(Extra) Interlude: In Which Discord Helps in the Most Annoying Way Possible
"Hmmm..." A pencil, held in a firm grip by Twilight's purple magic, scribbled wildly on a piece of scrap parchment. She turned her gaze back to the area upon which she was experimenting. "It's missing something..."
A flash of inspiration lit the alicorn's eyes, and a second spell conjured a wall of fire. She lobbed an apple through the hot field, causing it to catch fire and burn up almost immediately.
"No, that's no good." She released an exasperated breath and dropped her head sideways onto the table. "Shoot, how am I going to do this?" An obvious solution presented itself to her, but Twilight stubbornly brushed it off.
From upstairs, a voice called out. "Hellooo, anypony home?"
"Down here!" the princess shouted back without looking up; the door to the basement opened, and Rarity hopped daintily down the stairs to join her friend.
"Good morning!" the unicorn said. "How are yo—"
"No, I can't go to Super-Con with you," Twilight said immediately.
"Aw, why not? Don't make me go by myself!"
"It's on Spike's birthday. If I missed it, he'd be devastated..."
Rarity sighed sadly. "That is a noble excuse... Very well, just this once, I shall allow it."
"No wonder they call you the Element of Generosity," was Twilight's sarcastic response. "I think I need to get out of here, my brain's beginning to fry. Would you like to see if there's anything Fluttershy wants to do with us?"
"Dear Fluttershy is, in fact, already occupied," the unicorn said. "Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash took her to an amusement park in an effort to cheer her up."
"Well, how about just you and me? We could get something to eat."
"I'm afraid that I, too, have a full schedule. I need to start designing... costumes... for this abominable convention." Her lip curled in apparent disgust.
"I'm sure it won't be that bad; I know plenty of awesome ponies who go to those things. I'd be more than happy to go with you if I wasn't already busy. To be honest, I've kinda wanted to attend one all my life."
"Is that so..." Rarity's gaze drifted around the room, and she realized that it was messier than normal. "And what are you doing today, that has begun to 'fry your brain'?"
"Oh, nothing," Twilight said. Her evasive answer immediately piqued her friend's interest. "Just a stupid experiment, it's not important."
"Well, what are the details? Do tell."
"You wouldn't understand..." When Rarity stared at her beseechingly, Twilight sighed and gave in. "Alright, fine. It's an experiment that tests the effects of chaos on magic." Please don't say it, please don't say it, please don't say it...
"Oooh ho, I see. Does this have anything to do with a certain dragonequis?"
Darn it. The alicorn set about cleaning up the mess she had made. "Ever since he used magic from myself and the other princesses to enchant that stupid frying-pan, I've been curious about it. He took pure magical power from four ponies, and somehow shaped it into something completely different. I want to know how he did it, and if there are other applications for this technique."
"Forgive me for assuming, but it doesn't seem like your efforts are meeting with much success."
"I can't figure out how to make things chaotic enough! I've tried heating, I've tried temporal tampering, I've even tried pleading! Nothing works!"
A sly grin appeared on Rarity's face. "Have you tried asking Discord himself?"
"Wh-wha-what?! No way! Absolutely not! I'll never ask that idiot for help!"
"Methinks the mare doth protest too much..."
A blush crept across Twilight's cheeks. "What are you suggesting?"
"Oh, nothing... nothing." The unicorn walked to the steps. "I must take my leave, or else I shall never make any headway on these... costumes..." Once again, her lip curled. "But before I leave, might I suggest you swallow your pride and ask Discord for help?"
"I already told you—"
"If you're a true scientist, you'll be able to set aside your feelings towards him, and focus on the experiment."
"But I don't even have any feel—"
"Ta-ta! Have a good afternoon!" The door closed behind her as Rarity showed herself out, leaving Twilight alone with her conflicted thoughts.
She's right, that this would be much easier with Discord's help... But what guaruntees that he'd want to help? He'd probably just make things more difficult, with his attitude. But isn't it worth trying, for the sake of science? Gaah, what do I do?! Suddenly, inspiration hit. "I got it!"
