Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind

by maxxxxxx

Burden of responsibility

Sunrise quickly got settled into her new room. It was small and you could just feel that the room hadn't been used for much. She guessed it had been a storage room for superfluous books. Spike had made short work of cleaning it out for her, she kind of felt bad that she couldn't help. The early morning beams of light streamed in through her only window, giving the room a soft glow. She found that she really liked the early mornings, and often found herself up before sunrise. Maybe I'm growing attached to the name more than I thought, or it could just be a coincidence. Either way, there is definitely something magical about a sunrise. Everything always seems so fresh and new, like the whole world and everything in it is reborn. You sleep, and get a chance to be someone new, someone better when you wake up. Every new start is another opportunity, and today will be no different. She found herself smiling brightly and a warm feeling spreading through her. Where am I getting all this optimism? Perhaps I'm letting all this get to my head. In any case I'm happy so why over think it? Being here, with spike and Twilight, it feels nice. I know I'm getting ahead of myself but, I bet this is what having a family feels like. Her ear swiveled towards the sound of hoof beats outside her door, followed by a delicious aroma that made her mouth almost water. A soft knock came from the other side of her door.

“Sunrise, are you awake?” She spoke in little more than a whisper.

“Yes Twilight, I'm awake. You can come in.” She spoke with a light chuckle. What could she be doing up this early? I bet she didn't get enough sleep again. The door slowly creaked open as Twilight stepped into the room, her horn aglow, carrying two trays. Sunrise laughed lightly, smiling at Twilight.

“You didn't have to get up early to make me breakfast in bed, You could have slept a little longer. I would have made myself something.” She propped a pillow behind her head and sat up against the headboard, slowly scooting herself up. The bed was quite a bit more comfortable than the hospital bed. Twilight smiled back and shook her head.

“Nonsense, you're still hurt and I'm usually up this early so it's no trouble at all. Besides I was thinking we could eat together, Spike is still asleep and I don't really like eating alone.” She lowered one of the trays onto Sunrises lap, and took the cover off. Egg whites, toast and apple cider... and her pills. Twilight placed hers on the Sunrises' bed beside her. It was a large bed, likely meant for a couple. She took her pills in her hoof, eyeing the large tablets wearily. Everyday, for the rest of my life... Sighing halfheartedly, she gulped them down with a decent amount of cider.

“Well I guess if you don't mind, I would love to have company for breakfast. Wait, you said spike is asleep? You made this?”

“Well it's not like I don't know how to cook, I'm just usually busy so spike does most of the cooking around here.” Sunrise took a bite of her eggs. It was different that what spike had made but, It's still good.

“It's really good, thank you Twilight.” Twilight gave a relieved smile.

“I'm glad you liked it, to be honest it was my first time making just egg whites, it took a couple tires to separate the yolk.” She paused to take take a bite of her own, much more hearty meal, yolks, butter and all. “By the way, did you get a chance to read any of Daring Do?” Sunrise was almost put off by the eagerness in her voice, she had her suspicions when she read the first book and Twilight's demeanor only strengthened them.

“Yes, I read the first two books. They were okay but I didn't particularly care for them. But thank you anyway.” Her suspicions were confirmed when a downcast look flashed across Twilight's face.

I don't know why I'm still trying. I promised her I would let it go. Oh, I don't even know anymore! Can she tell? Of course can, she can tell. Oh Sunrise, I'm so sorry. I- I thought that Daring Do might bring Rainbow Dash back. I know it's selfish, I know how scared you must be but... I just, I just can't let go.

“Oh, that's alright. I have a lot of books, I'm sure we'll find something you like.” She forced a smile, hoping that Sunrise would let her keep her guise, just this once. She knew though, she knew the Sunrise knew better.

“I'm sure we will. You have a very comprehensive collection. Maybe if you recommend a series that I might like instead of one Rainbow Dash liked...” Twilight could see, behind the accusing tone, was an obvious hurt in her eyes. Twilight looked down at her try, avoiding eye contact with Sunrise.

“I knew it...” Sunrise looked down to her lap, ears drooping and gaze heavy with sadness. I know I shouldn't push her, but what else can I do? Twilight is the only pony I have in the world, but that makes it only hurt worse when she looks at me like that, when she's looking for Rainbow Dash. I'm not her, and.. and I don't want to be ignored. I'm real, I'm a real pony and.. and Twilight, please.. please see me. I know I don't want to go through this alone and I know it's a lot to ask but please..

