Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind

by maxxxxxx

That Which is Left Behind- 3

It was pitch black, everywhere she looked, there was only darkness. So a sound could be heard within the void, except a steady breath, and an uneasy heartbeat. Sunrise struggled with all her might to move her hooves, but the more she fought, the heavier they felt. A slow, tense fear began to build within her, she could feel something, something she couldn't explain. It was all around her, she could practically feel it's breath in her ear. Suddenly, a sound pierced the darkness, it was the sound of rushing air. Images flash through her mind, as though imposed in her thoughts by an outside force. A young filly, who looked just like her, flying through the air at incredible speeds. Sunrise could feel an indescribable heartache as she watched the filly fly away.

'I- I know this… I saw this before right after Fluttershy…'

“Who knows? Maybe you and your future best friends are all looking at the same rainbow.” A voice resonated throughout the expansive blackness.

'Twilight?' Sunrise thought to herself, she tried to speak, to call out to her, but her voice was paralyzed, as was every muscle in her body now. All she could do was stand there helplessly as the voices and images played.

'“I'll have the sky clear in ten seconds flat!”' A brash and boastful voice declared. In her mind, Sunrise could see her, Rainbow Dash. She sat on top of a cloud, staring down at disheveled Twilight.

'No… Stop this… please.' Fear and grief began to overwhelm her. She wanted to shout, she wanted to cry, but she couldn't move, she couldn't make a sound, all the feelings were building up inside her, she felt her whole body would be torn apart by the torrent of emotions as the images and voices kept rushing through her mind.

'Gah! I- I can't take this, please! Please make it stop!' Suddenly, a deep and bitter anger began bubbling up inside her. A terrible realization formed as it grew, only making her anger stronger. 'Fluttershy… This is all your fault! This, this is because of what you said to me isn't it!? Why, why did it have to be true? Why can't I go on living!? Damn it!'

“You aren't even going to apologize?”

'T-Twilight?' Sunrise whispered in her mind. The mare she knew and loved sounded bitter and angry, like nothing Sunrise had ever heard from her before, it sent a chill down her spine. Then, the image began to form clearly in her mind, she could see Twilight, in her library, with a suppressed look of annoyance as she glared down at someone… it was Rainbow Dash.

“For what you did to Rarity. What else would I mean?” Twilight forced her voice to soften, trying to be understanding, trying to elicit the same thoughtful compassion in Rainbow Dash, instead, she merely rolled her eyes before delving back into her book.

“Twi, I'm not going to apologize cause it wasn't my fault. She should have been watching where she was-” Suddenly, her book was enveloped in a glowing purple aura before being yanked out from under her. '“Hey! I was reading that!”'

“Rainbow Dash! She's going to be in that cast for three more weeks because you were being reckless.”' Her look soften, she was trying her best to exude understanding and empathy, desperately hope Rainbow Dash would reciprocate. '“Don't you feel even a little sorry?”'

“No, I don't! It wasn't my fault, it was just a crazy coincidence. She was in the wrong place not paying attention.”' She huffed angrily.

“Rainbow Dash, I was there, I saw the whole thing. You flew right towards her, you didn't even try to stop.”' Twilight maintained her gently tone.

“Like I told you Twilight, there was a freaky up draft and it knocked me out of the sky! There was nothing I could do.”' Sunrise could tell she was lying, and the look of disappointment in Twilight's eyes told her she knew it too.

“Rainbow Dash, I talked to the weather team, they told me that there were no hot or cold patches that would have caused an updraft strong enough to take out a pegasus.” Dash's eyes became wide with shock, but there was a deep pain in her eyes, a pain that was quickly covered up with aggression.

“You checked?! You thought I was lying so much that you actually asked the weather team? I thought we were friends Twilight? I thought you were supposed to give your friends the benefit of the doubt or something?” There was a clear bitterness in her accusing tone, her posture became defensive, but her eyes burned with anger as she stared Twilight down.

“Rainbow, if it was a prank that went wrong we'll understand, but you need to apologize. I know you feel bad about it, why don't you just tell her?” Her gentle compassion was beginning to be infected with frustration.

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through Sunrise's head, her body collapsed, released from the paralyzing force that held her. The images that ran through her mind, the memories that were not her own, all went dark, all went silent. She gasped, the shock of the pain making her whole body burn. The pain began to ebb and her body cooled. She was trembling as she got to her hooves, her breaths rapid and shallow. 'W-what was-'

'“Aaaaaaah!”' Sunrise screamed, falling once again, wave after wave of agony shot through her head, nausea followed as the pain grew worse and worse. Tears fell down her face, her eyes squeezed shut as tightly as she could and her jaw clenched so tight her teeth were hurting. She held her head between her hooves as the torturous pain battered her like waves, over rand over.