The alicorn grabbed a quill and parchment and began to write a letter.
Dear Celestia,
I am currently conducting an experiment on the nature of chaos and how it affects a pony's magic. However, I have run into a wall when it comes to creating the actual chaos. If he is available, would you see if Discord is willing to lend a hoof? If he cooperates, his help would most certainly speed things along. Thank you, and I hope you are having a great day!
Your Friend,
Twilight Sparkle
"Ha, there!" she crowed upon the note's completion. There's no way Discord will agree to do this! He'll say 'no', and I'll be able to relax, knowing that I tried! Perfect! She trotted upstairs to find Spike so that he could send the letter on its way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm pleased you decided to join me today," Celestia said to her sister. The two alicorns sat side-by-side in the throne room while holding court.
"I needed to stretch my legs," Luna mumbled.
"Regardless, I don't get to spend as much time with you as I want, so I'll take any excuse I can get." A sudden burst of smoke appeared, and a tightly-bound scroll dropped to the ground in front of the princess, who wasted no time in opening and reading it.
"What does Twilight Sparkle have to say?" the dark alicorn asked tonelessly.
"She wants... Discord's help?!" Celestia said, eyes widening with confusion. "I... I guess I'll tell him about this. Let me fetch a guard..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in the library, a bored Twilight paged through a dictionary while Spike idly doodled. Every five seconds or so, she would glance at the clock before turning back to her reading. After approximately two hours of repeating this behavior, she slammed the book shut and clambored to her hooves. "Ha, I knew it. He's not coming after all!"
"What are you talking about? I've been here for about an hour, now." Twilight's head snapped back and she looked up to find that an upside-down arm chair, in which Discord sat while casually sipping some kind of exotic beverage, was stuck to the ceiling.
"An hour?! Why the hay didn't you say anything?! I've been just lazing around here, doing nothing while I waited for you to show up!"
"Where's the fun in making things easy for you?" He dropped out of the chair and deployed a parachute, allowing him to float safely to the ground.
"So why did you decide to actually show up? Is it just to make fun of me?"
"Sparkle, as much as I enjoy getting on your nerves, that's not enough to make me willingly spend time with you. I'm only here because Celestia told me to, and arguing with her is one of the most irritating things I can think of."
Twilight sighed and made a mental note to sarcastically thank the princess. "Whatever, let's just get this over with, then." She walked to the basement door and went down the stairs, beckoning to the dragonequis to follow.
"I'm coming too!" Spike said eagerly. He darted after the alicorn and passed her, almost tripping her up. "This outta be good."
Twilight laughed at his enthusiasm. "That's fine, but you have to promise to stay back; this could get dangerous."
"What're you doing anyway?" the little dragon asked.
While she answered the question, Discord stood behind her and mimed her actions in an exaggerated fashion. "I have decided to research—" When Spike began to chuckle at the dragonequis, Twilight whipped around to look at the source of the humor, only to find him leaning casually against a wall while he examined his fingernails. She slowly turned back to Spike, and as soon as she did, the mimicking resumed. "I want to learn about the reaction that occurs when a pony's raw magical essence passes through a stable field of pure entropic energy ."
"Uuuhhh..." The dragon scratched his head in confusion. "You wanna run that by me again?"
Before she could repeat herself, Discord spoke up. "She wants to shoot magic through chaos-y stuff to see what happens."
"Ooh, I see, and you're the 'chaos-y stuff'."
The dragonequis snorted. "Unfortunately."
"If you two are finished, we have work to get done before next month," Twilight said.
"See what I have to put up with?" he complained. "Fine, what does Her Highness wish for this lowly subject to do?"
The alicorn ignored the sarcasm and pulled out a square, glass box with one missing side. "This is a cube that I've magically reinforced so that it can withstand any amount of stress. Your job is to apply a chaotic field over the opening—"
"That little thing?" he scoffed, pointing at the container. "You've gotta be kidding me. If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this right." He snapped his fingers, and the box tripled in size and warped into a cylinder. Twilight found herself pressed up against a wall by the giant-sized apparatus.
