When a spell goes awry, the only pony who can help Sweetie Belle is nowhere to be seen. With an apple-crazy mare getting on her nerves, an angry mob chasing after her, and Fluttershy shutting her out, what else can she do? RUN!!
Story idea given to me by Fonypan.
Thanks to Silv3r Shadow and PinkiePieFox for helping with this.
Good to go
Alright, this story made me chuckle a couple of times.
Thanks for writing!
I loved this. You are such a great writer.
Buck you! Lol
Awesome
5850202 Thank you!
5850679 What can I say, I loved it!
5850702 You have no idea how good it feels to hear that.
5850707 No problem! It was great! And really funny.
"Well... Buck you!"
Best. Line. Ever.
well...buck you
just got real
Now I need a new story to edit. Anypony interested?
That was pretty entertaining. Good going.
Buck you...
have a like
YOU MAD, BRO!
5871448 YES QUITE SO, MY GOOD PONY.
5879932 WHY ARE WE YELLING?!
5879942 NO IDEA WHY.Let's just talk normal.
5879955 K, that's a good idea. PM me n' stuff; comments on stories give me a ridiculous amount of notifications and spams my email.
One problem. Your story is indecisive. It constantly changes from 1st person to third person.
5882709 It does? Not sure how I missed that... can you point some places out where I go into first person?
5882716 Righto, give me a sec.
5882716 Huh. Only one place actually does it:
That end part I put in bold because I had thought it was in First Person. After re-reading, I think you just forgot to put it in Italics.. . .
5883181 Yeah, I forgot the italics.
damn I dIdnt catch that eIther
Sorry, but Celestia's characterization is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Why would she lie to get Twilight to come to Canterlot and why would she and Luna coerce her to stay when she's clearly dealing with an emergency at home?
5899938 Yeah, I'll admit that characterization is one of my weaker points as a writer. How can I improve it to make her character more accurate?
5900695
Glad to be of assistance. Let me take a look...
Celestia and Luna are the most powerful ponies in Equestria and if both were susceptible to kidnapping, especially by changelings, all of Equestria and the Crystal Kingdom would be in complete panic. There would be no one powerful enough, not even alicorns Twilight or Cadence, to raise the sun or the moon with the entire land stuck on either permanent day or night. It would also be a miracle if Celestia could get through to Spike in order to send that letter.
If I was Twilight and Celestia did this to me, I would renounce my status as her student. Lying about changeling attack, which Equestria previously dealt with, would be akin to shouting "Fire!" in a crowded theater. Nightmare Moon, Discord, King Sombra and Lord Tirek have caused similar scares, if not even worse, so Equestria has every reason to be on edge.
Celestia lures Twilight, who has problems of her own in Ponyville, to Canterlot with a big fat lie and she doesn't show any remorse for it? And to top it off, neither she nor Luna seem to have any concern for her or Sweetie Belle? They should be cancelling the party instead of telling Twilight to chill out. At the very least, one of the two should be helping her look for Sweetie Belle who for all she may know could be in grave danger. A surprise birthday party is no excuse to forget about an emergency and the princesses of all characters should know better.
If you specifically want to improve Celestia's characerization in this fic, you could change her letter to say something to the extent of Shining Armor being in town since Twilight is very close to her brother. Here are a few things to remember, otherwise:
-Virtually everypony in Equestria looks up to Celestia, especially Twilight since she is her personal student.
-She is easily the most powerful pony in the show, having defeated pretty much every villain I mentioned before with her magic.
-She would never lie about something as serious as a changeling or timberwolf invasion, especially to Twilight.
Hope this helps.
5879955 cuz some of us just wanna yell
5952859 On the contrary, it does help.
5952866 ok I'll keep to myself. You know what you're doing so keep it up.
Do you think that this story would make it onto Equestria Daily?
5903096 What does the writing in your avatar say?
5851363 What does the writing in your avatar say?
5850446 Who is the person in your avatar?
5989284 I doubt it, but who knows? I could be wrong.
It would need a lot of editing and touching up before I even considered submitting it, though.
5989286
Luna is saying "HA HA! The dare has been doubled!"
this is positively wonderfully mad mad and i love i
6091565 Thank you!
In addition, thanks for the fave and the follow.
You can has review!