“Stop! Make it stop!" She pleaded into the void. Then, just as suddenly as the pain appeared it vanished, leaving her trembling and her body weak. She gasped, her breath weak and unsteady.

“Tell her I'm here… please, tell her… I'm here.”

“N-no… no, please, please I don't want this!” She was crying uncontrollably as she begged, she begged for all of it to stop, for everything she knew to be true to be wrong. She looked around frantically in the darkness, sobbing pathetically.

“Please Sunrise… tell her I'm here.”

Sunrise felt the floor giving out beneath her as she plummeted, she tumbled through the air, fast and faster, she could feel her heart racing now as a tightness in her chest sent her further into a panic.

***********************************************

“Rainbow Dash!” Sunrise screamed at the top of her lungs, her chest stung and her heart raced erratically. Desperately she tried to inhale but her frantic gulps of air gave her little as she was sent further into a panic. Frantically sunrise turned to her nightstand, grabbing a cup of water and quickly downing a large pill. She broke into a coughing fit, spitting up water and the pill, struggling to stay conscious she reached for the soaked pill and, despite the burning in her throat compelling her to keep coughing, she forced the pill down, only giving into her coughing reflex once she was sure it would not come back up.

“Sunrise!” Twilight burst through the door, swinging it open with suck force it knocked books off the shelf at the other end of the small room. Her eyes were wide and her breaths labored as though she had run as fast as she could from the other end of the library. “Sunrise are you okay!?”

“Twilight...” Sunrise felt guilt well up inside her from the worry in Twilight's eyes. She took a deep breath to calm her heart before she smiled frailly at Twilight. “I- I'm alright. It was just a nightmare.”

“Just a nightmare? L-like the one you had last night… in the hospital?” Twilight's gaze shifted to the floor and she shoulders slumped and her wings drooped. Contrary to Sunrise's expectations, somehow her words only seemed to hurt Twilight more.

“It… it wasn't like that. I'm sorry I worried you Twilight.”

“What was it? The nightmare I mean.” Twilight looked back up to Sunrise, she could see Twilight's eyes clouded with suppressed tears. “I- I mean, it might be important… if I don't know, how can I help you Sunrise?”

“I...” Many things ran through her mind as she struggled to answer. Images and feelings from her dreams raged through her mind, she clenched her jaw, struggling to hold back her own tears as a lump formed in her throat. “I don't remember.”

“Are you sure you don't remember anything? Please Sunrise, any detail you can recall would be better than nothing, I really want to help...” Twilight's voice was saturated with a deep depression, Sunrise could feel something buried deep within Twilight's misty eyes, something terrible and painful. They stared at each other, tense, silent seconds passed like minutes as they gazer into the others eyes, the air was almost heavy with words unsaid and feelings hidden, finally the silence was broken.

“No… I don't remember a thing.” Sunrise spoke in little more than a whisper. She knew it, she knew she was lying, she was lying to herself, and to the one she cared about most. She could only feel disgust at herself as she averted her eyes. She prayed Twilight wouldn't press further, she knew though, that there was something Twilight was concealing from her as well. Her heart began to pulse faster as Twilight stayed in silence. I- I'm so sorry Twilight.

“I see...” Twilight turned her downcast eyes back to the floor and gave a soft but pain filled sigh. Solemnly, she began to turn back towards the door, grief, guilt, sorrow and defeat spiraled through her eyes. Sunrise could almost feel the pain Twilight was in, and it was tearing her heart to pieces.

“Twilight wait.” She called quietly, forcing her eyes back to face's Twilight's. She could feel the full intensity of emotions that raged behind her gentle but heartbroken visage.

“W-what is it Sunrise?” Her voice carried a note of hope that almost crushed Sunrise, bringing her so near the brink of tears, her voice strained under the weight of her forced back sobs as she began to speak.

“I need to go out, just for a bit… alone.” Sunrise braced herself, not only against the reaction she was sure would come from Twilight, but also against her own guilt and making her more worried. Haven't I done enough to her?

“Sunrise no!” Twilight snapped, her tears flowed as her unbridled emotion came pouring out. “You just got out of the hospital, you nearly… you nearly… I- I almost lost you Sunrise! I can't Sunrise… I just can't lose you too, please, you need to stay home and rest, you can't keep risking your life! Think about me Sunrise, please!”

