• Published 9th Apr 2014
  • 1,105 Views, 27 Comments

Fluttershy's Birthday - Sleepy Panda



Pinkie Pie throws a party for Fluttershy's birthday

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4
 27
 1,105

The Only Chapter

Pinkie Pie ate her calender. She found that she could remember events better if she ate the calender instead of looking at it, because important events were tasty and she always remembers eating yummy things. Today, she tasted a super-duper yummylicious taste. Fluttershy's birthday! She had been waiting for this day all year. She was going to throw a super big birthday party for her!

Pinkie Pie rushed around Ponyville, gathering supplies for the party and setting up in the Apples' barn. Ponies marveled at the speed Pinkie Pie worked.

"Hey, is that Pinkie Pie?"

"Wow, she's fast!"

"She's probably preparing one of her amazing parties."

"Ooh, I wonder who the lucky pony is!"

Pinkie Pie heard the last bit as she zoomed past. Yep, Fluttershy was a very lucky pony! Her party was going to be absolutely amazing. Pinkie would make sure of that.

As the sun started to set, Pinkie Pie finished hanging the last streamer and stepped back to admire her work, along with all the ponies that had gathered around to watch.

"Paaaaaaaaaaaaaarty time!" Pinkie sang. The crowd cheered and rushed into the barn as Pinkie Pie went in the opposite direction towards Fluttershy's house.

knockknockknockknockknock Fluttershy pulled open the door and Pinkie Pie righted herself just as she was about to fall into Fluttershy's house.


"Oh, um, hi Pinkie."

"Hi Fluttershy! Haaaaaaappy birthday! I threw you a super-duper fantastically fun party! Come on and join the fun!" Pinkie Pie shoved Fluttershy out of her house and sped over to the party, pushing Fluttershy with her. As she pushed the weakly protesting pegasus through Ponyville, she started apologizing, but not for her rough treatment. "So I invited everypony in Ponyville to the party, but our bestest friends couldn't make it. Applejack is too busy with chores, Rarity and Twilight are still locked in Princess Luna's new invention called the dishy-washy or something, and Rainbow Dash muttered something that I couldn't really hear. Something about the Wonderbolts, too many waffles this morning, and something being 'not cool.' But I'm here! And we're here! C'mon silly, get off your lazy flanks, we're at the barn!" And with that, she poked Fluttershy with her muzzle and shoved her to her hooves.

Standing at the entrance to the barn, Pinkie Pie, somehow not out of breath, asked "So, do you like it?"

"Well, um," Fluttershy stammered, "I guess so, I mean, it's a great party, but isn't it, um, a bit-"

"Glad you like it! You should totally try the cupcakes, they're cupcake flavored! I'll be right back, I have to check on some of the guests."

"... much?" Fluttershy weakly finished her sentence and sighed. She loved Pinkie's parties, but she didn't like having all of the attention on her. She liked celebrating her birthday with her animals and a few of her closest friends, and this was just too much.

"And now, let's all focus on Fluttershy! It IS her birthday." Everypony except for Fluttershy cheered at Pinkie's announcement. Fluttershy froze as hundreds of eyes watched her every move, judging her every time she did anything more than breathe. Fluttershy tried to make herself smaller. And smaller. And smaller. Between the fright and the ridiculously small size she had packed herself into, she found herself unable to breathe. As her lungs grew more and more uncomfortable, she fought against the urge to stand up tall and breathe. The pain of oxygen depletion was far easier to endure than the feelings being the center of attention brought on, but eventually, her weak body gave up and she collapsed, choking as air rushed into her aching lungs and sobbing as she felt the gazes of everypony burning into her like lasers. Pinkie Pie noticed nothing unusual about Fluttershy's behavior. She was aware that tears of joy were being shed from Fluttershy.

"She's just so excited! Ooh, you guys have GOT to try the punch! But first, let's get Fluttershy up on stage! She can make a speech and dance and tell jokes and do tricks and m-"

Fluttershy let out a shriek at a volume so loud she had to cover her own ears, and of course everypony- except for Pinkie - stopped dead in their tracks and every head turned towards her.

"-And make cupcakes and open presents and mmmph grmph m blthbu phthznts!" Somepony had stuck their hoof in Pinkie Pies mouth while she was talking.

Fluttershy ran out of the barn, her mascara running as tears streamed down her face. She had never totally freaked out like this before. She just needed some time by herself with nopony else. Somewhere quiet and dark, where nopony would be able to see her, much less notice her. She ran into the Everfree forest.

Ponies searched for months, but the yellow pegasus was never found. Rainbow Dash was the most devastated of all. Unbeknown to others, she had been spending a great deal of time with her friend, even secretly moving in with her. After Fluttershy's disappearance, she moved out of Fluttershy's house, because it reminded her too much of her loss. She cried herself to sleep for years and never spoke another word. Her rainbow mane lost all of it's color, and she isolated herself on the very edge of Ponyville, always watching the Everfree forest just in case she saw Fluttershy, and eventually wandered into the Everfree forest only to be found dead a few days later. She had died of sadness.

Some ponies say that they've seen the timid shadow of a mare slinking around the Everfree forest, guarding the forest animals, disappearing with a flash of pink hair.

