Discord's Diary

by 007Delta

November Snow

Happy Hearth's Warming everybody!

What was that you said? November? Thanksgiving? What is this blasphemy? Everyone knows that Thanksgiving is just Hearth's Warming's ugly stepsister.

We emerge from the pumpkin's, candy and Skeleton War, straight into a pile of freshly laid snow, with wreaths and boughs of mistletoe hanging absolutely. everywhere.

You'll need a priest and some holy water to exorcise my Hearth's Warming spirit... yet Ponyville didn't quite share my enthusiasm. No wreaths. No mistletoe. No snow. Some ponies had yet to even take their Nightmare Night decorations down!

Oh no. Oh no no no no. As I'm writing this, someone is putting up a Thanksgiving decoration. Sacrelige!

"Shoo!" I said, running toward the pony putting up the decoration. "Get out of here with that foo foo lame shit!"

The pony scrambled away from me, dropping the decoration. "What!? Are you not with it?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Gratata,"

With a snap of my fingers, the decoration exploded into a pillar of peppermint-y debris, coating the pony in a layer of sugary red and white. He went off screaming down the street, but I paid him no mind. Justice had been delivered.

That's when I had an idea... as I watched the pony turn the corner, his hooves sticking to the ground slightly as he scrambled, my brain hatched the most amazing plan

I'm not the holiday this town deserves... but I'm the one it's gonna get.

I stood atop city hall, a small, green mask obscuring my eyes, therefore completely concealing my identity. A few ponies on the ground had taken to gathering 'neath the building, watching as my red and white cape billowed behind me. Jingling bells hung around my neck, along with the emblem of a present on my chest.

I stared down at the masses, who watched me in anticipation. I could only imagine what questions were going through their minds... who was this handsome rapscallion dressed in delectably seasonal attire? What is he doing on top of City Hall? Why is his jawline so chiseled?

"Discord? What the hay are you doing up on City Hall?"

I turned to my right, only to come face to face with a perplexed Rainbow Dash.

"And what's with the... threads?"

I scoffed at the Pegasus. "Foolish fool! I am not this Discord you speak of... I am...

I spun around dramatically, sending green and red lights flying behind me...

"The Festive Package!"

Dash stifled a goofy smile. "You're calling yourself the Festive Package," she said with a hint of disbelief.

"Does this name not inspire awe?"

"I'd go back to the drawing board on that one," she said, hovering next to me.

"Darn, I knew it might be too emotionally moving,"

"Why don't you just stick with something simpler? Like, I dunno... 'The Gift', or something,"

"Nah, that's too clichè. That's what people would expect..."

"Well, still. What are you doing here?"

"Why what a holly jolly question! Allow me to answer your question with another question!"

Dash raised her eyebrow inquisitively.

"Have you ever wanted more than your average Hearth's Warming has ever been able to give?"

"What? Like more presents?"

"Why of course! More presents, more snow, more decorations, no stupid turkeys,"

"Is that what you're gonna do?" she asked "More Hearth's Warming?"

"But of course!" I said.

"As fun as that sounds, I don't think I could handle that much holiday,"

"Oh for the love of me," I said, splashing Dash's face with a small dose of magic. Soon enough, her eyes were spinning with small spirals. She stood there with a blank look on her face, before she snapped into action.

"Holy mother of mistletoe, Discord! This whole town is getting ready to celebrate an obese bird!"

"Yes... It's quite disturbing," I said, stroking my tuft of a beard.

"We have to do something about it!" she said, frantically concerned. "This looks like a job for... The Festive Package!"

"Yes, yes, I agree... First things first, every good Hearth's Warming should have some snow,"

"A nice layer of white!"

"Deep, smooth... Delivered by none other than the Festive Package,"

I raised my hands, letting the magic flow in large beams into the sky. Dash looked on in awe, before a blast of alabaster shot from my hands. There was a large, thunderous boom that echoed to the town below, before the sky blackened. The sun was blotted out completely, before a thick layer of snow crashed upon us both.

Dash popped out of the new layer of white, before shaking the snow out of her mane. "Wow! Look at all this white stuff,"

"It is a lot of snow," I said, before I turned toward her, only to find her catching snowflakes on her tongue.

I took this moment to survey the crowd that had gathered beneath us. Everyone was looking around oddly, popping up from the layer of snow I had half buried them in.

"Ahh! Much better. Now that we have the weather out of the way, what say we hop down there and embroider the town in the proper decor?"

"I say we get down there and do Hearth's Warming right!"

"Indeed!"

