"Nah, You Just Eat 'Em!"

Sweetie S’mores

“Rarity, where are you going?” Sweetie Belle asked as Rarity put on a deep purple scarf and flowery hat.

“I’ve already told you, Sweetie Belle, it’s a personal matter,” Rarity said. “If things work out tonight, I’ll let you know what happened, but I don’t want the chance of disappointing you if things don’t pan out the way I intend. Besides, won’t you enjoy the company of your friends while I’m gone?”

“Of course I will,” Sweetie Belle said. She had been bouncing with the anticipation of her friends’ arrival, but now she drooped her head. “I just thought sisters were supposed to tell each other everything…” A dark shadow was cast across Sweetie Belle’s face. Rarity trotted over to her and knelt so they were face-to-face.

“Normally, I would tell you,” Rarity explained, “but this is important to keep private for now. Let me see how things go, and then I will share the events with you myself. Is that reasonable?”

Sweetie Belle looked Rarity in the eye. She smiled warily.

“I guess so…” she said.

“Good,” Rarity chirped, patting Sweetie Belle on the head. She looked out the window and saw Applejack and Rainbow Dash escorting Apple Bloom and Scootaloo towards the boutique. “Marvelous, they arrived just in time.”

Rarity walked over to the front door and opened it for them as they approached, the bell on top ringing as it opened. The brisk fall air blew into the boutique, chilling the room. Sweetie Belle shivered and hoped Rarity would close the door soon.

The party entered the boutique, and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo rushed over to Sweetie Belle and gave her a hug. Applejack smiled at the fillies, but Rainbow Dash looked over at Rarity.

“Are you sure I had to come?” she whispered so that the crusaders couldn’t here.

“Come now, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said. “Need I remind you that Scootaloo asked for you personally? She adores you almost as if you were her big sister, so I expect you to cherish that bond.”

“All right,” Dash stated. “I was just kidding anyway.”

“Uh-huh,” Rarity said, shaking her head. “Well, I’m off. Don’t want to be too late.”

“Ah still don’t think you should be late at all!” Applejack called as Rarity shut the door behind her. Dash chuckled as Applejack shot a dark glare at her.

“Shouldn’t be late for what?” Scootaloo asked.

“None of yer business,” Applejack stated. Scootaloo gave her a skeptical look.

“But why can’t we know what Rarity’s up to?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Yeah, what gives, AJ?” Dash asked. “How come she only told you?”

“Because she thought you’d be a blabbermouth,” Applejack explained. Dash stuck out her tongue.

“Like you’re so great at keeping a secret?” she cracked. “You nearly gave away Pinkie’s surprise birthday party for Twilight last week.”

“She asked me if there would be one. Ah’ll admit, Ah’m a terrible liar,” Applejack explained with a chuckle. “Element of Honesty and all. But Ah’m not gonna explain where Rarity’s going.”

“But what are we even doing until she gets back?” Scootaloo asked, slumping on the couch and crossing her forelegs. “I’m already bored.”

“Well, Rarity didn’t say we had to stay at the boutique,” Applejack said. “Where do you three wanna go?”

“We wanna go crusading!” Apple Bloom shouted. Dash rolled her eyes but smiled just the same.

“You know those cutie marks are just gonna come when they feel like it, right?” she asked. “You can’t really make them show up.”

“Can we go to the park?” Scootaloo asked, wings buzzing as she jumped off the couch.

“But it’s really cold outside,” Apple Bloom whined. “I was freezin’ on my way here.”

Scootaloo frowned at Apple Bloom.

“Yeah,” she reasoned, “but there’s nothing to do in this boring old shop. What are we gonna do, get our cutie marks in dressmaking? No thanks.”

“Gotta agree with ya there, Scoots,” Applejack said. “Ah tried it once and hated it. Don’t know how Rarity does it so well.”

“Well, why don’t we go to the park then?” Dash asked. “I could try to help Scoot learn to fly.”

“You’d do that for me, Dash?” Scootaloo asked with a big smile on her face. “That would be awesome!”

“No problem, kid,” Dash said. “Every pegasus has to learn from somepony.”

“But what would Sweetie Belle and Ah do?” Apple Bloom inquired.

“You two could just play in the park,” Applejack suggested. “Really, Ah agree with Dash. Ah don’t think it’s helpful to be tryin’ to get yer cutie marks every chance you get.”