"How did you do that?!" she demanded. "And why does it need to be this big?!"
"It should really be another five times bigger than it is now. However, for a reason that I truly cannot fathom, I didn't want to squash you, so I made the sacrifice. Did you really think that your tiny little cube would be large enough to contain the results of your experiment?"
"You could've said something first!" With a *pop*, Twilight extracted herself from her entrapped position. "And why is it a cylinder? What's wrong with the cube?"
"...I like circles more than squares," Discord admitted, poking the ends of his forefingers together bashfully. "Don't judge me!"
"Yeah, because that's the weirdest thing about you." She sighed, and turned to face the open-end of the container. "Are you going to put up the field or not?"
"Somepony's feeling cranky. For your information, I already applied my magic; you're the one holding us up, Miss Prickle-Puss."
Calm down, Twilight, she thought, taking a deep breath. Don't let him get to you; you're better than this. A forced smile appeared on her face. "Thank you." The pencil made a few quick notes, and then everything was ready. "I'm now going to perform the first trial. Wish me luck!"
"Good luck, Twi!" Spike cheered.
"I'll put out the fires," Discord added, earning a glare.
A spark of purple light buzzed from Twilight's horn and slowly drifted towards the cylinder. A pony, a dragon, and a dragonequis watched intently as it passed the threshold, where hopefully something benign would occur.
They needn't have worried too much—as soon as the magic entered the cylinder, it emitted a loud *pop* and turned into a duck.
"Discord!" the alicorn snapped. "This isn't the time to be messing around!"
"I don't know what you're talking about. You wanted to see what happens? That's what happens." Meanwhile, the duck had changed into a pastry.
"Really?" She wrote furiously for a few seconds before turning back to the 'subject', which was now a pair of chopsticks. "It seems like... it converts energy into matter?" She glanced in the dragonequis's direction questioningly.
"Psh, don't look at me, it's not like I know what you'll get when you mix something with chaos. That's half the fun!"
"Gee, how helpful."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An hour later, a pony passing by the library heard angry voices coming from within.
"Can't you just be serious, for once in your life?!"
"Can't you just relax, for once in your life?!"
"I would relax, if you would cooperate so that we could get this stupid thing done!"
"And how far would you be without me here, huh?"
"Probably further than I am now! You've done nothing but slow this whole process down!"
"Don't think I wouldn't rather be somewhere else. If Celestia hadn't made me agree to help—"
"You keep saying that! 'Celestia made me do this', and 'Celestia told me to do that'; well, I'm as unhappy as you are that she forced you into doing this!" The voices faded as the two combatants lapsed into silence.
"Sheesh, lovers' quarrels," the walking pony said, shaking his head before continuing on his way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Phew." Twilight exhaled heavily and wiped a trickle of sweat from her face. "We're getting there..." They had been at it for four hours, and her notes had grown into an impressively large stack.
"Can I go home now?" Discord asked without looking up from the comic he was absorbed in.
"If you really want to go, then go," she snapped at him.
"Hmmm... tempting, but if I went back before you were done, I'd never hear the end of it. Oh well..."
Then why did you even bother asking? "I'm going to go get a drink, can I trust you by yourself down here?"
"Don't weave me awone, mommy!" the dragonequis said in mock-terror. "I'm scawed of the dawk!"
"Whatever... I'll be right back."
Upstairs, Twilight poured herself a glass of lemonade and took a sip; a grateful smile spread across her face. She walked back out into the main room where a soft cushion awaited her royal posterior. One quick levitation spell later saw a plate of chocolate cookies at her side.
What a stressful day... the alicorn thought; she took a large bite of cookie and grunted in satisfaction. What did Celestia think she was doing, making that pest come all the way over here? She knows I can't stand him, so why? Maybe he was getting on her nerves, and she just wanted him out of the castle... Yeah, that's probably it.
A breeze wafted through an open window and caressed Twilight's cheeks; her eyes closed as she relished the cooling sensation. It was a peaceful day in Ponyville, due in part to the absence of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, two of the most boisterous ponies in town. However, even without them, the village was unusually quiet.