Dash and I then took off into the snow filled town, hopping from the top of the building. I watched as everyone reacted to the new chill of the air, a few still shaking the snow from their coats.

Dash looked around, eyeing the buildings. "I think the streets could do with a few ornaments. What about you, Festive Package?"

She was absolutely right. "And a few pine trees as well," I added.

"Add that to some ribbons and bows, and you've got some holly for your jolly!"

With a snap of my fingers, pine trees sprouted at intervals along the sidewalks, decorated with colorful ornaments. Ribbons unfurled in a spiral around each one, before shooting off of the tree itself, and spiraling around the neighboring fixture. Lights connected to lamposts in an endless series of color and festivity.

Dash turned to me. "Excellent! These streets are looking quite magnificent! However, I feel as if we could do more..."

"I concur," I said, eying the sidewalk. "Oh! Snowponies! How could we forget the Snowponies?" I said, watching as Dash brought a hoof to her face in disbelief.

"How could we have neglected them?" she said. "We need some snowponies! Stat!"

With another snap of my fingers, we watched as little blobs of snow molded themselves into ponies of all ages. I wrapped a few scarves around their necks and gave them a couple of stone eyes, letting them settle in with the rest of the decor.

We strolled along, appreciating our work...

When suddenly, disaster struck.

"Discord! Turkey decoration! 3:00 o'clock!"

"What? Take cover, Dash!"

The both of us dove behind a particularly large pile of snow, panic smitten across our faces.

"What do we do, Discord? The enemy has survived the first wave of winter cheer!"

"Not to worry, they soon will realize their fo- lalalala,lalala - lly,"

"How will we make them do that?"

I gritted my teeth. "Follow my lead."

I emerged from behind the small mound, taking aim at the decoration.

"Bah, Humbug!" I said, launching a vicious white snowball, which blasted the turkey off of the wall.

Dash emerged from her cover as well, launching a snowy projectile of her own, hitting the Thanksgiving soldier as he lay dead on the ground.

"Give thanks for that! Yeah!" Dash turned to me, holding her hoof up for a high five, which I promptly returned.

"Dash? Discord?" I looked up, catching sight of a scaly purple figure staring out of the window. I hadn't noticed it before, but the turkey was on Twilights new castle.

"What are you two doing?" said Spike, confusion turning his question into a deadpan.

"Bringing forth the bounty and wonder of Hearth's Warming, civilian!" blurted Dash, saluting her hoof.

Spike turned to me, an aggravated look across his face. "Really? C'mon, Discord. That's not Dash talking. Not of her own will, at least,"

"Oh lighten up! You're a baby dragon! More holidays is supposed to be fun for you!"

"Twilight's having migraines with all the uproar you've been causing, and trust me when I say this is the last thing she wants to deal with. She's gonna blow a fuse when she wakes up," he said, folding his arms.

As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. Twilight would surely shrivel up the Festive Package and his sidekick...

"Well I suppose she'll have to be the grinch of our little endeavor,"

Spike took a look at the street. "Be careful," he said, leaning back into the castle. "she's on a hair trigger to begin with. Oh yeah, you're a holiday too early, it's supposed to be Thanksgiving,"

"I hate Thanksgiving," I said.

"Okay then," Spike said, getting ready to shut the crystal window. "Happy Hearth's Warming,"

The both of us watched as he shut the blinds of the window, leaving Dash and I staring at the shutters.

"Holy mother of attitude, Discord!" Dash exclaimed. "What's with kids these days?"

I shook my head. "So jaded. Too wrapped up in other ponies problems to revel in the cheer,"

"What a shame," Dash said, shaking her head.

"Well, back to decorating the town!"

"Yes! It is quite beautiful so far... What do you propose we do next, Festive Package?"

I thought, raising a claw to my chin. "We have snowponies, ornaments, Hearth's Warming trees... what left is there to do?"

My smile stretched wider and wider as I realized what we had to do. "We have Hearth's Warming trees... But not the tree.

---

"Spike!"

No answer. Not surprising either, this castle was huge, and he could be anywhere in here.

"Spiiike?" she called out one last time just in case. Hmm, it figures. Nothing.

She let her head fall into the pillow. She regretted having to get out of her bed at all these last few days. What with Discord creating headache after headache for her to deal with recently. She just wanted a small glass of water, and right now she was contemplating whether or not it was even worth scrambling out of bed to get it.

She thought for a moment, before letting out a resigned sigh, using her back legs to kick away her sheets.

That's when she noticed it was unusually cold in her room. It normally got pretty chilly this time of month, but this felt like the middle of winter.

