After more than a century of politics dominated by conservative nobility, the Co-Principality of Equestria is undergoing a rapid transformation. New, more progressive, voices emerge and a new political elite comes into existence. This transcendence culminates with the Ascension of Princess Twilight. Meanwhile, Derpy, a widow and mother, finds herself thrust into this new body politic.
This story is written in a quasi-experimental style; the plot is very disjointed and at times hard to follow, so it may be a challenging read. Also, alternative spellings and word choice are intentional. Still, advice and critiques are more than welcome.
Story image is copyright of the House of Lords, use permitted with justification and with reason as to why it is irreplaceable with similar copyright free images. Justification for use: one of the purposes of this story is to parody British society and parliamentary politics in particular. This image is used to reference the opulence of some aspects of British politics. Image is irreplaceable: the House of Lords does not allow strangers to take photos of their chamber.
If you don't like my art
-- then humph!
Anyway, critiques/comments welcome.
Speaking as someone raised in Britain, I find this a bit too... stereotypical. You don't use much narration, and the dialogue is too stiff and unrealistic- archaic phrasing works If it's just Luna using it or if it's actually a period work- but no modern Brit speaks like that. And the use dialect is passable at best, but too heavy, especially seeing as there is more than one dialect of English in England alone besides Cockney. You could have used Yorkshire, West Country, or even Welsh, Scotch or Northern Irish dialects besides Cockney- which is limited to East London.
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Appreciated. Just an aside, though, the temporal setting is supposed to resemble the Victorian era. I will try to give the dialogue in the future more depth and density, and include more diverse dialects. I am also going to try to add more contextual narration, as the snippets of dialogue are not falling together as neatly as I would like.