No comments yet, hmm? Very well.

The main character leans dangerously towards Marty Stu. What kind of pony names their kid Alpha? Or Beta? Those are Diamond Dog names, not pony names.

Eh, it doesn't really matter though. You've got a perfect tragic backstory here, and an armed pair of friends ready to take on the world. The Rainbow Factory is destroyed, (rather anticlimactically) and... wait, I need to nitpick.

Beta ran into the room, destroying both guards instantly with the raw edge of his hate.

I was not aware that hate had enough corporeal form to be used as a blade.

Back to the overarching story, you've got some rough patches, sure. But you have a great setup for whatever epic quest you want them to go on now. If you have a greater challenge in mind to fling these two at, I can't wait to see the rubble.

4330558 In your opinion, Is my story considered Mature or Teen (language and violence wise)?