John Stalkey has been expecting the ponies to attack his base for years and now the time has come to show them what he's made of.
Meanwhile Princess Twilight Sparkle discuss her plans for what she's going to do in a world that is saved while making small talk with a friend.
A one-shot story that parodies the famous Doom story and characters discussing a few ideas that I want to explore in both versions of The Conversion Bureau as well as a type of story that I actually want to see in such a fic. Even though I haven't been looking around for a while in these fics, the ones I've read recently inspired me to make this one-shot so I can get it off the chest. I may work on expanding these ideas after I'm done with my true story. Sorry for those who have been watching me to update it. I've been working on it bit by bit this week and hopefully the time will be worth it when I'm finally done with the current chapter, so for now I hope all of you will enjoy this one-shot conversational story.
Before I read, I must know: Are john the pony's?
Not a bad idea, but you might want to use a spellcheck, there are even some typos in the description (for example, "pardoies")
2230255
2230402 but jhon hasn;t became magic?
2230416 He has, because he's one of them now.
2230427 nO1
i Should kill my high scool now?
2230438 Are you saying there are ponies in your high school? Be careful, they might be dangerous... in their own way...
1. Show, don't tell.
2. Don't start off an attempt at a serious fiction with something that can be easily construed as a troll-fic.
3. You failed to mention what the HLF and PER actually are.
4. Posting story ideas in the form of reminiscing as full stories takes away a lot of the entertainment value if what is being reminisced about is the interesting part, rather than character reactions to it.
5. I hardly think this constitutes as a Doom crossover.
2230255
According to the guy's story, yeah.
2230402
Kind of annoying how writing badly on purporse still sticks to me even after I was done with it.
2230684
1. My greatest weakness.
2. One of the fake outs that failed spectacularly then...
3. Darn.
4. Please name one story in this site that does this. I'm actually serious which story does the reactions better when characters are reminiscing
5. Well I'm not exactly allowed to post a story this small here. But yeah you're right, it's more of a parody.
My eyes are bleeding. So from what I gather is that stuff happens and John turns into a unicorn, then he is a human. Then Celestia is mentally handicapped and this causes her evilness... Look to be honest it looks like there wasn't really effort involved in writing this as the grammar is terrible and the story tell of it comes off as telling us what is happening instead of showing us. You say that there are both HLF and PER in the story but never really tell us. Also the story so far sucks.
If you want to continue it then I would suggest sitting down for a while and planing out everything. Like the main characters, the settings you might use (perhaps do some research on the areas if you don't have a good grasp on them), as well as the story and where you are heading with it. I'd also look into having someone read over it, after you have read over it yourself, checking for grammar and spelling mistakes.
2231391
Hopefully the grammar you're referring to is about the rest of the story when Princess Twilight comes in, because anything before that was done on purporse since the original Doom Repercussions of Evil fanfic was actually written like that. As Reginald said, I mentioned what they did and what happened to them during the event, but never really said what they are (or supposed to be) for people not familiar with the TCB universe. I just figured just merely saying what they did to get themselves to disband or face judgement is good enough of an idea of what they are.
That's what I normally do but since it was only a spur of a moment story, I only checked over it once. Although I wasn't surprised about the story being bad in general, what I'm more surprised, from what you're telling me, is that you didn't know that the story involving John and Celestia is "story within a story," like any indication that the "first couple of paragraphs" was written by another character in his youth doesn't exist.
2231929
Still even if the original one was written like that it still reads bad throughout and the time and effort you put into it reflects it. Also having a story within a story has to make sense instead of it being tacked on at the end because that is how it reads to me.
2232681
Tacked on the end? The story within the story is the first thing you read. I mean, how many stories begin with a fake out before you find out that it was another story that was read by another character?
Please, please tell me that what you think read bad is the Twilight Sparkle portion of the story rather than John's since his story was written like that done on purpose. Because from the way I'm interpreting your message, what happened is that you were so disgusted by John's part of the story that you skimmed the rest of it without ever realizing that John is a fictional character written by Twilight's friend. That's not what happened isn't it? I'll understand a little bit more if you read it while wondering "where the heck is John and who is this Tim person?" But that will just give me more questions about how did you not know that everything in italics at the beginning wasn't *ahem* "real?"
5 words: "What the fuck just happened?"