“Sunrise...” Why Sunrise? Why can't I just hold on to hope? Why can't you just let me pretend? I know it hurts you but it hurts me as well! I did something horrible to my friend and.. and I'll never be able to make it right! Twilight's eyes became wide with realization, and she could feel tears beginning to buildup in her eyes. Is that why I'm doing all this for her?! I'm not being kind, I'm being selfish! I- I told her that I would be there for her. I gave her a new name! I told her it would be a new beginning and here I am trying to... No! I am doing this out of kindness, It is a new start, for both of us! I've moved on! I've moved on! I... I moved on... She only glanced at Twilight, barely willing herself to look at her, but, she could see the turmoil in her mind. The pain in her eyes, it was so hard to look at. It made her feel guilty.

“I'm sorry Twilight... forget I said anything.” Saying that made her feel guilty, she had just lied to Twilight and herself, just so Twilight could feel better, even though it was a shallow and empty happiness, just pure denial. She, she just didn't want to see Twilight that hurt. She laughed at the notion in her mind. I must be getting too attached. I know it's wrong. If she doesn't confront this then it will only be harder later on... but that look in her eyes. I don't want to see her like that.

“So, um.... I have my doctor's appointment the day after tomorrow.” Against her better judgment, she changed the subject and Twilight seemed more than happy to play along.

“Oh, yes. We have to go for you're check up.” The doctor had said that she would have to get more scans and that he had some good news. She was excited about it... and that only made her more guilty. She found she couldn't help but hope, that it was a way to bring Rainbow Dash's memory back.

“Well, I was thinking, after my check up, you could give me a tour of the town. I don't really know anything about Ponyville so I think it would be a good idea.” She spoke nervously, before finishing the last of her food. When she looked back to Twilight she was taken aback by the depressed look she wore.

“Twilight?” She looked up at Sunrise, meeting her eyes. She found that, she didn't like looking into those eyes, she felt exposed in front of them, but in a way, she felt drawn to them. Like she was somehow a better pony for doing it.

“I- I don't think that's a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I need more time.” She fumbled with her hooves as she spoke, she was quickly losing nerve.

“More time?” She knew. She could tell why Twilight was hesitant to bring her out in public. It could only mean one thing.

“I just... not everyone will understand right away. I need more time to..” Pain and anger flared in Sunrises' eyes. She stared deep into Twilight's eyes, and Twilight shrunk under her stare.

“More time to avoid the problem? You haven't even explained it to her friends? Your friends! Twilight, have you even explained it to yourself? Just how long are you going to keep me hidden away from everypony? On our way here, the day you brought me from the hospital, you took all back ways to avoid everypony. What were you going to do? Keep me here, in secret until your friend comes back to life? What if that never happens!?”

“Sunrise, please.. stop, just stop!”

“What will you do once you realize that you're friend is gone? Will you kick me out? Or will you keep me around out of guilt?! That's what all of this has been hasn't it!?” Twilight was now crouching, her belly against the cold floor and her wings brought up, obscuring her face from the sides. Sunrise could hear her whimpering. Tears fell from Twilight's face, pooling on the floor beneath her. She couldn't explain why, but her lip, where Rainbow Dash had hit her, felt like it was burning.

“Please stop..” She barely chocked out a whisper through her cries, but Sunrise continued her tirade.

“All this time, everything you've done for me, it wasn't for me and it wasn't for her! It was for your own misplaced guilt and your empty hope!”

“Stop Rainbow Dash!” Her head shot up, her mouth agape. Her eyes were wide and tears silently poured down her face. She tried, she tried to say something, anything, to take back what she said but her lips only quivered uselessly. All the anger had left Sunrise's expression, she looked down to her chest, it was sore and tight. But there was a deeper pain in her chest, one that transcended her heart or anything physical. It was the cold ache of depression.

“Get out Twilight.”

“B- but.”

“Please, just go. I'm leaving tonight.” Twilight's heart raced, she had to do something. Her thoughts darted from feeling to feeling, she tried so hard to find where Sunrise was wrong... but she couldn't. She couldn't avoid the truth, everything Sunrise had said... was true. She looked down in defeat, the only thing she could do was walk away. She could only manage to say one thing in the haze of sadness and hurt.

“I'm sorry.”
************************************************************************************************************

The last rays of sunlight began to fall behind the horizon, Twilight watched as the colors shifted in the sky. She had sent Spike to Rarity's, he didn't need to see her like this. I should stop her. I should make her stay, if she goes out on her own she'll probably die. I should go back and try to convince her to stay. I should... but, I can't. I don't have any right to try to make her stay with me. Look what I've done, my selfishness has hurt both of us. She could die because I can't let go... Why do I have to let go? I mean, It's not like Rainbow Dash died, she's right here, in the other room. I... I should, I should just use that. It would be so easy and... Her thoughts came to and abrupt end when she heard a knocking from the Library front door. Wiping the tears from her eyes, and putting on a guise of composure she made her way to the door. Engulfing it with her magic she slowly opened it, and was surprised by who stood outside.

