• Published 4th Jan 2014
  • 3,894 Views, 261 Comments

Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind - maxxxxxx



In the wake of her harrowing search for her true self, Rainbow Dash wakes up to a hospital bed, surrounded by unfamiliar ponies. Or, is it even Rainbow Dash any more??

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Scootaloo

“Scootaloo.” Every nuance of Twilight's voice and expression was filled with fear. The moment she had been dreading the most, even the anxiety of confronting her friends paled in comparison to this. The small filly stood at the libraries entrance, looking to the floor in an eery silence. The kind of quiet that took place before a massive storm. Her mane obscured her eyes, but she was visibly trembling. The cold night air swirled around the library, wiping through her mane and tail. Twilight stood frozen, looking into her eyes, Sunrise could see another storm brewing in her closest friend's mind. The air felt electrified, charged with tension. Sunrise knew, one move could easily set it off. She looked slowly over to the filly.

“Scootaloo... I.” Twilight spoke, her words, though quiet, set off the pent up fury in the small filly. Sunrise's chest became tight.

“How dare you...”As she spoke she raised her head, glaring at Twilight with teary eyes. The wind howled outside, lashing through the libraries branches before coming to an unnerving dead stop. Twilight's wings slumped to her sides, her legs her shaking and eyes glistened.

“How dare you!” She screamed with so much rage and pain. Twilight staggered back, even stepping slightly behind Sunrise. Twilight... She's afraid. What should I do! I can feel my hear speeding up. If this goes to far.. I already had one event today, if I have another one so soon. No, I can't step in without risking my life.. But Twilight, I can't just do nothing!

“How dare you talk to me in that voice! Like you feel bad! This is all your fault Twilight Sparkle! I hate you!” She stomped up towards them. Though small, her anger made her just feel like a force to be afraid of. Twilight felt the urge to withdraw further, unconsciously moving further behind Sunrise. 'What have I done! Scootaloo, what can I say? I took your sister away from you forever, what can I possibly say to make this better? What can I do to make it all okay?' She rapidly glanced from Scootaloo to Sunrise, who seemed to be moving her chair between the enraged filly and herself.

Sunrise no. If you get involved, your heart. Then why? Why am I hiding. I- it's because, this time, there's nothing I can do! I can't do it this time! I can't face her, I can't even look her in the eyes after what I've done! I deserve to be hurt, but not Sunrise. Why can't they understand?! Why can't they just leave her alone?! She isn't Rainbow Dash. She's gone! She's gone forever... And that's all my fault. Not Sunrise's but mine!

“How could you!? She was your friend! She was loyal to you and, and you.. You wont even help her after what you've done! Applebloom told me. She told me it was because of you that Rainbow Dash got hurt. You always had to be right, and you- she paid for it and you're not going to do anything to make it better! Your the only one that can bring her back and you just wont! Why?!” At her last words Twilight stopped retreating. She was paralyzed by the sheer weight of her guilt. Tears effortlessly streamed down her muzzle. Scootaloo was standing, right in front of her now, glaring up at her. But Twilight, was lost in the storm of guilt and sorrow in her mind. The filly's words had cut deep and the still tender wounds in her heart. Sunrise struggled within herself. For the first time, she felt completely helpless and useless. There was nothing she could do as she watched Twilight's heart break.

It is all my fault. What can I do? There's no way to make this right. I- I can't use the spell, I wont do it. I wont betray Sunrise. She didn't ask for any of this! She was just born, into a life like this. Full of pain and destined to be unfairly short. Her throat became tight as she sobbed, her eyes were tired from crying but the tears wouldn't stop. This is so unfair! It would have been better if she were never born! Her eyes widened, and her tears stopped, and numb cold surged through her body.

“She was my sister Twilight! She was the closest thing to real family that I've ever known! She was going to take me under her wing, she was going to always be there for me and you- you took her from me. Twilight how could you? Now I'm all alone! The only one who ever understood me, the only one who I could open up to, and- and... What am I supposed to do now Twilight! What do I have to look forward to! I wanted her to see me be just like her, I wanted her to be there when I could finally fly. She- she was going to be the first pony I showed my cutie mark to... Twilight please, I'm begging you, I'll do anything. Please, please... bring her back to me.”

