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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You had my attention for all of five seconds. I give it a healthy three out of ten.
So... he decides to pretend to be an animal, afraid of getting in trouble with the people who had him in a hospital and fed him as a show of good will? I'm sorry, suspension of disbelief? Broken.
The no talking thing is really making this hard to read. Just the idea that he's only tried once and even then he stopped himself takes a great deal from his earlier demonstrations of intelligence.
One other thing is the fact that he was still wearing his pants. Clothing we know is a thing in Equestria, so why the inability to identify such a simple item as a sign of intelligence?
Don't like it, don't read it.
you know... i like this story, though there are a few small things that bug me, but there are always those.
though he is obviously taking a careful approach to this i cant help but feel that he should have started talking (or at least trying to show his intelligence)
at the moment i'm giving this a 5 out of 5, and one can only improve upon that which needs improvement
I like the story, but, I reckon he should speak or say something in the next chapter, please.
4924989
With a sledgehammer
4925358 I don't think you get it.
If we were going THIS STORY SUX LOLOLOL GET REKT NUB then I could understand that attitude. I can't speak for others, but I gave your story a look in chapter 1, saw some cliches but it was well written, so I kept going. In chapter 2, more of the same, but less cliches. Then in chapter 3 you made an error that ruined the experience, so I gave you constructive criticism about that.
My apologies for my last statement.
I was merely saying that if anyone has a problem or dislikes my type of writing style, then they don't have to continue reading. My English is not truly the best, so translation is a bit short, simple, and curt. And with a high school friend helping with more structure, it's all I may do.
Give thy creator a slack, colts and fillies, what he says is true, he writes because he's trying to entertain people like us. There are always people who do not enjoy these stories but there are those who enjoy them(me included). Wolke you should listen to the "critics" but not the "haters" and learn how you can improve. What matters most is that you enjoy doing this and that thee have those who enjoy thy stories :) Brony on~
I like where this is going so far, can't wait for more keep up the good work
4928232
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Honestly the main character has acted pretty darn dumb so far but other than that I like it and Best Pony has been written very well so far. I look forward to the next chapter.
Well written, though I have to agree with Europa. While him being mute does make the story more interesting, the reason for him being mute is rather flimsy. Perhaps you can remedy this in chapter 4; I look forward to it.
For a Straight-A student, how is he so damn stupid?
I'll chalk it up to Cosmic Lightning frying part of his brain.
4944961 You are in a strange world with a bunch of creatures whom you know nothing about, they aren't human and have complete power over you and have already displayed a willingness to lock you in a cage not caring about your comfort. That is while they think you are a "beast". You are also separated form your family and to your knowledge it is permanent.
Honestly i find his kind of reaction far more realistic then the usual "Oh hey talking magic horse lets be friends because this cannot possibly go wrong!"
If the animal attempts anything, I will awaken and be ready to defend myself.
There are a few other ways to phrase this, but I think this is closest to what you intended.
There were probably other errors, including in the first two chapters, but I didn't spot any on first pass.
I think those crystals are doing something to his mind. How much longer can he play the role of "dumb animal" before he slips?
I lov the dumb animal role UR putting in I wonder what twi will think when she finds out XD also good book so far I'm curious about the crystles well magic :)