Twilight Sparkle's Secret Crush

by HyperBlossom7

She said what?

Rarity and Applejack had been spending a lot of time together lately. Pinkie Pie had noticed this, so being Pinkie, she decided to eavesdrop on a conversation they were having while at Sugar Cube Corner. She was in the kitchen, but secretly peeking around the door frame at the two mares who sat awfully close together.

"You're bringing hard cider to Twilight's again tonight, am I right?" Rarity was asking.

"You sure as sugar are!" said Applejack. "It's not a slumber party without cider."

Rarity giggled and nodded in agreement. "Very true, Applejack."

A slumber party? Pinkie Pie repeated this in her mind. Applejack and Rarity were having a slumber party at Twilight's? Why hadn't she been told about this? Why hadn't she been invited? Didn't they know that Pinkie Pie was Ponyville's party pony? She was practically the QUEEN of parties! Now three of her best friends were having a slumber party behind her back. This hurt even worse than the last time her friends had planned a secret party. Of course she had been invited, but Applejack and Rarity were making it clear that she was not invited to this one.

Pinkie Pie was angry. She wanted to cry, but then she got an idea. She would spy on them! It was perfect! Pinkie Pie would see if their little slumber party was as good as one of her parties. Pinkie Pie would crash the party at the last minute and use her party cannon to really start things up.

Pinkie Pie went the back way to her room so her friends wouldn't see her, and looked for her spy outfit that Rarity had made for her a while back. She found it and put it on her bed for the moment. She went downstairs and quickly finished her chores for the day. Then she went back to her room and put on her spy outfit. Pinkie Pie waited until Celestia's sun had sunk below the horizon before leaving Sugar Cube Corner.

Using her Pinkie stealth, as she liked to call it, she crept through Ponyville's streets. She was fully aware that almost nopony would be out and about, but she found sneaking around fun. Besides, she had already put on a spy outfit and she wasn't going to let that go to waste. Pinkie Pie stuck her head out of a bush in front of Twilight Sparkle's library. She noticed the lights were still on, which meant her friends were still up.

Pinkie Pie quietly moved to the window and peered inside. She could see Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight Sparkle all sitting in a circle in the middle of the room. They each had a mug of cider next to them and they all seemed to be having fun. since they were laughing and smiling. Pinkie Pie focused her ears so she could try and hear what they were saying.

"Okay, Twi, truth or dare?" Applejack asked Twilight.

Twilight thought for a moment and decided, "Truth."

Applejack nodded and thought of a question to ask. "Okay, tell us who you wish was your special somepony?"

"My special somepony?" Twilight repeated.

She hadn't expected that question. She blushed as she did have a crush that nopony else knew about. She looked down at the floor in front of her hooves, and Applejack and Rarity both exchanged amused glances.

"Well, who is he?" Rarity prodded.

"Well, it's a mare," said Twilight. Her blush turned a deeper shade of scarlet, which really showed on her lavender pelt.

"Oh, well then what's her name?" Rarity asked, correcting herself.

Twilight looked at her two friends and said, "Pinkie Pie."

Three ponies all gasped. Thankfully, the two ponies inside masked the gasp of the spying pony outside. Pinkie Pie's eyes widened and she backed away from the window. Twilight Sparkle had a crush on her? A smile tugged at Pinkie's lips, and her heart felt warm and fuzzy. Twilight Sparkle had a crush on her! Pinkie Pie smiled, touched that the bookworm had eyes for her. This discovery made Pinkie Pie realize that she had a crush on her too. She giggled happily. Now that she knew Twilight Sparkle had feelings for her, Pinkie Pie could tell her she liked her.

Pinkie Pie decided she would tell her tomorrow. So she turned around and trotted back to Sugar Cube Corner, her happiness making her forget about being stealthy. She went back to her room and fell asleep with a smile on her face.

