Angry Princesses
Oh, woe is me! How could this have happened? Why has the world chosen to gang up on me so? It’s simply not fair!
I have been put under Town Arrest!
I didn’t even know that such an absurd thing existed, and I was even more hurt to find that the very princess who encouraged me to write to her my weekly activities has been using my mode of emotional expression as nothing more than espionage!
Bishmillah! They will not let me go… anywhere outside of Ponyville at least.
And here I thought I was being the good guy by teaching everyone a lesson. I even put everything back the way I found it! Well, sort of, but point is my heart was in the right place! Why, I was so distraught about the news, that I simply had to inform the paper. In Manehatten.
Just as I was explaining the situation to the editor in chief, A whole platoon of Royal Guardsmen rudely interrupted my pitch, demanding that I go straight back to Ponyville, or risk trial by Sunbutt.
Well, I know when I'm beat, and if there is one thing I know about the princess of the day, it’s that she is not a ray of sunshine when angered. So I promptly teleported my way back to Ponyville. Worse yet, I was made to wear a magic detecting leg brace, which sent an alarm to the Guards every time I so much as snapped my fingers funny.
Sunbutt reserved an empty cottage in the middle of town for me to stay until I was off the hook. It wasn’t anything special, just your average, boring cottage like you see all over the town.
But then it got worse. A really stern looking fellow guided me inside sat me down, giving me the evilest eye I had ever seen in a stallion.
“You listen here, and you listen good,” he said to me in an almost menacing manner.
“What was that?”
“Celestia has ordered us to keep you under Town Arrest for seven days maximum. During these seven days, there will be no funny business. There will be no chaos, there will be no leaving.”
“Boop,” I said as I squeezed his nose, causing his left eye to twitch in what I’m going to pretend was him trying not to laugh.
“If you use the tiniest inkling of magic, that brace around your leg will sound an alarm that-”
Beep!Beep!Beep!
“You mean like that?” I said, admiring the stern guards new handlebar mustache
There was a long, hilarious silence between us as I desperately tried to stifle a smile, and he desperately tried not to lunge at me.
“Yes,” he said, narrowing his eyes to hateful slits. “Like that. And as an-” Beep!Beep! “-additional form of security, I have-” Beep!Beep! “- been posted to stay here with you for the duration of your-” Beep!Beep! “-Town Arrest, making sure that you do not cause any further-” Beep!Beep! “-public disturbances,”
“Interesting,” I said, watching as the silent but furious guard in front of me scowled with a full layer of clown make-up on. “You’d be so kind as to stay with little old me? How sweet of you. I bet you’re a real nice fellow when you’re off duty,”
He stood up abruptly, which I assume he did to try and seem more imposing… but the squeak of his clown shoes dissipated any sort of seriousness he thought he had. Not to mention his hair was now rainbowfied. And in an afro. Also, I made his tail defy gravity, so it was now reaching toward the ceiling, because magic is just soooo much fun.
The poor thing was doomed.
With small flash of his horn, all of my modifications to his appearance disappeared, leaving a plain old angry guard.
“This is going to be a long week,” he said with a groan. “For you and me both. I don’t want to be here just as much as you do, so please don’t make this difficult… I’m here to do my job and keep you in line.”
“Yes, yes, I know. Perhaps my friendship lesson in Las Peagsus was a bit too much. Though I had a good reason!”
“That may be so, but it gives you no right to wreak havoc in an entire city. I hope you know that they still haven’t fully recovered from your ‘lesson’, Draconequus.”
“Tough love,” I said. “On the bright side, I bet you their service will be impeccable from now on,”
“That is besi-”
Knock knock knock!
“I’ll get it,” said the guard, flashing his horn and opening the door, only to have the frame filled with a purple, seethingly mad Alicorn with a newspaper floating about her head.
“Discord! What in Celestia’s bright yellow sun have you done in Las Pegasus?!” she yelled as she marched toward me.
“Boop,” I said as I squeezed her nose, only to get a newspapery whack on the head moments later.
“This isn’t a joke! The whole city is in a state of panic, and all of the local businesses and casinos have shut down! Do you know how badly this can affect the economy?” she scolded, her nose scrunching as she thrust her face forward, before her eyes caught sight of the slightly surprised guard.