“Scootaloo... I can't. I can't do it. Please understand.”

“No Twilight! You never cared about her did you!? You were jealous of how confident she was. You wish you were half the mare she was!”

“T-that's not true! She was my best friend! I...”

“Then why wont you bring her back!?”

“Be- because.. I- I”

“You're no friend! You never even liked her! You're the worst thing that ever happened to her!”

“Scootaloo please... stop. Please..” She began crying again. She tried to keep the tears in, but she broke down. With choked sobs her tears fell.

“I hate you Twilight! I never want to see you again!” She raised her small hoof, nothing around her existed. She was blinded by anger and pain and with only one place to channel it. Twilight looked up at her, eyes wide with terror. But, not a fear of being struck. Images of her last moments with Rainbow Dash flashed through her mind. 'No! Not again. Not again. Scootaloo.' She could only picture the young filly flying away and suffering the same fate as her dear friend. An image of her falling out of the sky and plummeting to the earth flashed through her mind as the orange hoof sped towards her face. She closed her eyes as she braced herself for the impact. But it never came. She slowly opened her eyes. A blue hoof extended in front of her, holding the fillies in mid swing.

“R- Rainbow.”

“Rainbow Dash is dead. She's gone forever and you need to get over it!” She forced Scootaloo's hoof back to the ground, she struggled but Sunrise was too strong.

“Clinging to such a weak pony like her, it's pathetic! You aspire be like that? I don't know much about her, but I don't need to know much to understand her. She was that shallow. She couldn't handle the truth and neither can you. So congratulations, you are already like her! You're insecure so you admire a pony who you think is strong and happy, and you try to emulate her. But, It wont fix you. You'll always be like you are. Insecure, unhappy and weak. You want to be like somepony who would hurt someone as kind and good as Twilight? Look what happened to her. She died!” She struggled, trying to pull her hoof out of Sunrise's grasp, she was unyielding. She tugged with all her might but she couldn't get free. She was crying, her eyes were shut tight.

“L-let me go!”

“Rainbow Dash was pathetic and so are you. You think you can fix yourself but you cant. You think that if everyone looks up to you, if you have the spot light, that you will finally be happy with yourself but you wont.” Scootaloo shook her head, tears squeezing out of her tightly shut eyes. Her fighting became weaker and weaker.

“You'll always be just as flawed. No amount of adulation will change how you see yourself.”

“Stop! Shut up! You're wrong! You're wrong!”

“You know I'm right. You know, no matter who you impress or what you do, you'll never love yourself. You lost the one pony that was as weak and lost as you and now you're all alone!”

“Sunrise stop it!” Twilight pulled Sunrise's hoof off the fillies. She took deep, steady breaths. Focusing on keeping her heart rate down. Scootaloo cradled her hoof in her other and cried through shut eyes before turning around and running out the door. What was I thinking!? What have I done? I- I had to do something. She was going to hurt Twilight! Twilight's horn light up, closing the door with her magic she turned to Sunrise.

“Sunrise. I- I know why you did it. I know you were trying to protect me. But Sunrise, what you did to Scootaloo, how am I supposed to live with myself knowing that that was my fault. All of this is my fault! I hurt Scootaloo, that poor filly just lost the most important filly in the world to her and.. and now she's been torn apart like that.” Her voice was strained and tired. She looked like she would collapse under the mere weight of the air above her.

“I- I'm sorry Twilight! Please don't blame yourself. It was my fault! I- I couldn't see you get hurt, I just couldn't watch and do nothing Twilight!” She smiled weakly and shook her head.

“I know you couldn't. But you're wrong Sunrise. It's all my fault. All of it. Rainbow Dash's death, your unfair birth and life, The pain my friends are in and the hurt Scootaloo has to go through. Everything is because of me. You should have let her hit me, at least hate, is less painful than what you did to her.” Despite the tears that poured from her eyes, she held that painful, frail smile. “Sunrise, sometimes, ponies just need time with their lies you know? It doesn't matter if it's not true, we need them. When the truth hurt so much that the lies become part of who you are, it's not wrong to keep them. I miss it Sunrise, I miss being able to lie to myself.”