“But we’re gonna be laughing stocks if we don’t get them,” Sweetie Belle whined. “It’s so embarrassing to be the only fillies in our class without them…”

“Some foals just get ’em later than others,” Applejack explained. “Us Apples are always really late, and Fluttershy was pretty late, too. It’ll come with time.”

“So sick of hearing that…” Scootaloo complained. “So are we going or not?”

“Sure, of course,” Applejack said, making her way towards the door. She saw somepony running towards the boutique from the window. Applejack took a closer look and recognized the hat and scarf right away.

“What in blazes is she doin’ back here already?” Applejack asked.

“Wait, what?” Dash said, looking out the window. “Hey, what’s Rarity doing back here so soon?”

The crusaders went over to the window and were surprised to see Rarity galloping towards the boutique. Her head was hanging low and her eyes looked bloodshot.

“Rarity!” Sweetie Belle called. Rarity made it to the front door and entered.

“Rarity, what happened?” Applejack asked, but Rarity ignored her and galloped up the stairs. A door slammed and then there was silence.

“Applejack, do you know what’s going on?” Dash asked. “She did tell you what she was doing.”

“Ah think Ah have an idea, but Ah don’t understand why she’d come home this fast. Ah’ve got a bad feelin’ about this…”

Dash looked worried and Sweetie Belle was frowning. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at each other warily. Dash turned to Applejack and gave her a stern look.

“Well, I’m going up there to find out what happened,” she said, making to fly up the stairway. Applejack bit down on her tail and yanked her back.

“Trust me, if it’s anything like Ah think it is, she’s gonna want to be alone.”

“Rarity…” Sweetie Belle said. She didn’t feel like going to the park anymore.

The five of them went back to sit down in the parlor and spent a bit of time just looking around and at each other. They thought they could hear sobbing sounds coming from Rarity’s room, but nopony was willing to check up on her. Dash grimaced and through her hooves up in the air.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” she shouted. “What the hay happened?”

“Ya know what? Forget what Ah just said about her bein’ alone. Ah’m gonna go find out,” Applejack said, standing up and making her way up the stairs. When she got close to Rarity’s door, she could definitely hear the sound of crying. She knocked gently on the door, hoping this wasn’t going to blow up in her face. It had been her idea, after all.

“Who...who is it?” Rarity said meekly between sniffles.

“The pony that got you into this mess,” Applejack said. “Ah was hopin’ to find out what happened.”

“There’s nothing to say,” Rarity said. “It was a stupid idea and I never should have done it.”

“It was my stupid idea,” Applejack reminded her, “and for that, Ah’m sorry. Look, can Ah come in? Ah don’t like talkin’ to doors.”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Rarity muttered. A few seconds later, she opened her door. Her mane was a bit tousled and her eyes were red, but she smiled as Applejack came into the room. Rarity went to the bed and laid down on it, while Applejack sat at the end.

“I’m sorry, Applejack,” Rarity apologized. “I don’t really want to talk about what happened. To be honest, I think I need to get out of Ponyville for a while.”

“That bad, huh?” Applejack wondered. Rarity gave her a mean look, but then sighed, her face deflating.

“The sooner I can get out of this town, the better,” Rarity moaned.

“Heya, this might sound crazy, but Ah just got an idea. Why don’t we take the crusaders out campin’ with us? Ah know you didn’t like the idea the first time, but Ah really enjoyed it and it helped me take my mind off my troubles.”

“I don’t know, Applejack…” Rarity said, wavering on the decision. She then remembered what had just happened, and she shook her head to try to shake off the embarrassment. “Oh, what the hay? It beats sitting in my house crying all night. Let’s do it.”

“Fantastic! Ah’ll take Apple Bloom home and get our camping gear ready. But promise me you won’t lug yer entire bedroom with ya this time, okay?”

Rarity let out a hearty laugh. “I promise, Applejack.”

“Well, alright then! Let’s get going!”

Rarity and Applejack made their way back downstairs. Dash and the crusaders were still sitting around awkwardly, but Applejack cleared her throat and they turned to face her.

“How would y’all feel about goin’ campin’ tonight?”

The eyes of the crusaders lit up, and Dash let out a smirk.

“Sounds awesome,” Dash said. “And it looks like the fillies wanna go.”