“Ah! Good to see Celestia’s already tended to you. What is your sentence? Banishment? Exile? Magic Kindergarten?”
“Town Arrest for one week,” I said as handcuffs appeared on my arms, sending another shrill set of beeps into the air.
“That’s it? One week?”
“Of town arrest, yes,”
The newspaper hit the floor with a small rustle, which may or may not have been her jimmies. The door slammed hard, and a yelling of a disgruntled friendship student slowly faded into the distance.
Oh yeah, I made that meta reference*cough* what? I swear, I get these weird coughs at the most random of moments.
I sat there looking at the door, before taking a glance at the guard, who looked dazed and confused.
“I take it you don’t get yelled at by princesses as often as me, huh?” he turned toward me, before floating the newspaper in front of his face, and letting it drop on the table with shake of his head.
I couldn’t help but glance at it, and notice something strange… The building was right-side up? How could this be? There is no way that they could have corrected the building so qui- oooh, the newspaper was upside-down, my bad!
“So what’s your name?” I asked the guard as he came back to his senses.
“Coat of Arms,” he said in a professional manner. “Lance Corporal of Celestia’s Royal Guard,” he announces, a small hint of pride in his voice.
“Really?” I said, “Lance Corporal? That’s a nice title, though it falls a little short compared to mine,” I said, examining my claw in feigned disinterest.
“I suppose Spirit of Chaos is high on the ladder, huh?” he said, his anger starting to dissipate as he came down from the shock of Twilights temper tantrum.
“Well, it’s an abridged title. My full position is Overlord of all things unorganized, Overseer of everything erratic, Bringer of Disharmony and unpredictability, Harbinger of Hectic Happenings, God-president of Equestria and the spiritual embodiment of Chaos and disharmony itself. Oh, and Friend of Fluttershy goes somewhere in there as well.
“Quite a mouthful,” said Arms with the slightest, almost undetectable chuckle.
Would you look at that! I was making another friend! Well, I wouldn’t jump the gun, he is here to make sure I don’t have any fun… But I suppose he isn’t bad for a warden, either.
So as it turns out, we spent the rest of the day in the house, just talking and doing stuff. What was interesting though… was that when I would drop a small prank on him every now and again, he would respond with a small chuckle instead of inner thoughts of hate and mutilation. Perhaps this Town Arrest wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Oh yeah, you may have noticed that my letter is a few days early, Sunbutt. I’m only doing this because I’m bored! Not because I actually enjoy writing or anything silly like that…
I’ll have another letter for you on Tuesday, by the way.
Signed,
Overlord of all things unorganized, Overseer of everything erratic, Bringer of arrg ow ow ow ow ow, claw cramp, ggah! blast this tiny quill!
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I'mma gonna take a peak at this.
Tsk tsk, Discord. You should know that winners never get caught breaking the rules. What you should have done was pawned that leg brace off on everyone's favorite purple alicorn princess.
4718045
Don't play that card! Tirek tried that and look where he is!
4718078
What? Just tell her it's a gift from Princess Celestia and she'd eat it right up. And it's *technically* true.
Aka. the best kind of true.
4718084 perhaps I could sneak it on her leg while she isn't looking... Who knows, maybe I can even get Arms here to go along with it. He's actually becoming a lot more friendly,
Discord. Corrupting the minds of innocent guardsponies everywhere.
Ah Discord, even with the best intentions Celestia punished you... On an unrelated note, I didn't know you were a Queen fan! Galileo!
4718673 Galileo now you know,
Discord! I request of you, to have some smelly monster run into Ponyville and just fart outside of Twilight's house! You can do two things at once with magic, right? So just poke Arms with a magic talon, and at the same time summon a small fart beast.
Also, get a Big Iron, bitches love Big Irons.
SO AWESOME!!!! You...or rather Discord, had me laughing like crazy!!!! Boop! lol!!!
4719005 this is random by even my standards. And also severely unhygienic.
4725065 Why can't the farts make crops around Ponyville grow a bit faster?
can i say
DAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW
4727524 yes, you may. I'm glad I could have at least one heartfelt moment amidst my chaos,
In legal terms, that's not what charges is used for. Charges mean crimes if you will.