“Twilight... I'm sorry. I..” Twilight gave a painful laugh.
“No, you're not. You may be sorry that I got hurt, but given the chance to do it over, you wouldn't do it any differently. Am I wrong?” She held her gaze into Twilight's eyes. She wouldn't look away, She would face it, because, despite what she said, She would rather face the truth.

“Twilight, I didn't want to hurt her, and more than anything I don't want to see you hurt. The quicker she realizes that I'm not Rainbow Dash, the quicker she can move on. I may have have been to hard on her but, I did the right thing. Twilight, please don't blame yourself for my choice. None of this is your fault, it's mine. So, don't blame yourself.” Twilight shook her head again, looking down at the floor.

“Goodnight Sunrise.” She said simply, turning towards the stairs.

“Twilight... You don't deserve to feel like this.” She stopped for a moment. Sunrise hoped she had gotten through to her, but she only continued weakly up the stairs. Sunrise sat in the middle of the empty room, the last sound she heard was that of Twilight's door closing. She closed her eyes and sank into her thoughts.

I wanted to protect you, I didn't want you to carry any of the responsibility for my choices. I really have grown too attached. Twilight, you shouldn't feel bad, you don't deserve it. I'm thankful to you for so many things. You gave me a place to live, you were my friend when no one else could even see me and I have had so many great times with you. I'm happy, everyday, that I'm alive... and it's all thanks to you. Twilight, I never regretted being born, not even for an instant. I was wrong today. Today, I lost. I hurt a filly and Twilight at once. Where does my obsession with the truth come from? I know though, that it's right. I know that a lie may feel better, but, it blinds you to the damage it does to your soul. Twilight, I'll never let you do that to yourself, no matter what you say, you are too good a pony to let that happen to you. But, I did. Your hurt now, and it's my fault. I need to do something. I can't leave things like this!

She spun around in her chair, the hard rubber screeching against the floor. She sped to the door, eyes ablaze with determination. I have to fix this!
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She had wandered around Ponyville for hours, even passing by some places multiple times. The air was just cold enough to where she was regretting not bringing a jacket. 'At least I'm building a decent mental map of the town.' She came to a sudden stop in front of a familiar building. The walls seemed to be made of ginger bread adorn with icing.

“I wonder if Pinkie Pie would.. No, it's unlikely and she would certainly be asleep.” With a deep sigh she closed her eyes and turned away from Sugar Cube Corner. A wave of depression filled her body, she felt lonely and lost. I'm really starting to question how logical this was. She's definitely at home, asleep. Even is I found her, After what I did, what would I say? I- I found her deepest fears, her most hidden insecurities, feelings and worries that she wouldn't even share with her best friend, feelings she likely wouldn't even think about and I ruthlessly attacked her with them. I- I never knew, just how much I was capable of hurting somepony. She wrapped her forelegs around her chest and brought her knees up against them. Huddled into a ball she clenched her teeth and cried into her own arms. Not since Her second day at the hospital had she felt so alone. Twilight, I'm so sorry. I- I never wanted you to get hurt, and in the end, it was because of that that you did get hurt. Twilight, I miss you. I don't think I can fix this, but if I don't, if I don't you might..

“Vibrant Sunrise, you need not cry.” A gentle but authoritative voice spoke. Sunrise's head shot up. Normally her ears were sharp enough to hear a pony coming, especially in the silence of the night. She felt a sudden sense of reverence at the dark alicorn who stood before her. She seemed much like the princess she had met in the hospital. She had a flowing ethereal mane that looked like a swath of the night sky itself. In it she could made out the shimmering of stars. The atmosphere her mere presence projected instilled a sense of peace in Sunrise. Her muscles relaxed as the calm washed away the sadness.

“Who are you?” She could not help the hint of wonder in her voice as she beheld the stranger.

“I am Princess Luna, keeper of the night and all things in it.”

“Princess? Are you?” The princess calmly interjected.

“Yes, you have already met my sister. Together we control the eternal cycle of the sun and moon, as we have for milenia.”

“You control the sun and moon? That's... amazing.” She gave a soft laugh and smiled at Sunrise.

“Thank you. It is always a pleasure to hear that wonderment for our efforts.”

“But, why are you here? You're a princess, shouldn't you be in a more fitting place? I don't see a place fit for a Princess here.”

“As I said, I watch over the night and all that is within it. Something seems to be lost in my darkness, I am here to help it find it's place.”