“Yeah, it’s gonna be so cool!” Scootaloo cheered. “Way better than last time!”

“We can tell ghost stories,” Apple Bloom chirped, “and cook on the campfire, and look at the stars!”

“I can sing ‘99 Buckets of Oats on the Wall’ again!” Sweetie Belle shouted.

“Can you at least sing it better than you did last time?” Scootaloo asked. “You’re a way better singer than that…”

“I was tired,” Sweetie Belle muttered.

“Well, there’s no time to waste!” Applejack declared. “Skedaddle and meet back here in fifteen minutes!”

“Please,” Dash said, “I can make it in five. You coming with me, Scoots?”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo said. “Oh, wait! I think my camping stuff is at Apple Bloom’s.”

“You can come with us, then,” Applejack said. “See ya in a few, gals!”

“Bye, AJ,” Dash exclaimed, waving to them as they left. Sweetie Belle hurried upstairs to pack her things, leaving Rainbow Dash alone with Rarity.

“Having a rough night?” Dash asked.

“I’ve had better,” Rarity admitted, dodging the question.

I think I know how to take care of that… Dash thought.

“Well, see ya in a jif,” Dash said, zooming out of the boutique at blinding speed. Rarity jumped and shook her head once she had settled.

“That mare really needs to learn to slow down…” she said aloud.

Dash was glad she was alone, because she didn’t want to have to explain to Scootaloo what she was up to. If she was going to try to make Rarity feel better, she would need ammunition, and she knew just the thing to make Rarity forget all her troubles. She came to a halt in front of the Ponyville Liquor Store and casually walked in, picking up a basket at the front of the store.

“Okay, where do they keep AJ’s cider…?” she wondered out loud as she went through the aisles. She soon found a whole section that was full of the apple-flavored goodness, and she inspected the price.

“Ten bits a bottle?” Dash asked. “Geez, AJ, when’d you get so greedy…? Whatever, it’s totally worth it.” She grabbed ten bottles of the strongest variety available and went over to the counter. Dash was quite familiar with Cold Brew, the store’s owner, by now, and he had long since stopped asking questions about the amount of alcohol she purchased.

“Having a party?” the old stallion asked with a smile.

“Something like that,” Dash said. “Trying to get a mare to forget about her troubles.”

“Hmm...all right then. A hundred bits.”

Dash put up a hefty pile of bits on the counter.

“I always forget there’s no tax in Ponyville,” she said. “Not like money-grubbing Cloudsdale.”

“Yeah, that’s why I do my business here,” Cold Brew said. “Plus I like that small-town feel. You get to know everypony on a first-name basis. Ah, here’s my favorite customer!” he cried as Berry Punch walked into the store. She blushed and tried to hide her face as she went through the aisles.

“Okay, well, I gotta go,” Dash said, taking the paper bags full of the cider from Cold Brew. “Thanks again, Brew!”

“No problem. You have a good night,” Cold Brew said as Dash flew out of the store. She rocketed home as fast as she could and packed up her camping equipment. She tucked the alcohol into her sleeping bag and rolled it up tightly, and nopony who didn’t know would ever suspect that it was there.

“AJ’s gonna kill me if she finds out I’ve got booze,” Dash thought aloud. “Even if it’s her own stuff. The only thing left to do now is to try to get me and Rarity alone…”

Dash tried to think of a way, but she got bored and decided she’d figure it out on the fly. She gathered the rest of her equipment and flew back to the boutique in record time. She walked in without knocking and saw that Rarity and Sweetie Belle were all set to go.

“AJ needs to hurry up,” Dash griped. Rarity rolled her eyes.

“Really, Rainbow Dash, just because you’re so quick all the time doesn’t make the rest of us too slow.”

“You don’t get it, Rarity. I’ve got this huge amount of energy I have to get out or I start to go crazy.”

Rarity smirked. “Says the pony who sleeps twelve hours a day,” she said snarkily.

Dash glared at her, but Rarity smiled so brightly that Dash smiled in return. Sweetie Belle started jumping up and down to get Rarity’s attention.

“Are you gonna tell us what happened earlier, Rarity?” she asked, still carrying some hope that she would get answers.

“I don’t want to think about that tonight,” Rarity said. “I just want to have a good time in the great outdoors. Once enough time has passed I will let you know what happened.”