“Twilight…” Sunrise was speechless the weight of her guilt only made her want to run away, to flee from this place, and from Twilight. '\W-what's wrong with me?

“No Sunrise! No, d-don't say anything, just please listen to me. Stay home… for me Sunrise, please… just stay for me.” Her words were barely audible through her hear rending sobs. She stared pleadingly at Sunrise, her pain filled eyes were only making the crushing guilt Sunrise was drowning in. “Sunrise, j-just say you'll stay for me, I can't lose you, I just can't lose you.”

“I- I…” She took a deep, long breath, trying to cool the raging emotions and the burning guilt in her chest, exhaling gently through her nose before gathering the strength to look back at her, her visage filled with a renewed clarity. “Twilight, I'm sorry.”

“Sunrise please-”

“No Twilight, I'm sorry that I put you through all this, I'm sorry I made you so worried for me. Oh Twilight… I'm so sorry.” The moment of clarity she had quickly ebbed as pain rushed in, guilt and depression weighed down on her chest and streamed down her face as she cried. “I won't go so… please Twilight don't cry. Don't cry anymore, it breaks my heart. I- I just want you to be happy and smile again, please don't cry.”

“Promise me,” Twilight's teary eyes were dead serious as she glared at Sunrise. “promise me you'll stay home Sunrise.”

“Twilight…”

“You have to promise me that you'll stay.” Twilight repeated, stressing the gravity of her words. Sunrise was taken aback, she felt an uncomfortable pressure from Twilight's glare. She knew though, that it was all because she cared for her.

“Twilight,” Sunrise's eye's soften and she felt warmth spread through her body. A small and gentle smile spread across her face. Even after all this, after everything I've put you through… Twilight, you really are amazing. “I promise.”

“Thank you...” Her intense expression dulled, but not with relief. Still a deep sorrow seemed to permeate through Twilight's mind and she nodded, more to herself than to Sunrise. “Thank you.”

“Twilight… what's wrong?”

“N-nothing… I'm just tired I guess.” She shrugged. She did look tired, physically and emotionally.

“Twilight, you can't neglect your own health, please, get some rest, for me.”

“Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks Sunrise. You… you get some rest too.” She said weakly, before turning back to the door. Time seemed to move in slow motion for Sunrise as Twilight placed one hoof in front of the other, thousands of things raced through her mind as she watched helplessly. She knew she needed to say something, say anything, but, she just sat there, mute as Twilight slinked away, trotting out of her room without another word. In her absence, Sunrise felt the room somehow seemed… colder.

Twilight… Twilight what have I done to you?
*******************************************************

Twilight lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, her eyes dull and her body weak. Her body had become thinner as eating was far from her mind. The morning light was getting brighter as the sun was shining through her window. Lacking the resolve to force her body out of bed, she dropped her foreleg over her eyes, shutting out the light.

Rainbow Dash… Are you… are you really in there? Are you really trying to come back to us? I-if so then, then what have I been doing!? A terrible rage took hold her her heart, all of it directed at herself. She gritted her teeth so hard it hurt, her jaw muscles bulged and her heart raced. What have I been doing?! To you, to Sunrise, to our friends!? I- I heard it, Sunrise cried your name, she screamed it. I- I couldn't bring myself to admit it, to either of us. Oh Sunrise, I' so sorry! Why does it have to be like this?! What am I supposed to do?!

“Oh Rainbow Dash… What am I supposed to do?” Tears streamed down from behind her foreleg covering her eyes, soaking through her fur, leaving dark trails in their wake. Pitiful sobs softly echoed through her lonely room. Why does it have to be this way? If.. if I bring Rainbow Dash back Sunrise will… she'll be gone. Oh Rainbow Dash, I loved you, I loved you so much, losing you was the most painful thing that had ever happened to me… I can still see it, every time I think of you, I can see the pain in your eyes, the anger at me, I can hear your last words so vividly, and the light draining from your eyes after you fell… but Sunrise… I also…

“Sunrise… I'm so sorry.” She couldn't even try to hold back her emotional turmoil, it all came out, right there as she cried, and cried. She wailed and screamed as tears flowed, pulling ever more pain and heartbreak out of her. This isn't right! This isn't right! Why did you have to be born into this life, things… they're so hard for you and now, and now this. Why?! Why can't she just live damn it! What did she ever do to deserve this!? I- I…

“I have to tell her.” Her eyes became and she went silent as though struck with an epiphany. She has to know, she… her life is unfair enough, she needs to know, she needs the truth, she needs that from me! Her expression changed to a powerful, fierce determination, even as drops still rolled down her cheeks, she felt compelled with a new and powerful resolve. Her horn ignited into a bright purple glow and the door swung open. She ran, she ran fast and recklessly, nearly tumbling down the stairs as she ran. Sunrise, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I lied to you! You have to know, you have to know what the doctor found, and what it means!

