Why, snow, why?
For the first time in a long while, Twilight Sparkle tuned her teacher (who was talking about molecular structures) out to the point where he sounded like a trombone.
The teacher wouldn’t call on her; she raised her hoof to answer questions all the time, and the teacher had given up calling on her so that others could answer.
She couldn’t wait for Hearth’s Warming Break. This being the last class of the day didn’t help at all. Her seat, part of a college-style seated room, was starting to feel like sitting on a wall. Twilight kept glancing at the clock, which only advanced mere seconds at a time.
Finally, after the long wait of five minutes, the bell rang. The teacher tried shouting reminders at the students, but his voice was lost among so may others.
Twilight did not add her voice the mix, but instead raced out of the classroom, going through her mental checklist. Read, eat, pack, rest—
“Hey, Twilight!”
Ponyfeathers.
The lavender student turned to see Moondancer, who was smiling.
“Hi, Moondancer,” Twilight said to the red-and-purple-maned mare.
“I wanted to know, what are you doing over the break? ‘Cuz I’m going to have a party by my place a few days in, and it’ll be so rad!”
Wincing inwardly at the “old” slang term, Twilight replied, “I’m going to visit my parents. It’s been a while since we’ve visited.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, see ya ‘round!” Moondancer trotted off.
Twilight started her walk to the castle. I can just hear Mom now: “You’ve got to try new things and take risks! You can’t be sheltered your whole life.”
Twilight passed the fountain that had a statue of Celestia, which was in the center of a courtyard created by the buildings. She walked underneath the archway that read “Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns,” topped with ice cream-like snow.
She was nearly to her wing of the castle, still outside, when she was hit in the face by a snowball.
“Spike!” she said, wiping the snow off her face. “Who let you out?!”
“I let myself out,” the purple dragon said, throwing a snowball up in the air and catching it, repeatedly.
“Why, Spike?”
Spike shrugged. “I was bored.”
“But there were books upon books in there! How could you be bored?”
“I can’t read ‘The Beginner’s Guide to Creating Invisibility Spells’! It's useless!”
Twilight facehoofed.
“Why do you even need to know how to create invisibility spells?”
“That’s beside the point.” Twilight guided Spike up the stairs that wrapped around the building like a snake. “The point is that you shouldn’t have gone outside without supervision.”
“Sorry.”
“Somepony could have taken you, and then they would have performed experiments on you, and—”
“Twilight, calm down! I wasn’t going to wander away from the castle.”
“There are crazies out there, Spike,” Twilight said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, I’m living with one,” Spike muttered.
“What?”
“Nothing!” Spike raced ahead of Twilight into the royal purple hallway. He stopped at the third door on the right and opened it.
“And you left the door unlocked?!”
“Twilight! Calm. Down. Besides us and some guards, nopony from the outside ever really comes in this wing of the castle, so there’s no need to freak out.” Spike rolled his eyes and walked into the apartment.
“You’re right, Spike. But that still doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t lock it!”
“I know, Twilight!” Spike yelled from inside the apartment.
Twilight huffed, and walked in.
Spike was sitting on the cream couch, staring at the ceiling—his way of thinking—when she came in. The couch was up against the wall on Twilight’s right, and on the wall the door was on was a love-seat the same color as the couch. After the living room, if one were to keep walking forward from the door, there was a small, circular eating room with a table, also circular. The bay windows looked out on a snow-covered courtyard, and there were books on the window seat.
Twilight waked into the hallway, which was next to the couch Spike was on. It wasn’t fairly big, only about a yard wide, but it was fairly long. On the left, a closet took up most of the wall. Farther down the hall, on the right, was a bathroom.
At the end of the hall was Twilight and Spike’s room. Although it was small, it had enough room for a bed on the right wall, a desk on the left, and a bookshelf on the wall opposite the door. As with the rest of the apartment, the walls were painted a soothing turquoise. Avoiding Spike’s sleeping basket (which had somehow migrated in front of the door), Twilight levitated her saddlebags off her back and onto the desk. She trotted over to her bookshelf, pulled a book off, and went back to the living room.
In the living room, there was an end table in the corner where the couch and the love-seat met; on it, there was a radio. The ebony radio gleamed with signs of care, and its golden knobs gave it an air of elegance. Twilight twisted one of the knobs, and Hearth’s Warming songs flowed through its speakers.
…soon it will be Hearth’s Warming day!
Sighing in comfort as she sat on the couch, Twilight turned to where she had left off in the book. Spike stopped staring at the ceiling and put his head on Twilight’s wither, while outside, snow started softly falling.
◊◊◊◊◊
Twilight’s eyes flew open. Something had woken her up.
