When Luna grows bored, she decides that she needs to do something to amuse herself. When she remembers that being the Princess of the night comes with special abilities, a light bulb goes off in her head. Remembering that the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony are never short on adventures, she wonders just what goes on when they're not actively looking for one. She looks in the one place no pony would think of.
Their dreams.
Heading towards Ponyville to do just that, she looks through each of the dreams to see what adventures untold lie within their minds..
Chapters (1)
First!!!!!!!!
Oh and I like where this is going
This reminds me of my favorite Spongebob Episode! It sounds like it's going to be a great story.
Rainbow noir! That's worth an upthumb for imagination.
I'd really recommend an editing pass before posting further chapters, though. You're flopping back and forth between past and present tense verbs (especially noticeable right at the beginning) -- that's likely to disproportionately drive away readers from a story that otherwise shows potential.
You might also want to take a look at paragraphs such as: "She sighed. / Blue eyes noticed a small town off the distance. / Ponyville." Putting a single short sentence -- or a single word -- in a paragraph by itself gives a strong emphasis to it. In cases like "Perfect", or "One beat. / Two.", that emphasis works with what you're trying to do (draw the reader into a mood or a moment). When describing the fact that your character notices a city in the distance, not so much. Like any writing technique, it works best in moderation.
Best of luck with the story!
- H
1504540
Gotcha. My usual editor wasn't here to smack me for that. I'll work on that.
Ah, a new story from SilverTounge.
Well it's a good concept and an interesting first dream. I look forward to reading more of this story. I would love to see her visit Octavia and see her dreaming about being Batmare.
-Mr. Carnage
Upvoted and favorited. Make more please.
First, let me start off by saying a big "Fuck you" for taking a story idea I am working on right now. Right down to the title (kinda). Fuck... you...
Second, I like where this is going. It was an interesting read, and I liked how you did it. One critique I have with this is that you blew past the beginning of the story like nothing else. I get that the main part of the story is the dream, which is totally alright, but where's the lead-in to it? Why is Luna flying around aimlessly in the air, and not in Canterlot? Why does she choose Rainbow first? Why does she know this sort of spell, other than "she's the princess of the night" thing? Now, I'm not saying make the story revolve around the awake part of the story, but a little setup would be very nice
Moar!