Grey-Mist and Rainbow dash live in different worlds but when a hole in the fabric of space and time is created Grey falls into her world things change drastically, can life ever be the same for either of them or will his old life ruin the one he has created in the mystical world of Equestria.
This is the story about a cyborg his friends and how their lives are changed forever
completely off the main story-line everyone in the mane 6 is about in their mid-twenties
NOTE: I've created this stories chapters in a way like the legend novels by marie lu so don't mind the chapter names they aren't the same
EDITED BY: lilbobchicago
WARNING: There will be some very graphic scenes but it is in the process of being edited so give it some time and you may find that you like it.
need more
so awesome
great work
This chapter is hilarious.
yo if you want an editor you have one
Thanks for the comments
4084449 thanks that helps
One thing.
The fourth dimension is time.
Every time we take a a picture of an atom. Or anything really. It is I. The fourth dimension.
So its not the fourth wall. Its the fifth and beyond.
This just always bugged me.
Nothing to do with your story really
4109619 Thanks Ill change that ASAP
4109619 Err what chapter did you find "the fourth wall?
Who is the character in the story title picture?
It is supposed to resemble GREY but it is not an actual character
So far I'm not minding the story, it isn't terrible but you really should work on grammatical errors and punctuation.
For the most part you're moving way too fast and giving no time to think or breath from the reader and it's hard to tell who is talking because one will start right after the other like in this chapter.
I'm not much for giving critique or advice but hopefully you appreciate my insight.
4338729 Genos, from One Punch Man (awesomely hilarious superhero manga)
5308114 appreciated
Okay so after a whole lot of consideration and many helpful insights from the comments I have come to a few realizatiions
1. the story is paced way to fast
2. the dialogue, grammar and punctuation need work
3. i need to revise the whole thing
So until further notice I have decided that The story will be replaced into the Incomplete category and it will remain there until all of the chapters are revised and the entire story-line placed out into plane sight not hidden between the lines. Th those who thought the story was okay i'm sorry but it needs work and for the remaining stories... they shall remain on Hiatus until further notice also to any and all who thought that the ending to The story of Anvil was poorly constructed please tell me in the comments of that story.
Thank you all for the help in getting me into the proper construction of writing
proudtobeabrony667
Wait.... Wat?
That was fast...
6337684
okay I get where you're coming from and I understand so I'll explain Rainbow Dash had a boyfriend for a while and it had started good but along the way he became possessive and that's why he was attacking her he had been following her around and over heard a conversation he disliked and ... well I suppose if you read the next chapter you'll understand
6337733
okay I think your misinterpreting his statement
Grey had no female contact besides the female nurses and the female staff at the place he was being held prisoner for 19 years so I guess he was just asking her father if he would allow RD to be his girlfriend and of course if RD told her father Greys name it would stand to reason that she told him much more about the person that she to had fallen in love with ... make sense?
5733418
yo thanks for telling people who the character from the title picture was cause I had no clue
6622907 No prob, happy to help
im sorry but this story is far too fast paced for my liking, there is barely any dialoge at all. All of the areas that would pad out the story and provide detailed explanations are simply glossed over in single paragraphs...
The pacing is utter crap but otherwise the story is good you just need to flesh it out a lot more.
holy shit!! the pacing is bad I mean you even skipped his fight with the dragon i mean what the fuck man!? action is one of the best parts of a story!?
Alright so basically what I’ve learned from the comments is that the story need a lot of filling aspects so over the course of the time I have to work on it I’ll do my best o do just that please wait I’m still new to the whole writing thing
Just in case anyone’s wondering I am in the process of going through the chapters one by one making changes little by little just in case you have questions about pieces not fitting together
Why is Genos the cover art?
9564997
Mostly because I needed an image of a cyborg and really that’s the first one that looked relatively decent. At the time when I found it I hadn’t seen One Punch Man, so I had no idea this was Genos
10500637
Now its been long enough since I posted that comment I can’t even remember whether I read the story or not
6337733
Yeah 6 years after writing this and tons of practice later I kind of realized how poorly this was written. Maybe when I find the time in the future I’ll go through and edit it, but that’s time I don’t have anymore
10501839
That’s fair, thanks though for considering it at the very least, I know it needs a major overhaul but it’ll come eventually
Dang you just went all out in that sad life story nice