The next morning, Pinkie Pie got up and decided she would make a cake for Twilight. She hurried down to the kitchen and started baking a circular cake that had both her face and Twilight's face on it. She made an outline of a heart around the two faces with red icing, and then decorated the cake with lots of fruits and sprinkles. Once the cake was finished being made, she put it in a box and skipped happily out of Sugar Cube Corner.

Pinkie Pie went to Twilight Sparkle's house and knocked on the door. A few minutes later a sleepy Spike opened the door. The young dragon blinked as Pinkie Pie was at the moment only a pink blur. He shook his head and his vision cleared. He saw that it was only Pinkie Pie and smiled.

"Oh, hey Pinkie," said Spike. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey Spike!" Pinkie Pie beamed at the baby dragon. "Is Twilight here? I brought her a cake!"

Spike saw the cake and smiled, "Yeah. Come on in."

Spike stepped aside so Pinkie Pie could enter. She saw Twilight Sparkle at her bookshelf, resorting her books. It was evident that Spike had just cleaned up, since everything had an extra shine to it. Pinkie Pie turned to Spike with an apologetic smile.

"Spike, do you mind if I can be with Twilight in private? Please?" she asked.

"Oh sure, I wanted to go back to sleep anyway," said Spike.

Pinkie Pie waited until the baby dragon had gone off to his bed. Then she turned to Twilight, who was now smiling at her.

"Good morning Pinkie Pie!" Twilight said cheerfully. She saw the box and asked, "What's that?"

"It's a cake!" said Pinkie Pie. "I made it especially for you!"

Twilight Sparkle used her magic to levitate the box and bring it over to a table. She opened the lid and looked inside. The picture on the cake made her blush, and she looked back at Pinkie Pie.

"Twilight, I want to know that you are one of the bestest friends a pony could have! But I want to be more than just friends!" Pinkie Pie explained. "I really like you, Twilight. I mean I like like you, but not in a creepy way. I mean I like you in a fluffy cake icing kind of way."

Twilight giggled. She smiled warmly at the pink pony and said, "Thank you Pinkie. This means a lot. I like you too, and I mean I like you in a way I would like my special somepony."

Pinkie Pie smiled more and asked, "So does that mean I can be your special somepony?"

Twilight blushed and nodded. "Yes, it does."

"Yay!" Pinkie Pie squealed.

Then she pulled Twilight into a big hug and gave her a kiss. Twilight smiled and closed her eyes, sinking into the kiss. Pinkie Pie was overjoyed, and Twilight Sparkle was too.

Author's Note:

Hey everypony. I can do Pinkie Pie for the most part, but I've never seen her in love. So I decided to just do the best I can to make her stay as close to her personality as possible but still be able to confess to Twilight. Some tips on how to write Pinkie Pie in love would be great. I also appreciate criticism on the story as a whole. Thank you for reading!"

Comments

[Delicious]

The whole "Finding out that you have a crush on me makes me realize I have a crush on you" thing ruined this story, at least in my opinion. There wasn't much else to complain about though, so I think you could be a good writer.

[HyperBlossom7]

3498954

Well again I'm not so good at doing Pony romance. Sorry haha.

[Mark Crazeer]

3498954
It is Pinkie Pie.

[Blue Dragon]

I have to say, I'm a huge supporter of this ship and I found this story to be very cute. I'm honestly pretty surprised that it didn't have more comments. Anyway, I think you nailed both Pinkie and Twilight down pretty well, considering it's a one-shot. One of my complaints would be that it was really short, but that's not that big of a deal.

Criticism time. Grammatically, I think you did very well here. One thing I would like to point out, however, is that it's "Sugarcube Corner" and not "Sugar Cube Corner." That's a personal pet peeve. This story felt sort of like it was just a recollection of events--this happened, then this happened, and then that happened. This can happen when there isn't a lot of variety in sentence structure. When writing you want to be aware of how everything sounds to make sure it doesn't get repetitious, or too similar sounding. That disinterests a lot of people. To fix this in the future, try noticing the punctuation. If several sentences pass by and the sentences feel short, with a single independent clause (with a single period and no commas), it may be time to mix things up. Simple sentences vs. complex. Variety, always.

