jake-n-blake
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If you are going to make a troll fic.
Don't start it with a massive wall of text for info about the world that we don't need.
[youtube=BNsrK6P9QvI]
You should feel awful for this.
The only way you can redeem yourself is by writing a sequel in which those two DEMONS do NOT get away with it, and receive proper retribution (i.e. massive torture).
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Thanks+for+showing+me+something+i+saw+in+8th+grade+_6eafcbcd4ef3b76dc4ab641adfb852a0.gif
4047575
Totally needed that
A down vote for ponies being powerless. You can do much better than this. Really? Luna and Celestia are now powerless?
persephonemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/whose-line-bird-in-pocket.gif
I know the FiMFiction users can be "hugboxy" but don't make a thread about your story not being popular.
You knew what you were getting into by posting this story here, OP.
Why is OP always a bundle of sticks?
No...Just..No...
Wow. You dun FUCKED UP now.
Downvote.
First, your science is WAY off, You can't spell, write or use proper wording or grammar, you don't know how sex works, and this story makes no fucking sense.
4049704 Why is OP a cigarette?
4053782
>First, your science is WAY off
Yeah your right, I just realized my scientific knowledge of the world of magic talking pastel horses is very limited...
>You can't spell, write or use proper wording or grammar
Please do point out any grammatical errors of mine, Captain Shakespeare
>you don't know how sex works
Insert penis into vagina, do I win a cookie?
>and this story makes no fucking sense.
If you do not know how to read English, then yes you are correct
Really nicely written, make sure to keep up the good work ;)
Btw, I'm a brony but I can still appreciate a nicely written story
Oh, and I laughed my ass of when I saw all the reactions XD
4056061
Thank you. If anything all the negativity I have gotten means I wrote something very good since I think this site needs to break out of the pathetic hugbox that it has become
4055123 I don't know. EXPLAIN YOURSELF OP
By the way, this is not a story, and for three reasons.
1. Remember the things they taught you in High school, about how a story is supposed to have an exposition, a rising action, a climax, a falling action, and a resolution? You can have a story go either way--first rise, climax, then fall, or first fall, climax, then rise.
This story, however, just feels like it's only going down. There's no climax, rising action, or resolution whatsoever, which makes the ending very unsatisfying. It's like you cut off right where the climax is supposed to be. You're literally just saying with this story, "There are two groups of people. One group does bad things to the other. The end."
2. There's no real challenge for the protagonists. You've basically put them in their own power-high fantasy where everything just goes right for them and everything they do is too easy. THIS IS BORING! The reader wants to take some interest into the story, and that happens when something is opposing the protagonists, but nothing is there to challenge them at all. Extend your story, and put them into a REALLY difficult situation that they have to get out of.
3. There is no justice.
4055971 try writing a real story. Then you can complain about how people are getting mad at what you made.
4062208
>try writing a really story
A "really story"? What is a "really story?" I don't think I have ever heard of these "really stories" before LOL
4062208 go back to your hater corner hater
4088770 WHAT!??
I JUST DEFEATED YOU ON THE SUMMIT OF APOCARYTHRA!
......Inception.....
Error - Somdudewillson.exe has encountered an error.
ERR 404 - logic not found
The program will now exit.
4124640 well i just respawned so what are you going to do about it?
4072610 you sir are a good writer i salute you
nope
nope 
nope 
. I am done here . goodbye. sorry but I have nothing else to say, as I am the kind of person whom would not hesitate to beat the living S*** out of these two A**holes and make sure they would never be able to do anything like this again. then, I would happily go to jail for my crimes against them, knowing that they would forever live in fear of me, and in regret of doing all of that horrible things that they did.
oh and for anyone who didn't get it: they would be castrated.
End. Of. F***ing. Story. goodbye 
In the midst of my heated rant/hate comment, I forgot to give this an honest review as a critic.
From what I could stomach, the grammar wasn't to bad.
The storyline: Rape, is quite simply the same thing over and over with different groups, branch out more and do something that actually has a plot, why dontcha?
One last thing, your reaction to those hating on this story represents that you really don't understand what you posted. I mean, seriously, 95% of the story is sick and F***ed up! did you honestly not expect any hate after writing this?
Now for another "last thing". If you did, I don't understand how you could take any pleasure in writing this. I know a few that have been raped, and this seems to make a joke about it all. ITS. NOT. FUNNY. This is really messed up, and I guarantee you, that if you lived around me, and people found out you wrote this, hate comments would be the least of your annoyances, if you get my drift. trust me.
So, ya. good grammar, no plot, and sick as fucking hell. there is my review.
anyone who read this comment and thought it a waste of time: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/35546/to-love-the-moon
here's a link to a good story that isn't a waste. happy reading.
4140797
In case you did not notice there is a whole group here about rape:
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/197816/rape
488 stories as of last time I checked. I assume this comment of yours about how rape is bad is also posted in the comments of every one of those 488 stories as well, right?
right?
