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Most ponies imagine themselves being the hero or part of a big adventure. I however am not a fan of even leaving my house other than for work and food. My name is Iron Smoke, and I am a pegasus pony whom happens to be the local blacksmith in Ponyville.
Cover art: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Forming-A-New-Sword-269897187
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So there are a number of issues with this.
1) Lots and lots of grammar mistakes, possibly too many for me to point out individually.
2) I would reccomend describing how each OC looks more naturally, not designating the first couple of paragraphs to them, just so you can describe how they look.
3) This is by far my biggest issue. What exactly is the story about? Why would one be interested in this? Inform the reader, tell me about the characters and why I should care about them.
I gave this story a like because even through all of the previously mentioned issues I still see potential in the characters that you've created.Is my story, Silent Insanity issue free? Of course not, thats why you have to proof read and attempt to fix the problems that you find.
Don't lose encouragement however, after all practice makes perfect
4015627 Is there anywhere I could get help for said grammar issues? I tried to hit as many as I could.
4016285
Okay so you could try the official guide provided by FiMfiction
Link: http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
You should also try to get a hold of someone willing to proof-read your stories/ or if you're up for it, the next chapter for this particular story.
Keep in mind however, it's not how many times you fall down. It's how many times you get back up. Keep practicing and before you know it, you'll be a awesome writer
Black and red OC?
Story's dead before it starts.
4020825 Could present some problems with dealing with other more brightly colored ponies no?
4020837
Not really.
Just makes him look like a douche bag.
If you have an anti-social character, don't go with aggressive and bleak colors. Just go with ones that are just kind of... unattractive.
Welp..... Cover sure makes this look bad.
.....and I was right. Too many mistakes, the character is bleak and uninteresting, and the story so far is boring.
2/10, if I'm gonna be honest
I Think It's a Pretty Good Way to Begin to Start the Story. Good Job, Hope I'll See More of Your Awesome Work!!!
4028908 Thank you
4031775 You're Welcome.
The Story is Still Awesome than Ever!
4051903 Like?
4051993 About the names... I honestly get them out of an name generator :D Plus, if I ever get around to it, I plan on writing a story line for his childhood. So they will have a chance to earn their names.
On the fast bit. I thought I was going pretty slow to be honest. In 3000 words Iron went from the train station, to his house. Plus, I have not gotten to the meat of the story yet. This is still a sort of prelude.
haha that's sad and funny at the same time. Sorry about my sense of taste, but I enjoy watching go from the top to the bottom in stories it always funny and sad to me makes me laugh while crying.
You are a amazing writer don't forget that don't let the dislikes or likes make you think otherwise.
Looking forward for your next chapter.
You're an a Amazing Writer, Don't let those Dislikes get you down. I'm Looking forward for your next chapter.
You're Awesome!!!
I believe the story is fine as it is! You shouldn't let the dislikes of 20 pissfarts get you down!
Now, as the person who helped on specific places, it may seem like I'm saying good things about this story only because I helped write some of it. But that is not the case, (and, in fact, that would offend me) I loved this story! Even before I helped with the chapter! I saw a call for help on the 'Looking for Editors' group and said to myself: "I will read this story, if I like it so far, I will help. If I don't, I will turn away and let somebody else do it." I was amazed at the writing and the fabulous plot line!
It may not seem like the best out there to some people, but that's fine! Isn't that how all the great writers started? People judge the story on previous chapters and what they already know. If something happens that they don't like, they give an immediate dislike to the content without reading further. The world is one big critic and turns up it's nose at anything it doesn't like. I, unlike many, see the wonderful potential in this story and am looking forward to seeing more! Keep going!
4102056 Thank you so much for that.
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140103160059/disney/images/5/57/44383-Right-in-the-feels-TJAE.jpeg
I am just hoping that my writing will get better and that people will start to take more of an interest into it. Plus, there will only be one more chapter till the things start to happen for real.
P.S. Could you edit for me in the future. I really liked what you did.
4102588
lel, nice picture
I'd love to edit again for you!
next time you need help, just shoot me a PM with the link! :)
I Can't wait for the next chapter, loving this story so far!!
...still not as bad as the "DASH"ing story.
4245416 Not sure if good or bad
nhlnumbers.com/uploads/Image/Not+sure+if+child+abuse+or+just+lazy+dad+_4deeca61c271b7e4aa7580ff07ca11ea.jpg
Put this in the authors notes.
Other than that, this story has pleasently surprised me. I thought it would be another Gary Stu fic or a poorly edited fic. But this seems to be a lot better than the first chapter makes you think it is.
Keep writing.
4245421 Self-insert Gary Stu Alicorn OC. 'Nuff said.
4247419 Those are just funny things that like to import themselves from a google doc. They were comments.
4247551 Yeah, I couldn't Gary Stu even if I tried. It would feel wrong. However I know the colors are that type of thing, but I wanted to show that the colors of a pony don't really matter in the long run. Didn't want to Alicorn it though.
4248555
Oh ok then.
And he comes the misunderstandings
Yay! My story is now neutral... now that I type it out it sounds a bit sad.
4298726
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/archive/5/5c/20121129024150!Rainbow_Dash_%22Are_you_a_spy%3F%22_S1E02.png
When have I ever done anything to make Iron feel bad... besides his mom... and Fluttershy... and Twilight
I feel like I've seen the cover image before...
Ok, glad you did not have Iron just say the obviouse solution to the situation like most fics do, I got to give you points for that.
Also, I dont remember, did the crowd for Pinkie's party acutally do that in the episode?
4303798 Yes they did. I made sure to look up the scripts and re-watch the episodes. I wanted to make sure it was partially canon.
A Character Takes Twilight to His House?!
... oh you're smart! 
Plus It's Getting Good, Hope I'll See More of the Story.
I see Twilight might be joining the competition for Iron soon.
AWWWWW man now I feel sad. I mean she died on my B-day
So THAT'S what Fluttershy's problem is.
4376395 Fluttershy
Rainbow Dash; Rainbow Dash 
Iron Smoke; Iron Smoke 
(Or at least has feelings for) Rainbow Dash... I really hope Twilight doesn't join in. It's already going to go to hell sooner rather than later.
4298922 I think it looks like something you'd see as a MLP:Skyrim(Or similiar game) Crossover FanFic Cover Image
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to ask, where are his wings in the Cover Image?
wait... i thought his bed was made of clouds, even with sheets and stuff wouldn't she still fall through?
looking forward to the next chapter
I need moar!
why you cancel is was great
shame this was cancelled
To any and all those who want more. All I have to say is this story is bad and I should feel bad for writing it.
5199848
It really was not that bad.
It had it's flaws but with some more work it could be made into something much better.
But, I am not you.
So I can not force you to continue this.
5199848 what the fuck is wrong with u it's awesome