• Member Since 7th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Priceless911


An artist, a historian, a firearms expert, a soldier, a critice, a writer, and a brony. but through it all, i am merely nothing compared to the creativity of others. be sure to let your's shine.

Sequels1

T
Source

This story is a sequel to The Cutters


Meet Star Bolt, a young pegasus who lost his memory after using an ability that was deemed legendary. As he grew up not only did he learn to control this ability, but it allowed him to join the Royal Guard and climb up the ranks to the position of Commander. However when war between the royal alicorn sisters casts Equestria into an eternal eclipse, he must take up his gift/curse and fight alongside his officers to not only defeat Princess Celestia in the name of the Nightmare Legion, but to find a way to bring back the Princess Luna that he knew, befriended and fell in love with. This story of love, regret, anger, war, and heartbreak is the path this Pegasus chose to travel, and even though it's viewed as a mistake by most, Commander Bolt will do whatever it takes and fight through any challeng to reach his goal, whatever it might be.

Chapters (22)
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Comments ( 104 )

I just read this chapter, and I think it's pretty interesting. The main character, ''Star Bolt'', caught some attention for my eyes, but he was kind of... boring at the same time, since he isn't developed yet. (However, I suspect some character development during those late chapters ;), which I will read later)

Celestia is pretty accurate, and Luna is ok as she is, so the side characters are on character. Well done on that part.

However, not to be nick picking, but there are some spelling errors, for example:

Our guess is that you fell of a cloud and brock your wing falling -> Our guess is that you fell of a cloud and broke your wing falling,
Other errors would probably be removed by using a spell check program, or just reading it again.

Also, I found lack of commas in some sentences, for example:
The room was a simple size; the sun was shining through the window on the other side so he had slept through the night. -> The room was a simple size; the sun was shining through the window on the other side, so he had slept through the night.

It just sounds better then you read it by adding some commas to certain places. However, that's just some small parts, and the majority of the text is well written, with well-placed punctuation marks.

The last thing that buggers me is the conversation part. I know, it may seem like no big deal, but adding a comma instead of nothing in the end of the quote is important.

“My name is… um… TB… I think” -> “My name is… um… TB… I Think,”

Except from that... is your fan fiction good, and I will probably read the later chapters when I have time ;).

887902 THX :raritywink: I have been writing this fic for a while now and it means a lot coming from the readers. I already know i have a few mistakes, the story in in my mind but I’m not the best at placing it on paper:derpyderp1: in addition, my proofreader didn’t come into the mix until ch6 so before that it has a small amount of mistakes and very few after. But you can follow the story on deviantart http://priceless911.deviantart.com/ (its where it began) and I also have made a few images of Star Bolt and his crew of Officers. (Along with their background story.) You won’t find this story on EQD they turned it down saying he was a Gary Sue OC but I don’t care, he isn’t, and if they don’t get that then that’s just fine with me. Glade you like it and stick around the climax has yet to come. :coolphoto:

Beautifully written for the most part. Will somepony please explain the dislikes to me?? :rainbowderp:

Pretty good, minus a few errors as BronyLava said. The story is quite interesting though :3

889513 I would think that it's because they don't like the whole death and dying and dark and Solar empire and then i said "OATMEAL?! Are you CRAZY!?"

Awesome story Following and Fave~

Nice. Its interesting to see how he faced that tough choice but he still has harder choices to make so I wonder what his decisions will be then

looking forward to the next update :twilightsmile:

you named this chap 13, when its chap 14. Just noticed. But still, awesome chapter!

Ahh, I read your stories on DeviantArt but wasn't aware it was on fimfiction. Either way i really love your story; good action with nice character development and nice pacing of the progression. I can't wait to see how this story ends, keep up the good work man :ajsmug:

1078853 THX im glade you like it ^^
i usualy update DA first so if you want to keep up with the closely than that would be the place to do so.
im very dissapointed on how the last chapter went (ch16) but im on the edge of my seat as im typing the next so i know if you like the story this next chapter would be awsome for you. ;)
thx again i didnt expect people to like this fic as much as they do, so hearing about how much people like it realy modivate me to continue :scootangel:

1079734
Its alright man, I really enjoy this chapter :eeyup: . Besides, you do better writing then I would anyways :twilightoops:.

1105889
thx i view the events in my mind b4 i place them on paper so i describe it as best as i can. also with the character i creat every aspect of their life b4 i put them in the story, name, birthplace, past, goals, personality and even appearence. it helps keep them in character and gives readers a chance to choose their favorit characters as the story progresses.

Just finished reading this chapter (#17) and I must say, i got alot of feel on this chapter which i truly enjoyed. If one thing i must say is that you are encouraging me more even more to write something up for a fanfic. Keep up the good work man :eeyup:

1106021
thx this chapter was planed from the very start but as the story progressed i grew attached to Gem Stone so i actualy teared up while i was typing this one. but i cant change the original idea, otherwise it could impact the rest of the story in the worst possible way.
thx again and im glad you like it.