“Fine…” Sweetie Belle mumbled.

The three ponies only had to wait a few more minutes for Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo to come back, and as soon as they arrived they went off. Dash hated having to walk with the rest of them because it was so slow, but the six ponies spent the time idly chatting amongst themselves, although the three adult ponies were maintaining a separate conversation from the crusaders.

All the while, Dash was still wondering how she’d get Rarity to start drinking and how to hide it from Applejack. She was struggling to come up with an idea, but she knew she’d find a way somehow. And who knows, maybe Rarity would start talking about what actually happened and Dash wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. Her imagination was flying about all the bad things that could have happened, though Dash figured the most likely thing was that somepony had criticized her clothing or something stupid like that. But what if it was something more?

This could be an interesting night… she thought.

The six ponies arrived at a campsite suitable for Applejack, one with a clear view of the sky and a relatively open space so they wouldn’t accidentally set fire to any of the trees. The sun was just starting to set and coloring the sky with pink and orange hues. The crusaders stared in awe at the pretty view, and Applejack smiled as she saw them.

“Okay, who wants to help me gather some firewood?” Applejack asked. Apple Bloom immediately raised her hoof.

“Ah’ll go if Sweetie and Scoots go with me,” she said.

“Sure, I’ll do it,” Sweetie Belle said. She and Apple Bloom stared down Scootaloo.

“All right, fine,” Scootaloo whined. “I’ll help gather some stupid firewood.”

“You comin’ Rarity, Dash?” Applejack asked.

“I think I’ll just stay here and watch the sunset, if you don’t mind,” Rarity said. “It’s so peaceful…”

Dash had to contain her excitement so she wouldn’t arouse suspicion. “I think I’ll pass, too. Sorry, AJ.”

“Whatever, Ah’ll be back soon. Or...soonish. Forgot it rained yesterday so most o’ the timber’s gonna be wet.” Applejack frowned, but shrugged her shoulders. “See ya!” she said as she and the crusaders left.

Dash and Rarity stared at the sunset for a while, Dash waiting for the right moment to bring out the cider. Rarity took her eyes from the sky and turned to Dash.

“We should set up our sleeping bags while we’re waiting,” she suggested.

“Oh, okay,” Dash said, realizing that her hand had been forced. When she unrolled her sleeping bag, Rarity stared wide-eyed at the bottles of cider that rolled out.

“Rainbow, dear,” she said carefully, “does Applejack know you brought that with you?”

“This is between you and me,” Dash said. “I know you had a pretty bad day and I wanted to help you forget all about it. But if we’re gonna start drinking, we need to do it fast, and then I need a place to hide the bottles before AJ gets back. Do we have a deal?”

“Rainbow, I...that’s not really a good idea…” Rarity’s hesitation was enough for Dash to think this might work. She picked up a bottle and opened it with her teeth, offering the beverage to Rarity.

“Let’s see how you feel after one,” Dash suggested. “I’ll drink with you if you want.”

“Darling, are you sure this is a smart idea?” Rarity asked, glancing around to make sure Applejack hadn’t come back yet.

Dash frowned. “Look, you said you wanted to forget about what happened, right? What better way to do that than with some booze?”

Rarity glanced around again. “All right, fine. But if Applejack catches us I’m blaming it all on you.”

“Relax,” Dash said with a smile, “I’ll take full responsibility. Here ya go.” Dash passed Rarity the open cider and grabbed one for herself.

Rarity took a small sip to get a taste for the cider and shuddered. She looked at the bottle and gasped.

“9% ABV? Really?” Rarity asked. “That’s awfully strong for cider, isn’t it?”

“Aw, don’t be such a lightweight,” Dash said, taking a strong gulp of cider and smacking her lips. “It’s good.”

Rarity smiled hesitantly and took another small sip. She convulsed as it slid down her throat.

“It’s better if you take bigger gulps,” Dash suggested. “Go on, try it.”

Rarity took a gulp and started to cough. “Absolutely not,” she complained. “That was far worse.”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Look, are you gonna drink the stuff or not? I had to pay a lot of bits for it.”

Rarity put a hoof under her chin and thought hard about this. “Well, I wouldn’t want your bits to go to waste…” she said. She took another gulp and shook, although this time it was a little easier. She smiled as she looked at Dash, and Dash took a strong gulp herself. Rarity noticed that Dash’s bottle was half empty, so she took another strong swig to try to match it.