Yes, it really is quiet today... Her eyes widened when realization dawned upon her. "Too quiet. DISCORD!" The princess darted back down into the basement, but paused when her eyes met a most unwelcome sight.
Dozens of pieces of parchment, each one folded origami-style to resemble some type of animal, fought each other in a battle royale. While she looked on, paper was ripped to shreds, and one even burst into flames (how a paper swan accomplished this, Twilight would never know). Meanwhile, Discord sat on a throne and loomed over the entire spectacle, a huge smile on his face as he cheered on a specific combatant.
"Yes, Bruce! Get 'em! That's it, tear him to pieces! Ye—no! NO! BRUUUCE!" He put a hand over his chest. "I'll never forget you, brave Bruce. Fare thee well—"
"Discord." Twilight's quiet voice cut through all of the noise, and all of the surviving parchment-animals and the dragonequis himself looked in her direction. "What is all of this?"
"Well, you were gone for such a long time, I got bored—"
"I've been upstairs for three minutes, tops! Paper isn't cheap, you know! You'd better be willing to replace all of this!"
"Yeah, yeah, if you say so."
"Let's... let's just get back to work." The alicorn trotted over to her desk to peruse her notes in order to find where they had left off. "Okay, next on the agenda is—wait a minute." The wooden surface was disturbingly bare of anything that even resembled the data she had written down. "Where are my notes?"
"Aha, about that... you see, I ran out of paper, and I simply had to have three hundred fighters for the origami melee, of course, so I—"
"You're telling me that these shredded pieces of paper on the floor are the remnants of all of my efforts from the past few hours." I'm dreaming right now. That's what this is; it's a nightmare, and I'm going to wake up and be very, very happy that none of this ever happened.
"Wow, you catch on quick! Celestia always says you're the smartest, but you've really outdone yourself this—uh, Sparkle?" Twilight's eyes rolled up and she collapsed in a heap on the floor. "You're still alive, right?" She didn't react. "I'll just, uh, take that as a 'yes'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ugh..." Twilight groaned as a lance of pain shot through her skull. "Where..." Her eyes opened and she found herself staring at her bedroom ceiling. "Why am I here..." Then, it all came back to her.
The arguing, the fighting, the teasing, the pranking, the mocking, and, most of all, the destruction of her research... all of these things swirled through her thoughts, propelling the alicorn into an increasingly destructive rage. Her breathing quickened as her vision began to turn red.
"No, I have to calm down." She took a deep breath and counted to ten before releasing it, but found that her fury had not abated. "A letter. I'll write a letter to Princess Celestia about this. I'll be ready to face... him... after that." Five minutes later, Twilight read over the finished product in order to make certain that it was acceptable to send.
Dear Celestia,
Sorry for writing to you for the second time today, but I need to get some things out of my system, and I can't think of anypony else who would be willing to listen.
All day, Discord has been grating on my nerves. Apparently, it's his life goal to see how close he can push me to the edge without actually making me want to light him on fire. I was coping until the very end, when he destroyed the papers that contained all of the data from the research I had gathered while painstakingly enduring his presence.
Needless to say, I find this behavior to be unacceptable, and I plan on sending him back to the castle as soon as I finish writing this letter. I actually kind of wish that you hadn't forced him to come here to help me out. Please don't take that as a criticism of your judgement, I'm just complaining here in order to calm down.
Anyway, thank you for putting up with my poor mood, and I hope that your day is far better than mine.
Your Friend,
Twilight Sparkle
The alicorn rolled up and sealed the letter before leaving her bedroom. "Twi!" said Spike, who had been waiting right outside. "Are you feeling any better?"
"Would you send this to Princess Celestia for me?" she asked, ignoring his question. "I'm going to go have a... talk... with our guest."
"Um, sure thing, Twi." A puff of green fire saw the note on its way to Canterlot.
Twilight stomped down the stairs into the library proper to find Discord floating in mid-air while rolling a coin over his knuckles. As soon as he noticed her, the dragonequis dropped to his feet. "Finally! I was wondering when you were going to—"
"You are leaving." She poked a hoof into his chest. "Right now. All day, you have done nothing but whine at me, make fun of me, mess with my head, hinder my progress, and worst of all, ruin my work."
