- Member Since 28th Apr, 2014
- offline last seen Oct 9th, 2015
PinkMaleWolf
What is the point of life if I cannot be who I am?
PinkMaleWolf
Joined 28th Apr, 2014 ·
Offline
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No comments yet, hmm? Very well.
The main character leans dangerously towards Marty Stu. What kind of pony names their kid Alpha? Or Beta? Those are Diamond Dog names, not pony names.
Eh, it doesn't really matter though. You've got a perfect tragic backstory here, and an armed pair of friends ready to take on the world. The Rainbow Factory is destroyed, (rather anticlimactically) and... wait, I need to nitpick.
Back to the overarching story, you've got some rough patches, sure. But you have a great setup for whatever epic quest you want them to go on now. If you have a greater challenge in mind to fling these two at, I can't wait to see the rubble.
4330558 In your opinion, Is my story considered Mature or Teen (language and violence wise)?
4339313
Definitely mature. You've got a torture room, and violent amputation of a limb without the use of proper medical equipment or even anesthesia. You've also got the rainbow factory, which grinds up young children into rainbows.
Jesus.........fucking.........Christ
4485212 You will like this one, Well you will like John, anyway.
4342686 And now?
awesome chapters you are doing a amazing job i can't wait to read the next chapter
THIS IS SAD AND FUCKING AWESOME NEED MORE
Oh those groups...
bawse.
really want to see what happens next keep up the good work
dont pay attention to the haters they just cant handle the gore. i think the word is sqeemish?
5247555 Ain't dat teh truth.
:3
5247555 We just can't handle the bad storytelling. Gore had nothing to do with it.
5247555 You're saying we can't handle the gore?
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130730125330/glee/images/d/d2/Obama-bitch-please.jpg
Some of us 'haters' write gore. Hell, I even wrote a semi-apocalypse fic full of the stuff, and another where a red and black alicorn gets torn to shreds by a tentacle-futa unicorn mare. What's your argument for that? I'd honestly like to hear it.
5247555 The proper word is actually "Squeamish."
With an A.
5266341 The comment wasn't towards you.
5266331 If it's bad, then maybe you should explain why and how I can revise or edit my writing to help, besides, what would you expect, this is my first story after all.
5266351 The comment was actually directed at the people who disliked the story. (Read: "Haters.") Ms. Fox happened to dislike the story, so the question was in fact, directed at her.
5266351 Technically, yes and no--Guardian was directing it towards my friends, and I felt the urge to jump in. So pardon me if I do become a bit annoying; I'm merely sticking up for my friends.
dc657.4shared.com/img/BL_kYtsg/s7/13eee4459e8/Dis_gon_b_gud.gif
5266364 I have no problem with people sticking up for others, Its a rare sight to see people to stick up for others these days, let alone stick up for strangers. I'm just wondering how could I improve my writing.
5266371 Well, I'd have to read all 30-something chapters you have here to effectively tell you what's wrong with the whole thing in a nutshell before I even begin on the chapters individually.
5266383 I get it.
4330558
Changelings, my friend.
5266391 Good thing most of them aren't painfully long, though. I think I could breeze through this, given time.
5266394 ?
5266398 We all have to start somewhere.
5266412 True. (I'm currently dealing with eight five-week-old puppies, so yeah...juggling over here.)
I click the link and I see nothing.
They love each other!!! YEAH!!!!!!!
The best story ever!
5325168
Your god dam right!! Fix this pls!! ( That was for the author)
5325168
6043389
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10250074 is an updated link.
10908401
Ok