Really, darling, you shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on yourself, she thought, but the painful memory of what happened compelled her to keep drinking. Pretty soon they had both finished their first bottle and were on their second.

Rainbow Dash still felt level-headed, but Rarity’s head was starting to swim and she was feeling a bit dizzy.

“So, what happened today that got you so upset?” Dash asked out of curiosity.

“It’s...it’s really embarrassing…” Rarity giggled. “I think I’ll need a bit more cider before I feel comfortable enough to tell you what happened.”

“Well, finish the bottle and let’s hear it!” Dash exclaimed, downing her bottle to set an example. Rarity quickly did the same, finding that the cider went down smoother the more she had. She dropped the bottle carelessly and it rolled down the hill and out of sight.

“Oh drat! I’m littering!” she cried. Dash let out a hearty laugh.

“There’s all kinds of trash left in the woods,” she said. “You need to relax…”

“Okay, f-fine, do you really want to know what happened?” Rarity asked.

“Yeah, I do,” Dash said, reaching for her third bottle of cider. Rarity held out her hooves and Dash tossed her another bottle. Rarity reached for it with her hooves but floundered it and it fell to the ground.

“Couldn’t you have used your magic?” Dash asked, chuckling.

“It’s...it’s very hard for a unicorn to use her magic when she’s...ah, you know what I mean. Anyway…”

Dash leaned forward, eager to hear Rarity’s story.

“So, I’ve had my eye on a stall...on a stallion for quite a while,” Rarity said. Dash couldn’t help but grin stupidly, but Rarity ignored it. “You know Pokey Pierce, right?”

“Oh, him?” Dash wondered. “Yeah, I guess I’ve heard the name before. Why?”

“Why do you think?” Rarity asked, hiccuping. She took a generous swig from her third bottle. “He’s gorgeous. Or at least I thought he was until today…” Rarity looked darkly over at the fading light of the sun.

“So what happened?” Dash asked.

“Well, Applejack had the idea that I should ask him out. She caught me look...looking at him one day and asked me if I liked him. Well, I stammered and flustered so much that she figured me out and she suggested I try to set up a date. Well, you wouldn’t believe the response I got when I went over to his house and offered to take him to dinner.”

“What’d he say?” Dash asked. Rarity tilted her head up and downed at least half of what was left of the third bottle before belching.

“Goodness, excuse me,” she said. “Well, he was a complete and utter pig…”

“Gotta hate it when that happens,” Dash said, trying not to laugh. Rarity’s hooves were flailing as she finished her third bottle and held her hooves out for a fourth. Dash finished her third one as well but did not pick up another one. She tossed Rarity a fourth bottle and Rarity actually caught it this time, to the surprise of both of them.

“He said ‘why don’t we just skip the dinner and get to the good stuff?’” she complained, biting off the cap and taking a strong gulp. “And I, being a naive fool, asked him what he meant. Then he...he walked over to me...and whispered in my ear that he wanted to rut me...and then he licked my ear!”

Dash almost found that hilarious but she took a deep breath and gave Rarity a warm look.

“That bites, Rares,” she said. “I’m really sorry.”

“Why, Rainbow Dash?” Rarity cried, laying flat on the ground and hiccuping between her sobs. “Why do I always fall for the jerks? First Blueblood and now Pokey! It’s so unfair!”

Dash went to Rarity’s side as she continued to sob. She put a hoof on Rarity’s shoulder, but Rarity batted it away.

“Please don’t pity me,” Rarity said. “I mean, what is it with stallions assuming that I’m so shallow all the time. Is it the way I look? I mean...I’ve been t-told that stallions think I’m easy and it’s just not true!”

Dash was feeling more and more uncomfortable by the minute. Rarity finished her fourth drink and didn’t bother waiting for Dash to get her a fifth one. She stumbled over to the remaining bottles and yanked the cap off the fifth one before spitting it into the distance. Dash was really starting to worry about her now, wondering what hell she had unleashed.

“I mean, I thought I had high tastes,” Rarity slurred, “but all my life, I’ve fallen for shallow, heartless stallions! Did you know my first crush t-tried to sleep with me when I was thirteen? We were just kissing and then he felt up my leg and I had to scream for him to finally stop.”