Hey at least you follow your story whole-heartly and I imagine that takes alot to do. Shows that you can write up great stuff man :pinkiehappy:

I can't imagine Nightmare Moon's reaction when she finds out Starbolt is alive and he decided to surrender O_o

1106621
all planed out. just wait and see.

Bad ass lesson and a great one to keep in mind throughout life

Once again another excellent chapter my man. I can't wait to see how the next chapter lays out. :eeyup:

I forgot Roza was dead.........why did both Mares that I liked have to die again?

But anyway, great chapter.

1236024 Thx, the war has taken agreat toll on Star Bolt but it will end soon, just hope that he can handel how it ends.

What a fantastic read! Can't wait to see how it ends, will the hero will be trapped for all eternity? Very nicely done man, very well done. :eeyup:

1250832
thx i took pride in bringing back every officer for the last few paragraphs and i also liked how i showed the determination that Star Bolt held. i gotta admit though, the way i had Celestia reply to him, gave me chills. if i where there i would have paniced in that situation. even if i was fearless dealing with nightmare moon. but im glade you liked it and i hope you lie whats next, three more chpters to go. im dissapointed that it will end soon.

1251189

Oi, three more chapters!?! And here I thought there was only one more! :pinkiegasp:

I find it good that how you felt about Celestia's response. For it shows you can deliver strong emotions by the character well and give appropriate responses to your other characters in that circumstances. Very strong writing my man, i'll be waiting on your next update (still I thought you said it was only 20 chapters:pinkiecrazy:). Best regards. :eeyup:

1251232 i though there would be 20 but as im writing a lot comes to me and i try to keep my word count per chapter within a set limit but i have already decided how the last three chapters will both start and end so i threw my word limmit away and now im just going to try and keep the count above 3500 words. which should be easy considering how much is left i started the next chapter already and the words are just flying by, im already at 2540 and i barly started for the day. lol:scootangel: it will be moderaty long though i can already guess it will be near 6000 words like the last.

Yay an update.
I hope it ends nice for bolt after all he's been through he deserves it

Wow, you are brewing up quite the conclusion to the story which I find rare in stories regarding characters and such. Well done man, really you deserve a great big thanks to deliever this story to its end. Best regards :eeyup:

A truely beautiful ending to a great story

Congratulations, A winner is you, man. Good job

Great Story! :pinkiesmile: Is there the possibility of a sequal?

1327429
no, no sequil i had a pole on DA to decide weather my next story would be an alternat reality story or 2 midquils but the alternat reality story wone the pole so im starting on one that is still Star Bolts life but its diffrent becouse this is what his life would have been if Luna didnt find him in the everfree forest. its more set on wat would happen if he grew up in an orphanage with Gem but the war still started and rumers of his ability have spread to nightmare moon so now he is trying to stay uninvolved in the war whille taking care of his wife and foals. The Diffrence

dam this story was a great read, i can't stop thinking about how much bolt Star Bolt reminds me of me own OC although he is a little more of a free spirit but all of that aside i enjoyed reading thisand can't wait for your next story. As Kingsley would say "May the stars watch over you and guide you Star Bolt."

1341927
THX :pinkiehappy:
this story was interesting to write because his background started out as a little 2000 word description of his life that only involved him, Luna, nightmare moon, and Celestia. but as soon as i started writing it into chapters the rest of the characters started to appear and from there a reaction of, small uninvolved situations, tough decisions, epic battles and emotional perils that not only caught the interest of those who read it, but it even kept me in suspense lol. im glad you like it, from how many readers ive had tell me that it makes me glade that it wasn’t a waste of time.:scootangel:
thx again and iv already started on the first chapter of the next story ,:yay: i don’t know when it will be up, but ill guarantee it will be on DA first, (my proofreader reads it from my stash so once corrections are done i just transfer it over)

FIRST!!!!!!!!!!! Great job is all I have to say.

Damn... Shits really starting to pick up

This just keeps getting better and better

I almost cried at the part where nightmare moon told him to wait a little bit longer.:fluttercry:

1730417
THX ^^ im glade you like it :pinkiehappy:

Well, It is fairly good but I would suggest editing it now it is complete. It could shape out to be a very good story.:twilightsmile:

1831831
I have been little by little but the work on other storied plus the short stories (Sequels only on DA) have been taking most of my time, but it also helps because I place to make one big sequel at some point but that’s further down the road

One damned thing to say, FUCK YOU CELESTIA >:I

1977008
lol everybody seems to hate princess Celestia after this chapter, to be honest i was kind of scared of her for a second lol

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