Or rather, the lack of something.
It wasn’t until she looked out the window that she understood what woke her up.
“Spike!” Twilight attempted to shake Spike awake. “Spike!”
“Not right now,” he mumbled. “I’m in the middle of some gem waffles.”
“SPIKE!”
Spike blinked awake. “Twi?” He glanced at the clock above the bookcase. “It’s, like, five o’clock.”
“It’s not ‘like’ five o’clock, it is five o’clock. Anyways, that has nothing to do with why I woke you up.” Twilight levitated the bleary baby drake up to the window. “Tell me what you see.”
“Just—” Spike yawned. “Just a buncha white.”
“Exactly, Spike!” Twilight stopped concentrating on the levitation, and Spike yelped as he fell on her bed. “No view of the courtyard below! No trees! No nothing!” Twilight gasped. “Turn on the radio! TURN IT ON!” Without even waiting for a response, she raced into the living room and switched on the black thing.
“—we go to Hail Storm with the weather report. Hail?”
“Thanks, Breaking News. It appears the weather ponies got a little overzealous with the snow early this morning, because Canterlot is covered with it! With precipitation ten feet in some areas, civilians are urged to stay indoors—not that you’d be able to get out. All pegasi are ordered not to fly to cloud cities such as Cloudsdale due to the intense cold. When asked about the blunder, the head weather pony of the Canterlot division said, ‘I just don’t know what went wrong.’ Back to you, News.”
“Thank you, Hail. We now return you to your non-stop holiday music.”
As a bizarre rendition of “We Wish You a Merry Hearth’s Warming” came on, Twilight turned to Spike, who had walked into the living room while the report was on. “Did you hear what they said?!”
“Yes, Twilight,” Spike sighed, “I heard. How could I not have? You turned it so loud.”
“Do you know what this means?!”
“I can go back to bed?”
“No! This messes up everything I planned for today!”
“Which was…?”
“Pack up and go to Mom and Dad’s! Today’s Hearth’s Warming Eve, Spike! And now I can’t go!”
“Twilight, why don’t you go back to bed?” Spike nudged his caretaker their room, Twilight looking frazzled. “Just rest for a few more hours, ‘kay?”
“Alright.” Twilight reluctantly got under the covers.
Well, this stinks. How am I to get home? I have no clue if the snow has let up yet, and even if it has, it’ll take hours for it to melt…
~~~
A few hours later, Twilight awoke to the smell of pancakes, which meant that Spike had gone to the royal kitchens in their wing of the castle. She trudged down the hallway and into the dining area.
“Hey Twilight. I saved you some pancakes.” Spike pointed to the stack.
“Thanks.” Twilight levitated them over and ate quickly. She then sat for a few moments before leaping up.
“What are you doing?” asked Spike.
“Occupying myself!” Twilight said over her shoulder as she went to the closet.
She opened one of the doors and then checked the icebox. We need more peaches soon. Spotting a broom, she enchanted it, causing it to sprout arms and the bristles to become like legs. Satisfied, she grabbed a rag and some furniture cleaner and started on the bookshelves.
Ten minutes later, Twilight heard a yelp from Spike. “Twilight!”
She trotted over to the kitchen to see five brooms carrying buckets and dumping the water on the wooden floor. She sighed. Forgot that they tend to get rebellious. Her horn flared, and the brooms disappeared in a puff of red and blue smoke. Twilight shook her head and went back to dusting.
After she was done with that, Twilight fluffed all the pillows in the apartment, dusted the radio, made sure the paint wasn’t peeling off the door (Never can be too careful, she thought), and made sure her desk wasn’t messy (it wasn’t). After she was done with all those things, she sat down at the table with Spike. “So, how long was I gone?”
He glanced at the watch he had on the table. “An hour.”
Twilight groaned. “An hour? How am I supposed to get through the day?”
“Read?”
Twilight glared at Spike.
“Hey, that’s what you suggested to me!”
Twilight sat, the ticking of Spike’s watch mocking her. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Her eyes then lit up with an idea. “Spike, let’s go visit the Princess!”
“Are you sure the bridge will be fine?”
“Yes, yes.” Twilight led the way out into the hall. “It’ll be better than just sitting around all day.”
At the end of the hallway was a door that led to the bridge. The bridge connected the wing of the castle they were staying in to the main portion, and was the better way to get there on days when one didn’t want to go around.
Spike opened the door to reveal—
“Aw, come on!”
The walkway was covered in snow. Twilight had forgotten that the bridge was open on the sides, which allowed the snow to come in, and the snow was wither-high. Sighing, Twilight closed the door.