“Rarity, you might wanna take it easy on the alcohol now…”

Rarity ignored Dash and chugged her fifth bottle down before reaching for a sixth one. Dash quickly took the last so Rarity wouldn’t get herself any more drunk. When Rarity belched again, she feared she was too late.

“I mean, w-what do I have to do to attract a stallion who’s nice? Sweet? Caring?” Rarity downed the sixth bottle in a matter of seconds and reached for a seventh, only to find that they were all out. “Damn it, Rainbow Dash. You t-took the last one, didn’t you?”

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” Dash said.

“Well, it’s too late for that! I’ve been hurt enough today. Just dealing with that disgusting Pokey brought back some old memories. And now...oh my, do I hear hoofsteps?”

“What?” Dash asked before realizing that Applejack and the crusaders must be coming back. She quickly rolled all of the empty cider bottles down the hill and out of site before dumping the rest of her own. Applejack and the fillies entered the clearing with firewood stacked on their backs.

“Took us forever, but we finally found some dry wood,” Applejack said. She looked over at Dash’s nervous expression and Rarity’s dizziness as she struggled to keep her balance. “Uh...is everythin’ all right here?”

“What are you talking about?” Dash asked nervously. “Everything’s fine…” Dash hiccuped herself, but Rarity started stumbling over to Applejack.

“Tell me, Applejack,” she slurred as she collapsed to the ground, “Tell me why you thought it was such a good idea to ask P-Pokey out on a date.”

“Rarity, what the hay happened to you?” Applejack asked. The crusaders looked at each other with giddiness.

“Rarity, you asked somepony out?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Yes, and I had my heart ripped out of me. Torn to shreds!” Rarity tried to get up but she collapsed on the ground again.

“Rainbow Dash, what is goin’ on here?” Applejack demanded. Dash belched right in Applejack’s face accidentally.

“Dash, that’s disgustin’...wait a sec, is that my apple cider on your breath?”

“What? No way, what makes you think that?” Dash asked.

“There’s no mistakin’ that smell,” Applejack said sternly. “Did you get Rarity drunk?”

“It was c-completely my choice to drink, Applejack!” Rarity cried from the ground. “I had a bad day and I deserved a break.”

“Well, yer gonna have a bad mornin’ too, but Ah guess that can’t be helped now. So...who’s up for s’mores?”

“Ooh, yes!” Scootaloo exclaimed.

“That sounds delicious!” Apple Bloom cheered.

“Yes, yes…” Rarity said, picking up a stick. “And I have the perfect marshmallow to put on it, too.”

Rarity lunged towards Sweetie Belle but fell and got dirt in her mouth. Sweetie Belle took a few steps back.

“R-Rarity, what are you doing?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“You’ll make a fine marshmallow, Sweetie Belle. Now come, get on my stick, that’s a good girl…”

Rarity started to chase Sweetie Belle around the clearing, waving a stick at her. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo started to laugh, and even Dash let out a chuckle. Applejack went over and grabbed Rarity from behind.

“Ah think you’ve had enough to drink today,” she said.

“But she’ll taste so good smothered in chocolate and smushed between two graham crackers!” Rarity cried. Dash was trying very hard not to burst out laughing, but Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were rolling on the ground. Sweetie Belle was blushing and hiding her cheeks.

“Maybe it’s time to go to bed,” Applejack said loudly. “Dash, do ya mind helping me get her into her sleeping bag?”

“I think I’m going to be sick…” Rarity moaned. There was a queasy feeling in her stomach and her head was spinning.

“Maybe we should get her out of the clearing first,” Dash suggested, and she and Applejack brought Rarity into the trees surrounding the clearing. The movement made Rarity even more ill, and without warning she vomited. The stench reached Dash’s and Applejack’s nostrils as the vomit came out of Rarity’s nose and mouth. She retched a few more times until it had all left her system, and then she started to pant.

“Are ya feelin’ all right?” Applejack asked.

“I’m very...very tired,” Rarity mumbled.

“Let’s get you to bed then,” Dash said, and she and Applejack helped Rarity back to the clearing and to her sleeping bag. They wrapped Rarity up like a cocoon and she fell asleep almost at once.

Rarity was in a parlor with a hearty flame roaring in the fireplace. She smiled as the flames danced before her eyes, and she realized that she was quite hungry. She found a box of graham crackers on the side of the room, along with a pile of chocolate bars and a bag of marshmallows.