On a positive note, I thought you did very well on your dialogue. The tags were done properly (you didn't capitalize the 'she said' after dialogue), which is something I feel is important to point out. A lot of people make that mistake, including me when I started writing.

Other than that, I liked this story. I have to agree with a previous comment and say that the idea of Pinkie liking Twilight only because she liked her is a bit of a turn off, but that wasn't a big deal to me. Feelings are gentle and should be built up over time, especially in fiction. I understand that this was a one-shot, but I feel that this idea could've been a lot better had it been developed as a multi-chapter fic. Even so, a bit of elaboration could've done wonders here, rather than just saying "Pinkie liked her now that she knew Twilight held feelings for her." Make sure to take your time and not rush things.

Overall, I think this is a sweet story, with an adorkable couple. I'll go ahead and favorite and thumb it up, only because I think it deserves it. Keep writing, and you'll definitely improve!

[HyperBlossom7]

3718455

Thank you!

[Bilbo Swaggins]

Okay it was adorabibble.
I mean that's not how love works, you don't kiss them after just there mare friend. That only happens in love stories. but sence this is Twinkie and a love story, and your making that face,, I like it. Cause it is really adorable.

[Cytotoxin]

Eh. Saccarine and water. It`s as if you`re trying to explain lesbian romance to five years old.

[Fort Impression]

Like you said, since there is no hard evidence as to what Pinkie is like when she is in love, it can make it hard. Good news: you have enough of a personality to make her love for another pony in several ways. Typically, if you want it to match her personality, Pinkie Pie would be very open about her feelings, but it might hold her back a little from conveying them if she feels that it might hinder her friendship with the pony she loves. This will make her attempt to find a way to figure out if she could possibly get the pony to notice her more before attempting to make an advancement on them (if it works out). However, if she knows or is confident in the answer she will get or won't have to worry about losing a friend, she will come out and say it plainly. Also, with this, she isn't afraid to say it in front of other ponies; the confessee might, but she will be fine saying it.

If you are more interested in shy Pie, which it can be possible that she is all happy and everything but can be very nervous in front of the one she likes, then that's an option. For this, she is herself, except she has more exaggerate actions and speech in front of the person she likes. She will try her best to hold a smile, but the closer the one she likes gets, the more she breaks down; being touched by this pony would be sure to either freak Pinkie into running away with a beating chest or faint (depending on point of contact, and if eye contact is made). She will try a little harder to be funnier than usual, even though the one she likes typically won't notice the difference. By being a try hard, she might mess up, such as juggling and dropping the items on her head. Nervous and sheepish laughs seal the deal, and stuttering makes the whole thing 10 times funnier. (Same rules apply for close contact [stutters more when they are close]).

These are my two favorite love-struck Pinkie's. There are more, and it takes a little experimenting to get it to be compatible with her personality. I prefer to see either of these two Pinkie's when I read her stories because they compliment her personality really well, and it makes her adorable when she is in love. Hopefully this helps you with your Pinkie problem. If you would like more information on either of these two personalities, going as far as typical quirks, actions, or expressions made with them, or if you would like more personalities to choose from for love-struck Pinkie, just shoot me a PM. Pinkie is a very nice character with a flamboyant personality that can be dabbled with in many ways.

Anyways, the story was nice a cute. You had a few grammatical errors that I attempted to see. Sadly, I am still a little drunk, so I probably won't find them again if I go back right now. You got Pinkie's personality nicely, and the love interest was interesting. By that, I mean how you made Pinkie fall in love with Twilight because Twilight liked Pinkie; however, it is not a bad thing. I can definitely see Pinkie pulling a stunt like this. Spike was good for the two lines that he had. Twilight was a little... different from her typical personality as far as what happened at the end. You did try to make it short and simple, which is fine. Overall, it was a good story. No review from me today because... well, I'm drunk. I had a hard time writing just this alone. Keep up the good work!

Only for you and nothing more,
Fort Impression