Discord's Diary

by 007Delta

10 Months Late to Dinner

Where am I?

...

Am I dead?

All I see is darkness... An impenetrable void of black. There is no light in this abyss... no reprieve from this tenebrous nightmare...

And it's all I've known for what might as well be eons. Oh, I should have listened to Celestia when she first gave me those warnings, but I had to be all stubborn and get on her bad side for the third time. Oh how much woe and pain my stupid little journal has gotten me into, so much wasted energy on causing mindless mischief to ponies who didn't even deserve to have their days disrupted...

And what of Fluttershy? For all I know, centuries could have gone by, and she will have aged and passed, along with her children's children... All I will have when I return... If I return... Are the Alicorns, and I don't even think I could face them after this...

I almost don't remember why I was punished in the first place, but if memory serves right, I tried to bring Hearth's Warming a little early... and after decorating Ponyville in a festive layer of cheer, I got a little carried away and decided to decorate Canterlot as well. One thing lead to another, and I was on my way to move that pesky sun out of the way so that Equestria could stay my little snowball for just a little while longer...

And then... Blackness.

What a fool this old Draconeqqus has been. If anyone can hear me, I just want to say... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, honest... Something inside me just took over... and I couldn't stop myself.

What's funny, is I can almost hear Fluttershy scolding me in my head.

"How could you have even thought of doing such a thing?"

Yeah, that sounds about right, and she'd probably say something like: "Don't you know how badly that affects everypony? And what about all the poor little animals that are freezing out there in the snow?"

Yeah, I can almost hear her meek little voice, just upon the edge of the blackness.

"So then me and the girls followed Dash to her house and had a long stern talk about letting go, right Dashie?"

What?

"Y-yeah,"

Was that... Rainbow Dash? Am I finally losing a grip on my conscious?

"Well I think that's a wonderful lesson to have learned, Rainbow Dash. And hey, what's wrong with a little early snow?" Said a voice that sounded awfully like a hypocritical Celestia... "I'm sure the town enjoyed the few days of snowfall,"

"Well I'd take a few days of snow over that nightmare Discord tried unleashing," said a voice that sounded a lot like Twilight's. "I was having headaches every other day with him and his stupid journal. Now I can go to sleep and not have to worry about a disaster somewhere in Equestria,"

"Hey, C'mon Twilight he's right there, I know that you have a little bit of bad blood, but please show him a little respect... If you don't mind"

"As a matter of fact, I do mind, Flutershy. He was a catastrophe everywhere he went, and I don't care if his statue is right there!"

Statue?! Again? Well isn't this a delight. They couldn't think of a different punishment for once? I wouldn't mind seeing the moon this time of year, hell, Tartarus sounds like a welcome change of pace.

There was a small silence that befell the table after Twilight's remark, only to be broken by Rarity a few moments later.

"I know he caused so much mayhem, but I think you are being a little extreme, darling." Rarity took a small swig of her wine. "I mean this was 10 months ago darling, you don't even talk about Tirek this way anymore."

"Tirek happened one time. Chrysalis happened one time. Sombra at the most, happened one and a half times. But Discord... This is his fourth time. Once with Celestia in the past, once when he came back, once when he forgot who's side he was on, and now he gets to serve a sentence for his latest crime."

"Twilight," said Celestia's comforting voice. "He was disturbing the peace at the very most. I could have easily moved the sun back to wherever he wanted to put it,"

"That's not the point! He's defacing the peaceful name we have as ponies! What would the Griffins think, or the Yaks, both of whom rely on our responsible use of the sun? He disturbed may citizens of many nations, and should be punished as such,"

"Oh come on Twi, it was missing for an hour and a half, tops," said Dash's voice.

"That is not the point. We have to curb his behavior, otherwise he will continue to get worse and worse! The last thing we need is Discord swearing allegiance to the next villain to escape Tartarus!" There was a thump, as Twilight fell back into her chair. "So I took upon myself to do something."

"Okay now you're just being downright mean, Sugarcube!"

"Oh Applejack, I'm sorry, did you have to travel across Equestria to fix every mess that Draconeqqus left across the land? I spent months alone repairing the bad name Discord left in Las Pegasus and righting the wrongful disdain for the Exgalloper. Or what about the pregnancy disaster that hit the Crystal Empire, huh? Do you have any idea how much afterbirth I've seen? Almost more than the amount of marital crises I'd been tasked with solving! And I'm willing to bet that Braeburn's disappearance has something to do with Discord as well!"