"How kind of—"
"I'm not finished yet." His jaw snapped shut. "I didn't even want you to come here today. In fact, you were supposed to say no and refuse! I told the princess that it was a mistake forcing you to come here, so we can both rest assured, knowing that there will be no repeat of this incident. Now, get out, and I never want to see you in this library ever again."
The room was utterly silent for a few seconds; neither Discord nor Spike (who had heard the entire tirade) dared speak, so intense was the frown on Twilight's face. Finally, the dragonequis snorted humorlessly and raised a hand in the air. "Just what I wanted to hear. See ya later." He snapped his fingers and vanished from sight.
As soon as he was gone, Twilight released the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, and all of the tension went out of her. She felt suddenly tired, as if the rant had taken all of her energy.
"Wasn't that a bit... harsh?" Spike asked tentatively.
"It needed to be said. I mean, I put a lot of work into those notes! To just destroy them like that..."
"Well yeah, but..." The little dragon fiddled with his tail. "He did redo them for you..."
"...He what?!"
"I mean, I helped a bit, but Discord did most of the work. Here, take a look." Spike handed her a stack of paper that had been sitting on a nearby table.
Twilight flipped through the parchment quickly, intent on finding any mistakes. Instead, she found that her data had been almost perfectly replicated; he had even finished the research for her, saving what would have likely been another five hours of work. Except for some goofy drawings spread throughout the pages (an example of which was a cross-eyed Twilight along with a speech-bubble that read, "Durr, I are teh dumbest"), the quality of the notes could be considered on-par with her own.
"Spike," she said slowly, "why did he do this?"
"I dunno, but—hurk—" He was interrupted by a monumental belch, and a scroll appeared in a burst of green smoke and fire. "—ugh, I hate when she does that when I'm talking!"
The alicorn didn't even hear him, so absorbed was she in the letter. She unrolled it and quickly scanned the contents.
Dear Twilight,
I am sorry to hear that you are having such a horrible day. I shall be certain to speak with Discord about it when he returns; however, there is something that bothers me about the letter you just sent to me.
You write that I "forced him to come here to help [you] out", but in actuality, I did no such thing. In fact, the details of your letter were barely out of my mouth before he left, saying something along the lines of, "that pony can't do anything by herself, can she?"
I do not know all of the details of your conflict, but I hope that you can resolve it peacefully. Perhaps this letter will assist you in coming to a truce with him, but the choice is ultimately yours.
Your Friend,
Celestia
"Ugh, I feel like such an idiot." Twilight smacked a hoof against her forehead.
"What's wrong now?"
""Spike, I've made a really big mistake," she admitted. "I need to hurry and find Discord!" She darted to the door, but was stopped by her assistant's voice.
"How do you know he's around here?" the dragon asked. "Can't he teleport, like, anywhere he wants?"
"I have a feeling he didn't go too far." The alicorn hesitated and threw him a concerned glance. "Will you be alright while I'm gone?"
"Yeah yeah, do whatcha need to do, I'll be fine."
"Thanks, Spike, I'll be back soon!" The door slammed behind her, leaving the little dragon by himself.
"Heh heh," he said with a chuckle, "and now Spike gets to raid the freezer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stupid stupid stupid, Twilight thought as she scanned the town from the air. That's why I should never lose my temper! If Celestia never actually told him to help me, then that means he's here because he wanted to be! Suddenly, she saw an apple tree in Applejack's orchard shimmer and waver before becoming totally solid once more. That's what I've been waiting for.
The princess descended and approached the tree cautiously. Up close, its boughs looked as leaf-y and real as any other, but she knew better.
"Discord," she said tentatively, "I want to talk to you." There was no response. "C'mon, I know you're there; I saw your illusion spell cycle from above."
A few seconds passed, then the dragonequis's voice rumbled out. "Go away, Sparkle, I'm not in the mood for pointless banter right now."
