The first meeting of the Rainbow Dash Fan Club had been a rousing success. Scootaloo closed the door shut and leaned against it, sliding to the ground with a pleasant smile. She gazed up and around the room, glossing over all the rainbow ribbons and banners and posters and frosted snacks and balloons; the room had been converted into a veritable shrine to the bestest, most awesome pony there ever was.
And she had to clean it all up.
“Eh, I’m just going to set it all out again tomorrow,” she said with a shrug. This clubhouse had practically become her abode, after all, so she figured she might as well make the place comfortable. She was sure Apple Bloom wouldn’t mind. It wasn’t like she cared Scootaloo was squatting here to begin with.
She wrinkled her nose as she suddenly forgot whether or not she ever told Apple Bloom about that. Or about the fan club. But she just shrugged again and stood up.
Scootaloo peered out of one of the windows to make sure nopony was around. Satisfied, she locked the clubhouse door and pulled all the curtains closed. All the colors became washed out with shadow as the sunlight was blocked, leaving everything in perpetual darkness. Scootaloo moved away from the windows and meandered over to the far end of the room, tripping over hats and fake wings all the way to the podium.
She pressed herself up against it and pushed. Her hooves scratched at the floor until they found traction, and the podium screeched eerily as she slowly moved it aside.
With the podium out of the way, she could remove the loose floorboards that were hidden underneath. The hole made was just big enough to fit inside, and with a little bit of effort, she squeezed herself into the space below. Her hooves reached the dark bottom, and she quickly grabbed the floorboards and slid them back in place, leaving her alone in this cramped little compartment.
She fumbled around for a switch and turned on a small lamp, illuminating the secret room. It was a small nook she’d carved into the trunk way back before Applejack even gave the treehouse to Apple Bloom (she’d never forgive that mare for forcing her to move back with her parents). But this abode of hers had gone unfound, and truly, it was the only place left she could be alone. It was the only place where she could be herself.
Every surface of this room was painted a different color, one for every color of the rainbow. Every wall was adorned with a framed picture of Rainbow Dash striking awesome poses.
A lock of Rainbow Dash’s mane, several of Rainbow Dash’s rusty old horseshoes, a discarded apple core, and a toothbrush previously belonging to Rainbow Dash sat on a small pedestal made of cloud taken from Rainbow Dash’s actual house against the opposite wall. If the room above her head was a shrine to the awesomest pony in existence, than this was the altar. And Scootaloo was in heaven.
She took out a quill made from one of Rainbow Dash’s feathers and also a small diary made from napkins Rainbow Dash had thrown away. She sat down on a tiny cushion stitched with some of Rainbow Dash’s tail hairs and stuffed with more of Rainbow Dash’s feathers. And below the weak light of the cracked lantern she’d recovered from Rainbow Dash’s trash, she began to write.
“As club leader, I’d say the first day of the Rainbow Dash Fan Club went well,” she said aloud as she wrote. “I’ve already won club member of the month for being the biggest fan. I got high hopes for next month too, so long as nopony proves themselves to be better. But I don’t think that will happen. The club leader would have to decide, after all. Besides, I highly doubt anypony else knows Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark origin story, or have even been touched by her!”
She paused in thought. “Except for maybe Sweetie Belle during the whole Smartypants episode.” She hummed. “I should see if I can get Twilight to cast that spell again, for me. And maybe I should make Sweetie Belle the club stenographer. Definitely not a cool job, but somepony has to do it...”
She blinked. “Ah! She’s rubbing off on me! Stenographer it is!”
Scootaloo scribbled that down before pausing again. “Hm, I wonder if I could get Rainbow Dash to join. That’d be awesome, but now that I think about it, she’s a pretty big fan of herself. Rightfully so, but that means I’d have to make her member of the month. But I’m her biggest fan who isn’t her, so does that mean I’d still be member of the month? The club’s dedicated to her, after all. So she really shouldn’t be a part of it, should she?”
Her breathing quickly became more erratic. “Does that mean I have to ban her from the club to keep being her biggest fan?! But then she’d hate me! I’d have to ban myself from the club for being hated by her just like I did Rarity! And then I wouldn’t be member of the month to prove how big of a fan I am!”
Scootaloo was hyperventilating by this point. As she continued to debate with herself, she didn’t even realize how dizzy she was becoming, or how heavy her head was, or how painful her chest was growing. Things continued to escalate until she found herself unable to breathe and collapsed of carbon dioxide poisoning, and the flickering lantern light went out.
Hey, I wrote a new fic about Ponyville's most prominent (and only) Nazi sympathizer, Aryanne. If you like this fic, you should probably go read this... it's fucking silly.
Live Free or Reinhard
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I KNOW WHY SCOOTS CANNOT STAY DEAD!!!
She has cancer.
And, as the Littlest Cancer Patient, she has Contractual Immortality and cannot die until the cancer has spread to every organ and kills her.
I guess the thought of Rainbow Dash leaves Scootaloo...
Breathless.
4473414
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Scootaloo killing herself through a illogic cascade for the episode that makes no sense? Perfect.
Hopefully, this will teach her to better ventilate her Dash shrine.
In any case, looking forward to more.
Scoots' obession with RD just got really creepy.
<- calling BS on this
I would say that Scoots's obsession with RD is a real gas.
Eventually her cutie mark will appear, and on that day we will learn her current deathcount. It will rise to insane heights, being the only cutie mark that changes after it appears.
Congrats, your special talent is dying!
This pretty much locks up next month's "Biggest Fan" award. Not many ponies can lay claim to dying just thinking about their idol.
4473293
BACK! BACK FOUL BEAST! I have in my hands the Stick of Ugliness from whence your appearance came, and I have not the fear to prevent me from using it!
Oh, this took my breath away!
Ahh, the silent killer. Probably one of the better deaths she's had.
So, has it ever been revealed as to what happens to her bodies? Because that is going to start smelling if she just leaves it there.
4473773
She does seem like she'd go Silence of the Lambs on Rainbow..
Ah, and here I was expecting Snips or another fan to walk back in, notice that the podium was out of place, and dutifully push it back where it should be. That is, right over those loose floorboards.
4474915 I think the Silent Killer is a somewhat different gas. Now that would be a shameful way to go...
4475202
Gas is silent nonetheless though.
4475212 With the possible exception of nitrous oxide.
I guess Scoots is just a little airheaded.
I wonder if the RD fanclub is going to notice the sudden smell of decaying chicken the next time they come in.
See, people? It is possible to make a dictionary joke at Sweetie Belle's expense without actually using the word.
Everything was good. Save for this.
This should be
Just letting out my inner grammar nazi.
4474234 I speak LOUDLY and I have BIGGER stick! And I use it too!
4489324
...What are you going on about...?
~Skeeter The Lurker
Hmm, oddly enough, dying in this way might've been the best way for her to go.
Scootaloo is a regular Penelope Tate here. Hey... MLP and The Amanda Show crossover! Rainbow can be Amanda (please!)
4478261
YES! i found it!