"Hey, don't you bring my family into this, Twilight Sparkle! This is about you!"

"You're right," said Twilight cooly. "It is about me, and that's why my decision remains. I froze him in the statue, it's in there he will stay,"

There was a second silence, before a different voice broke the void.

"Uhh... Shining and I are going to step outside until you figure this out... See ya later, Celly,"

"Good to see my brother, Captain of the Royal Guard, flees at the sight of an argument,"

"Have a good night everyone," said Cadence's unabashed voice.

Rarity let her head sink into her hooves. "Goodness, I got all dressed up just so I can sit through a shouting match. What's worse is that I think the staff is too afraid to kick us out,"

"Out," Twilight rolled the word over her tongue. "That reminds me, Celestia,"

The room fell silent as Twilights words filled the air. "Why would you let him out in the first place? What good could 'reforming' him ever do?"

Celestia paused. "I-I figured it was a good idea to befriend him, in case he ever managed to break free again,"

I could feel as Twilights gaze narrowed as she stare into Celestia's. "You're lying."

"Excuse me?"

The air hung heavy as Twilight spoke.

"Discord broke free from a museum out in the open, here in Ponyville. Are you telling me you left him in a public place, so if he ever broke out, he could wreak havoc without you knowing?"

Celestia remained silent and calm, but there was something sinister just behind her eyes, building with every brash word from Twilight.

"Are you telling me that you didn't think banishing the statue was a safer idea? Or even chaining it down in Tartarus?"

Everyone's gaze shifted to Celestia, who wore a stoic face.

"Well, Celestia?" Demanded Twilight.

Celestia's face hardened, as her voice lowered to an angry whisper.

"Do you have any idea what thousands of years of peacetime will do to you? I've been on this earth for far longer than I'd ever want to, and all of the time that passes seems to melt into itself. It's days like Discord attempting to usurp me, or Tirek rising from the underworld that keep me from losing my mind with every minute that passes. When you begin to count years like I have Twilight, you too will understand. But for now, as small as your perception of time is, I urge you to think of the low threat Discord poses,"

Celestia's eyes stared daggers into Twilight's bloodless face, who was now cowering in her seat.

"We have defeated him three times before. Do you really think he is capable of beating us now? Not only that, he has emotional ties. He won't upset Fluttershy again, especially after the trauma he put her through with his betrayal. He may be random and hard to predict, but he does not lack a soul!"

Celestia's voice was slowly rising from a whisper into a low yell.

"Finally, as much structural and marital damage he has done, not once has there been a casualty from his stunts, classifying them as no more than pranks brought on by his nature. As much as I respect the power of your decisions as princess, but this time I'm afraid I'm going to have to veto. Now Twilight, would you like to swallow your pride and free him yourself, or shall I?"

The entire table looked as if there was a weight lifted from their shoulders, save for Twilight of course, who's face seemed devoid of all the bravado it had just a few minutes ago.

Slowly, Celestia strode to the statute of Discord, before her horn lit with a powerful orange.

---

"Wow Sunbutt, you got fat,"

The table was silent as Discord chomped loudly on a large fruit salad.

"Your butt is definitely larger. Wider... firm... still very graspable if might say,"

No response from any of the mouths at the table, except for a slight look of disapproval from Luna, and a smirk from Celestia.

"Rarity, your mascara is just slightly askew, and the dark circles under Applejack's eyes have deepened exponentially."

The two looked at him with mild offense.

"Fluttershy, you look absolutely delightful!"

"Thank you, Discord,"

The Draconeqqus popped a large apple into his mouth. "Twilight, you look like someone kidnapped Spike! There's no need to be afraid of me Twily, I'm not mad about what you did,"

There was no response from Twilight.

"I mean you were only acting logical. I should have decorated Canterlot first, by prioritizing Ponyville over the capital, I had declared my utter disrespect for Sunbutt and everything she stands for, and such a public display of defamation should have been punished to the full extent of Equestrian law, isn't that right Celestia?"

Everyone looked to the princess of the sun, who was smiling contentedly. "Most definitely Discord, and if you ever disrespect my authority again, I will make you play 300 games of Monopony with Luna,"

"Monopony? Luna? Both of those things are repetitive and boring, how could you even think of putting them together?"

Luna shot her irritated look at Celestia.

