• Member Since 23rd May, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 14th, 2019

Red Bomber


T
Source

This story is a sequel to Why Would Anyone Like This Griffon So Much?


(Once Again: Disclaimer at the Bottom)
Once a night, at a full moon, a creature stalks the land, air, and sea hunting people to spread terror and destruction at high speeds and the latest victim of the creature was once a seafaring pirate captain by the name of Gilda. After being the only survivor of the attack on her crew, Gilda discovers on the next full moon that she is a curse to become like the creature that attacked her, a weregriffon... At least that's the idea behind Lin's costume for the Halloween Party she plans to attend with her boyfriend, Vin.

Ever since their last endeavor with a magic potion that transforms the drinker into their lover's favorite thing and discovering that the drinker transforms based on their lovers thoughts, Lin plans with her boyfriend to take advantage of this aspect of the potion to make a very convincing costume for a huge Halloween party she plans to attend with her friends and turns into anthropomorphic version of Gilda as a pirate. But it turns out that they're not the only ones who thought of this and it seems like some of their costumes are more real than they let on.

Check out as Vin and Lin try to enjoy a party, become involved in other people's, and ponies, stories as bit characters, and be stalked by a Ninja Rainbow Dash.
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Another story that was supposed to be short one shot but becoming bigger than it was supposed to be. This story is an alternate universe sequel to the story "Why Would Anyone Like This Griffon So Much?" where instead of Lin's adventure beginning as a counterpart of Gilda at the end of her first night in her body, Lin ended up changing back to normal and using the potion again to attend a Halloween Party with her friends along with some characters that was supposed to be in Lin and Gilda's adventure attending the party as well.

Disclaimer: Small discussion on Sex, intensive cuddling and kissing between a human and an anthro griffon, and still censored swearing because the author refuses to curse.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

we all demand the source of the picture:pinkiehappy:

3443729
Here you go, I didn't know that depibooru had a source of this pic until now. ^^;
http://susiebeeca.tumblr.com/post/58196800744/woo-hoo-finally-got-to-upload-this-this-is-my

3455050

Darn, now I'm even more curious now, ^^ but I'm going to respect your secret.

3455079

Okay, you persuaded me.

(Or did I persuade myself?)

It's the story. Tis a glorious one.

3455229
Thank you. I would want you tell me about what you liked most about this story, but I think I'll leave it here for now. Anyway thanks for the comment.

I think there are two major issues I have with this story. The first is that you clearly needed a proofreader/editor, since you seem to average two mistakes per paragraph, and some of the mistakes are very obvious. I'd point a few out, but I'm afraid if I did then I'd be here all day.

The second issue is that this feels like a kitchen sink story, or a story adaptation of an online role-play. By that I mean you had so many ideas you threw them all into a single story and because of that it feels like there's no cohesiveness. To elaborate on that point: The Ninja Dash plot line feels superfluous: cutting it out of the story would change nothing. The sex stuff seems like it was just stapled on to the end. A lot of the scenes don't drive anything forward and just fill up space and extend the word count. Also, though I initially liked the bait-and-switch at the start with the role-play, upon looking back I think that could afford to be cut out and the story wouldn't suffer. The most interesting part of the story, that there were real ponies at the party, took up almost none of the story and wasn't even resolved. I feel like this story could be edited down to around 5,000 words and work much better, not to mention the unfinished "real ponies" plot line feels like it needs to be the focus, and needs more chapters to get fleshed out.

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