When Fluttershy Accidentally Killed Celestia

Once upon a time in Canterlot, Celestia took Twilight and the gang to enjoy one of her favorite hobbies; range shooting. But then something goes horribly wrong. And I mean horribly. Like, death.
*One shot*
Oh boy, more dislikes than likes. Oh well. You have your wins and you have your losses. Ups and downs, goods and bads, etc. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
Part 2 of the "When" One Shot series.

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Comments ( 7 )

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masorin

masorin #1 · Jun 7th, 2014 · · ·

Even taking out the technical writing like grammar and spelling, the fic was rather poorly paced, and the consequences were kind of glanced off, in fact it's a lot of build up to what amounts to very little.

Also the pinkie pie bit doesn't make any sense, even if your going for it just doesn't hold up. All in all it needs improvement, i'd suggest finding a pre reader for your next fic, and striving to nail down the more technical aspects of writing. Then work on your pacing and joke delivery. There is a really good joke somewhere hiding in this, but i feel you missed it this time around.

Arkybrony

Arkybrony #2 · Jun 7th, 2014 · · 1 ·

4509021 Yeah I was told I didn't pace very well on my last one shot. And I didn't proofread it. And I was kinda tired of writing by the time I was finishing so i kind of rushed through some of it and didn't proofread. I'm kind of surprised so many people disliked it though... But it's my most favorited fic as well so I dunno if I think this is a success or not. I do like how I unintentionally managed to come up with a good original character. But that's enough rambling on my part, thanks for reading