Suddenly, Rarity stood up from the table. "With all due respect princesses, I have several large orders to fill and one sewing machine to do it on, so i'll have to bid you adieu,"

"Uh, Ah think Ah'm gonna go help Rarity with the dresses,"

Discord turned towards Applejack in astonishment. "I thought you hated all of that sewing business?"

"Oh, uh... Yeah, I guess I do, but Rare's needs mah help,"

"Me three!" said Rainbow Dash jumping out of her seat.

"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna help!" said Pinkie, following Dash.

There was a silence after the double doors of the restaurant closed, broken by Luna.

"It is well into sunset, and I must bring forth the night. I will see you at the castle, Celly,"

Luna stood up and began walking towards the door. "Twilight, would you like to come with me?"

Twilight gave a slow nod, before sliding off her chair.

Celestia returned to her salad as the table cleared out, dumping a generous amount of dressing over the dish.

"Hey Discord," said Celestia, waiting for the door of the restaurant to close. "I'd like to apologize on behalf of Twilight and Myself, I shouldn't have let her freeze you for something so... petty."

"Well, I accept your apology Celestia, and I myself would like to apologize to Fluttershy for missing the last 43 Tuesday brunches, I really wanted to show up, but I was a little... Busy,"

"It's okay Discord, I forgive you,"

Celestia gave a small smile. "Anyhow Discord, there is one last piece of business to attend to."

"Oh? And what is that?"

"Remember that diary I had you stop writing?"

Discord stopped mid bite. "I may remember that old ditty of mine... Why?"

Celestia produced a copy of the yellow book from under the table. "I'll be expecting another update on Tuesday,"

Discord gave a sly smile. "Oh this rusty quill of mine has been aching to write since I hopped out of that marble,"

"Good. I've been rather bored without it,"

"Oh I can't wait to let everypony know that the story is off hiatus! What with the episodes not coming out for awhile now and rumors of the show not doing so well as of late and the author hitting a rough patch of writer's bl--"

"Shh, we're not supposed to talk about all that,"

Discord gave a small chuckle. "Of course, of course. See? Look how long it's been since I've written anything. I had to resort to the fourth wall for some stale humor."

Celestia took a sip of her wine. "Oh yeah, and don't make anymore riding crop jokes. That's getting old too,"

"Thanks for the tip, Sunbutt!" Discord stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me Fluttershy, I need to start planning my next escapade that isn't a spinoff."

And with that "Wizard of What" reference, Discord snapped his fingers, leaving a slightly cliched taste in the reader's mouth.

Celestia finished off the last bite of her salad, as Fluttershy's soft voice broke the air.

"Hey princess?"

"Yes Fluttershy?"

"...Thank you for freeing Discord, I was really starting to miss him,"

"Don't worry about it Fluttershy, I was going to let him out eventually. I wouldn't have allowed Twilight to go on like this for much longer." Celestia gave a small chuckle. "She can be so set in her ways sometimes, that she loses sight of right thing to do." Fluttershy gave a small nod as Celestia continued. "But she'll be fine in a day or two. Just give her a little time to sort things out."

"I will, but I actually do have to get home and feed Angel, he gets real moody when he's hungry,"

"Of course Fluttershy, have a good night. I might stay for desert, do you want anything before you go?"

"No, I think I might have that Tuesday brunch a little later,"

"Tuesday Brunch? At night? On Saturday?"

"Yeah, we have a lot to make up for," said Fluttershy with a warm smile. "Enjoy your desert, Princess."

"I will," said Celestia with a chuckle. "You enjoy your brunch... or dinner..." Celestia smiled eagerly as a large slice of cake was placed in front of her. "Brinner... You know what I mean,"

Author's Note:

Special thanks to Theblueant, who's PM asking me about the story gave me enough motivation to start back up.

Comments

[SusieBeeca]

As someone who read this through in one go, I wondered why you picked the seemingly-arbitrary ten months, but, of ocurse, now it makes perfect sense.

[ChaosMilk]

oh man, it continues!

[Clocklike]

6394781 You're right about two things. Yes, such sights would normally drain the will of most french dudes. But you're also right on the replying after 44 weeks, which, if you'd read anything about the relativity of time, means that in french time, it has actually been 44 YEARS.

That's right, I am now senile.

And also immune to every video meant to drain my life force, as I'm also blind AND deaf.

You fail.

I win

SIncerly, Clocklike, Yours Trully XOXOXO

[Majk]

This is one of the best Discord fanfics i've seen, thanks so much for writing and sharing dude/ette/other.