4151300
I do know they exist, which is why I avoid that group. And no, I do not go writing hate on each of those stories, but in my defense, its because I stay away from rape stories 98% of the time that I come across them. I know that if I went and read all of them, I would just be disgusted and write hate comments. Someone lead me to this story, and if they had not, I never would have even tried to read it. And as you can see, this is why I DONT go to that group, as my reaction would be very similar.
And sir, if you would kindly look back at my comments, you will see that only one paragraph talks of how rape is wrong, so I fail to see why that is what you choose to throw at me. Yes I mention that the story is sick in a few places, but only once do I mention rape as being bad. So, have anything else that you would like to say? I am sure that we can work this out, and make both of us look like bigger asses than we already have in the process.
Pretty sure getting sued will be the least of their worries. They have an entire fzndom and equine population after their heads now......
still, wasnt bad aside from the rape of course. Good writing
4196385
"Rape in itself is an extremely touchy subject that has to be done the right way."
"Make sure your story about rape is nice" LOL WUT
"the writer comes off as misogynistic"
And yet if it was a story about a female raping a male would you call it sexist?
No, didn't think so. Back to Tumblr with your SJW blather, please
4088770 OH FUCK YOU RAPIST PIECE OF... Ahem, excuse me. Look, buddy, its my frickin opinion. I don't like rape and i think a lot of other people don't either. and the author is all like: "oh this site needs to break out of the hugbox" BULL. SHIT. Hey, come here. wanna know a secret? THE FUCKIN SITE IS A HUGE BOX CAUSE THE FUCKIN SHOW IS, YOU MORON.
but if you find rape funny, and you think mlp:fim should be darker, then go right ahead, bro.
And yeah, i hate this story. sue me.
4205742
That's funny, my story is only one of hundreds of stories about rape on this site
We might start taking you seriously once you go and complain about all those other rape stories as well
4205745
"There is a way to write rape and it's not putting the blame on the victim. It's hard to do, but it can be done."
1. In what way is the victims in the story blamed by me, the author?
2. Even if that were true (which it is not) who gives a shit?
"Come up with a better way to insult me than "go back to Tumblr". It's not really insulting when you say "go to a website that millions of people use everyday.""
The fact that statement of mine went over your head means you probably should not even be trying to debate me in the first place
"Also if you make an argument, please know your fallacies. So far, I've seen Strawman, Ad Hominem, and Tu Quoque."
BLAH BLAH BLAH LOOK MOMMY I CAN USE BIG WORDS BLAH BLAH BLAH
I really don't see the point of this. It's way too repetitive and contains absolutely no plot. Maybe the only plus in this story is its proper grammar.
4213932
"By saying "allowing this rape to happen.", you're saying that she could have done something to stop it, thus putting the blame on the victim. Not only that, but you said that the victims were reduced to whores, again implies that there was something they could have done to stop it."
Gee, maybe if you actually read the whole story, which you obviously did not, you would see that Equestrian society looks down upon and shames ponies who allow themselves to be violated. That is how most human societies have been in history and many still are today. Sorry if this is news to you secluded bored middle class North American white kids, but that's how many societies think, like it or not
"Please start defending your points rather than insulting those who you don't agree with you. Please stop undermining people."
What bullshit, I have been rationally defending my work this whole time, it's been most other people who are saying "story sucks, you suck, I won't say why it just is yak yak blah blah"
"For instance, I'm a Philosophy major and a Communications minor"
Please change your major/minor unless you enjoy working at Starbucks for the rest of your life, and believe me I have not one but several friends who can vouch for this
4213374
"It's way too repetitive and contains absolutely no plot"
Well duh, it's a clopfic. It's the literary version of a porno, I wasn't exactly trying to outdo Shakespeare here
4216142
"When you say "Allow themselves to be violated." you are again placing the blame on the victim."
And YET AGAIN you totally ignore what I wrote. Here, let me post it again since it seems you are partially blind:
Gee, maybe if you actually read the whole story, which you obviously did not, you would see that Equestrian society looks down upon and shames ponies who allow themselves to be violated. That is how most human societies have been in history and many still are today. Sorry if this is news to you secluded bored middle class North American white kids, but that's how many societies think, like it or not
4218029
In many shame based societies they view rape victims as having "allowed" themselves to be raped, whether that was objectively true or not. Are you seriously telling me you are not aware of this?
4212350 i have no problem with these stories as some of them have a form of plot and justice.
4229611
"Your encouraging clopping to rape in a clop story about rape"
Well no fucking shit, Sherlock
4229378
>"as some of them have a form of plot and justice"
1. My story has plenty of plot, I am quite sure I mentioned ass multiple times
2. Justice in a clop fic? About an imaginary world with imaginary species and imaginary characters? Ooooh I get it... your high. Gotcha. Now it makes sense