• Member Since 24th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

Starhunter


T

This story is a sequel to Capes and Crusaders


Cold Star is a Crusader: a Bat Pony sworn to defend the Sacred Night. Adopting a disguise to hide her forbidden ancestry, she came to Manehattan with a single purpose - to bring justice to those who would do evil under the cover of darkness. The last thing she expected to discover was a group of cape-wearing young ponies also claiming to be Crusaders...

Babs Seed, Misty Morning and Summer Squall are the Cutie Mark Crusaders Manehattan Branch, and they are working hard to discover their hidden talents and earn their Cutie Marks. But when they meet a mysterious Bat-Mare, she offers them a chance to learn what being a Crusader really means. Will this be their chance to earn Cutie Marks in crime-fighting?

The story that began in Capes and Crusaders continues!

{Artists! This story needs cover art! If you are inspired to create a piece of Cold Star / CMC-Manehattan art, please link it to me so I can fan-boy about it, and it might get featured as a cover art for this story! }

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 31 )

And so the crusade against crime continues. Good to see a sequel to such an excellent MDW story my friend.

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I didn't expect this idea to grow quite the way it has been, but I'm really interested to see where it goes. I hope it proves to be as enjoyable as the original.

Oh wow this is a good start. Tracked & Faved.

Oooh, I'm excited. I was quite intrigued by the idea of batponies as secret nighttime crusaders from your first piece, and am eager to see where we're headed from here!
Also:

She was pleased that she would not have to ruin her dramatic exit by going back to extract the wrench herself.

I think you might have meant "wretch" instead of "wrench" but the line itself made me laugh and laugh. :rainbowlaugh: Hooray for dramatic exits! :raritystarry:

3652635

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I hope that the next installment (focussing more on the Crusaders themselves) will meet with equal interest!

Also... I did mean wretch. :facehoof:

But a card laid is a card played. So now I'm just going to assume that she has misinterpreted the surface-dwelling tradition of calling someone a "tool", and embrace it as part of her eccentricities. :pinkiehappy:

3646456

Thank you! If you enjoyed it, I hope that you will share the story with others who might be interested in reading it. I'm hoping this will be my first story to break 300 readers. :twilightsmile:

They had always worked well until this point.

this sounds like they are about to stop working, as in right now. I spent the next paragraph waiting for babs' mom to smell a rat.

maybe something like " so far they'd always been flawless" it sounds less like they're about to be found out

I dunno, I kinda like the tension by the "until this point" - just like we-the-viewers, Squall isn't so sure if his mother's gonna take this one or not. It'd be cheating to let us know in advance and leave poor Squall alone in his uncertainty. :raritydespair:
A few text errors - if you'd like me to point them out I can drop you a PM! Or, you know, be a prereader and read the chapter before anyone! :raritystarry: I kid, I kid. I love the way you've described each of their backgrounds and home lives - these other Crusaders are starting to feel just as real as the official ones. Can't wait to see them meet up with Cold Star again! (And expect some possible cover art soon? Been thinking about what the other Crusaders might look like - any art direction besides their colours would be much appreciated!) :raritywink:

3732468

Sending text corrections in a personal message would be much appreciated. I saw a couple on my last read through, and just haven't had time to go through it again and correct them all.

Hopefully the next chapter will feed your interest in visual descriptions, and get us back to the action of the story a bit more.

hah! that note reads like a radio drama!

this is fun.

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Thanks. I like them too. :twilightsmile:

Writing the "stinger" also helps me make sure I have my outline for the next draft in mind before I post the completed one.

May I do you cover Art please?

3798053

Anybody who wants to try making some cover art is welcome to go for it, so if you would like to I will be excited to see what you come up with! :twilightsmile:

(If you have any questions about any of the characters, I always welcome PMs for clarifications.)

I love it that she freed the toads, too.

oh... that cretin. poor daily times is gonna be in a tough spot. Maybe Ms Star can arrange some sort of witness protection for him. Zalest's place might still have enough tricks to keep some secrets...

Error: a few times you've used "it's" when you're talking about "belonging to it". Possessive pronouns don't take apostrophes. The proper word is "its", no apostrophe.