Thinking she would make some s’mores, she opened the box of graham crackers and took out two. She set them on a plate along with a slab of chocolate, and then she used her magic to open the bag of marshmallows. When she got them open and took out a marshmallow, she saw that it had Sweetie Belle’s face on it.

“Rarity, what are you doing?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Oh, you’ll make some delicious s’mores,” Rarity cooed. She stuck the marshmallow on a stick and Sweetie Belle’s face screamed.

“That really hurt!” she cried. “Why would you do that to your own sister? Wait...wait, what are you doing now?”

Rarity brought the Sweetie marshmallow closer to the fireplace. As the heat intensified, Sweetie protested more and more. But Rarity was determined to make the best s’mores she’s ever made, and when she brought the marshmallow into the flame she ignored the shrieks of pain coming out of Sweetie’s mouth.

“RARITY, THIS HURTS!” she squealed as the flames began to melt her. Rarity laughed maniacally and rotated her so that she would melt evenly. Once the marshmallow had been properly melted she slid it onto the chocolate before encasing the gooeyness in the graham crackers.

These looked like they would be the tastiest s’mores Rarity had ever had. The smell of the molten marshmallow and the chocolate wafted into her nostrils and made her mouth water. Unable to wait any longer, Rarity opened her mouth wide and brought the s’mores to it.

“Rarity, DON’T EAT ME! AAAAHHHHH!” Sweetie cried as the part of the marshmallow containing her mouth was ensconced in Rarity’s mouth. Rarity could no longer hear the cries of her sister as she swallowed the first bite and took another. All that remained were Sweetie’s crying eyes as she was slowly devoured. Rarity took another large bite and completely finished off the tasty treat.

Suddenly, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo entered the parlor. They found Rarity and ran up to her.

“Rarity, do you know where Sweetie Belle is?” Apple Bloom asked desperately.

“We can’t find her anywhere!” Scootaloo shouted.

Rarity felt a horrible pain in her stomach. What have I done? she asked herself.

“I don’t know where she went…” Rarity said. “Are you playing hide-and-seek or something?”

“No, we’ve lost her and we don’t know where to look!” Apple Bloom cried.

“I’m in here!” came a muffled cry from Rarity’s stomach.

“What the hay was that?” Scootaloo asked. Rarity felt an overwhelming sense of dread as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo approached her.

“Where did that come from?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Rarity ate me! I’m in her stomach!” Sweetie Belle cried.

“You did what?” Scootaloo shrieked at Rarity. Rarity took a step back and began to stammer.

“I’m s-sorry!” Rarity cried, “but I couldn’t resist!”

“Couldn’t resist? That’s yer sister!”

“You know what this calls for?” Scootaloo asked, pulling a chainsaw out of nowhere. “Emergency surgery. We need to get her out of there.”

Scootaloo pulled back the pull cord and the chainsaw whirred to life. She slowly approached Rarity, who was now backed into a corner. The saw shined in the moonlight coming in from the window. It came into contact with Rarity’s stomach. Rarity began to scream as she felt the blades rip through her.

Rarity’s eyes shot open as she lay in her sleeping bag. She could feel her head still swimming, though her stomach had settled and she was starting to think slightly more clearly again. She couldn’t remember where the evening had gone or why she was in her sleeping bag, let alone what kind of horrible nightmare she had just awoken from.

The night was pitch black without a new moon, and Rarity couldn’t see the other ponies at all. She could hear Applejack’s snoring, however, a sound she had grown familiar with during that sleepover at Twilight’s, so she knew she wasn’t alone.

Right next to her, she heard Rainbow Dash yawning, and she was relieved to know that somepony else was awake.

“Rainbow Dash?” she whispered, hoping not to wake up the crusaders.

“Huh?” Dash replied in an equally hushed whisper. “You feeling okay?”

“I’m a little woozy…” Rarity admitted, “and I just had the strangest dream. Sweetie Belle was a marshmallow and I ate her and then Scootaloo started tearing me open with a chainsaw to get her back.”

“...What?” Dash asked. “You know what? Forget it. As long as you’re okay now.”

“What did I do this evening, Rainbow Dash? I mean, I can tell I got drunk, but what happened after that?” Rarity asked.

“Um...let’s just forget it ever happened, okay?” Dash suggested.

