What would you do if you'd know your friend has only one day left to live and there's nothing you can do to stop it?
What would you tell him, what would you do for him?
That's what's happened to Twilight. Her friend Fluttershy has only one day left to live. Though it is very sad to Twilight, she does her best, to make Fluttershys last day, become her best day.
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poor fluttershy.
I'm sorry, this story has a very interesting concept and all, but it feels as if it could have been written better and the grammar had a few errors here and there. My suggestion to you would be to read your stories a few times through and re-write sentences to make them flow better before submission, and maybe even find an editor to help you with things like grammar and better phrasing your story. I've heard that it's best to take a break between the time that you write it and the time that you proofread, so your brain doesn't gloss over any errors. Best of luck to you!
the solution to grammar and errors, read and reread. Also, get some friends to proofread as well. That should help all those problems
"A desease is...wreckened with?"...Woderbolts performance... mid day...
A few mistakes I saw, otherwise, this is almost feature worthy. Beautiful, but sad. You really convey the emotions.
At first, I was all
"Another sad dead pony story."
But then I was like
Finally I went
Great job
553343
I'm going to have to agree; the story DOES have a good concept, but it's slightly marred by the spelling/grammar errors. Also, I noticed that you switched from present to past tense multiple times; you should probably keep it all in one tense.
You had to kill her. The girl cries you a sweater of tears... and you kill her.
553455
Yes, tense. I forgot to mention tense. The Doctor is right, it switches a lot, and I've found that, when in doubt, past tense is best. c:
Damn. This was good. very powerful.
Although the tense-changing and grammar/spelling errors of this story confused me throughout, it was very well written, great concept. If you had some pre-readers, it may soon become a story on Equestria Daily. Again, good job, but I recommend re-reading after you finish. Sometimes, even I forget to do that.
WHAT'S WITH THE GRAMMAR COMMENTS!!!!!
Can u just read a story without being a teacher??
Best story this month! 10/10!
553532
Did you ever think that people might just be trying to HELP the writer? Nopony was mean or vicious, in fact, most said that it was a good, moving story, but it needed a little technical polish. Writing is both an artistic and a technical endeavor.
553471 I see what you did there...
But yeah, grammar aside, it was a great story.
553471 Just had the biggest laughing fit.
This reminds me of that one Spongebob episode...:
Anyway, your grammar needs a lot of work. The present tense tends to make work seem unprofessional. Also, numbers under twenty are spelled out.
That feel where my friends is becoming popular thanks to me. feesgoodman.
[Not sure if gloating, I will say sorry now over Skype. Done.]
Nice fic, even though I never commented on it (No idea why), I am glad you were letting me be the first to read it. Again, excellent read. :
Poor Fluttershy.
553343>>553360>>553455>>553510
I thank you very much for your help. And i thank you very much for reading my fic aswell !!
The last time i edited this story, i changed everything to the present tense, now i think i'll have to leave it the way i did before, using the past tense. I will try to fix the errors in the story and maybe even write an epilogue later.
Anyway, Thank you for reading my fic and giving me advice on it.
I do hope that you liked it.
553415>>553433>>553474>>553805>>554871
Thank you for reading and liking my fic!!
553320>>553396>>553659>>555693
I do hope you liked the fic
I was aiming for it to be sad
553532
It's a good thing when people point out flaws in my fic, that way, i know where i have to improve
And also...
Thank you for reading and liking the story as well !!
Grammar and punctuation mistakes hold this story back from greater potential, but over all a good story.
...
...
...
OKAY, I CRIED. YOU HAPPY NOW!?!?!?
556081
Yes
I'm happy now
556081
Yes
I'm happy now
But thanks for reading
a day after reading and im still crying about it!!
I would have done the same things if I were Twilight.
I Hate You,You Killed Fluttershy.
Well I Can't Say Much,I Did The Same Thing In My Story.
This Story Touched My Core,My Heart.
I Couldn't Hate You Even If I Tried.As A Matter Of Fact I Love This Story.
So Much Emotion.
Not Gona Lie,I Shed MANY Tears.
Thank You For Writing This Story.
746742
Thank you for reading and liking my story!!
This story was aimed to be sad and to make people at least wet their eyes, i'm glad i succeded
They're not tears.... they're... liquid pride! Right...
Okay they were manly tears
The feels!
THE FEELS!!
The fanfics that make you cry, are the great ones!
- The Feels Approved
Amazing work! Even the saddest fics couldn't make me cry in real life, but this did. Oh wel.. I guess I have a soft spot for Fluttershy... Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go cry in a corner for the rest of the week...