“Well, there goes that.” In the apartment, Twilight collapsed onto the couch and shut off the radio. “I’ll be stuck in here the whole week, and then have to go back to school without even seeing my family.”
Spike burped, and a green tendril of flame came from his mouth, along with a letter. Twilight sat up quickly, saying, “Let me see it!”
Spike handed it to her, and she opened it.
“Dear Twilight,” she read aloud,
Sorry we couldn’t send this letter sooner. It took us a while to remember the spell.
Anyways, there’s going to be a special surprise coming soon! You won’t believe it!
A couple special someponies. What?”
At that moment, a flash filled the room. Spike and Twilight shielded their eyes, and when the light left, it revealed the ponies Twilight wanted to see the most.
“Mom! Dad!” Twilight ran over and gave them a hug.
“Hello, my love!” Twilight Velvet said.
“Hey, kiddo,” said Nightlight.
“I thought I’d never get to see you this week!” Twilight let go of her parents. “How did you even manage to teleport here?”
“Well, it took a bit of searching to find the spell,” her mother said. “And we both had to gather enough energy to teleport the both of us.”
“And it didn’t help that your mother insisted on trying to get out of the house,” deadpanned her father.
“Whaaat? It would have worked if I just kept trying!”
“You would have gotten sick!”
“Uh, guys?” Twilight tried.
“No! I have a very hardy immune system!” retorted her mother.
“Mom? Dad?”
“Says the person who got sick after cooping themselves in their room for a week.”
“GUYS!”
Her parents turned to face Twilight. “Sorry,” they said.
“Um, hi.” Spike gave a small wave.
“Hello, Spike!” Velvet leaned down and gave Spike a hug. “How are you?”
“Good.”
“Hey, Spike.” Nightlight held his hoof out for a hoofbump.
“Hi.” Spike bumped his fist against the stallion’s hoof.
As Twilight watched this exchange, an idea came to mind. “Sit down! I’ll be right back.” She ran down the hallway as her guests and Spike sat down. She came back with a book.
“Hearth’s Warming Carols and Poems?” Velvet said. “You want me to read this? Aren’t you too old for me to be reading this to you?”
“Mom, you read the poems the best! Go to the one we always read on Hearth’s Warming! Please?”
“Oh, alright.” Twilight Velvet opened the book to the page.
“In years long past and days far gone
The tribes were separate, inwardly drawn
‘Fore Celestia’s grace or Discord’s reign
Equestria was naught but the dreamer’s domain
From mountains and castles proud
The Unicorns one day vowed
That every morning their magic would flair
To always ensure that the sun would be there
Pegasi, winged warriors, fast and true
Guardians of the others as they flew
For stewards of weather, both strong and weak
Controlling the clouds was an easy feat.
The Earth Ponies, they stayed close to the ground
Where food and supplies could always be found
Digging and plowing and planting the seed
To harvest at times when there was need
Each tribe lived separate, detached and alone
Concerned with the plight of only their own
Though on one another each pony relied
Among them, Harmony did not reside.
A storm, a blizzard swept through the land
Of wind and ice and snow unplanned
On the ground crops withered and died
Leaving all tribes hungry, empty inside
Discontent reigned as each blamed the other
For the bite of the cold, but more for the hunger
A meeting was called, with a hope to end
This untimely, this unwanted, this chilling trend
Arguments, accusations, and anger ensued
With leaders who could not put aside their feud
Separate, alone each tribe left
To find a land to suit them best
On hoof and wing, to lands unknown
All ponies sought a bright new home
Of sun and cloud the Pegasi found
A firmament free, completely unbound
Under a mountain from which they could rule
The Unicorns found a trove of gem and jewel
Where Earth Ponies found plains to sow
Fertile land where their seeds would grow
The three look ‘round and gaped at the view
Of the other two tribes discovered anew
As fighting and anger, a blizzard churned
With snow and ice, chaos returned
To survive the cold and wind that played
The Ponies fled, in a cave they stayed
Freezing with cold and anger and hate
Three leaders refused to even debate
They bickered and yelled, digging up dregs
As ice climbed fetlocks, freezing their legs
The seconds they watched with fear and dismay
At the ice creeping up in a dreadful display
For the ice-hearted leaders felt not the chill
As towards the others there was no goodwill
Clover and Cookie and Pansy were three
Ponies, who for once, did not disagree
Three huddled together and long overdue
They found a thread they all commonly drew
Friendship and laughter and songs that were sung
They revealed the Windigos, the icy breath that stung
The Bringers of Winter, Horses of Snow
On hatred they feed, and anger they grow
Hold still now my foals, this tale’s not done
For ponies are still, and together are one
Though the Windigos, ice they continued to spread
Felt Cookie and Pansy and Clover no dread
Three friends had been found without any hate
And together they clung, cold but sedate
The ice climbed their forms, chilling to bone
But deep in their hearts they did not bemoan
As the ice reached up Clover, to cover a horn
A spark, a flair, new magic was born
The fire of friendship, and Harmony’s grace
Cast out the cold, the Windigo’s embrace
They fought and they battered against this new ward
The Windigos, their power, was completely ignored
As the sun broke the sky and cast out the night
The ponies awoke, free of their plight
The Windigos were gone, cast out by the sight
Three ponies together, they could not smite
Spreading the tale of how they were freed
The rest soon realized their great misdeed
Working together, as one from the three
Ponies stay close with Love and Harmony.”