“Sunrise!” Twilight yelled as she reached her door, swinging it open with so much magical force the hinges nearly broke. She took rapid, heavy breaths, her heart raced, fear exhilaration and sorrow rushed through her body as she prepared to give, with all her heart, everything she had held back. However, her heart sank as she was stunned into silence, the impetus that compelled her died away, leaving only the fear and sadness in its wake. Her lip quivered as she walked slowly into her room, only one worse slipped from her lips, a word full of horror that filled the empty room.

“No...”
******************************************************

“Rainbow, if it was a prank that went wrong we'll understand, but you need to apologize. I know you feel bad about it, why don't you just tell her?” Her gentle compassion began to be infected with frustration.

“You don't know anything Twilight! Just give me back my book and leave me alone!” Rainbow Dash lunged for the book but it floated away just before she reached it. She glared at Twilight, but this time, Twilight glared back, anger had won out…

“Oh, I don't know anything? I don't even think you know how you feel sometimes! I thought you felt bad about what you did to Rarity and were just ashamed that you messed up but I'm starting to think you don't feel anything!”

“You're right I don't! I'm Rainbow Dash! If I mess up I admit it, but I didn't so I'm not going to go and pretend like it was just so you can feel better!” Rainbow Dash snarled.
“This isn't about me Rainbow Dash. Fine, you don't think it was you're fault? Apologize anyway. Your friend got hurt and you should try to make her feel better. That's what a loyal friend would do.” Twilight struggled to remain composed, trying to reach out and appeal to Dash's sense of loyalty.

“Don't talk to me about loyalty you stuck up know it all!” Rainbow Dash snapped, she bared her teeth and got right up in Twilight's face. “I don't have to stand here and listen to this! I'm going home!” She began to turn away as Twilight spoke up.

“You really do feel bad Rainbow Dash! You're pathetic, you can't even admit to yourself that you did something wrong let lone tell somepony else.” Twilight was trying to provoke Rainbow Dash, there was a tone of vague superiority in her voice.

“What did you say!?” Dash got back in Twilight's face, but she continued unfazed.

“You heard me Rainbow Dash. You act all cool but you know what? It's obvious that you only act that way to cover up the fact that you don't even know how to express your feelings!” Twilight's words had pierced right through Rainbow Dash's thin veneer over bravado, and Dash began to crumble.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up! Just shut up!” She closed her eyes, shaking her head vigorously as through trying to shake off Twilight's words.

Sunrise watched in horror, she could feel a terrible foreboding as she watched. She felt as though her were there, a part of everything in the room, every word and every action felt like it was a part of her. A sense of dread crept down her spine, she began shaking her head weakly, helplessly watching the scene unfold. 'Don't… please… not again…' Sunrise didn't know why those words echoed through her mind, why she thought them, or why they filled her with such pain, but she just kept thinking it, again and again as she watched.

“It's the truth Rainbow Dash. I know that's new to you, the truth, because you never tell it to yourself I'm going to tell it to you!” She shouted, getting right in Rainbow Dash's face.

Terror filled Sunrise. She desperately struggled to move, to somehow intervene. The next moments seemed to move in slow motion as she screamed within herself. 'No!'

;Smack!;

The sound echoed throughout the room as her hoof made impact, leaving them both Twilight and Rainbow Dash in stunned silence. Twilight slowly brought her hoof to her tender cheek and felt it gently. Blood began to trickle out of her mouth and tears were building in the corners of her wide eyes. She just stared at Dash, her eyes closed tight and her face full of rage and pain.

'No… Rainbow Dash… why… why did you-' Tears poured down Sunrise's face, she could feel everything so intensely, every bit of pain and anger, it tore at her heart, it felt like the hate would eat her alive. 'Why did you have to do it…'
“Aaaaah!” A powerful, agonizing pain surged through her body, bringing her to her knees gasping for breath. Everything again went dark as the pain passed.

“W-why are you showing me this!? Please! I don't… I don't want this!” Sunrise screamed into the void. Seconds passed like hours as she waited to hear anything out of the deafening silence.

“Please… Tell her I'm here… I have to make this right… please… free me. I have to make things right.”