Comments ( 27 )

Great fanfic! Short, but very enjoyable nonetheless! :pinkiehappy:

:rainbowderp: Well, uh maybe you should settle on the story elements that you use. I mean the beginning and the end conflict something fierce with no build up. A comedic opening to a tragic as hell ending, not really a great thing to try in 1000 words. Keep writing though.

We'll there be a sequal?pweti pls?:fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

4207656 Not exactly sure how that would work... What would the sequel even be about?

4206612 I know, I wasn't really focusing on the writing itself when I wrote this. I was mainly trying to get exactly 1,000 words. Also, I never went back and edited this, so I never quite realized how dramatically the mood shifted. Oops.:twilightoops:

4208470 Idk maybe fluttershy gets discover bu rainbow at the last movement U JUST HAVE TO HAVE IMAGENATION!!!!!!!!!!:yay::yay::yay:

4209406 I originally had more at the end, but it came out to 1,020 words so I had to delete it :fluttercry:

4209841 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

This review brought to you by Authors Helping Authors. Right back at ya.

Name of Story: Fluttershy's Birthday

Grammar: 9/10 Good grammar all around, with just a few minor errors. "Calender" should be spelt "Calendar", and

Her rainbow mane lost all of it's color

Should be "its". I don't think I noticed any other problems.

Pros:
1. I liked how you threw in Pinkie-ish details like Pinkie Pie remembering Fluttershy's birthday as a yummy day on her calendar. She was very solidly characterized.

2. The ending had a ghost story-ish vibe that made the short length more suitable and brought it together. I could imagine little fillies whispering this one to each other around a campfire.

3. Now that was an interesting twist. Fluttershy was described as just wanting time alone (so her running off was within the bounds of her personality), and getting lost in that forest is both plausible and terrifiying.

Cons:

1. While Fluttershy can be explained as "She probably didn't expect to get lost in there", Rainbow Dash's role in the story sidetracked from the main point and seemed OOC. Dashie doesn't seem like the sort to cry herself to sleep and become mute with grief. While some of her toughness is bluster, she really does have an obdurate spirit that just gets angry and determined when faced with hardship.

2. Plus, RD has her own house, and so her living with Fluttershy comes off as suspiciously... shippy. :pinkiegasp:

3. As another reviewer mentioned, the genre shift was very quick

Notes:
Are you a Pinkie fan? I'd love to see a story about her by you. You seem to really 'get' the pony. Eating a calendar to remember dates is both totally silly, and makes that little lick of sense which defines Pinkie's logic. Fluttershy, too, had great dialogue and a disturbing description of stage fright.

But, let's talk about the main attraction now. The twist was par excellence. The idea of starting a story as a slice-of-life tale and ending it as, essentially, a ghost story? Dang, that's some high concept stuff you've got there, and I'd love to see this expanded. Still as a oneshot, of course, but more details for tasty zing.

I didn't care as much for Rainbow's bit, but either fleshing it out or cutting it out sounds good.

Some ponies say that they've seen the timid shadow of a mare slinking around the Everfree forest, guarding the forest animals, disappearing with a flash of pink hair.

img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110823072033/callofduty/images/e/ed/R16066_MLP_Applejack_Spooky.gif

4751793
"Well said, pokefreak13. Other than that, I would like to inform the wonderful author of this minor error:

"... much?"

If you write it with a space before the 'm', then make it capital. If not, delete the space before the 'm'. Also, this:

it's color, and

Confusing 'its' and 'it's' is a very common error. Please don't fall into the dastardly clutches of the 'Its' Spelling Mistake Monster. Other than what has been said: Great story; well done!"
:raritywink:

5277296 Thank you. :twilightsmile:
Huh, I didn't know that.

5277296 Oops, typos. I really should start checking over my stories before I post them, or even better, get an editor. Thanks again!

5283551
"You don't have an editor?! :pinkiegasp:WOAH! You, ma'am/sir, are epic.:ajsmug:"

5295154 I should probably get one, seeing as I never proofread my own work. I post stories as soon as I finish typing the last word.:twilightsheepish:

5305919
"I admit that the grammar could be better, but I'm such a silly grammar nazi so I don't bother. :twilightsheepish:
Even thought you don't have an editor, your grammar is incredibly (99%) correct! :pinkiehappy:
If you're really thinking about it, I would be happy to help! That is, only if you want. (No pressure :twilightsmile: )"

5307916 If you want to help, that'd be awesome!:pinkiehappy:

5310170

"Oh joy! Oh frumulous day! Cawoo! Caway!"
Excerpt from 'The Jabberwocky', 4:548)

That is all."

Pinkie Pie ate her calender.

Not surprised.

Hey! You used my Fluttershy image for your story! :yay:

5945304 It's yours?

I probably should have asked for permission first, oops.

5945331 No worries. Rather, I am honored.

I loved it! The ending's so sad! :fluttercry: :raritydespair:

This was really nice to read, Added to my favorites. :yay: You should tottaly write a Story about Pinkie Pie, you really get her character. :pinkiehappy:

This was a bizarre read.

Pinkie Pies

Missing apostrophe.

all of it's color

Spurious apostrophe.

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