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please put it on my group Holidays, please.
3677509
Okie dokie lokie!
Thanks I'm honored to have it on my group.
3677561
You're welcome.
Now we see that Twilight's OCD never takes a break, not even on the the holidays.
Nice story, short and sweet IMO.
3678261
Oh yeah.
Thanks!
Not bad,
Your descriptions were the only issue I noticed, they were dry. For example these sentences...
Could have flowed like so...
Twilight and Spike shared a room at the end of the hall. It was a small one, filled with a bed on the right, a desk to the left, and a bookshelf opposite the door, but just right for them.
In case you're wondering, 'was' in the first sentence should have been 'were' (it's a verb for a plural subject), changing the verb to 'shared' solves that and it's more descriptive. Generally speaking, you should put the subject before the verb. The second sentence is technically two, as 'Although it was small' and 'it had enough room' both have a subject (it) and a verb (was, had). This means you had a comma splice. Putting a 'but' before the second 'it' would have been enough, but then 'although' would have been a redundant modifier. In mine, I removed the second subject, turned the list into a modifying phrase instead of a part of the sentence, and clarified the size issue with a second modifying phrase. I think it works better, but then I'm not exactly impartial.
-Honey Mead
3681239
I'll go ahead and fix that sentence when my brain is better able to process.
I will have this edited, so hopefully that will liven up the descriptions. I struggled with them simply because I wanted to get going with the story. I like to read the descriptions, but I stink at writing them.
I just wish I had actually read this around Christmastime. Ah, well
tinyurl.com/llaz5ct
3792833
Thank you!
i14.photobucket.com/albums/a331/brittmcgee/MLP%20Minecraft/TLSOA_zps2aa17c49.png
3818650
Thank you! 
Yay!
This story has officially been deemed an Opal by The Gem Hunters.
Good, but something I can't describe just felt off to me.
4082983
Thank you!
It was probably the clunky descriptions that threw it off. I had trouble writing them, so that probably translated into the execution.
4343546
Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it!
Hello, I am your WRITE reviewer today, and I'm here to have a gander at your fic Let It Not Snow.
Firstly, a quick note. Unless the policy has been changed recently, EqD only accepts submissions for single chapter stories that are over five thousand words in length. Multi-chapter stories can begin with a first chapter not less than three thousand words, provided that subsquent updates eventually bump it over the five thousand mark. As such, you simply got shut down for being too short.
Secondly, a quick spotting of thingies:
I believe there's a missing 'to' or 'towards' here.
Likewise, an 'n' is missing here. All in all though, a goodly standard for grammar that supports an already good story.
What we have here is a short and sweet little fic. There's no overarching complexity in its delivery which lends a pleasent sort of innocence to the whole thing. I'm presuming that this happens a fairly short while before Twilight and Spike head to Ponyville, as they are very much their familiar selves here. That Spike is not to be out comes as a bit of an unexpected development: it suggests that they're even younger than I originally felt. It's not critically important by any stretch, and if anything that moment is an excellent example of showing as it suggests, perfectly in context for the characters, this small titbit of exposition.
I particularily enjoyed the opening depictions of snow, particularily when it is described as being an icecream atop the school's sign. There was something really sweet in those descrptions that really did the trick for me, though that image was lost a bit once Twi and Spi had got themselves into the apartment. At that point, it becomes less vivid and bright, somehow, less fun.
The pacing is rather quick throughout this short fic, at times maybe a little too quick. The beginning within the classroom validates itself because yes, it does show Twilight having the intent to do something, meaning that there is motive and plot here. Once in the apartment though, the story makes a point of shoving her into a holding pattern, and this took something nice away. For such a short story there isn't really time or word-space to spend on things as ultimately trivial and forgettable as tidying up. Yes, it expresses Twilight's cooped-in frustration, but does little else. If anything, it was a missed oppurtunity to empathise with how Spike feels.
