Pinkie Pie throws a party for Fluttershy's birthday, but Fluttershy's stage fright gets the best of her.
I did this for a 1,000 word challenge.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 31st Mar, 2014
- offline last seen Dec 10th, 2022
Sleepy Panda
Some people are morning birds, other people are night owls. Me? I'm some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.
Sleepy Panda
Joined 31st Mar, 2014 ·
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Great fanfic! Short, but very enjoyable nonetheless!
We'll there be a sequal?pweti pls?
4207656 Not exactly sure how that would work... What would the sequel even be about?
4206612 I know, I wasn't really focusing on the writing itself when I wrote this. I was mainly trying to get exactly 1,000 words. Also, I never went back and edited this, so I never quite realized how dramatically the mood shifted. Oops.
4208470 Idk maybe fluttershy gets discover bu rainbow at the last movement U JUST HAVE TO HAVE IMAGENATION!!!!!!!!!!
4209406 I originally had more at the end, but it came out to 1,020 words so I had to delete it
4209841 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
This review brought to you by Authors Helping Authors. Right back at ya.
Name of Story: Fluttershy's Birthday
Grammar: 9/10 Good grammar all around, with just a few minor errors. "Calender" should be spelt "Calendar", and
Should be "its". I don't think I noticed any other problems.
Pros:
1. I liked how you threw in Pinkie-ish details like Pinkie Pie remembering Fluttershy's birthday as a yummy day on her calendar. She was very solidly characterized.
2. The ending had a ghost story-ish vibe that made the short length more suitable and brought it together. I could imagine little fillies whispering this one to each other around a campfire.
3. Now that was an interesting twist. Fluttershy was described as just wanting time alone (so her running off was within the bounds of her personality), and getting lost in that forest is both plausible and terrifiying.
Cons:
1. While Fluttershy can be explained as "She probably didn't expect to get lost in there", Rainbow Dash's role in the story sidetracked from the main point and seemed OOC. Dashie doesn't seem like the sort to cry herself to sleep and become mute with grief. While some of her toughness is bluster, she really does have an obdurate spirit that just gets angry and determined when faced with hardship.
2. Plus, RD has her own house, and so her living with Fluttershy comes off as suspiciously... shippy.
3. As another reviewer mentioned, the genre shift was very quick
Notes:
Are you a Pinkie fan? I'd love to see a story about her by you. You seem to really 'get' the pony. Eating a calendar to remember dates is both totally silly, and makes that little lick of sense which defines Pinkie's logic. Fluttershy, too, had great dialogue and a disturbing description of stage fright.
But, let's talk about the main attraction now. The twist was par excellence. The idea of starting a story as a slice-of-life tale and ending it as, essentially, a ghost story? Dang, that's some high concept stuff you've got there, and I'd love to see this expanded. Still as a oneshot, of course, but more details for tasty zing.
I didn't care as much for Rainbow's bit, but either fleshing it out or cutting it out sounds good.
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110823072033/callofduty/images/e/ed/R16066_MLP_Applejack_Spooky.gif
What?
4751793
"Well said, pokefreak13. Other than that, I would like to inform the wonderful author of this minor error:
If you write it with a space before the 'm', then make it capital. If not, delete the space before the 'm'. Also, this:
Confusing 'its' and 'it's' is a very common error. Please don't fall into the dastardly clutches of the 'Its' Spelling Mistake Monster. Other than what has been said: Great story; well done!"
5277296 Thank you.
Huh, I didn't know that.
5277316
"No prob'!"
5277296 Oops, typos. I really should start checking over my stories before I post them, or even better, get an editor. Thanks again!
5283551
WOAH! You, ma'am/sir, are epic.
"
"You don't have an editor?!
5295154 I should probably get one, seeing as I never proofread my own work. I post stories as soon as I finish typing the last word.
5305919
)"
"I admit that the grammar could be better, but I'm such a silly grammar nazi so I don't bother.
Even thought you don't have an editor, your grammar is incredibly (99%) correct!
If you're really thinking about it, I would be happy to help! That is, only if you want. (No pressure
5307916 If you want to help, that'd be awesome!
5310170
That is all."
Pinkie Pie ate her calender.
Not surprised.
Hey! You used my Fluttershy image for your story!
5945304 It's yours?
I probably should have asked for permission first, oops.
5945331 No worries. Rather, I am honored.
I loved it! The ending's so sad!
This was really nice to read, Added to my favorites.
You should tottaly write a Story about Pinkie Pie, you really get her character. 
This was a bizarre read.
Missing apostrophe.
Spurious apostrophe.