Rarity groaned and turned away from Dash.

“Look, it’s not nearly as bad as this one time in flight school I had,” Dash said. “Trust me, things could have been so much worse. At least you didn’t get drunk in Ponyville and go back to Pokey to give him a piece of your mind.”

“I told you about Pokey?” Rarity asked. She shivered.

“Yeah, you poured your heart out to me,” Dash said. “Trust me, the things you said to me will be our secret.”

“But I want to know what I said…” Rarity whined, turning to face Dash again. Dash shrugged.

“I’ll tell you some other time,” she said. “Right now you need to sleep it off.”

“I suppose so…” Rarity conceded. “Good night, Rainbow Dash.”

“Night, Rares.”

Applejack awoke in the morning and woke everypony else up. The three adult ponies all had jobs to attend to today and they couldn’t afford to be late. When Rarity awoke she had a splitting headache. Applejack considered shouting at her but decided she’d been through enough hell for one trip.

“Morning, Rares,” Dash said. “Sleep well?”

“Very funny,” Rarity said, rubbing her aching temple. “Applejack, what did I do yesterday? Rainbow Dash wouldn’t tell me.”

“Ya tried to make Sweetie Belle into s’mores,” Applejack said darkly. “Woulda been funny if it weren’t so sad.”

“So that dream was based on something…” Rarity muttered.

“What dream?” Applejack asked, turning her head to her and giving her a curious stare.

“You don’t wanna know,” Dash said. “Look, can we just go home now? I kinda wanna forget that this ever happened.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t that much fun,” Scootaloo said. “Although Rarity’s a funny drunk.”

“Scootaloo, please…” Sweetie Belle pleaded. “It was so embarrassing…”

“Oh, Sweetie Belle,” Rarity said. “I’m ever so sorry about my behavior last evening. I promise it won’t happen again.”

“You’re right, it won’t,” Sweetie Belle said, “because I’m never going anywhere with you again…”

Rarity winced, and Applejack gave Sweetie Belle a stern look.

“Don’t say things like that, Sweetie Belle,” Applejack scolded. “Yer gonna hurt her feelings.”

“Well, she hurt my feelings first! It was embarrassing!” Sweetie Belle squeaked. “I don’t care if some stallion doesn’t like her, or whatever. That’s no way to behave,” she concluded in a fine impersonation of Rarity.

“You’re absolutely right, Sweetie Belle,” Rarity insisted, “and if I were you, I’d be just as ashamed. But I promise I’ll make it up to you somehow. Is there anything you want?”

“I just want a better sister,” Sweetie Belle said, sulking. “Is that too much to ask?”

“Aw, come on, Sweets,” Dash said. “You’re lucky to have a sister as great as Rares here.”

“Yeah, she’s amazing!” Apple Bloom insisted. “Ah mean, Ah’d never want to replace Applejack, but havin’ Rarity would be just as good.”

“I guess…” Sweetie Belle said. She plopped on the ground and started to tear up.

“I know what I did was wrong,” Rarity said, walking over to Sweetie Belle and putting a hoof on her shoulder. “And I deeply regret it. But I’ve learned from my mistakes, and I just want you to accept that I am imperfect and prone to making them. Can you find a way to forgive me?”

Sweetie Belle looked at Rarity and sniffled.

“Can you help me find my cutie mark today?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“After I close up shop, I’ll be more than happy to,” Rarity promised.

“Then I think we’re okay,” Sweetie Belle said.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash smiled as Rarity went to hug her sister.

“Thank you so much, darling,” she said.

“No problem,” Sweetie Belle said. “Now let’s get out of here.”

The six ponies packed up their camping equipment and made their way back to Ponyville. Along the way, Scootaloo decided to get snarky.

“I wonder what Sweetie Belle would taste like if she was a marshmallow,” she said.

“Scootaloo, stop…” Sweetie Belle whined.

“Oh, Ah think she’d taste extra sweet!” Apple Bloom chimed in. “Ya know, ’cause of her name…”

Sweetie Belle groaned as her friends continued to needle her. Rarity chuckled softly to herself as the fillies started to quibble. Hopefully this meant things would return to normal, and they’d be able to leave this camping trip behind them.

Author's Note:

This was a silly concept that got a little weird. Hopefully you enjoyed the strange style of humor I was intending.

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