"I just want to apo—"
His head shot out of the tree and stopped inches from her own; the normally dancing eyes were most certainly not as jovial as usual, and a snarl rippled on his lips. "I SAID GO AWAY!" he roared in her face. The standoff lasted for a few uncomfortable moments before Twilight backed away.
"Alright..." she said, tears already building in her eyes. "I'm sorry." The mare turned and shambled off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Psh, good riddance," Discord muttered as he watched Twilight depart. "Go to help a pony, and what do you get? Told that you're not wanted, that's what! I'm better off without that nonsense."
He reached out and grabbed an apple, but it vanished from his grasp.
"Ah, right, illusion." His gaze turned back to the retreating alicorn. Suddenly, he began to repeatedly smack the sides of his head. "No! I won't apologize! I am the lord of chaos and entropy, I don't do apologies!" A stifled sob reached his ears, and he realized that Twilight was actually crying over their fight. "Oh, for pete's... I'm soft. That''s it, I've gone soft; it's all over now. My reputation is kaput."
With a snap of his fingers, the non-existent tree disappeared, and his serpentine body snaked through the air. Twilight yelped in surprise when the dragonequis landed in front of her without warning.
"Alright, Sparkle, listen up and listen good; this is the only time you will ever hear me say this, so commit it to memory. You got that?" She nodded mutely. "I'm...s-s—" He let out a strangled, choking noise. "Ah, makes me want to gag... I'm s-s-s...sorry."
All hints of sadness dropped from the mare's expression; in fact, all hints of anything dropped from her expression. "What."
"You heard me!" he snapped. "I shouldn't have yelled back there. And I shouldn't have destroyed your research. Happy?"
"I— I—what?!"
"There, I said it. Now I'm going back to Canterlot, where I will no doubt encounter Her Majesty Princess Celestia so that she can give me the lecture of my life. Blah." He turned and made to leave, but a hoof on his back halted him.
"It's... I want to apologize, too," Twilight said quietly. "Those things I said before, they were cruel, and unnecessary. Spike showed me the notes that you took while I was unconscious, and—" She seemed to be about to mention something else, but must have decided against it at the last second. "—and another thing happened, that showed me that I overreacted."
"Hmm, Twilight Sparkle is saying she's sorry," Discord said, crossing his arms. "Too bad I forgot my recorder; this is the type of moment that should be immortalized."
"Just shut up and accept the apology."
"Alright fine, apology accepted. It's not like you can do anything to upset me, anyway."
The two stood there awkwardly, not saying anything, until Twilight broke the silence. "Um, I have some other experiments I could use some help with... if you want to."
"What?! More work?" The dragonequis groaned loudly. "Do you do anything else?"
"Stop complaining, nopony's making you—"
"Whatever, but next time we do what I want."
The alicorn turned and began the long walk back home while Discord floated through the air above her head. "I get the feeling I wouldn't like anything that you find fun," she said.
"Always with the insults," he lamented. "I'll have you know, I am a lover of poker, a very respectable game that many other ponies also enjoy."
"Gambling's terrible! Why would you want to risk losing money based on chance?!"
"And that, dear Sparkle, is why cheating was invented..." Their argument faded with the waning sunlight as they made their way back.
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Tsundere Discord is Tsundere.
3520174
It wasn't me, I swear-- I'm innocent!
Am I wrong or do I smell a light shipping between Twilight and Discord?
for creativity, because that the first time I see that outside a clopfic
.
If yes, have a
3520654
Well, they were getting along fine, but then Discord poured salt in Twilight's iced tea. It was at that point that war were declared.
i will read but i want to know if this is lunaxfluttershy
3562123
You can bet your bippy it is!
3565213 i will read ALL THE WORDS
Hi there! Scribblestick the Chill here on behalf of WRITE to offer some friendly writing tips. Let's get started, shall we?
(Note: As of now, I have read the first three chapters (excluding Celestia's foreword) and will read the rest as time permits.)
