• Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 9th, 2021

Monsieur Bleu


I am a public policy researcher; I also like writing and MLP:FIM. I am writing here to test out various literary techniques, many of which I borrowed from the 20th c. canon.

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At the Golden Oaks Plantation, the residence of Professor Twilight Sparkle and her wife Rainbow Dash, slaves and masters alike must navigate love and loss in a brutal and unforgiving world—in the heart of Antebellum Dixie.

Twilight struggles to justify what she knows is an unjust institution, while she tries to hold onto a world that is unraveling around her.

Romance crosses race and class as a young slave girl, Apple Bloom, grows to question her lot in life and tries to confront her feelings for a free girl, Sweetie Belle.


As usual, the writing style is somewhat experimentally and may be hard to follow at times.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 20 )

I think this will work, provided it doesn't hew too closely to either of the two traditional standard-bearers in this realm, Uncle Tom's Cabin or Gone with the Wind, either of which will cause wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Come to think of it, just mentioning the Peculiar Institution in any context whatsoever might set some readers off. Be prepared for that.

That's the Oak Alley Plantation in your picture, it's in Vacherie, LA.

What. The. Fuck?

Okay, got that out of my system. (As an AP US History student, this idea amuses me actually.) Now, I understand what you're trying to do with the accent/dialect, but I feel like it could be executed better. Also, the story telling may need more clarity.

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I will avoid tropes at all costs, and I am prepared for the haters. :raritywink:

I am aware that the issues of slavery, racism, and the Antebellum South are delicate issues--but they should be addressed.

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It is tricky converting an accent to text, so ideas and input are welcome.

However, the style is intentionally vague and not easy to follow. If I am going to write about the South, I might as well try to mimic Southern Gothic (if only somewhat). :moustache:

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I dunno... I'm not sure whether or not it's better to sacrifice style for clarity. I'm sure it will all make sense the farther down the line it goes... maybe.

Well, fine. Even Huckleberry Finn made more sense than this :derpytongue2:.

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Hey I could try to go for The Sound and the Fury.

Accents a little rough, but I like it.
Plus, I'm from Carolina. Kudos for you!

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It is a beautiful area... with a nice dark past. :raritywink:

And it is a tad jeering, I admit, but it works.

Keep up fine gent. I expect good things from you

Sorry for the delay--work has been pain. Can I say for anyone who cares... I never want to do qualitative research again. I much more prefer quantitative--people are judgmental, spreadsheets are not. That is all.

John de Lancie's family is originally from France. (The last name, obviously, but I believe his mother is actually French; part of the reason Q speaks more French in Star Trek than Picard does is that de Lancie speaks French, though apparently with a strong American accent.) Did you know that when you had Discord say his family was from Prance? :-)

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Well... no... I did not know that... Damn... I picked France because it has a lot of small regional ethnic groups (Bretons, Catalans, Basques, Occitans, etc.). And draconequus, in this story, are a small enclaved ethnic group.

But still... that makes it even better.

Ironie et coïncidence--magnifique.

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Welcome back. I'm excited for more.
Also, thank you for putting Sweetiebloom in this story. That ship needs to become a thing

So, at first I was gonna say that I love this story. I love the characterization, I love how you know how to properly write an AU, and I love how your stream of consciousness flows.
And then I reached this chapter. What's with all the dialogue? Previously, all the writing worked around heavy stream of consciousness with spouts of dialogue that made for a very enticing style. In this chapter, everything feels like it falls flat. The interactions between the plantation characters feels out-of-place and at odds with the message and intent of the rest of the story, and the dialogue heavy scene between Discord and Fancy Pants, while moderately interesting, especially in terms of world-building, feels at odds with the pacing and style of the rest of the fic. In some ways, this chapter feels like it was written by someone entirely different.

Other slight issues.
From "Hideout"

"Yea… you aren’t the first one to come to me with this. Wine?"
"Of course."
I levitated the decanter and glass over to her; she poured herself a glass.
"Many tenured faculty in this school are… a tad racist."
"Yea… well... that’s why I’m here," she perked up. "We need ponies to start to work together. We need to keep pushing for full equality!"

'Yea' is a ridiculous word to use in this sense. Even in the antebellum South, 'yea' would have been considered archaic and overly formal. Any other word for 'yes', if not 'yes' itself, is more appropriate.

From "Quite the Treat"

Janus, empirically there, smiling duel—unease and ease, tears of joy and sorrow.

I presume this should be 'dual', not 'duel', considering, you know, Janus.

From this chapter

"Oh lord, you are worse than Celesta."

'Celestia', presumably, considering she is referred to as such later.

One other issue I have is in the world building. It feels strange how some things are Ponified, but others are not. If Prance, Draconeqo, Crystaly, and Roam, why America, Carolina, Virginia, Massachusetts, Boston, Harvard? I feel like this should be all or nothing, because at this point it just feels very awkward and half-done. Secondly, I'm honestly slightly confused. Are these characters totally ponies? Not humanized, not anthro? Because there are certain points at which it's very hard to tell.
From An Allusion to Chaos; or, an account of an incident in which alcohol and libido blurred class and racial boundaries in the Antebellum South

Elsewhere in the pub, near a rain streaked window, a black woman with acid straitened hair, an All Souls Fellow, eyes a small stone via a magnifying glass. She sips beer in out of the stein she purchased in Salzburg.

Why is Maud described as a woman? Am I missing something? OH and, just before this, we get treated to entirely human place names going from Oxford out. Why the discrepancy?

I really love the idea behind this fic, as well as much of the execution, but the waywardness of the world building and the aberrant writing in this most recent chapter makes me question this. I'm going to give a like anyway, if only because it really is a fascinating idea and the first eight chapters were entrancing.

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Thank you for the feedback it is very much appreciated. Also, I am glad you like the story. :twilightsmile:

Sorry for the long delay. I am reworking the last chapter; it was intended to be experimental, but it may have indeed gone overboard. In terms of anthro/human/pony, the characters are all ponies (except for discord and spike). The reason for their becoming humans in the previous chapter, and at the start of the the Greco-Romantic chapter, is... for fun. It is experimental after all.

"It's po-mo... post-modern... weird for the sake of weird." - Moe Sizlack

Remember also that Twilight is not a southerner, she is from New England, and her mannerisms are intended to reflect that--she feels very uncomfortable with the whole situation, and occasionally lets on.

As for the names. I could chalk it up to post-modernism being weird, but in reality... i have a hard time coming up with good pony-sounding names/puns, so I only use preexisting ones. I should probably go ahead and just de-ponify everything, or try to come up with them... we'll see.

Anyway revised chapter and new chapter coming soon.

Thanks again,

~ M. Bleu

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