Likewise, the moment with Moon Dancer suggests an inkling of something - of Twilight broadening herself to friendship and social contact, Twilight herself reinforces this tickly 'is this a subplot I feel?' sensation when she has this moment:
And yet there's no further development than this. Whether or not there even IS a thing going on here, it feels like there is, and that it hasn't been resolved.
References - You've got quite a lot, all things considered. The Fantasia one was...a little distracting, really. There wasn't much point to it, it didn't mesh well with the simple holiday appreciation the rest of the fic emanated and seemed to be there only to prove that such a reference could be shoe-horned in at all.
The radio broadcast- I rather enjoyed this. It really did, and was my favourite part of the fic alongside the opening dialogue with Spike, where Twilight is baffled as to how one could be bored at all when in the company of books. You wrote a good, lighthearted and snarky Spike, and it's sad that he gets more and more sidelined as the thing develops. Where the Fantasia reference felt out of place and forced, the Derpy one was very much clever and fitting. It has a plausible deniability about it that I find charming, and it supplements the innocent tone of the story nicely.
Your imagery is affectionately writ, when it is done. The early decpitions of snow, the radio itself in ebony and gold, such descriptions really gave a degree of substance and colour to the reading that helped make the story more visual than others. Unfortunately, as the pacing gets stalled up in the apartment so too does this imagery.
Twilight is recognizeably frantic, but it comes across as a little too constant, like she were in a constant state of highstrung reaction, and became a wee bit tiring, I'm afraid to say. Again, it's cute in the moderate doses but at the panic-all-the-time approach this story took, it Twilight's anxiety manages to neither mesh with the theme nor be a plot point in its own right to develop and resolve.
The ending...happens. It doesn't seem to be heralded by any bit of the story, it just arrives unannounced. There is the letter, but even that doesn't really count since it arrives a literal instant before they themselves do. From there Twilight eagerly has them launch into the poem - this coming all out of the blue for the reader, who had no way to know anything about this - and while the poem is nice, it just ends the fic, just like that.
The ending happens because the story runs out of words, not because anything gets resolved: there is no moment of warm fuzzly payoff, there is not so much as a moment for the parents to really establish themselves in the scene.
To conclude: while Let It Not Snow is short and sweet, bringing with it pleasent imagery and moments of gentle fun, the narrative itself comes across as incomplete, suffering from a pacing that was a little too fast for the premise to cope with compounded by a certain distractability with things that weren't important to the plot (I'm looking at you, cleaning brooms.)
Would EqD have approved this, had the 5k criteria been met? Yes and no, I think. If its present form could somehow be stretched, than no, as I think the two issues I mention do drag Let It Not Snow down just enough to make the EqD crew shy away. And yet transversly the longer word count could very well merit the yes, as that wordcount would have given you the sedate, peaceful snow-fall pacing the story needed, provided it's not pointless distraction filler (brooms again) but theme and plot serving elements, particularily giving a little more love to character interaction and developemnt.
So...yeah. Now that I think of it, Let It Not Snow is a prime example of just why EqD has the 5k min wordcount rule to begin with.
P.S. - ending on the poem, while not wrong as such doesn't help with the sensation of sudden, incomplete drop off. It's not impossible to end on a poem, but to do so successfully there needs to be manner in which that ending completes the story, like the audio track accompnying a movie's credits. Here, it's more as if the poem was asked to stand in for an absent climax and the poor thing just didn't know what to do with itself.
I'll be happy to further discuss any point of this review with you. Simply ask.
EDIT! - I'm made to see that the one-shot min requirement is in fact half what I stated, which means that rejection from EqD wasn't purely wordcount. That said, much of what I said still holds water, particularily in how your limited word count suffers from being too distractable, even wasteful with what it chooses to spend those words on, and having a too-quick pacing that, like a strong wind, prevents the snowflakes of niceness to settle properly.
4548008
Oh, thank you so very much! I knew there had to be something I did wrong; after all, I'm not perfect. I know that my descriptions need work. I'm a little disappointed in myself for letting Spike fall by the wayside, and I knew the ending felt iffy.
Again, thank you so very, very much!
4550268
I'm happy to help. Any questions or queries about what I've said, just let me know.
I found this fic both enjoyable and frustrating. By far the best bits were the exchanges between Twilight and Spike. Not many writers seem to be able to get the tone right there, but I thought you nailed it.
It was also fun to see a pre-"Amending Fences" Moondancer. My problem was the final section: I didn't think the poem was as good as the prose that preceded it, and the way the story just stops after that felt way too abrupt. So a mixed bag -- but I really was impressed by those Twi'n'Spike scenes.