stone fixture." (or low in the sky; it's up to you)
Now that I've read the fifth chapter, I can comment more than just grammar.
Maverick was acting illogically during parts of his arrival, but I forgive that because humans aren't perfectly logical creatures. Canon characters have acted broadly within character, although I do wonder whether Equestria Girls fits in your canon, since that would give Twilight a basic but somewhat flawed perspective on Maverick as a creature.
Overall, I like where this is headed; keep it up, but consider getting an editor and/or proof reader.
I hope the surgery goes well
I can see this blowing up on the ponys. they have a lot of unknowns about him. If his powers tern out to be devastating, he wood be a prime candidate for one of the villeins to use him, if they can git him on there side. On the good side, they are not cutting him open to see how he works so keep up the good job you are doing on this story. I hope to see a new chapter and I hope your operation go's well.
Dragonfox
poor bastard!
POOR BASTARD!
. . . more please
Another human is being dominated by ponies story. -,-
Unless his powers will help him greatly.
This is fun.
That's right, Silver Star, torment the young, scared, extra-planetary creature with unknown, uncontrolled power coursing through him. That can't backfire at ALL!
5100049 Why are you every where i go man
5125459 Because i read almost 1000 fic story.
So great.*
no kidding, you will meet a stupid kid just see alot comment.
Like...(I forgot his stupid name) *
This is good. keep it up.
Jesus Christ. Talk about drastic. Hope you get better soon and I really enjoy this story, so keep it up.
Peace!
Loving the story keep up the good work, hope you get better soon too I can't even imagine having surgery like that
.
this is genius.
Fuck 'All Saints Day'. The true holiday 'Halloween' has nothing to do with the Church, outside of it's perversion of the celebration.
5212607 I was just celebrating of my own heritage, thank you very much. Our history may not be the cleanest, but we Germans are still a very proud people, and I will continue to celebrate our traditional holidays and events. Good day, sir.
5212657 You too. Sorry for ranting. Fuck 'All Saints Day' and every Christian who destroyed cultural and religious traditions of another. (So it's perfectly clear, I'm not begrudging or cursing you for celebrating your holiday your way.)
I celebrate it as All Hallows Eve.
But I'm 5/8 Irish.