She trotted against the cold Crystal floor, feeling the chill even through her hooves. She made a mental note about getting the place carpeted.

She opened the door to the hallway, only to find herself staring down a hallway with doors she didn't recognize. This place was so big she'd get lost for 10 minutes at a time.

She was pretty sure one of the kitchens was down the right. She made her way down, cracking open door after door, before she finally found a kitchen. She trudged inside, looking around for a sink, or a barrel, or a spicket or whatever she would end up finding in this new corner of her home.

That's when she caught sight of one of the windows. Naturally it was open, letting cold air seep inside.

Twilight rolled her eyes and walked over to it, before having her irises assaulted by a seemingly unending blanket of white.

Snowfall? This heavy in the beginning of Novemeber? What was the weather team thinking? She added 'ask Dash about the crazy weather' on her list of things to do today.

That's about when she noticed the streets. They were completely covered in Hearth's Warming decor... Was Ponyville having a calendar malfunction?

That's when an earth shattering reverberation blasted through the floor. Twilight jumped at the sound, nearly losing her balance as she was lifted from her drowsiness in a single din. She redirected her attention at the window once again, watching as a strange green pyramid began sprouting from the ground in the outskirts of the town. Twilight had a thousand theories coming to the front of her mind...

And right about now, one was starting to shine a bit brighter than the others.

She watched as the pyramid grew even further from the ground, casting a huge shadow over the town, as the tip of the object ascended further and father to the heavens. The base of the object almost as wide as Ponyville itself...

Finally, the noise died down, as the huge pyramid turned out to be a... tree.

She didn't need any further confirmation. Even as ornaments began appearing on the massive pine needles, she was already on her way out of the window.

Today was already turning out to be another massive headache.

Comments

[khatre]

Poor Twilight, don't kill him .. please?

[Phoenix Frost]

5245206 the more you know.

[Mystical Rainboom]

I was just seeing early Christma- Hearth's Warming commercials before Thanksgiving started.

[King Kenya]

Question... Exactly how, and indeed why, do ponies celebrate Thanksgiving? Speaking as an Englishman I don't understand it myself, but I have managed to gather that the main objective is to ingest obscenely large amounts of turkey. How do a species of herbivores accomplish this? Do they feast upon tofu turkeys? Or do they perhaps have a different purpose in their celebration? But why then would they put up turkey decorations?

To summarise, I find myself amused and confused.

[007Delta]

5245442 Oh, you silly humans, misunderstanding our horse culture. Ponies don't eat the turkeys, (although many of the other carnivorous races do, like Griffins, Diamond Dogs, even some species of smaller dragon, etc.)

The holiday doesn't even originate from Ponies, per se, it's actually of Grypholic(?) origin. Ponies still partake in the feast, but only the strange ones actually eat any meat.

[Lenora Goff]

5245442

Herbivores? I didn't know herbivores ate hotdogs. ;)

[lazyreader19]

Is it bad that I like this more Festive Rainbow Dash more than the normal one? She seems like such a delight!

[Technopony145]

5245609 not hotdogs, carrot-dogs. Pony teeth aren't designed for meat.

[Lenora Goff]

5251208

Pinkie Pie: I'm not sure how ketchup is going to help her in this contest. Now, in a hot dog eating contest it can make them doggies nice and slippery, but personally I prefer mustard. How about you, Spike?

Don't judge these ponies on real life pony standards.

[Technopony145]

5251632 In the show, the pony equivalent of hotdogs have carrots instead of sausages.

[Lenora Goff]

5252324

You can head-canon all you want, but that's all it is.

[kuruku]

5252596

img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140106111448/mlp/images/archive/c/c3/20140107225146!Rarity_buying_a_hot_dog_S4E08.png

sorry to pop your bubble. Carrot-dogs are cannon.

[Lenora Goff]

5254498

And that negates meat hotdogs how? And were they called hotdogs by Rarity?

Also:

3.bp.blogspot.com/-o3YOdhoPNu0/TzeoK5Na3mI/AAAAAAAAAIc/hB4f0KWVhao/s1600/birdinthehoof.png

[kuruku]

5256095

All I was saying is that hotdogs made whit carrots are canon, not someones headcannon like you thought. No more, no less.

But if you want to discuss pony dietary habits, since they can process large amount of protein (eggs come to mind) that would mean that they could proccess meat. It would be quite ankward whitout the correct kind of dentition, but it should be possible.

And IIRC, real horses can be fed meat if there is nothing else avaible, and the horse is used to it.

And you should try to be a little less defensive when making a comment.