“Are you... talking about me?”

“My sky is beautiful this night, nary a cloud to obscure the splendor of the moon and stars. So I must ask, how does one get lost with all the guiding light of the cosmos in full view? Are you perhaps lost, in a way that my gentle lights can not guide?” The princess smiled at Sunrise, moonlight glinting radiantly from her eyes, the light scattering off of them, from the right perspective, resembled an aurora. Sunrise looked down at her chest, her eyes filled again with sadness.

“I hurt ponies. I hurt them in the worst ways I could and there's no way to make it right. I don't want to be alone, but my presence only hurts the ones I care about. I'm torn, princess, between what I want for myself, and what is best for others. What can I do? I don't want to be alone! My life is going to be short and painful, and the last thing I want is to leave this world with no one beside me!” Tears flowed down her face, falling into drops that refracted the soft light of the moon making them appear like ice before splashing down to her lap.

“There is a mare who knows all too well the loneliness of isolation. She once felt so shunned and alone she did something terrible and she paid the price. The price was being alone for a very long time. The feeling of loneliness is a deep and powerful one, it is a despair none should know. But, loneliness is never truly alone. We all touch the lives of others, and when one is alone, their isolation creates a void in another, whether you know it or not. You being here now, left a void where you were, and a void await where you will eventually take up. There are those alone by your absence now, and only you can fill that void. There may not be an answer to your question, but there is one certainty, you are not alone alone.”

“I don't... I don't know if I entirely understand princess. If that's true then, it's unfair. It mean none of us can escape the hurt.”

“That may be so, but, what you fill that emptiness with, is your choice. You must simply have a strong enough heart to overcome the void, and find the light that can fill it.” Sunrise slowly looked from the princess to her chest. She brought her hoof over if and closed her eyes. 'A strong heart.'

“Princess.... Thank... you?.” When she looked up she saw nothing but the still, dark houses and the dirt path in front of her. The princess had vanished. Suddenly a comfortable, warm breeze swept around her, that breeze carried a voice that whispered to her from the wind.

“Fill the void.” It whispered before the breeze and it faded away into the stillness of the night. She took a deep breath, the scent of the night filling her nostrils. Looking up into the clear night sky, she marveled at the majesty of the night sky, the dots of light reflecting in her eyes like a mirror. Suddenly a ball of light streaked across the sky, watching the beautiful trail of light left in it's wake she felt an impetus, she rolled her wheelchair following the path the light took.
************************************************************************************************************

It didn't take her long before she found a small, grassy park. There were a ring of logs lying on the ground around the flat grassy area. It was peaceful, the only sound was a quiet hum of crickets and the gentle breeze rustling through the trees. As she drew closer she found that she was not the only pony who was out at this absurd hour. The silhouette of a small figure sat alone on the log in front of her. 'No, it can't be her. There's no way she would be awake this late, let alone outside. But, Princess Luna, I feel she sent me here for a reason.' She gathered her courage and rolled towards the figure. With out even turning to face her, the figure spoke. Her voice was strained and she swallowed a sob as she spoke, she had been crying for a long while.

“Did Twilight bring you back?” Sunrise was struck with a wave of guilt, but the princess' words echoes in her mind and gave her strength.

“No.”

“T- then I have nothing to say!” She still refused to face Sunrise, but, without seeing her eyes, she could feel in her heart what she had to do. She smiled as she rolled closer, her wheels bumping into the makeshift bench.

“We need to talk Scootaloo.” At the mention of her name she spun around, glaring at Sunrise with eyes burning with anger.

“You want to talk? What more can you say!? You stole her body! You tore her friends apart, you- you hurt me! You- you're not...”

“Say it!” Sunrise provoked at Scootaloo's hesitance. Scootaloo recoiled. She knew what she was going to say, the one thing she didn't want to admit had almost slipped through her lips. But Sunrise had caught it, there was no way to hide it now.

“You.. you..”

“Say it!”

“I can't!” She put her hooves on the filly's shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.

“Say it!”

“I.. I can't. I can't do it. Please stop.” Tears began to pool in the corners of her eyes again.