“Applejack, Fluttershy? What are you both doing here so late?” Her friends looked nervously at each other as they saw the trails left in Twilight's fur from her crying.

“Well, um. Ya think we could talk inside?” Applejack scanned the library, as if looking for somepony.

“Oh, sorry, of course. Come in.” She stepped aside as her friends entered. She closed the door behind them.

“So how is Rainbow Dash?” Applejack asked, her tone was unusually serious and worried, Fluttershy only stood beside her, looking down at her hooves. Twilight averted her eyes, not wanting to meet them as she gave them the bad news.

“She... she's not well. I think she's gone, forever.” She only saw a blur of yellow before her head was forcibly turned to meet the teary eyes of Fluttershy. She shook Twilight with her trembling hooves.

“Twilight please don't say that! Please! She can't be gone! She just can't be. We... we can't give up on her. Please Twilight, your the only one who can save her... you can't give up you.. you just cant!” Tears streamed down her face. Her grip weakened as her hooves fell limp to the floor, she leaned in to Twilight, resting her head on her shoulder as the rest of her body fell limp to the floor. She sobbed uncontrollably into Twilight's fur. She felt every tear soaking into her and her guilt only grew with each sob. There was nothing to say at a time like this. All Twilight could do was stroke her back and let her cry. Applejack stepped closer to Twilight, looking down at Fluttershy with sympathy before turning her attention back to Twilight.

“So the memory spell didn't work?” Twilight looked away, she couldn't face her friends. After what princess Celestia had said to her, she just couldn't bring herself to use it. Applejack's jaw dropped in disbelief.

“You haven't used it!” Twilight couldn't tell what hurt more, the anger, the disbelief or the shock in Applejack's statement. They all hurt, a lot. She nodded weakly. Fluttershy looked up, with the same expression Applejack wore as she backed away from Twilight.

“Twilight why?” Fluttershy's voice was even more hurt than AJ's.

“I- I don't know.” She had just lied to her friends, the elements of honesty and kindness, to protect her own feelings. That hurt most of all.

“You don't know!? Our friend is hurting and you're the only one who can save her and you just didn't?! You're going to need to give us more that 'I don't know'!” Applejack stomped up to Twilight, nostrils flaring and eyes burning. Her mind rushed to find some excuse, anything but the truth, but she knew she couldn't do that to her friends. She sighed, and closed her eyes looking down to the floor.

“She's not Rainbow Dash anymore. She's gone. The pony that I've been living with, that's not Rainbow Dash. She... She's Vibrant Sunrise.. I can't just.”

“Vibrant Sunrise? Twilight, She's not dead just because she has a new name! That pony in there is Rainbow and once she has her memories back she'll thank us! Our friend is in there and we need to help her! Twilight, you're the only one who can do it! You have a responsibility Twilight! You have to help her.” Twilight shook her head, shutting her eyes tight. Her mind hurried through panicked thoughts.

What should I do?! Oh Princess Celestia, what would you do? I- I want Rainbow Dash back so badly, everything would be better if she came back. She could forgive me, and we could all go back to how things used to be. She could give me flying lessons, we could read about Daring Do, go on crazy adventures and she could talk endlessly about the Wonderbolts. Our friends would be happy again and everything would be perfect. If Rainbow Dash came back... everything thing would be better. But, why? Why do I still feel like it wouldn't be right?

“Twilight please...” Fluttershy walked up to her, placing her hoof over Twilight's. Twilight opened her eyes to meet Fluttershy's wide, pleading eyes. “Twilight, please bring Dashie back. She's scared and alone and I know she wants to come back to us. You have to help her Twilight. Please!”

“Twilight, she's right. You have to do it. She's not dead, she just doesn't remember us. She's the element of loyalty, and she's always been there for us. Now it's our turn to be there for her, our turn to be loyal. Twilight, she's counting on you.” Applejack affirmed. Twilight's gaze shifted nervously between her two friends, the chaos in her mind settling. With a shrug, she gave in.

“Alright... I'll do it.”
*************************************************************************************************

Twilight sat alone in a dimly light kitchen. Her only source of light being a single flickering candle. The sun had set hours ago. She knew what she had to do. So why am I still here? She lay her head on the table, she wanted to cry, but the dull ache was too deep for tears. She just wanted to sit in alone, in the dark. But her solitude was interrupted. A dim shadow cast itself across the kitchen floor from the threshold of the other room as the door creaked open.