Error: "my fathers name" where it should be "father's".

4134401

I have been trying to proofread more extensively before posting. Hopefully there will be fewer of these in later chapters.

If you can let me know which chapter you found the error in, it would be very helpful. :twilightsmile:

FYI, for people who have been following this story: I just posted a significant revision to the Prelude chapter of this story. I've received several good peices of feedback about things I could do to improve that chapter, and I decided now was a good time to implement them.

The continuity of the story remains the same. I just re-worked the first part to be a bit more exciting, and touched up some of the bits elsewhere that I was no longer happy with. One of the joys of working on a long project like this is getting to see yourself improve as a writer, but the price is the desire to "fix" your older work to match your new standards. I hope people enjoy this new version.

As always, feedback is welcome!

Ooh, it's lovely. I wanted to wait til we had all seven nights to comment, and it did not disappoint! I like the flow of the shorter, smaller vignettes as a progression of time over the last subset of chapters, and this one was a great capstone to the week. I'm really glad Misty and Cold Star have by and large worked out their differences, or at least taken the first few steps to overcome them. Very interesting where we're headed in regards to Daily Times as well. Excited for this to continue! :raritywink:

Also, I'd asked in an earlier chapter's comments but never got a particular answer: what do Misty and Squall look like? It's hard to make cover art without knowing anything about their mane styles or accessories. Does Squall have a short, spiky mane or a longer one? You said shaggy, so I'm thinking spikyish, but is it forward like Pipsqueak's, or more all-over like Snips's? Or is spiky wrong and it's squared off like Featherweight's? Does Misty wear her mane in a braid or a ponytail or left loose? Swept back/forward/to the side? Spiky/smooth/curly? A hair/tail accessory or anything like that? That sort of thing.

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Glad you're enjoying it! I'm really looking forward to the next few chapters, and getting back to the action of things now that the relationships are a little more clearly established.

As to the details of their appearance, the truth is I'm not a very visual person. I don't have a clear picture in my head of exactly what they look like. I tend to just focus on the parts that seem important - their physical size in relation to the other characters, and how they feel about the way they look, and let the reader fill in the rest.

Personally, I see Squall as having too much hair because good haircuts are expensive and his mother doesn't trust herself to do it, not out of any particular fashion choice. It's shaggy in an unkempt sense. (Truthfully, I'm expecting he may cut it short at some point in the next couple of chapters, so you could consider trying something shorter as well.) In my head he's about half-way between Pip and Scootaloo in terms of hair and tail proportions/styles.

I see Misty as being concerned about her appearance. She takes care of her hair, but she's also a young pony who gets into frequent misadventure with her friends. I would expect her to braid it when she was going to school or doing her workouts, but that she'd much rather wear it long and loose whenever possible around the house. The closest style I can picture from would be Silver Spoon's braid.

But these are just my headcannons, and people are free to see them any way they wish. If my ideas don't look 'right' to you, go with your gut. See what comes out.

Well!
There's a lot going on in this chapter.
There should really be more readers and comments than there are now. Maybe it's time I spread the word a bit more...

4517992

The readers continue to climb slowly. But I'm finding more and more return readers every time I post a chapter, and that's what's really important to me. :twilightsmile:

But feel free to spread the word!

Yes, I'll read them all, not today, but that's what favourites are good for, don't you think?:raritywink:

Hard times for the crusaders indeed. I'm really looking forward to read the next chapter. Absolutely awesome work until now! It is definitely worth the favourite!!!:twilightsmile:

Excellent story so far:twilightsmile:
Can't wait for more...:pinkiecrazy:
Also, I noticed in this chapter:

Cold Star and Misty looked at each other, and then Babs slowly nodded.

Don't think Cold Star was there...heh

5653519

Thanks for catching that error. How embarrassing! :facehoof:

And thanks for the feedback. Life has been crazy lately, but I'm hoping to start updating again soon.

5653735
Yeah, I know crazy too...lol
Hope it uncrazifies soonish, and can't wait for more:trollestia:
Good luck!

Any chance of new chapters in the near future for this awesome story?

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