“Scootaloo. Am I Rainbow Dash?” For the first time, Scootaloo looked at Sunrise. Not at Rainbow Dash, not as an object of her anger, but as Sunrise. There was a permeating quiet that passed between them before Scootaloo's soft, labored whimper broke the silence.

“No... you're not.” At those words Sunrise took her hooves off her shoulders. “You're not Rainbow Dash... But, if you aren't then she really is...” The hot drops began streaming out of her eyes, they burned but, she couldn't stop them.

“Oh Scootaloo, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything! What I said, I can never take it back. I hurt you, and I am so sorry.” Sunrise's tears mirrored Scootaloo's as she poured out her heart, she was completely open to the filly, the only thing she could do that might make it okay. She was as hurt and scared as Scootaloo and she wanted to share that hurt with her. Because, that was how they would move forward. It was the only way to fill the void. Scootaloo looked away from her, to the ground she kicked a small flower before speaking.

“You were right. Everything you said was right. I am weak and Rainbow Dash, she... she was always so confident and strong. Everypony looked up to her and she always acted like she could do anything and she believed it so hard that she usually could. I thought, if I were in her place, maybe I could feel for myself, what I felt watching her.”

“You don't need somepony to look up to or to aspire to be. That way, you're just making yourself more alone, always trying to live up to something that isn't you. Nopony needs a pony to be behind, to aspire to be like, because what will you have when you reach them? Can they stay beside you? You can't unlearn that feeling of idolizing somepony easily. No, nopony should be alone, but that void should be filled with the ponies that stand beside you, not in front of you.” She was quiet, staring intently at the small flower for a long moment before responding without looking up from it.

“I lied to myself, I told myself everything would be perfect when I became just like her. I guess, I knew deep down that it wasn't true but, I couldn't face it. What do I have left now for my future?! I wanted to be just like her, but now she's gone. It hurts so much, I don't know if I can handle it! I almost hit Twilight because I couldn't deal with losing her. I- if you didn't stop me I- I would have! But I understand now! I was so stupid! She was doing the right thing! You're not her, you're not Rainbow Dash, and... Oh Sunrise! How can you do it? When nopony even knows you're there? They all want you gone and, and how can you live like that!” They looked into each others eyes. Clearly, the filly knew more about the loneliness Sunrise had been living with since her birth than any pony her age should. It was only then, that Sunrise truly understood what Princess Luna had meant.

“You don't. No pony can live like that on their own. Not without damaging your heart, and not in a physical way. No, I can't handle it alone. I owe my life to the pony that walks beside me. And, it wasn't just you, I hurt her to. I hurt her, and then I left her all alone. But, I know we'll be okay, because... I just know. Scootaloo, it's hard living like this but, you don't need somepony else to be like, no, more than anyone else, you need to find yourself. Break away from every lie you have ever told yourself and just be you. It's not too late.”
“Sunrise... Is is really not too late? I- everything I know about myself.. I don't feel like it's me anymore. I don't think I can do it.” She looked at her hooves, examining them as though they were a mirror.

“You can. And Scootaloo, if you want, I could stay beside you. And we can grow together.” She spoke with an intensity that resonated strongly in the filly. She was serious, she wanted to help Scootaloo and she knew, Scootaloo could help her.

“You- you want to be my friend?”

“Why not? I mean, we both need to learn to fly. So we could learn together. And, if you ever need to just talk, you can always come to me. Scootaloo, I know it's sudden and I know it's too soon but, I would really like it if we could be friends.” She smiled hopefully. Scootaloo only looked down at her lap, downcast. Sunrise's hopes began to crumble. Then, a small flash of light caught her eye. She looked to the night sky. Balls of light streaked across the sky, painting it with their bright blue tails that melded with the dim glow of mornings first light. She stole a quick glance at the filly beside her who stared up with the same look of awe Sunrise wore. They watched the shower together quietly for minutes before Scootaloo softly but definitely spoke.

“Why not?” Sunrise smiled as she brought her attention to the beautiful display in the sky. Just by this short meeting, they had helped fill the void in each other. Both becoming a little more whole than before. The darkness they were lost in illuminated by the light, a glow that filled even the greatest of emptiness. It was acceptance, it was truth and above all, it was friendship. Soon, Sunrise would return home, to fill the void left by her leaving, a void in the pony she most cared for. She return by her side and everything, would be okay.