“Twilight.” She didn't lift her head, she wished silently that she would go away, but the sound of her wheelchair's wheels rolling across the wooden floor came closer. She shut her eyes tight. It's time... I have to do it. I have to use the spell. She almost close enough. Just a little further and... and I'll have Rainbow Dash back.

“Twilight, I heard what you and your friends were talking about. I know about the memory spell. Twilight.” She was right beside her now, so close, Twilight could hear her breath. Twilight's body trembled. Why do I feel so scared? This... it's the right thing. She lifted her head, her eyes dull and tired. As soon as she sat up, Sunrise wrapped her hooves around Twilight, resting her forehead on hers. Twilight's horn was right against her mane. Do it. Do it. Come on, it's so easy, shes, shes right in front of me. Do it! Her horn flickered with purple light, making their shadows dance.

“Twilight... I don't want to die.” Twilight's magic faded and her heart skipped a beat.

“Twilight, I came to you. I trusted you. I still do. I put my fragile life in your hooves because I trust you. I know you miss your friend, and I'm sorry you have to see her every time you look at me. But Twilight, I like living. I like being around you and spike. I like reading and eating and laughing. I like talking to you. Please Twilight..” Sunrise shut her eyes, and put her forehead against Twilight's horn. “Please Twilight, don't take that away from me.”

I could do it.. I could do it right now. But.. She threw her hooves around Sunrise's shoulders and buried her face into her neck and cried. She sobbed and wailed, her tears burned but, she felt relief and comfort in Sunrise's embrace. She stroked Twilight's back and hugged her tighter.

“Oh Sunrise! I can't do it! I can't... I finally understand you and I.. I'm so sorry. Please... can you ever forgive me!” I almost killed my friend... my friend. Not Rainbow Dash, but Sunrise. She's my friend and I almost erased her. What have I done! I... I lost Rainbow Dash, and I almost lost another friend because I couldn't let her go. I really am a terrible friend.

“I forgive you Twilight. And.... thank you. Thank you so much.” Tears fell from Their eyes and they held each other through their pain and sadness. At that moment, neither felt alone anymore. Sunrise realized how much Twilight was hurting, and Twilight... was finally moving on.

Comments

[Raidah]

3771852 what about Fluttershy?

[Raidah]

3771852 I get emails when someone replied to a comment of mine, so I say "none of the above..." *cries while hugging Rainbow Dash plushie*

[Raidah]

Ok, I've read this now........... FUCK YOU TWILIGHT!!!!!! You were this close to having Dashie back and you blew it! I have lost a bit of respec for you now Twi, good job. Congratu-pony-lations

[maxxxxxx]

3787814 so what would you have done? killed sunrise? Also there is no certainty that it will work. Is it right to take one life to save another?

[Raidah]

3787895 maybe I might have? Don't put me on the spot like that. I just love Dash too much to want anything other than to see her back to normal.

[maxxxxxx]

3787908 sorry, didnt mean to put you on the spot

[Raidah]

3787939 it's alright. Though I'll probably end up crying like I did with MLD by the end of this

[1qazwsx]

so close and so far

i hope dash will back

[Monochromatic Rainbow]

Feels.
So. Many. Feels.
I'm going to hug a cat now.

[Yotth]

I love the way the story is developing! Can't wait for the next part. Poor Twilight.

[FleetlordAvatar]

The feeeeeels.

[Electrostatic]

omg this is sooooo sad. but the conundrum twi is in here. even if she used the memory spell and dashie did come back, dash wouuld never be happy or able to accept her new life in a wheelchair and NEVER able to fly again. so sunrise is the best life she can have..... but poor twi at least she has the comfort of sunrise durring these hard times. nice work maxxxxxx. this is the third work I read of yours and I must say. this and its prequel, aside from a few typos and grammer errors, are very well written. the stories are very intriguing and I am left wanting more after every chapter.

[maxxxxxx]

3795605 im so happy you are enjoying my story and i am overjoyed that the messages i set out to send in this story are starting to come across! I would like to apologize for the grammatical errors, i dont have a computer anymore and edits are hard to do on a phone

[Hestia]

And, now this is the sad part I've been expecting for a while. Thanks.
Sarcasm aside, oh my god! I . . . Man, if this keeps up I'm just going to explode from all the awesome feels I keep receiving! I love this FanFic!

[Derpyx0]

Just ONE teensy weensy problem..... As said in Equestria girls the elements of harmony are one of equestria's most important means of defense. Now we know rainbow is gone because Twi refuses to murder someone, who is going to be the element of loyalty? Hmmmm. Everypony ponder....