Just as before, she felt the ground beneath her hooves vanish, she plummeted, but she did not fight it. A crushing despair made her long for the final impact. A bright light shined from beneath her. Sunrise almost smiled as she longed for its embrace. 'No more… no more…' The light began to engulf her, but as everything went blank, washed away by the powerful light, one image flashed through her mind. 'Twilight…'

*******************************************************

Her eyes fluttered open, a cool breeze flower over her and the smell of grass and dirt filled her nostrils, long green blades tickled her face. Sunrise looked up, her muscles sore and her vision bleary, a figure sat beside her, staring out at the horizon.

“T-Twilight?” She said weakly as the haze of sleep cleared her eyes and her visioned sharpened, the figure before her came into focus.

“Good morning.” She said softly, a hint of deep sadness filled her gently voice.

“Fluttershy...”

Comments

[Raidah]

Oh. Uh.... Shy... What're you doin...

[Khao]

I still haven't changed my mind over a certain post I made a while ago.

Rainbow Dash and Sunrise are the same person. Plain and simple. One that's simply in denial over things she doesn't like about herself.

In "That Which Makes up a Rainbow", it was established that Rainbow Dash subconciously represses memories she doesn't like. She did things that she regrets, so she just forced herself to forget. Doing that completely broke her mind from the inside.

Now, she's doing exactly the same once again, except now she'd just rather repress her very identity.

Rainbow Dash was never "gone," she just subconsciously decided to forget about her own self because she doesn't like who she is anymore. But just like in the first story, it's now starting to come back at herself, and it's probably building up to an even bigger mindbreak than it did before.

People change all the time. New memories are made. Some are lost forever. That doesn't mean that they change into a different person altogether.

Maybe it's not what the author intended, but it's making the story as a whole super frustrating in a way that's... kind of brilliant. I don't agree with anything that's going on, or anything these characters are saying and feeling. But I somehow still care about them, and the mixing of both things just gives off a feeling I've never found anywhere else.

It's kind of strange. I could say that I hate this story, but... in a way that's making me love it. I don't know if this makes any sense whatsoever to anyone reading the story or to Author person, but it's just how the whole thing feels to me. Just know that this is not a complaint, but the very reason I'm enjoying this in the first place, I can't even explain it right.

[Waves]

I'm really curious how this will end. Great chapters.

[Daring Cammie Do]

Hmmm, so Rainbow is still alive, eh? Sounds like we've got a plot twist coming in~

Also, Rainbow's lines remind me of Corpse Party for some reason...

[EarthRainbow]

Honestly, I had stopped reading early on, I hadn't even realized it wasn't finished. I liked the previous story, so maybe I'll read them again when this is finished.

[Phoenix Flames]

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UPDATE?!

I'M GOING CRAZY BECAUSE OF HOW LONG I'VE HAD TO WAIT!

[maxxxxxx]

7240932 I will try to update this weekend

[Phoenix Flames]

7251082 Great I'm sorry if I sounded mean.

[maxxxxxx]

7251118 it's alright, I just have a lot of health problems I'm dealing with so it's hard to find the time and will to write

[Phoenix Flames]

7251163 Oh I'm sorry. Hopefully you'll get better soon.

[Wand3r3r3]

Oh man... The premise alone just sells the story

[maxxxxxx]

I will be updating in the very near future (two weeks tops unless something comes up!)

[Raidah]

It's been so looooooong oml

[dukesofhazzardftw]

7568548 Did something comes up

Seriously tho moar plz

[MidnightInkpaw]

Please don't tell me this story is dead...

But really, you did an awesome job with this story. As I was starting to think Rainbow was really gone, you silenced it

[Aracus]

This story... it's eerie how it... echoes thoughts and feelings I've had for several years and how much I can identify with Dash in this story and in a way, envy Sunrise.

It's also strikingly powerful how this story(both parts of which I just marathoned) has had me weeping if not constantly then certainly a few times every chapter. Kudos!

And while it truly is a longshot by now I really hope you finish it!

And for what its worth, congratulations, this story is the first one I've favorited despite having read and loved hundreds of other fics here including some of the epics like the Austraeoh series and a few others!

Truly, touching and deserving!

[Miyukana]

Please do continue this!
Im in Verge OF tears right now

[Yubella]

You know we were thinking of a fix where nightmare moon left Luna's body. It was gonna be a dark theme centered around nightmare sympathy. Maybe you can use that

[xxskittleponyxx]

Please update this book!
I really want to see what happens next!

[Zigrth]

We all want to see more of this story can you tell us wan you Will be able to continue this story

[Teraunce]

I really really hope this gets updated someday as boy are the feels strong and it ends so abruptly.