Your primary concern was regarding content--I'm assuming whether this is a worthwhile story to tell and perhaps some larger issues of pacing and character development. I found the premise and ideas entertaining, and while this pairing has been done before, I enjoyed the way you've done it. The way the characters came together and interacted was, for the most part, fresh and believable, and I thought you handled the characters well.
One minor issue I saw was a slight retread of "Luna Eclipsed," specifically in specific lines that mirror or are directly taken from the episode. While paralleling the episode is a fun idea, you have to be careful not to repeat the character growth that happened (otherwise, why am I reading this?).
I also noticed some of your scenes end a little awkwardly. Mostly it's when you have a character say something meant to be a joke or punch line when it's not needed or detracts from the chapter. For example:
I didn't feel this line was really necessary. Twilight's shock is already clear, and I just like ending with Luna's line better. This may be a matter of preference, but it's something you might consider.
Now for specific chapter suggestions:
-Ch. 1-
Luna's tears at the end of her spar with Twilight seemed to come out of nowhere. I know that was kind of the point, but I didn't really see why she was crying--after all, she didn't do that in "Luna Eclipsed."
This word stuck out to me. I don't really think it fits Twi's voice.
Fluttershy's sudden nervousness
-Ch. 2-
Angel Bunny, who had been watching all of this, rolled his eyes at the clearly insane pegasus.
You have some minor issues with show vs. tell--nothing major, just a few things I noticed here and there. In this particular instance, the bolded words tell me something you've already shown effectively in the scene itself, so they're not really needed.
-Ch. 3-
This is one of those instances when I felt you were repeating "Luna Eclipsed" too strongly.
That's all for now. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Best of luck!
~Scribblestick, the notoriously friendly reviewer
3596401
Thanks for taking the time to review this! Life's a bit hectic right now, but I'll be able to reply properly in a few days.
3606657
Dat plot
Mmmmm, TwiCord... I buy that, my friend.
3611693
Awesome. That'll be $19.99.
3625647
I know! He was so young, too!
3628658
His parents wanted to name him "Snuggly Wuggly Pants", but even they knew better.
3686244
It's always the quiet ones.
3680915
Bwahahaha! Yes, laugh! LAUGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
3814448
Ha, not on purpose, I didn't. I'm glad you like it.
I think Discord should do an It's A Wonderful Life for Fluttershy. It's the most troublemakingish way to help her.
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Well, that's a few comments. I'm glad that you seem to be enjoying it. Sorry that it's not finished. At the time that I wrote that comment, I had thought it complete (chapter 13 was supposed to be the last), but then the story got added to a shipping group (and little shipping had actually occurred) and I made the poor decision to continue on instead of just making a sequel. So... that happened.
Anyhoo, thanks a bunch!
so is this still being worked on?
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Even though I'm working on other stories right now, I do plan on coming back and finishing Fulfilling.
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Magical sphere! It's a magical sphere!
this story is good. and funny.
It's a shame it isn't more popular because I like your chracterization of everyone, and also managed to blend humor with seriousness perfectely.
The only thing that seemed a bit too much was the rape attemp to fluttershy, I think that was a poot choice for the scene, but the rest of the fic makes up for it and more.
The only question is if you will continue it. I hope that yes.
Wait thats the end?! NO!!!!
This story seriously needs more love.
I havent laughed out loud like this in sometime.
7482245 After looking at my old comment, your view does have some merit, though I'm rather glad the writer did not go into PTSD for Luna. At least, I assume he didn't, as my comment is over two years old and I don't remember anything about this fic right now. ^-^;;;
Huh..it has been years since I saw this story. Still a nice re-read, though the lack of a sequel is sad. Luna and Flutters aren't together, if anything, the story leaves them in an awkward unresolved spot. I was looking forward to them reconciling. And the cult, we never find out what they are doing. It was a good read, but it feels very unfinished.
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You won't get an argument from me. I'd honestly prefer it if nobody ever looked at this story again; I'm deeply ashamed to have written it. I'm much more proud of almost everything I've written after it, from In Her Majesty's Absence to beyond.
I do appreciate you looking at my work, though; thanks for reading and commenting even after getting dragged back here two and a half years later.